What do I feel? I don't feel much, I'm a vampire. That gives me an excuse to dismiss feelings at my will. Though I don't think people realize how much bullets hurt. They rip through my damn flesh, immortal or not, it stings like hell.

What am I doing? I'm typing on Cordelia's computer. Cell phones are too confusing, but I seem to be managing this computer quite well. Why am I typing at 2am? Simple. I'm a vampire and everyone else is not. They've all gone to bed while I am left awake with the night's call. Call of the wild. Though not in the werewolf sort of way. Though I did know this one werewolf back in….sorry, tangent there.

I find myself eating grapes. Why? Because it makes Cordy happy when I eat the things she brings. She even washed them for me. I remember when I wouldn't eat grapes back in Ireland unless they were run through water. Kinda funny now that I think about it, big bad me wouldn't eat unwashed grapes. I hope the water on my fingers won't short-circuit the keyboard. Wouldn't that just piss her right off. Heh heh. She does a lot for us here though, and is underappreciated. But that's how we work around here. You don't tell another person how much their effort makes this company possible. It's just understood.

New paragraph. It's hard knowing when to break things up. Break up. Story of my life. Everything has broken up. Relationships, careers, conviction, distinction. Does it matter anymore? Of course it does. It has to. Or else, what is there? Well there're these grapes for one. Damn good. Oops, spilled some onto the floor. It's the only sound I've heard all night except the clicking of the keys. It's so quiet here. I guess it's nice. Just me and my grapes. And some blood. Someone should make that a song, Blood and Grapes. Hm hm. Another tangent there.

Should this indentation have been sooner? I was never good with writing. It always seemed pointless. Why write what you can say in person? There are some things I just don't understand. And never will. It's been too long since I've truly been human. I can pretend. But it's just a façade. Thus is life. Great, now I'm contemplating the meaning of life to a computer at 2:30AM. Wow, it's taken me this long to type all of this? Guess I'm not as good at this computer business as I thought. Best leave that up to Cordelia.

Uhg. Soggy grape. They should put warning labels on the bags, "Look out for soggy grapes, they may cause the gagging reflex." What the hell am I talking about? Aren't there other things that I could be doing? Like….roaming the streets. Sounds boring at the moment. Though this isn't any better. Oh well. I'm out of grapes. Guess I could go find something to do. But at least I know this white glow will always be here….unless we can't pay our electricity bill….