I had somehow left Fleur's office without her or any students spotting me. I knew she still wanted to talk about what has been going on in my head but I'm not really willing to share those thought. It's no ones business, defiantly not hers.
I had skipped lunch and missed my last class of the day. For once I didn't care. I made head girl, I don't need to be that strict with myself now. Anyways I could have done most of the stuff the teachers are teaching in my sleep. I'm not the brightest witch in Hogwarts for nothing.
I fell asleep in the comphy chair in my dorm room reading and thinking all night, I woke up in bed with Fleur next to me again. Why does she have to do this to me? I don't want her, I don't need her. But maybe I'm lying to myself. 'Shut up Hermione, stop confusing yourself. You need no one,' I tell myself this while hitting myself on the head. Suddenly I'm looking at a pair of beautiful amused blue eyes.
"Its there a reason why you are hitting yourself lover?"
"I'm not your lover Fleur, we've never had sex before so don't start with that kind of crap."
"Darling, I call you lover because I love you. And I wouldn't have sex with you like some barn animal ma chiere, I would make love to you like the Frenchwoman I am. I am told we can be very sensual. I would give you an example if you would just let me." Suddenly I was underneath her. Damn veelas. She was kissing me, begging with her lips and tongue to let her in. I moaned and she took it as an invitation. Fleur slipped her tongue in my mouth caressing my somewhat reluctant one. She moved it all over tasting every part of my mouth. Her hands started moving to my waist, under my shirt. Suddenly I stood up.
"No Fleur! I won't do this. I can't." I ran from my bedroom and into the bathroom. I was breathing heavy and all in all I looked unreservedly kissed. I never knew someone could be such a great kisser. This is wrong. My parents would have been disgusted with me. I'm disgusted with me. I slid down to the floor with my back leaning on the door and cried. I'm disgusting. I'm nothing more than a mudblood. She doesn't know what she's doing. Who could ever love an atrocious freak like me? I'm nobody. I can't help but hate myself. I killed my parents. Why did I have to be somewhere safe while they were being tortured and killed? I should have been with them. I shouldn't be here. I saw the razor that I usually used for shaving and thought of something that a year ago would never have crossed my mind. What would it feel like if that piece of metal dragged against my skin? Could I see my parents again? Before I knew it the razor was in my hands and a thin line of blood was drawn. It hurt but I ignored it, I needed this. This was my redemption. I deserve this.
Flashback
I need to know what happened. I need to know why. It had been a few weeks after my parent's death and I needed to know how they died. I know it was by deatheaters but that didn't tell me much. So what am I doing then? Sneaking into Snape's personal rooms looking for a pensive. He was there that night so I can find out what happened in his memories. I found the pensive and thankfully or maybe unthankfully it had the memories of my parent's death. I reached out to touch it, a little afraid but I'm a griffindor, we are the embodant of courage and I won't betray my house. Suddenly I'm in a swirl mess of silver and then I see it, I see why I came here.
Inside the pensive
It was dark, so dark I could barely see my hands in front of my face. I see Snape standing there, looking calm and demanding. It's a facade though, for once his eyes are showing his true emotions, his inner struggle. He knows what's going to happen because he has seen this house before. It's my house. The lights are off, my parents are sleeping. Cowards. Couldn't they at least allow my parents to have a chance to escape even if it's useless since they're muggles? Snape and the deatheaters are walking towards the house. "Please stop! Professor Snape please don't let them kill them! Save them professor," I know he couldn't hear me, this is only his memories and my parents are six feet under now. They are inside the house, I don't want to go in there now, I need to get out of here! I'm forced to follow. I hear screaming, it's mom. Dad's awake now, he's as frightened as mom is.
I watch, heartbroken, as my loved ones are being tortured. Snape's not involved, I can tell he wants to stop all this but he would get killed in the process. Finally it all ends. A flash of green light and the house is silent and bloody. Goodbye my loving family, my hapless family.
Outside the pensive
I was pulled out of the pensive with tears running down my face. Snape caught me. He looked at me without his mask for once, he has such hunted eyes. "You saw didn't you?"
"I'm sorry Professor I needed to know. I...I...Oh God! It was horrible!" I threw myself at Snape and he hugged me tightly.
"Never do that again Hermione, some things are left unknown. Tell me if you need to talk." He walked me to my room and left. I cried and fell asleep.
End Flashback
The bathroom door opens. I still have my life draining out of me. I see a pair of horror filled blue eyes. Then darkness becomes my sanctuary.
Hey guys! I'm sorry I haven't up-dated in a long time. I've been extremely busy with college. That and I wasn't sure if what I was writing was good enough. On that note... I need a beta-reader. Someone I can bounce ideas on and knows a bit of grammar, if they knew French that would be excellent. Oh and I would like to thank all those who've reviewed my story. It really helps me when I know you guys like what I write.
Silver
