Chapter 14
"What do you want to talk about Luke?" Haley asked a little uncertain and worried as to what Lucas was gonna tell her.
"I've got to be honest Hales and I really don't want to sound like an idiotic jealous boyfriend but I…" He looked at him helplessly hoping to see if she could understand where he was coming from.
"You're jealous of Nathan aren't you?" she looked sad when she asked him.
He tore her eyes from her; he couldn't hold her gaze any longer. Lucas felt fragile, weak and most of all insecure. He couldn't say yes because a part of him felt ashamed.
Haley sighed and moved to sit in the couch; she patted the space next to her looking at Lucas expectantly.
Lucas took a deep breath and sat beside Haley. She took his hands and held it close to her heart.
"Can you hear my heart beat, Luke?"
"Yeah…."
"It beats for you Lucas Scott, only for you."
"Hales, I know that. I know that you love me but I just can't help but feel out of place. I've missed so much of your life for almost four years…. We don't know each other anymore"
"And whose fault is that huh?" she tried to tease him to lighten the mood but she saw the hurt expression on his face. He took his hands away from hers and there was another tense silence between the two.
"Hey…" Haley said softly moving closer to him "I was joking…. I'm okay with everything now. I finally understand why you left and…. We'll just have to move past all of it"
"Tell me everything Hales, what happened to you when you were still studying, the trips you went to. Everything."
"That's kind of hard Luke. I don't really remember everything….." she smiled while snuggling closer to him "but I can tell you what I can remember"
So for almost two hours the two caught up with each other's lives while eating the pasta Lucas cooked for them. It was fun for both of them. Haley chatted away on the many times she and Nathan were voted cutest or sweetest couple when they weren't. The time she and Peyton were dared by some bimbo cheerleaders to dance in front of Nathan and Jake. It was so funny Lucas' stomach hurt from laughing, Haley promised him to show the video of that incident.
"Um, Hales…so you and Nathan. You never hooked up?"
Haley stopped on her mid sentence not knowing how to answer Lucas without hurting him. She knew that eventually Lucas would ask her directly what she has been dreading for a very long time.
"We didn't…..not technically…we uh.."
Lucas almost bit his tongue to keep from saying what was on his mind, he was trying his damndest to be patient.
"We slept together….once…we were drunk and we…we didn't really know what happened" She whispered
Lucas' jaw dropped. Of all the things he'd thought of, this wasn't one of them. There were no words to what he was feeling because… well he didn't know what he was feeling. He didn't know how to react, he didn't even want to think or imagine…. Haley and Nathan together.
"I'm really sorry Luke...it was a long time ago"
"I think… I need some time alone Hales." He said moving far away from her. She could already feel that she was losing him.
"Lucas…please…talk to me. Be angry at me…just don't… I don't want to lose you" Tears were already falling from her eyes. She couldn't stop them neither could she stop Lucas from distancing himself from her
"Haley… I think you should go…"
"You're kicking me out?"
"Fine…If you wont leave I will!" He threw his hands up and took his jacket.
"Wait…it's your house… I'll leave"
Lucas nodded. He was so angry and hurt. He never thought this would happen. He knew he was being irrational and hurtful but….
Haley moved towards the door, she was still crying. Before she left she looked at him and whispered "I love you"
He ignored her. After Haley left, he punched the mirror he was looking at. His hands were bleeding but it didn't really matter to him. He was too numb.
Haley on the other hand, was walking and crying towards her house. It was a long walk but somehow…she didn't mind. Not as much as she minded the way her heart was breaking.
Will
my weakness for an hour
Make me suffer for a life time
Is there
anyway to be made whole again?
If I'm healed, renewed and find
forgiveness
Find the strength I've never had
Will my scars
forever ruin all God's plan?
