YIPPPEEEEEEE! I have no life! But aren't you all lucky?

Here's a little riddle, made up by my friend (not V!); Be a just person (this can be said around parents) but it actually translates to… Beds are not just for one person! Hehe!

(By tha way, it means you can shove about five people all into a double bed; we did!)

Told ya; I hav no life!

Chapter twenty (oh my!): I Cry

Present…

Ithiell (don't you just love him?)

The situation was beginning to turn for the worst. If the drug stopped working now, in the heat of battle… we'd all be dead.

(Everyone whole!) I yelled. They all answered that they were. I checked on Jade, then looked over at Jake, who probably looked about as I felt.

(Well, it's all the way now) I said quietly, and he nodded.

(All right, let's do it!)

(Hey, I'm supposed to say that!) Rachel protested.

(Gotta be quick) Marco laughed, then looked at me.

(All right! We finish off as many ground forces as we can, but don't… and I repeat… don't take any unnecessary risks! If it looks like you're going to get into trouble, or start hurting… bail! Got it!)

(Loud and clear) Robert said, then took off with Rachel right behind him. I followed right behind, with Jake beside me.

(I hope you're right) he said privately as the others took up the rear.

(For our sakes, I hope to your god I am too)

(Right, let's go)

(Right beside you, buddy)

I watched as Robert and Rachel attacked with equal force, ploughing into a still recovering group of Terinans. Not far away, I saw the fighter circling, shooting at whatever ships moved on the ground. Safe to say, they'd managed to shoot almost all of them before they got off the ground. There was only one in the air with them, and that was another fighter. Soon, it wasn't only a ground battle, but an aerial one too.

Jake and I attacked, joining our forces to take down whatever tried to come at us. Soon, five other creatures joined the fray. Tobias swooped and raked then peeled off again. Someone tried to shoot at him, but Cassie's wolf morph took care of him.

We hit them hard and fast, and for once I realised we were beginning to turn the tables. For once in almost two weeks, I felt like we could really win this thing. Not for now, but for good. And that was the best feeling I'd ever had since I was 'twelve' years old.

We managed to spread ourselves out as the Terinan lines became broken, and Robert and Rachel began to act cocky.

(Keep your heads!) I yelled to them as I shot off after a fleeing Terinan, leaping on its back and taking it down for good.

(Not a prob boss!) Robert yelled as he slammed into a Terinan with his head, going full-tilt and knocking it down in his mad rush. Just behind him, I saw Rachel trample it.

"You!" a sudden voice, and I skidded to a stop to see a Terinan female. She was smiling at me. That sick, twisted smile that Terinan females have a habit of doing.

"Black wolf… I know who you are… don't deny it"

(Deny what? That I won't hesitate to kill you, you slime!)

"No… that you are the one who killed my mother"

I went cold. Then red-hot anger burned inside of me. I shifted back, wanting to stand eye-to-eye with this evil creature. Yes, I remembered now… the kill… my first real kill… my first real battle… Jade…

"Ah. So it is you"

"Yes. It is. Want me? Come get me" I hissed in a challenge.

"Not quite yet" she smiled, then pulled out something from her pouch. I just stared at it. My… my mothers…

"You" I seethed "You were the one who killed my mother"

"Oh, don't forget daddy" she laughed, and I clenched my teeth and balled my hands into fists to stop myself from doing something I'd regret doing later. I looked at the small holographic emitter, attached to a leather cord. That was my mother's legacy. Her family's legacy… and this… thing… had taken it from her!

"I say we're even now, don't you think?"

"Not. Quite" I hissed, and suddenly she ran at me! I jumped back, barely being missed by those terrible poisonous claws of hers. I sliced! It cut clear into her cheek! She howled, dropping the emitter!

I snatched it up, then looped it around my own neck, craving my mothers love for just a split second. Then the anger flared again as she stared at me.

"This isn't the end, Changeling" she snarled, glaring at me. I shook my head, then smiled darkly.

"No. It is" I said, just before Jake took her out. Then… she was now no more than a memory.

(You ok?) he asked, and I smiled, realising tears were beginning to run down my cheeks. I wiped them away, nodding.

"I'll be fine when this is over. All of it" I looked down at the emitter, knowing it had images from the past imprinted on it… my parents, my sister… all of us… a family…

(Ithiell, bud? I think it finally is) he nudged me a little, and when I turned I saw all my friends were in a semicircle, not far from me. They looked bloody, but other than that they were all alive.

"Oh my god… it is" I said, watching as Ax and Rtaia joined us. Rtaia looked at the thing around my neck… and smiled. She knew… it was my family's tradition to carry these… Fenay probably had one on her when she died.

"Brother" she said in our language "I am most proud of you"

"Thankyou" I whispered, and fresh tears welled up. They all became themselves again, and we walked out of the clearing. I felt so tired… needed a serious vacation, as humans said…

Amanda came and slipped her arm through mine, leaning her head on my shoulder.

"It's ok Ithiell, we're here for you now"

"Um… I have a question" Marco sidled up beside us, looking like he really didn't want to intrude.

"Yes?"

"How do we get back home without your ship?"

In spite of my weariness, I laughed.

"Marco, Marco, Marco! Don't you know? Everything can be fixed. And…" I looked at Rtaia, who smiled.

"And anything can be stolen" she finished. We both smiled, and I didn't know whether to laugh or cry then. So I did both. I hugged Amanda tight and cried and laughed and prayed that we were all here to enjoy what was left of the day.

We made it through another day. And that's all I could have hoped for.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Past…

Jade

God knows what I had on my face, but it was caked with it. That, and mud and whatever else was on the ground with the spilled blood. My eyes were the only part not covered in the stuff, and I used them to look around in absolute horror. The bodies… the people still alive… my friends weary faces…

Far off, I saw Rtaia in some sort of makeshift stretcher, being carried away. I saw Lowri was there, holding her hand. She looked like she was in serious pain. But it was over, that was the point. It was over, and we'd all made it out, alive.

True, we'd always carry our scars from the past, but… by god… it was just completely, totally over. We'd won… but barely.

I was tired, dirty, and my stomach growled for something to eat. I know I shouldn't have been complaining, after all, the others all felt the same way… and I was at least alive to feel these things…

It suddenly hit me like a wave. The guilt, the anger… the fear…

I'd let two Chanaibens die… all because I froze in battle…

I collapsed to my knees, finally finding my legs wouldn't support me anymore. I was done for…

God, those two people! I'd let them die! I was weak! I was useless! I was a selfish little bitch with no respect for life!

I felt the tears start streaming down my face as I stared at the ground below me. Now, I was resting on my legs. Not even my knees had the energy to keep me up.

All of a sudden the emotions burst from me like a waterfall, and seconds later I was screaming, pounding the ground with all the force I had left!

"WHY! WHY THE FUCK… WHY THEM! THEY DIDN'T DESERVE TO DIEEEE! I WANT TO DIIIEEEEE! KIIILLL MEEEEEE!"

I slammed the ground, screaming with all the force I could ever muster. I screamed and beat the ground, barely aware of how close my face was to the ground, or how each time I beat, it sent splashes of blue blood back on me. I didn't care. I was gone.

The guilt and the pain had swallowed me whole, and now there was nothing I could do but cry and scream.

I screamed… and screamed… until my voice was hoarse and my fists were red raw and tears and snot and whatever else was washing down my face made it almost impossible to breathe…

I beat the ground weakly, feeling the screaming pain each time I beat down. Finally, I gave up, tears still falling down my face as I tried to catch my breath. I wanted to die! Why didn't I just die!

I barely heard the footsteps, and didn't notice the sneakers in front of me until I felt hands wrap around my throat, then pulled me up by the collar. I didn't even try to resist as Robert pulled me up to look directly into his eyes. His face was like mine; covered in muck from the battle. But his eyes were fierce; even worse than I'd ever seen them… he stared at me, his jaw clenched. He stared at me, and I waited for him to say something… knew it was coming.

"Jade, what have you done?" he said softly, his face softening for just a second "What have you done?"

"I… I…"

"What have you done!" he suddenly screamed, shoving me back down at the ground. I hit, and looked up at him. He glared at me, and I felt that stare pierce my heart. Then, he turned and walked away, leaving me there…

What have you done? What have you done? What have you done? What have you…

His words repeated in my mind, and I curled up into a ball and tried to breathe… I began to hyperventilate, and I couldn't… not… I…

"Jade!" Someone screamed, and seconds later Amanda was beside me. Robert was right…

"She's going into shell shock. We've got to get her to the infirmary" Ithiell's voice. So far away…

"How is that going to help her!" I heard Amanda demand as I felt arms slip under my legs, and under my back, then lift me up.

"Trust me Amanda. You come too"

"Robert did this! That…that…"

"Amanda, he didn't know what he was doing. He's in shock like the rest of us" I felt myself being carried… couldn't breathe…

"Like hell!" Amanda snapped.

"Amanda, come with me. You need help too" Ithiell's voice was barely audible to my ear. I knew he was carrying me… I felt his arms, and his chest as he leaned me against him so he could carry me better… but it felt more like a memory, or a dream that you can't stop…

Yes, that was it. I was having a dream. A horrible, terrifying dream. One I couldn't wake up from.

That was all it was, a dream…

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

"Exactly how many outfits are you planning to wear on this 'date'?" I asked Amanda, frowning down at all the clothes sprawled across her bed. She ducked her head out of the closet and smiled.

"I'm not wearing all of them, I just… well, I need your opinion. I want to know what you think I'll look good in for Ithiell"

I rolled my eyes and smiled at her "Mand, anything you wear will make you look good, okay? You just… have that sort of face and body for it"

She barked a laugh "Okay, when pigs fly!"

"Oh seriously Mand! It's Ithiell we're talking about! He's an alien for friggens sake! He'd love to see you in rags, and you know why? Cause he loves you. Not some stupid dress you bought just for the purpose of dating guys!"

"See, that's your problem"

"What is?"

"That you don't… try to…"

"Amanda, for me, it's all in here" I tapped the side of my head "It has nothing to do with looks. If I want a guy to fall for me, I want him to fall for the real Jade, not some Barbie-doll version of me"

She gave me her 'sooky' look. I swear, Phoebe was teaching her all the wrong things!

"Amanda"

"Jade, I just want to look good for our first official date, all right"

"That's fine, just don't go over the top" I said, then shuffled through the clothes randomly. I picked out a patterned pair of jeans, and a halter neck top, giving them to her.

"Try these"

She stared at me.

"What"

"Jade, you're a genius!" she wrapped her arms around my neck in a tight hug.

"I am?" I managed to choke out, wishing I could breathe. She let go of me and smiled.

"Yeah. Now you can go home. I bet your little sissy needs you"

"Sissy? Oh, you mean Phoebes. Yeah" I said goodbye to her, then to her brothers (I'd gotten over Conner, and Matt and I actually got along now) then walked home. It felt good to be called smart once in a while.

I got in, then mum immediately rushed out, telling me she'd be back in an hour, and to watch Phoebe and the twins til she got back. I saluted her, then spent an hour on the couch, reading a book and resting my feet on Ryan's lap as he watched TV. It was the only way I'd let him watch what he wanted. Tina was in her room, and Phoebe was on the floor, playing with her crayons and drawing pictures of… things. Don't ask me what they were; I honestly wouldn't know.

Then my dad breezed through the door, putting his suitcase down and smiling at us. He told us about a possible job in America. Of course, he told mum as well, who wasn't too happy with it at first, then started seeing the possibilities.

He said about the trial period first, and sighed that he'd be lonely without all of us.

"Don't worry dad, I'll come with you" Ryan said an hour after dinner.

"No you won't!" my mum. Of course.

"Aw muuum! Please?" he got on his hands and knees, pleading with her.

"Your father will be gone for long hours, and there's no way in hell I'm sending a ten year old boy off where he'll be alone in America for most of the day.

"Hey mum, what if I go with him? Whaddya say?" I asked, giving her my most encouraging smile. She thought about it, looking at me with slightly watery eyes.

And that's how I made my way to America, and met up with the Animorphs. This, is the end of my beginning, and the start of my end.

Funny, how life can be sometimes.

Don't change that channel! One more to go! Then there's the OTHER ending (my alternate ending) which WILL have a MAJOR rating cause… hey, I'm a teenager! Hormones rule my life! Well, sorta….. Meh, deal with it!