How quickly time passes when one has no fear of death. Time itself does not really seem to exist; the only way to tell that it has passed is to look around you. People that you once knew grow old and die, and things that you once loved fade away. All of this I learned the hard way: by experiencing it myself.
I watched the night sky of Budapest one summer evening, resting on a ledge high atop one of the ancient buildings of the city. It had been a little over a half a century since my immortal life had begun, and this night was the anniversary of my death.
Every year on this date I would go out alone to reflect on my past. Dracula, of course, thought that it was no good to dwell in the past, but he had never stopped me. Often he would lecture about our survival, and that we could not live in the future if we could not forget the past.
But the past for me was not easy to forget; I was haunted by it. Within ten years of my arrival at Castle Dracula I learned of my father's death, and soon to follow was news of Lord Valerious' death. Dracula could have cared less for this news, but I was saddened by it.
Unlike him, I still had the ability to feel some emotions, such as sorrow and pain. Perhaps I could still feel love, but it was an emotion that I did not need nor use.
I was also haunted by the memories of the many lives that I had taken. I had finally given in to the thirst for blood, and much to Dracula's happiness I had began to hunt with him. The nameless faces of my victims often played through my mind.
Much later I had discovered a solution: to take a limited amount of blood from a few victims, instead of draining one dry. It was more difficult this way, but it made me feel like less of a murderer.
Now, as I looked out over the city, I could feel the life within it. I preferred to be alone, and spent little time with Dracula except for when he insisted. I could tell that lately he had grown tired of me, and I had known for years about other women that he kept with him at times. Yet I no longer cared.
I knew that he would be angry with me for not being at his side tonight. He was hosting a grand ball at his new summer palace, which he was eager to show off to the wealthy Hungarian nobility.
I had to admit that it was a spectacle: everything decked in gold, marble floors everywhere, and more rooms than he could possibly ever need. He had given me one of the most magnificent, fit for a queen. But I had long since tired of his games to keep me with him.
I still remembered the man that I had loved, who would never have substituted lavish gifts for his love. It was another sorrow that weighed on my mind, for no matter how much I hated it, deep down some part of me still loved him.
It was this feeling that had kept me with him for so long.
The ball had started over half an hour ago, and even though I was across the city from him, I could still feel Dracula's anger at my absence. I felt him summon me in my mind, insisting that I return to him at once. I knew that when I returned I would catch his fury, and that night I was in no mood for it.
I stood on the stone ledge and looked out over the city one last time, then I jumped. I was several hundred feet above the ground, and I allowed myself to fall a ways before changing into my beast form.
Aside from being able to fly, I hated this form greatly. Dracula had told me that the devil had given him the gift of flight, and that it was his gift to me. Flying was one of the few things that I enjoyed, but I hated my demon-like appearance.
I flew up and over the city, enjoying the feeling of the warm night air blowing past me. I was also preparing myself for my meeting with Dracula. Spotting the palace, I swooped down and landed quietly on my balcony. I changed into my human form and smoothed the skirts of the flowing, white dress that I wore.
I sensed that Dracula was waiting for me alone, and I knew where to find him. Entering his enormous chamber, I saw the doors to his balcony open, the warm breeze blowing the curtains.
As I stepped closer I saw him standing against the stone railing, staring out at the city. I was standing just behind him when he finally spoke.
"I have done everything that I can think of to make you love me." He then turned around to face me, a sad expression on his face as he leaned back against the railing.
"But yet you still deny me this one thing….your love and trust."
I stared back, my face cold and without expression. "Why should I give you that which you have denied me?"
Dracula blinked at this, and then furrowed his brows. "I have given you everything that I can, Katrina. You know this."
"No, you haven't," I said, stepping closer to him. "You have given me luxury: diamonds, fancy gowns, magnificent things. But never your love. Not since…." At this I trailed off, not knowing how he would take the rest of it.
Dracula looked me up and down. "Go on."
"Not since the day you died….the day you were damned," I finished. "I have received no love from you. And perhaps you cannot love, but you have not tried."
There was a painfully long silence, in which all we did was stare at each other. Dracula watched me with a strange look in his eyes, then held out his hand to me. "Come here." I hesitated, but since I no longer feared him I took his hand. Pulling me to him, he looked down into my eyes.
"If I told you that I loved you, would that make you happy? It would be a lie, but it is what you want to hear, is it not?"
I stared up at him coldly, wishing that I could turn him to stone with my eyes. At last I answered him. "I pity you, do you know that? You who are cursed to forever walk the earth as the devil's son, never feeling any emotions. A hollow shell of the great man that you once were."
For a moment I thought that I had gone too far, but then to my surprise he laughed. "My dear Katrina, your wit amazes me at times." I felt his hand at my lower back, and he pulled me close to him, my chest against his. "It's a pity that you have grown so cold towards me….perhaps our romance needs to be rekindled."
He then kissed me, still holding me tightly against him. It was a long, lustful kiss, which I did not really return. He sensed this, and after a moment he pulled away and looked at my face. He still held me very close to him, our faces only inches away.
I felt the air around us change, and I knew that he was becoming angry. "Do you even refuse to return my kisses?" I did not answer.
"Well then, perhaps it is time that I found a new bride. One that pleases me more," he added coolly.
I felt a pang of jealousy and hurt deep inside, but I ignored it and focused on my anger. "Why don't you? It will certainly make my existence easier, no longer having to tolerate your monstrous behavior."
As soon as it left my mouth, I knew that I had made a big mistake. But I did not really fear Dracula; he would not kill me, even if he did try.
Before I had a chance to react, he threw me from him with terrible strength. I went flying backwards through the open balcony door and into his room. I crashed into the large mirror above his bed, shards of glass flying across the room. I collapsed onto the bed, breathing hard. I felt some pain, mostly from where I had hit the wall, but there were also shards of glass stuck in me.
The only thing that went through my mind at the time was that I had to escape, to leave him once and for all. Before I even moved he was on top of me, pinning me down. His eyes were what they became when he attacked his victims: large and a terrifying color of blue. His fangs were bared, his face dangerously close to mine.
"That was a very stupid thing to say," he hissed. "I thought you knew better than to anger me, Katrina."
As I stared into his eyes I realized something: I would never escape from him like this. There was no way that I could get him off of me by angering him, the easiest way would be to submit to him…for now. I started crying, tears running down my face freely. I had always been a good actress.
Dracula's furious expression softened some at this, and I watched as his fangs disappeared. His eyes, however, remained the same.
"You should not provoke me so," he said at last. "No, no, do not cry. And do not fear me." He then wiped away some of my tears, and leaned down to kiss me softly. I was surprised by his actions, and by how much like his old self he seemed for a moment. He then pulled away, and without a word released me. Walking towards the door, he turned to me.
"You'll find a ball gown in your chamber that is for tonight. After you are ready, join me in the ballroom."
He said this calmly but forcefully, and I nodded from the bed. After he closed the door I continued to lay still for a few moments, catching my breath and allowing my body to heal the cuts and bruises. After only a few minutes I made my way to my chamber, but not to get ready for the ball.
I knew that I must do this quickly, or the consequences would be great. I hurried into the room, and finding a small case I began to throw all of my jewelry into it. They were all presents from Dracula that I had received over the years, and I took them not to wear but to sell. If I needed money, the jewelry would certainly help.
There were magnificent jeweled necklaces and rings, and it would be impossible to say where they had come from or how much they had cost.
I finished putting the jewelry into the case, then made my way to the large wardrobe which held my dresses. Opening the doors, I looked at all the magnificent gowns before me. They too were gifts from Dracula, some I had picked out on my own. I ran my hand across the fine fabrics for a moment, simply enjoying the feeling.
Then I shut the doors of the wardrobe and left them to him; they weren't really mine anyway.
Stepping out onto the balcony, I hopped onto the stone railing with ease, and turned to look back at the palace.
"Goodbye, Vladislaus. May God forgive us both for what we have become."
Leaping from the balcony, I changed forms effortlessly and took flight into the night sky. I knew that I did not have long before Dracula would come looking for me, and would instantly realize that I had left. I flew westward as fast as I could, and planned to reach the next city before morning. There I would hopefully find a safe place to pass the day, and continue northwest the night after.
I had never seen the cities of Western Europe: London, Paris, Rome….there were so many that I wanted to see. And now that I was free, I would. My only fear was Dracula….I would have to be on my guard constantly, and it would not be easy to get away from him for good.
I could feel that the battle for my freedom from him had just begun, and that in the end I may lose. But it was worth a try.
Some part of me felt almost guilty for leaving him; he was after all still my husband. This feeling vanished as I realized that he was still my husband, but he was not still Vladislaus. I did not look back as I left the city behind me, and left everything that I had ever known with it.
A/N: Thanks again to all of my very kind reviewers! Just guessing I would say that there are probably two chapters left, but it might get drug out longer than that. I'm about to start school as well (my senior year, YAY!) so chapters will be coming a little slower, please bear with me. I have enjoyed writing this so much that I hate to finish it, but all stories must end eventually. Thank you again for reading it, and please let me know how you like this chapter!
