If Christmas Could Be Perfect

I

I smiled as I looked into the glistening frozen windows of the bright, glowing stores that contained jolly people who shopped for Christmas gifts of their loved ones. The kids pointed here and there, excitedly tapping their parents. It warmed my heart seeing such a scene, yet it saddened me. It was once long ago that I had gotten the chance to do some Christmas shopping with my parents, two years to be exact. But now, I cannot see them, I cannot even catch a glimpse of my beloved parents.

If only I had been such a careless girl, jumping into the lake without a flotation device; if only I had listened to my parents' warnings, if only I had not drifted onto shore, if only I had just died…I would not be in such pain right now. Or maybe if I had the money to go all the way back to the States….or maybe if my parents came looking for me here in South Korea, I would be happy right now.

"Oh you poor girl, are you cold? Where are your parents?" an old lady approached me and stared with pitiful eyes. "Thank you for your kind-hearted soul, but I am not a beggar," I bowed slightly and smiled. Though I desperately need money, I acted as if I was okay. It is very hard acting something you are not. My heart stings and tears threaten to escape from my eyes every time I see a happy family together, laughing and just plainly enjoying each others' presence. Oh I long to have that feeling again, I long for Christmas to be a happy one.

The ripped clothes, the messy hair, and dirty hands and face, and tearful eyes…and my crippled legs…just makes me want to hide in a box for the rest of my life. I know better than to take money from the unknown, I believe that I will find a job and make my own money, instead of having my good friend, or rather brother, Lee, working everyday just for my comfort. If only I wasn't crippled, if only I had the money to buy new clothes, if only someone kind enough would give me a job, I could maybe help Lee and myself out.

Smiling sadly, the old lady had left and I once again stared in the window of the small store, recalling all the warming times I had with my parents at Christmas. Every once in a while, the good-hearted people would come up to me and offer money or some goods, but not once will I accept as Lee would heavily object to me doing so. Though we are not blood related, Dong Wan and I share a bond that regular siblings would have.

"Tomoyo, I have good news!" I saw Lee wave and run towards me as I put a small grin on my face. "What is it ?" I asked, trying to sound cheerful. "A rich, kind family has adopted you! You can live in a house now!" he smiled crazily as my smile quickly ran from my lips. No one has ever even thought of putting me into an orphanage or adopt me because I have always insisted to stay beside Lee…he can take care of me…even if we do live in a shack, as long as I'm happy right? Though I may not be the happiest girl in the world, I can still live a somewhat pleasant life with Lee.

"That's great…but , what about you?" I asked worriedly as he thought for a second before responding. "Oh Tomoyo, you silly girl, of course I can't get adopted too! I'm twenty-two for goodness sake! I'm old; I can take care of myself! Besides, with you little piggy gone, everything will be easy!" he smiled weakly. I can tell that he is hurting too inside. He too lives a sad life alike mine, with nothing to live for besides me. "Thank you ," I whispered as a tiny tear rolled down my rough cheek. I hugged him tightly as he too returned the embrace while smiling.

"When do I leave?" I asked softly, pulling back from the hug. I want to go live in a family, yet I don't. Lee has done so much for me just to be happy, I can't just leave him behind; but he will be sad if I don't go also. "Later on today at lunch, the family will come get you to officially sign the adoption papers so you must hurry up and get ready, you're a mess! They're a nice family so don't worry, you'll be a beautiful addition to their family, though you'll only have a mother, the father in the family passed away quite a long time ago." he carefully wipe the tear away with his thumb while softly kissing me on the forehead.

"Don't worry , I won't disappoint you. I'll come visit you everyday I promise!" I cheerfully ensured as I stuck out my pinkie. "There's no need to visit everyday, but I would like to see you once in a while!" he exclaimed as he held out his pinkie and we hooked them together. "But , promise me that you'll make lots of money and live in a big house with lots of maids and butlers, and let me play at your house once in a while! Promise me that you'll be happy!" I whispered out as he nodded and I sadly went back to our tiny, old, and dirty apartment complex to change into something better than the rags I had at the moment.

II

I smoothed out my shirt as a long limo came to a stop at my feet. My heart began to beat faster and faster…the door opened and revealed a long slim leg with a pair of elegant high heels on her feet…I looked up and saw somewhat of an elderly lady, more of an middle aged woman actually…a really pretty one at that. I bowed a full ninety degrees and she got out of the car and shut the door.

"Why, you must be Tomoyo, am I correct? I am your new mother," she smiled warmly as I looked at her, trying my best to smile back at her. "Good afternoon…mother," I tried my best to sound comfortable. "You're so pretty! We'll take good care of you, now, let me just get my son out of the car, he's a bit shy," she smiled sheepishly and went back into the car and grabbed the arm of a guy. I wasn't able to see his complete face yet, but I could tell he was handsome. He was dressed in a formal suit; it looks like he works at an office." Come out, Eriol my dear, stop being shy!...Sorry" she apologized to me again as she ordered the driver to help and together, they successfully got him out of the car.

Oh my…he's….stunning, flawless, handsome, cute, gorgeous, hot, attractive, good-looking, striking….perfect. He'll make quite the brother if you had asked me. My mouth opened wide and as if mother noticed, she introduced him.

"This is your new bother, Eriol," she smiled as she nudged him with her elbow. "Good afternoon Eriol , my name is Sung Tomoyo," I politely bowed and introduced myself. "A charm isn't she Eriol?" mother once again nudged him. "Huh? Oh…yeah…she is. Can we go now?" he does seem shy. He quickly went back into the car as mother ordered the driver to collect my things. I saw Lee from the corner of a store and I stared at him, waving lightly and I felt tears coming into my eyes." Tomoyo? It's time to go dear!" I heard mother holler as I turned around and walked to the car.

'It's okay Tomoyo, be strong! You'll see Lee again!' I reassured myself and buckled the seatbelt. "Tomoyo, what would you like for lunch? What about we eat steak?" mother asked kindly. It's so awkward here….I don't feel like I'm at home. I just simply nodded. "Tomoyo, no need to be so shy, you're just like your brother! You two will make good siblings!" she exclaimed as I looked at Eriol…but he looked back and I quickly turned away. "Actually, why don't we take you home first and get you familiar with your room and the house alright?" she suggested as I once again nodded.

We arrived in a mere fifteen minutes, the car ride was filled with only mother talking while Eriol and I nodding to everything she said. The house….was absolutely stunning, and I mean that. It was the biggest I've seen, but definitely bigger and more beautiful than most. The garden was filled with snow-covered grass and trees….the scene was priceless….and to think, I'm going to be living here. "We're here! Let's go in Tomoyo!" mother seemed to be mighty excited about this, she probably put a lot of effort into preparing the coming of myselfnot that I'm important or anything. I feel so touched, that I finally have a mother-like person who loves me.

I got out of the car and we went into the house which was even more glamorous inside than out. "Your house is very beautiful," I commented as we toured it. "Correction Tomoyo, it's our house now, you'll be living here," we both exchanged smiles and continued up the stairs. My crutches and the stairs were definitely not a good mix. I will have to be very cautious from now on when walking up the stairs.

We stopped at the foot of a closed door, "This is your new room, I hope you like it," she proudly opened the door as Eriol dully followed along with a maid. I automatically gasped and raised my hand to cover my mouth. The room was what every girl wanted their room to be; sky blue walls with fluffy white clouds scattered around, the bed, the furniture, everything was my favourite colour, sky blue.

"Mother, I…love it!" I gasped, automatically covering my mouth, feeling flabbergasted. "Umm…mother…I have to go to work now," I heard Eriol whisper as he tapped mother's shoulder. "Nonsense! You must have lunch with your sister for the first time! After all, Christmas is coming so you should take a break!" mother exclaimed as she grabbed Eriol's arm as he attempted to go down the stairs. "But mother…" he whispered. "Ah, is our Eriol being shy again? Don't worry, you have to get comfortable around Tomoyo, she's your sister! You are a full grown man for goodness sake, you usually aren't this shy!" she sounded annoyed as I stepped in to save him. "Don't worry mother, its okay. Eriol and I will have a meal together sometime," I suggested, smiling at him. "Fine, fine. Eriol, you may leave, but come back at dinner tonight! I expect you to be well acquainted with your sister!" she sighed, shaking her head disappointedly. "Thank you, I promise to be back home early," he said formally, bowing at mother and I. He seems very nice and sweet, just a little shy and timid, I'm sure he will be a very good , a very handsome indeed.

III

I held the cup of hot chocolate cautiously in my hand as I raised my other hand slowly to knock at Eriol's door. Mother wanted me to deliver his drink as well as get to know him better; she said that he's hard to get along with, but I believe that he will open up sooner or later. He was quite quiet at dinner too; hardly even touching his food, no wonder the poor thing is so skinny. I knocked the door a few times before hearing someone walking towards the door.

"Tomoyo? Um…hi…did you want something?" he scratched the back of his head, slightly smiling. "Mother wanted me to give you your hot chocolate and get to know you better," I explained as he unwillingly let me in his room. His room….was very big and organized, with a large bed and all the furniture fitting the colours black and white.

"Ah…my room's kind of messy at the moment, why don't you sit on my bed? I was just playing 'Starcraft' so yeah, could you wait a moment? I'm almost done," he laughed uncomfortably, sitting at the computer and focusing on the game. This brother of mine is very strange…a messy room? More like spotless! And I would have never imagined him to be the type who played computer games.

"I like your room" I murmured, trying to make conversation. "Huh?...Oh….hold on…yeah, thanks," he replied, scrunching his eyebrows at the game. I laughed a little at his expression, causing his attention. "May I please ask why you are laughing?" he raised an eyebrow as I immediately stopped. "Um…I just think that someone like you wouldn't play computer games," I simply returned as he nodded his head. "Well, you can't judge someone on their appearance right?" he answered quietly and shyly, as I lightly smiled.

"Yeah…if you're busy, I'll leave now," I trailed off, getting off his soft bed. "No, stay here. I want to get to know you better so that we'll be good siblings, umma insisted that we have some "quality time" as she says, together," he explained, turning off his game. After going to work and dinner, he seems a lot more…open. "Yeah…" it seemed really awkward talking to him….it feels as thought I want to get to know him, but I feel like I shouldn't also….why is that? My heart…seems to be pumping faster than normal.

"Okay, let's play 20 questions," he started off, turning towards me. "Sure, you ask first then," I offered. "Okay…hm….how old are you?" he asked as I smiled. Good thing it wasn't anything too personal. "I'm nineteen at the moment, going onto twenty soon," I answered formally. "Ah…nineteen? I'm twenty two, three years difference," he smiled softly as I nodded. "You're the same as my Lee ," I happily cheered. "Really? And who might this Lee be?" he asked curiously. "Oh…just a really good friend I used to have," I answered.

"Okay, I'll ask you now, why were you so shy this morning, and so open now?" I hope he doesn't think of this question as too personal, but I'm curious. "To be truthful," he sighed, "I was seriously surprised by your beauty….your politeness…so pretty that I was awed and therefore shy," I noticed he turned a little red after saying this. "Oh…why you're a very handsome guy yourself," I blushed slightly, looking down to prevent him seeing my red face.

"Haha, okay, how do you feel about being…crippled?" he asked uncomfortably, yet interested. I stared at him, his face is just so flawless that it's tempting to look at. "Um…it's not really a big thing, just a little inconvenient at times. But I do wish I could walk normally," I answered seriously. "Oh…umma and I will get the best doctors and fix your legs, I promise," he grinned again. "Thanks…" my eyes began to water up; I've never felt so special before, with the exception of when I'm with Lee . We both pulled into a warming hug…a very special hug; I felt something I have never felt before…maybe it's the feeling of a new sibling?

Our evenings were spent talking to each other about our lives. He is actually a very fun person to be around, just takes time to be comfortable. We talked about the things that I would not talk about with anyone else, and the things that we care about.

I tossed and turned around in bed that night, and figured out what the feeling was when I was with Eriol . I think I like him. Not the way siblings like each other, or friends….but I like like him, something that shouldn't be happening. I can't fall for my own brother! That's just plain wrong! If only I wasn't adopted by this particular family, or if only I never signed the adoption papers, then I would not be in this state right not...but of course these are all just theories, I'll never know if they are right. I wonder what he thinks of me? Does he like me too, more than a sister? For one thing, I'm glad I met someone like him.

IV

"Sweetie, I'm leaving you with Eriol today alright? I have to get ready for the Christmas party coming in three weeks, so just follow Eriol to work and he'll show you around," mother instructed as she put on her shoes and went out the door, leaving me with Eriol. "Well, let's get going! I can't guarantee you the best day, but you won't mind will you?" he asked joyfully, putting on his black winter jacket over his suit. He seems a lot friendlier compared to when we met a few days ago. I straightened out my skirt that I have to wear, and with the help of Eriol, I managed to get on my coat. We walked out the door and I had to walk slowly because of the ice and my leg. About half an hour later, we arrived at the foot of a huge building labelled "Eriol Enterprises" that had many people entering and leaving each second.

"Do you need help walking?" he asked kindly, putting out a hand. Nodding slightly, I smiled and used his hand for support as we walked up the many steps on the stairs until reaching the main door. His hand…was so warm and securing; so soft yet safe, I can't explain it, but just the touch of it makes me blush. "Tomoyo? Are you alright? Why are you so red, are you cold?" he questioned worriedly, raising the back of his hand to my forehead. "Ah, Eriol, I'm alright," I ensured, backing away from his hand. If his hand was on my forehead for any longer, I would burn to death. "Alright, let's tour around the building shall we?" he asked politely as we got into the elevator.

I nodded and let go of his hand…it feels awkward, a feeling I have not yet felt before. It's like I really want to be close with him, but I don't…know what I mean? Even I don't know what I'm saying. The silence…I just want to stop it with a conversation but I don't, I feel shy and embarrassed. He seemed to feel awkward as well as he quickly slipped out of the elevator as soon as it came to a stop. As soon as we entered the collection of office cubicles, everyday stood up and bowed to Eriol, greeting him.

"Good morning Mr. Shin," they all said in synch. "Good morning, how are our stocks doing?" he replied, putting on a serious face, a cold face that even I am afraid to look at. They replied with a bunch of numbers that I didn't understand, using huge words that I have not heard before. Maybe it is because I haven't attended school for quite a while now. Finally reaching his room after the mini tour, he sighed and sat down in his chair, running a hand through his hair.

"Are you okay ?" I asked curiously, sitting down on the couch as my feet are feeling much worn out at the moment. "Yup, I'm always alright," he put on his cheery face and smiled warmly. "Okie dokes, if you say so," I shrugged and walked over to him. "Ahaha, you're so adorable!" he laughed as he inched my cheek slightly. I widened my eyes and backed away. "Ahem, um…sorry," he coughed and sheepishly smiled uncomfortably. "Um…it's okay," I replied, forcing a smile. "After I work, why don't we have lunch together? For now, you may do whatever you wish to do," he changed the subject and turned on his computer. I nodded again and sat myself on the couch, looking around the room, longing for lunchtime to come.

"Alright, time for lunch!" he finally stood up and announced, stretching his arms. He must be really tired since he's been working for hours with his eyebrows scrunched up. "Goodies!" I clapped my hands together as he laughed silently. We exited the building and the snow had increased a significant amount since this morning, and the ground had grown more slippery. "You need some help?" he asked as I tried to go down the stairs using the wall. I shook my head stubbornly and continued as he watched my every move, scared that I might slip.

"Ahhh!" I screamed as I missed a step and slipped. "Tomoyo!" he shouted as he grabbed my arm just in time before I had tripped down the many steps. I was in his arms and my heart was beating very, very fast. So fast that I was scared that Eriol could feel it. Surprisingly, I could feel his heart beating as we were in the position of a hug. Both blushing, we rapidly continued down the stairs, of course this time holding onto his arm.

"Eriol," I called for him as we sat in the limo. "Yeah?" he replied, facing me. "What does it mean when your heart beats very fast every time you see a guy, or you blush and feel very mixed up inside?" I asked curiously as he raised an eyebrow at my question. "Well, Tomoyo, you might have fallen for the guy then." He answered, "Who's the lucky guy that my pretty dongseng likes?" he asked curiously. My heart pounded faster than ever…could it be true? Could I possibly fall for my very own brother? Seems like I have, though I don't want this to happen. I don't want to make everything a mess in the family, this cannot happen, even though I do want to spend every second of my life with this guy sitting right beside me.
"You," I choked out softly, almost soundless. "What!" he widened his eyes at my answer, almost not believing what I had said. I turned away as he forced me to turn to him. He had a smile on his face, but why? My face has tears and yet he's smiling. "Don't worry, we'll figure out a way…love will find a way," he said carefully and kindly, wiping off the tear on my cheek with his thumb. "You…what do you mean?" I asked dumbstruck. "I mean…that….how should I say this? I mean that…I like you too…" He trailed off, beginning to blush. I feel happy yet sad, confused yet nervous, shy yet wanting to hug him…I don't know what to do.

"But…we're siblings, it could never happen. I've only know you for a few days, I'm not even sure about my feelings," I insisted as I pushed him away lightly. "But don't you believe in love at first sight?" he seemed surprised and disappointed at my movement, but it is true, I don't even know what love is. "I'm sorry…" I cried out softly.

"I understand, I'll give you all the time in the world! I'll be waiting for you…every time I saw you on the streets before we adopted you, I wanted to come and shelter you from harm, you looked so kind and helpless. Every time I saw you cry, my heart ached because something inside me said that you were the one I've been looking for, even if I didn't ever meet you before. It's true…I knew that God would give me a chance to meet you, but I would have never imagined for us to be siblings. I begged and pleaded mother, but she insisted on adopting you…I never had the chance…but I'll never regret meeting you. My heart cries out that I must be with you, but I can't control how life goes…that's why I felt shy towards you on the first day, because I didn't want to know you, scared that I might fall in love, but I could not control my feelings. Even though we're siblings, we can still love. I can tell mother, I'm sure she'll accept, she's nice right?" he made a short speech which touched my heart, I can tell he really wants to be with me…at least the majority of me thinks so. "But….how do I know?" I asked, staring into his caring eyes. "Just follow your heart," he simply answered as I smiled. I know what to do now.

V

Christmas is tomorrow, and the house is growing livelier by the day. Eriol and I have been together almost every minute of the day, just laughing and having a good time. I know this is love, I just know it is. I don't know when we will tell mother about me and Eriol. I don't want to tell her because I know she'll hate me and I know that she would object. Eriol insists that we do, though I always come up with excuses. Mother is just so happy now, I couldn't possibly bear break her heart. Though I would like to date Eriol more openly, it is just so hard going out in public, afraid that someone will find out, especially with Eriol known around the city. I am also scared, scared that I will be sent away to America for the treatment of my leg and also start college. Then I will be separated and alone. Mother said that she might send me with one of her most trusted maids anytime. I know that it is for my own good, but I wouldn't do anything to be away from Eriol. He is like the fuel I live on, without him, there would be no Sung Tomoyo. Once I leave for America, I would not see him for a long while…sure there are phones and I would occasionally visit, but it's just not the same as seeing him everyday. Is it that nothing ever goes my way? Won't I ever be a normal girl that lives a normal life?

"Are you okay Tomoyo? You seem a bit out of it," Eriol squeezed my hand as I snapped out of my trance. We both sat on my bed as we watched a comedy movie. I had my head laid on his shoulder as he occasionally let out a laugh. "Yeah…" I answered with a nod. "Your thinking about mother and America again aren't you? That's it, I can't take it anymore! We just have to tell mom, we just have to before it's too late!" he grew angered and stood up, losing that soft smile from his face.

"But…it's not the right time yet…" I softly spoke, scared of his furious face. "It is Tomoyo! Don't you understand? If we don't tell her now, we might regret it for the rest of our lives! Do you not love me! Sung Tomoyo, tell me, do you not love me!" he shouted as I shushed him, scared that mother might hear us."Are you scared mom might hear us? Well I don't care if she does because I, Shin Eriol Love Sung Tomoyo!" He yelled even louder. "Eriol, I love you too, I really do. But could you possibly tell your mother and make her upset, could you?" He hesitated before answering. Suddenly, the door swung open and mother stepped in.

"My my, you siblings fighting? Wow, now you two have become good buddies now haven't you?" mother laughed as Eriol breathed deeply. "Mother, I have something to say," Oh boy, he's going to tell her isn't he. I quickly got up and nudged him. "Tomoyo, I know what I'm doing. I'd do anything to be with you," he spoke quietly and mother gave a very confused expression. "What's going on here kids?" she asked, scratching her head. "Mom, you see this?" he grabbed my hands and held it as he pointed to our united hands. "Awww….isn't that sweet? You two make such great siblings!" she exclaimed as Eriol sighed at her stupidity.

"No mom, you see this?" he pecked me on my cheek as I grew red. "Awww…it looks as if you two have know each other of a number of years!" she smiled. "Mom, I guess I'll have to say it directly. I love Tomoyo, more than a sibling," he spoke softly as mother widened her eyes. "What! Oh gosh…I have to get my ears cleaned! Say it again Eriol, more clearly," she laughed nervously. "Mom, you heard me right. I LOVE TOMOYO!" he shouted with all his might. "Is this true?" mother asked in a low voice. "Mother, I'm really sorry, but I love Eriol as well," I bowed and held his hand. "Why, our Eriol is growing up so fast! Getting himself a girlfriend already, a pretty one too! Congratulations you two, now if I could only get rid of those adoption papers!" she exclaimed, looking livelier than ever. "Excuse me! You mean you don't mind?" we both were gaping at her . "Of course not! You're still family even if you marry Eriol right? So what's the difference?" she explained as I felt much more relieved and smiled. We can be together; we can finally be together without trying to hide it. I can be happy, I can be normal. This Christmas is turning out better than I had thought, who would have even thought that mother wouldn't care? This Christmas is just about perfect in every way.