Chapter 2
"Pippin!" yelled Merry, "Get out of the shower, we're supposed to be going to Bilbo's party!"
"I'm not in the shower, you dope," said Pippin, coming out of his bedroom. "I was putting perfume on."
"Excuse me?"
"I was putting deodorant on."
"No, you said you were putting perfume on," said Merry.
"No I didn't," said Pippin defiantly.
"Yes, you did," said Merry. "I heard you!"
"You're off your rocker, Merry," said Pippin, tutting. "Let's just go to the party."
Merry shook his head. "Yeah, sure. Whatever."
And they headed out to Bilbo's birthday party.
Bilbo and Gandalf were sitting on a hillside smoking.
Bilbo blew a smoke ring, and Gandalf blew a smoke duck that swam through it.
"This'll be a night to remember," said Bilbo.
Later that night, during the party, Sam was freaking out, chewing his fingernails.
"Sam, what are you doing?" asked Frodo.
Sam continued chewing on his fingernails.
"Merry," said Pippin, "You smell like perfume."
"But I don't have any perfume on!"
"What?"
"Didn't you just tell me I smell like perfume?"
"Um... no... I said you smell like onions."
"But - what - ???"
"Cmon, Merry, I heard Gandalf's brought his fireworks!"
"But - but -"
"Cmon!"
Merry sighed and followed Pippin past Sam, who was continually chewing his fingers off.
"Here they are!" exclaimed Pippin, and jumped up onto the pile of fireworks. He grabbed one and Merry shook his head.
"No, no! The big one, big one!!"
Pippin grabbed the largest firework and they ran inside the tent. Merry placed the firework on the ground and Pippin lighted it.
"You're supposed to stick it in the ground!" yelled Merry.
"It is in the ground!" argued Pippin.
"Outside!" yelled Merry.
"But it was your idea -"
The firework went off, destroying the tent in the process. At first it was nothing more than a streak of light, which the hobbits "oohed" and "aahed" at, and then it grew bigger and bigger until it became -
"Look, Merry!" shouted Pippin. "It's a giant bottle of perfume!"
"It looks more like a giant bottle of rum to me..."
"That's what I said!"
"No you -"
He was interrupted by the giant bottle of rum pouring itself into the lake and then exploding into a thousand tiny specks of light.
"That was good," said Merry.
Pippin yawned.
Merry poked him in the elbow.
"What? Oh yes, lets... lets... get another one..." he yawned again.
Suddenly they were given very painful wedgies and a voice yelled, "Meriadoc Brandybuck! Peregrin Took! How dare you conjure up one of my spedecial rum fireworks?!?! You shall pay! MWAHAHAHA!"
And, laughing like an idiot, Gandalf let down both hobbits.
"Now," he snarled, "Drop down and give me fifty."
Merry dropped down and did the push-ups... Pippin dropped down and picked fifty blades of grass.
"Here you go, Gandalf," said Pippin, handing Gandalf the grass while Merry was still doing push-ups.
"Thank you, lad," he said. "Meriadoc owes me fifty blades of grass, remember to tell him that. Do you have any idea what he's doing?"
"No, sir," said Pippin.
Gandalf shrugged and skipped off to find Bilbo.
"Forty-eight... F-forty-nine... Fifty! There Gandalf, I - Gandalf?"
Merry looked around, puzzled.
"Merry, what were you doing?" asked Pippin. "We were supposed to pick fifty blades of grass for Gandalf, you silly perfume. You owe him." And he wandered off.
Merry kicked at the ground furiously. Then after a few moments, he wondered aloud, "Silly perfume??"
"I'm not in the shower, you dope," said Pippin, coming out of his bedroom. "I was putting perfume on."
"Excuse me?"
"I was putting deodorant on."
"No, you said you were putting perfume on," said Merry.
"No I didn't," said Pippin defiantly.
"Yes, you did," said Merry. "I heard you!"
"You're off your rocker, Merry," said Pippin, tutting. "Let's just go to the party."
Merry shook his head. "Yeah, sure. Whatever."
And they headed out to Bilbo's birthday party.
Bilbo and Gandalf were sitting on a hillside smoking.
Bilbo blew a smoke ring, and Gandalf blew a smoke duck that swam through it.
"This'll be a night to remember," said Bilbo.
Later that night, during the party, Sam was freaking out, chewing his fingernails.
"Sam, what are you doing?" asked Frodo.
Sam continued chewing on his fingernails.
"Merry," said Pippin, "You smell like perfume."
"But I don't have any perfume on!"
"What?"
"Didn't you just tell me I smell like perfume?"
"Um... no... I said you smell like onions."
"But - what - ???"
"Cmon, Merry, I heard Gandalf's brought his fireworks!"
"But - but -"
"Cmon!"
Merry sighed and followed Pippin past Sam, who was continually chewing his fingers off.
"Here they are!" exclaimed Pippin, and jumped up onto the pile of fireworks. He grabbed one and Merry shook his head.
"No, no! The big one, big one!!"
Pippin grabbed the largest firework and they ran inside the tent. Merry placed the firework on the ground and Pippin lighted it.
"You're supposed to stick it in the ground!" yelled Merry.
"It is in the ground!" argued Pippin.
"Outside!" yelled Merry.
"But it was your idea -"
The firework went off, destroying the tent in the process. At first it was nothing more than a streak of light, which the hobbits "oohed" and "aahed" at, and then it grew bigger and bigger until it became -
"Look, Merry!" shouted Pippin. "It's a giant bottle of perfume!"
"It looks more like a giant bottle of rum to me..."
"That's what I said!"
"No you -"
He was interrupted by the giant bottle of rum pouring itself into the lake and then exploding into a thousand tiny specks of light.
"That was good," said Merry.
Pippin yawned.
Merry poked him in the elbow.
"What? Oh yes, lets... lets... get another one..." he yawned again.
Suddenly they were given very painful wedgies and a voice yelled, "Meriadoc Brandybuck! Peregrin Took! How dare you conjure up one of my spedecial rum fireworks?!?! You shall pay! MWAHAHAHA!"
And, laughing like an idiot, Gandalf let down both hobbits.
"Now," he snarled, "Drop down and give me fifty."
Merry dropped down and did the push-ups... Pippin dropped down and picked fifty blades of grass.
"Here you go, Gandalf," said Pippin, handing Gandalf the grass while Merry was still doing push-ups.
"Thank you, lad," he said. "Meriadoc owes me fifty blades of grass, remember to tell him that. Do you have any idea what he's doing?"
"No, sir," said Pippin.
Gandalf shrugged and skipped off to find Bilbo.
"Forty-eight... F-forty-nine... Fifty! There Gandalf, I - Gandalf?"
Merry looked around, puzzled.
"Merry, what were you doing?" asked Pippin. "We were supposed to pick fifty blades of grass for Gandalf, you silly perfume. You owe him." And he wandered off.
Merry kicked at the ground furiously. Then after a few moments, he wondered aloud, "Silly perfume??"
