The Back of His Head

October 31, 1999.
Dear Diary,
Today, my cousin Sakura gave you to me and I'm going to write in you! I don't know what to write…hmmm…today's Halloween did you know that? I'm going trick-or-treating with my mommy and daddy! Oh, Sailor Moon is on TV now so bye bye!

Kyung Mi

June 11, 2003.

Dear Diary,
I just can't take it anymore, the feelings inside are just threatening to come out. I have no one to talk to, no one that knows about how I feel…so that is why I came back to you Diary, it's been years since I last wrote in you. I noticed that I haven't really introduced me to you so here we go!

My name is Tomoyo and I'm fifteen, currently attending Sang Do High School in Tokyo, as an almost average student, close to nerd. I live an okay life I guess…I have an annoying younger brother, Lee, and two loving, yet irritating parents. My parents….if you haven't gotten to know them, I suggest you don't. It's not like they're mean, oh no, anyone but them…just annoying and nosey. They always dig into my business and go through my stuff. I'd rather have them leave me alone; I can't wait until I move out when I get into college. Now, enough about them, I have best friends named Yukito and Nakuru…I guess you can't really call them best friends…I don't think there was once that all three of us got together and talked about our feelings, we normally fool around.

And now, this leads to the main reason why I'm writing in you diary, I don't know, but I think I'm going crazy. Crazy in my head, crazy because of a guy, crazy because of Eriol…yes, the wannabe at our school. I'm so glad I get to sit behind him and see the back of his head everyday during English! He's not exactly a nerd, but not popular either…I guess he's above the average guy. I don't want to sound obsessed with him now, but he is by far the cutest and nicest guy I have ever met! Even though I've only talked with him about seven times, I feel such a strong bond between us…I just can't explain it. Well, I have to go do my homework now, talk to you later!

Tomoyo

June 13, 2003.

Dear Diary,
Sorry for not writing yesterday, but laziness got the best of me. Anyways, let's continue about Eriol! He's really cute and could make anyone laugh any day! For instance, just yesterday, he cracked the class up….well only the smart people got the joke.

Ms. Haragimoto (English teacher): Eriol, if I asked you 'What is the weather today', what is the answer? (Half the class was confused because this is English)
Ms. Haragimoto: Eriol, haven't you been paying attention in class? Are you stupid? (I didn't understand some of it since she has fobby English)
Eriol: I know the answer to this! Of course! (Now of course, we now what that means right? He admitted he was stupid! What a cutie!)
Ms. Haragimoto: Eriol, go outside right now and hold up your arms! (She asked in Japanese)
Eriol: But if you want me to pay attention in class, then shouldn't I stay in class?
Ms. Haragimoto: Why you little….fine! Then you better pay attention!

That was my highlight of the day. Even though he does talk back to the teacher, I find him so adorable! But don't get me wrong, he's not all that stupid. He's pretty good in Chinese and Grammar classes…sometimes even better than me! When you really think about it, I'm not all that smart at all.
Okay, talk to you tomorrow, promise!

Tomoyo

June 18, 2003

Dear Diary,
Sorry I didn't write for the whole week even though I promised! I have very bad memory and lost the key to you! It was very scary since if any of my family members read this, I think I'd be hung right away. Luckily, the key was under my mouse pad all along, silly me!

Anyways, school is ending soon and finals are nearing! I'm scared because next year, I find it impossible that I will once again sit behind my prince. Two months without him….is living hell. What should I do? I heard he's going to America for the whole summer to visit his grandmother… and I'm going to Japan for a student exchange program…Maybe this is love…but every time I see him, my heart pumps so fast and I begin to stutter! Isn't that love?

Today was the ordinary day, except one of the best things happened today! I was getting up from my desk and tripped on one of the legs of my chair! Luckily, Eriol was there to save the day! It was magical, he asked, "Are you okay?" and I was like, "Yeah, thanks!" and I ran off. That makes it eight times that I've spoken with him! Eight times in two years, not bad! But when he grabbed my arms to hold my steady, it was so warm….warmer than the temperature outside…I felt like I was burning…ha, I'm so happy! If only…I could stay in his arms forever. Okay, maybe I do sound a little love crazy but…this is what I feel… Damn, mom's calling me again, bye bye for now!

Tomoyo

June 23, 2003.

Dear Diary,
School's ending in five days! What should I do? All I ever do these days is think about him and what I'll do…I haven't even studied a single bit for the finals and they're starting in two days! What should I do! '' Gosh, if my mommy ever finds the test results, I'm dead! Yeah, I'm pretty much a dumb nerd….doesn't really make sense now does it? It's true when people say girls get dumber when they start to like guys. Sigh let's hope God gives me good luck! Or maybe even a cold! Hmmm…I'll be back diary, you just gave me an idea!

Back! My hands are really freezing and shaky right now…but it's worth it! The best way to feel warm when you're cold is to have a distraction….and that is you! Sorry if you're getting a little wet! Well anyways, I decided to dunk myself in cold water when I took a bath and now I'm really cold, sitting next to an open window with cold wind rushing towards me. Crap, its cold! Good thing Mommy, Daddy, and Lee went out for dinner or I'll be dead! If this doesn't work….why I ought to slap myself silly!
Crap, they came home, what should I do? I'll hide in my bed and pretend I'm sleeping so bye bye for now!

Tomoyo

June 24, 2003.

Dear Diary,
Aish, I'm so bored! Good news, I'm sick and not at school…though being sick is definitely not the best thing ever, my head hurts and I can't breathe properly, and I feel so tired; even standing up and walking is difficult for me right now! Bad news, I've been waiting to go see the doctor for the past two hours, with my mommy mumbling beside me… how annoying. Oh well, better than taking the exam and going to school right? I wonder if Eriol wonders where I am? Probably not, but its nice thinking that he does! She keeps on trying to dig her nose into my diary! I regret bringing you along now! Okay, how about I continue writing in you later?

Oh my, this is even worse than not doing my exams….even worse than not seeing Eriol!
I have the flu! The kind where you have to stay in bed for days and days feeling really sick and weak! Damn my brain for giving me such a stupid idea. My own fault TT…maybe Eriol will notice I'm gone and come visit me? Oh who am I kidding, I will never ever have the chance to ever stare at the back of his head for hours and hours ever again! Well maybe I could, but a very, very, VERY slim chance. There is no way I could make it back to school in time for the end of the year ceremony with a condition like mine!

Do you think I would die on the road if I snuck out to school? What if I faint? I mean, I'm hardly able to stand up, let alone walking to school! I'll think about it…I'll risk anything just to see him just once more before summer holidays!

Tomoyo

June 26, 2003.

Dear Diary,
Tomorrow's the last day of school…I just couldn't let myself have holidays knowing that I'll probably never be able to be in the same class as him, and sit right behind me. I've tossed and turned for the last two days…I haven't got ANY sleep and I'm starting to look like a zombie. And that my friend, is why I'm going to school tomorrow! Yukito and Nakuru said that the teacher got pissed at me for skipping school…so I have to do the exams no matter what, even if it means staying at school over the holidays.
Wish me luck Diary, I can't even remember what the some of the calculus formulas are!

Tomoyo

June 27, 2003.

Dear Diary,
I don't know how to describe today…would it be good or bad? Well I went to school and almost got hit by a car, but I at least for to see Eriol once more right? He said, "bye" to me and my face was burning red! I had no idea how to answer Yukito when she asked why I like this guy so much…I guess it's just a magnetic force? I also got a smacking from my teacher and it hella hurt. And to add on top of that, I got caught sneaking out of the house and my mommy made me drink nasty prune juice.

I can't stop crying right now…just thinking that today was the last day makes my heart grow bitter. It burns…it really does. The tears…they can't stop. He'll never know how much I like him…he probably hardly even knows who I am. Is this what they call puppy love? I'll get over him right? Yeah, I will…I know I will! It was my fault…for falling for him…for not confessing…I have no chance now…okay, enough of this! Tears are pouring out even faster!

Well, I'm going to Korea next week so I guess this is one of the last times I write in you until school stars again! I can't bring you along because I won't have time to write in you, but I promise you I'll write lots when I come back!
Arigatou!

Tomoyo

September 10, 2003.

Dear Diary,
I'm back! Miss me? Yeah I learned so much over the holidays! Maybe, I'll live in Korea one day!
School started today and guess what?

I don't know if this is good or bad, but Eriol seemed to move….well no one knows exactly what happened to him, but he's gone. Just gone. Do you ask why I don't seem to care? Easy, I do care. I really do. My eyes became blurry when I first found up, but I convince myself that I don't….because…I believe that I've started fresh today, all my memories are washed away. Eriol, that name will always stain my heart, and I will always regret not becoming friends with him in any way…I will always have a part of me that loves him. Was it really love? I don't know. Maybe one day, I'll see him again and laugh at my stupidity. Maybe, one day I'll find my true love and forget all about Eriol. Or maybe, I'll grow up to be a lonely hag! What does my future hold? I don't know, but every step I take, I become a stronger person.

Eriol taught me a lesson…there's a moral to every story: If love went the way you wanted, there wouldn't be romance stories. Okay, maybe this wasn't a romance story, but it was a significant part of my life! One day, I will know what love is, one day…but not now…

Tomoyo