Ahoy again! Thanks for reviewing, Lucrecia LeVrai! It was a great encouragement since the nefarious deletion of six of my stories. Stupid admin… Anyway, thanks. And now, on to the story! No wait, I lie. Disclaimer first, then story.

Disclaimer: I don't own FFIX or any of its characters. Now I want to say something witty, but witty is cliché. Cliches are cliché, too.


Chapter 2: The Search Begins

He's finally done it. After two days with nothing to do but rowing and rediscovering advanced calculus, Haagen has finally rowed his raft to the foot of the Alexandria Falls. Shouts of triumph emanated from the knight, managing even to be louder than the din of the waterfall itself. After the initial excitement died away, he surveyed his situation. "Yes! I'm home! Almost…Now, I just have to get up…there…" he said to himself. He paused. It certainly did seem very high up. It couldn't be more than half a mile high, though. Yeah, half a mile is nothing! When you're walking… No, he shouldn't think like this. He was Haagen, Pluto Knight VIII, and warrior of fury. This was nothing compared to some of the things he's done, like fart the queen's anthem after a good round of dead peppers and beer. Now that he thought about it, the whole thing seemed hopeless. "FEEL MY FURY! I'LL MASTER THIS CLIFF AND GET HOME ALIVE, EVEN IF IT KILLS ME! THAT'S…right… HEY! ANYONE UP THERE? ANYBODY? COME ON! PLEASE! Oh, it's hopeless…"

Half a mile above

"Hey, do you hear something?" asked Weimar.

"No. Um, this might sound unreasonable, and I know I just ate two hours ago, but I'm hungry," replied Mullenkedheim, who always appreciated good food.

"No problem. I brought you a sandwich."

"Thanks! Where'd you get it?"

"The synthesist's daughter."

"But I thought you were seeing that flower girl."

"I am. What? Don't look at me like that! It's not like they know about each other… Hey, you don't suppose Haagen could have fallen off the cliff, do you?"

"Hmm. It's possible, I guess."

"…Nah," they both said together.

"Yeah, it's not that likely. I mean, we have rails and, and stuff. By the way, we shouldn't mention this possibility to Dojebon. You know how…enthusiastic…he gets," said Mullenkedheim.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," answered Weimar.

Elsewhere, Blutzen, Kohel, and Dojebon also began their search. "Now do you understand? This is very important. Haagen's life could be at stake," intoned Dojebon.

"Yeah, we know," responded Kohel.

"You can count on us!" said Blutzen. This seemed to satisfy Dojebon, as he went of to search for his friend by himself. Now that they were left alone, Blutzen said, "Do you remember what Captain Steiner always says to us?"

"Um… You worthless bunch of nitwits?" guessed Kohel.

"No, not that one."

"This is why no one depends on men in Alexandria?"

"Not that, either."

"If only chivalry permitted alcoholism?"

"Close…But no."

"Ooh! I know! It's: 'I'm surrounded by imbeciles and nincompoops!'"

"Now you're just guessing."

"Okay, then… If you're not going to do anything useful, then don't do anything at all."

"Bingo! That's the one. So since we can't do anything useful, then why don't we just go in this tavern over here and relax!" said Blutzen, always one to rationalize.

"Right! We can think of ideas and gather information while we're getting drunk!"

"Good one. And it's not like it's our fault that we probably would end up doing nothing at all. We just don't have the self-control."

"Right!" chirped Kohel, who was always ready to accept Blutzen's second-hand logic. They went in.

Meanwhile

Laudo was very happy. He had inspiring material for writing about a missing comrade-in-arms. The fact that Haagen could be in trouble or might possibly be dead would not sink in until later. He was paired up with Dojebon, fervently searching for their knight-errant. This was just like an adventure! Currently, they were asking around. They came up to an Alexandrian soldier overseeing the reconstruction of the town square. "What ho, my good woman! I-" began Laudo.

"Who are you calling a ho!" snapped the soldier.

"Uh, you'll have to excuse my friend here. He's off in his own fantasy world right now," said Dojebon hurriedly.

"I am not!" grumbled Laudo.

"Oh, Dojebon and Laudo. I'm sorry I yelled. I didn't know it was you."

"You know us?" asked Laudo.

"Of course," she said, and blushed. "I'm great fans of yours! You're all so heroic and charming! You're my heroes!" The two knights looked incredulous. "Are you sure you don't mean the three original Knights of Pluto?" asked Dojebon.

"No, I mean all nine of you. C-could you sign my breastplate?" she asked, breathless with excitement. Laudo and Dojebon stared at the piece of armor she was referring to. A week ago they could never have believed this was possible (except for Weimar, of course). Dojebon managed to swallow despite his heart trying to come up his throat. "I-I'm not sure that would be appropriate, ma'am," he croaked.

"Oh, then could you sign my helmet?"

"Yeah, that would be fine." They signed. "Oh, thank you! I can't wait to tell my sister! She is going to FLIP!"

"Whoever this Pluto is, he sure has a weird sense of humor," said Laudo through the hazy fog of incredulity. Somewhere in the parts of his mind that are still not in shock, he could hear a couple nearby frantically trying to get away from Breireicht's ramblings.

Several days later

Haagen had given up on trying to climb the sheer cliff that separated him and Alexandria. He had a different plan now. He had traveled down the river on his raft, managed to reach South Gate without getting seriously injured, and is now traveling by foot up to the North Station. Unfortunately, he was intercepted by a band of thieves. Monsters were easy, you could spot them and run away before they noticed you, but thieves with swords were a different matter. "Uh…um…I warn you, I know some powerful and forbidden magic, the likes of which no mortal eyes should behold!" he said.

"Oh yeah? Prove it," said one of them, grinning.

"Um…Ahh…Tremble before my might, cowering infidels!" he squeaked.

"Priests say infidels, not mages. And besides, you just look like some knight wannabe," mocked another.

"Um…'Tis merely a disguise to keep from frightening innocent men!"

"Must be a really good disguise, then."

"Aha! You see? Cower before my power!"

"How about no?"

"Uh…oh crap. I'm about to die…"

"You got that right, mister," said the first thief, who was holding a hammer.


MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Cower before the awesome might that is the cliffhanger! Offer unto me reviews and I shall bestow upon thee more of this grand (sort of) adventure! Yea, that is my decree. All shall obey! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!