The thing about cliffhangers is that sometimes, the author can't stand them, either, so I wrote this right after I finished chapter 2. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I kept you waiting. Evil, isn't it?
Disclaimer: I don't own FFIX or its characters. There, I said it.
Chapter Three: Reunion of a Sort
"Hey I know you!" said one of the thieves, "You're that guy from Alexandria Castle!"
"What? Y-you're Tantalus, the guys who kidnapped the Princess! Yea and verily, that is so!" said Haagen.
"Yep, that's us! And stop talking like that!" said Marcus, "You're that guy we beat up, aren't you?"
"I did not get beat up!"
"No, you ran away before we had a chance to get you," said Blank.
"I had a date!" lied Haagen.
"I thought that was that other guy?" said Cinna.
"Um…Oh yeah? Well…feel my fury!" shouted Haagen, and charged.
"Yeah, smart. You're going to charge at a bunch of guys with swords and a hammer with nothing but rusty armor," said Blank, smirking. Haagen tried to stop, but inertia dictated that he should trip, do a bad cartwheel on the ground, and land on his head. Things didn't seem so bad, if you looked at the bright side. After all, he did tumble over Marcus and knock him down. "Dude, get off me." They stood up.
"What are you doing here?" asked Blank.
Haagen paused for a few moments to compose what tattered memories he retained. "Oh, it was incredible! This-this-this dragon came out of the sky and started blowing things up, and I was sent with Dojebon to protect the townspeople, and, and, and then this blue-haired girl dropped onto the castle but didn't go splat. Then the castle turned into this huge machine with gianormous wings and started beating the crap out of the dragon! Then this big eyeball in the sky blew everything up, and, and, and then I woke up next to the Evil Forest!" blurted Haagen, all in one breath.
"Think he's hit his head or something?" remarked Cinna.
"I'm serious! It's all to do with Eidolons or something!" responded Haagen.
"Hey, yeah! I remember! You Alexandrians gave us a really tough time when we were trying to rescue the princess from the queen," said Blank. He smacked his fists together. "It's payback time," he said, with an evil grin.
"N-no! That was just the soldiers! We Knights of Pluto are always on the side of justice! We never did anything to hinder your progress, honest!" said Haagen.
"But you did fight us when we first came to kidnap the princess," pursued Blank.
"Th-that didn't count! We ran away! Yes, that's right. We're cowards, the lot of us!"
"Oh. Dammit." Blank looked disappointed.
"Cheer up, Blank. We'll find you someone else to beat up. We're going to Treno. Do you want to come with us?" said Marcus.
"Treno? Sure, okay… But I need to get back to Alexandria!"
"No problem! You can take the Gargant."
"But I thought Gargants are unsafe."
"It's perfectly safe. We went on it and all we had to deal with was this weird snake called Ralvurava or something. It's like riding a giant oglop!"
Haagen shuddered. "I hate oglops." Eventually, they did embark on their pilgrimage to Treno, as pointless and tedious as their conversation was. For three days they trekked across the treacherous 35-degree slope of South Gate, occasionally suffering the terrible bruised knee. They were often viciously attacked by vile abominations such as fluffy bunnies and oglops the size of pennies, and they were looked at evilly by a sparrow watching them interestedly as they passed. For three days they were relentlessly scorched with mild, pleasant sunlight, and were blasted by gales blowing at an astonishing three miles per hour!
After the three days they exited South Gate from Treno's side. Five miles out, they encountered four trick sparrows.
(Battle music)
The battle begins. Cinna managed to steal an Ore from trick sparrow number two, then Blank attacks number one. Number one casts Drain on Marcus. Number three attacks Haagen and causes critical damage, knocking him out. Marcus uses a Phoenix Down on Haagen. "Dude, you really suck at this," he snickered.
"It wasn't my fault!" whined Haagen. Number four attacks Blank. Cinna attacks number one and misses. Blank attacks number two and knocks it out. Haagen attacks number one and knocks it out. Cinna attacks number three. Number four casts Drain on Blank. Blank attacks number three. Marcus attacks number three and knocks it out. Number four attacks Haagen. Blank attacks number four and knocks it out. Unfortunately, the battle isn't over yet. The party is ambushed by two carve spiders. Carve spider number one casts a web on Cinna and Slows him. "Ew! It's all sticky and stuff! I need a bath…" Carve spider number two casts Fire on Haagen and causes him to trance! Haagen retaliates by casting Thunder on both targets and attacking each of them twice, knocking both carve spiders out. "You can use magic!" breathed Blank.
"I told you I could!" said Haagen.
"Well I thought you were lying!" They continued their journey to Treno. On their way, they encountered a friendly Ghost, who asked them for an ore. "Would you mind sparing an Ore, please?" it asked.
"It can talk! I've never met a mist monster that can talk before!" said an incredulous Marcus.
"Um…about the Ore…" pursued the ghost.
"Are you going to grant us three wishes if we give it to you?" asked Cinna.
"No, you're thinking about fishes," said Blank.
"That's not how it goes. Fish don't grant you wishes just because you give them Ores. It has to be a special fish. You catch it see, and it says 'Spare my life and I shall grant you three wishes.' And you let it go and you get your wishes," intoned the knowledgeable Haagen.
"Well, I say it's stupid. If that were true, then fishermen would be ruling the world by now. And they don't. Or do they…" said Cinna. The Ghost sighed in exasperation and floated away. What was the use in being a friendly monster if all you met was a bunch of incompetents who couldn't even grant a simple request? He should've stuck with being an evil spirit like his sister the harpy.
Eventually, the party reached Treno, the city of eternal night.
Finished! Please review! By the way, during the part of the game where you have to rescue Dagger, if you go find the knights of Pluto and talk to them, they won't attack you! Aren't they sweet! Two of them were in Dagger's bedroom. I wonder what they were doing there…
