Child's Play

Chapter 5

By Dany

Summary: The party goes on and brings some uncomfortable revelations.

xxxxx

Mrs. Knightley moved to take Amelia from Sara, but the little girl shook her head and wrapped her arm around Sara's neck to hold onto her. "Amelia, they want to go and eat some cake. Why don't you go play with the other kids?"

"Me too cake. My cake."

Her mother sighed and looked from Sara to Grissom, clueless as what to do.

"If she's allowed to eat cake, I don't mind helping her." Sara shifted the girl a bit in her arms, relieved when the arm slipped from her neck and went back to cradling the chipmunk.

"Well, she can have a few bites, but not a whole piece. She's gonna get sick if she eats more."

Sara nodded, and they made their way over to the tables while Amelia's parents excused themselves to talk to another couple that had just arrived. They sat down, each having chosen a piece of cake. Amelia was placed on Sara's lap, but after the first two bites, she began to squirm.

"Do you want to play with the others?" Sara made to put her down, but the little girl shook her head and reached out for Grissom. "Would you take her?"

With a nod, Amelia was passed over and settled happily onto Grissom's lap, reaching for his cake. "Could you hand me her spoon, please." When he held the spoon with some cake in front of her, she looked up and showed him her teeth, beaming up at him, before rocking forward and encasing the food in her mouth, shutting it with a snap.

"You're not a chipmunk, you're a little alligator," Grissom teased her.

As soon as the food was swallowed, she growled once before breaking out into giggles.

Sara watched the scene in amazement. She could not get used to seeing Grissom like this - so open and affectionate. Her curious mind wanted her to look around, to observe the other guests, but her heart prevented her from turning away. This sight was something she always wanted to remember.

When Grissom lifted his head, and their eyes met, she saw the sparkle in them, something she had never seen before. And then it hit her.

Amelia was much more than just a reminder of herself.

What if they were all wrong about Grissom? She knew he was close to his mother, and although his family had not been ideal, it was enough of a family for him to want that too. He always pushed the speculations about his marriage status away, and it didn't seem that he allowed himself to think about it, but now with Amelia so close to him, it looked too perfect, too harmonic for him to completely reject the idea of children. Maybe he did want somebody he could love so unconditionally.

Sara brought herself back to the present only to see Amelia giving Grissom the 'puppy-dog' look, perfectly pouting like only children can.

"Sara, should I let her?"

What? She hadn't been listening, too lost in her thoughts, and she didn't know what he was asking. "Sorry, I was…spaced out," she smiled apologetically.

His expression turned from helpless confusion to concern. "Are you tired? Should we leave so that you can get some sleep before shift?"

Sara didn't know how to respond. It was unusual for him to show that much concern. She felt a bit light headed, but she finally regained her senses enough to answer him. "No, I'm fine. I was thinking and wasn't paying attention, so I don't know what you were talking about."

"She wants to play with the puzzle while she and you," he motioned to her half-eaten cake, "are still eating."

She looked down at her plate and watched him put the puzzle on the table. He turned it over and let the pieces fall out while Amelia watched him curiously. When he had put everything in an ordered chaos for the girl to try and piece back together again, he turned back to Sara.

"What were you thinking about?" His question startled her.

She pushed the plate away, no longer interested in the food, and turned to him, watching him, trying to figure out how much she would be able to say.

"I'm sorry, none of my business," he withdrew quickly, casting his eyes downward.

Had he already ruined it? They were both so private; he should have known to keep his mouth shut. He shouldn't ask questions he wasn't ready to answer himself.

But as so often, Sara surprised him. He felt a light pressure on his arm, and when he turned his head, he saw that it was her hand squeezing his arm lightly to reassure him. "Grissom, why shouldn't you ask? Don't ever be afraid to ask me. We are both very private and are hesitant to give information away, but you can always ask. If I say 'no', then don't take it too hard."

A smile appeared on her face, giving him a mischievous look. "You will probably get further than anyone else."

He was shocked by her admission. As he gazed into her eyes he saw the truth of her statement, but he also saw the need for him to open up.

When the situation got too intense, he looked back down to Amelia who was just pushing the dragonfly into its place. Then she picked up a ladybug piece and held it out for Grissom. "Da!"

"Can you tell me what animal this is?" he asked, taking the piece from her, but holding it so that she could still see it.

"Bug," she shouted, grinning at him.

Sara knew he was taking his time to think about what she had said, and she waited for a sign that he had digested her words.

"That's a ladybug," Grissom corrected the girl, and she immediately tried to imitate the sounds.

"Ladybug," she got it out correctly, and at her own success and Grissom's appreciating nod, she bounced with joy.

"It's small and red with black dots."

"Dotz!" She took the piece from him and went back to finding the right place in the puzzle.

Only now, did he look back at Sara. "I was thinking about family."

It was not the whole truth, but she assumed that the whole truth would have been too much for him. As it was, this seemed enough for him to think about.

He swallowed and looked over to Amelia's parents, wondering how to respond. "In general, or your family?"

"I…" she faltered, unsure if she should test the waters before diving in. They could be too deep for her right now. However, one look at him told her that there was no better time than now. "I was wondering about your family."

She saw him swallow heavily, and his eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"You and your mother are close, right?" At her seemingly harmless question, he relaxed a bit and nodded in response.

"She was very patient with you and your experiments?" This was a guess, and Sara didn't know where she was going. She knew what she wanted to ask, but if she did that now, it was very likely that he would either give no answer at all, or he would stammer nonsense to confuse her.

"She is not a science person, but she has always supported me. Why…"

"Because you are always so patient. Especially with Amelia."

He got her drift and smiled at the child in his arms. "She's a doll, but I'm not sure I could handle it if we had a more rebellious one on our hands."

Now it was Sara's turn to gulp. Had he really said that? This was Grissom, of course he had. And he hadn't meant anything by it – like always, right?

The thoughts were spinning around in her head, making her dizzy. He didn't look like he was aware what he had said, still focused on Amelia, guiding her hand a bit as she fumbled with one of the pieces.

"Grissom," she started, but was interrupted by an elderly couple.

"Hello, you must be Dr. Grissom and Ms. Sidle," the man greeted them.

Amelia looked up at their voices. "Amma, Ampa," the girl called, a huge smile on her face. "My pwesent."

She lifted the puzzle board to show it to her grandparents, but she tipped it slightly and two pieces fell out. She put it back down and looked up at Grissom, her face sullen with disappointment.

He found it hard not to laugh at her expression, but he knew that would be the wrong thing to do. Little children didn't know the nuances of humor. He reached out, and with two quick movements the pieces were back in place. "All fixed. But don't let them fall out again."

The girl had followed his hands and was now smiling brightly again. Sara, who had watched the display, now turned to the grandparents. "Nice to meet you. I hope we're not keeping Amelia from spending time with you."

She was very well aware that they were sitting away from the other guests, and that Amelia was not partaking in her party. They were so not socially adept.

"No, don't worry," they sat down, keeping Amelia in their field of vision, "my daughter already told us she was really taken by you."

Grissom was listening, keeping himself out of the conversation, interested in what Sara had to say. He was still worried that she was here because she felt she had to be. It didn't seem that way, but it was hard not to let his insecurities dictate his thoughts, telling him that that was not what Sara wanted. He had to remind himself to listen to his own advice. Rely on what never lies, the evidence. And the evidence was telling him that Sara was here, talking to him with a smile on her face, and he just had to hold on to that.

"When Alex told me she wanted a party, I was skeptical," Amelia's grandmother told Sara. "But this is quite nice, even if it's more for her parents to remember than for Amelia."

They seemed to have the right view on things, realistically calling what they saw, which made the two scientists more at ease with them. They saw delusions and 'beauty talk' every night, and they didn't need for it to spill over into the meager rest of their lives.

"Isn't it always like that?" It was the first time that Grissom spoke, surprising Sara with his insight.

"Hmm, it's an important part of parenthood."

Sara wondered where this was going. Amelia's grandparents were friendly, but there seemed to be a question lurking that she was not sure she wanted to hear.

"Do you have children?"

There it was. The grandmother had asked a question that was far too personal for Sara's liking. She could see where this was going, and she prayed for Grissom not to answer, not to walk into that trap, although she was curious to hear his response. In fact, she had been about to ask a similar question.

Grissom was oblivious to the direction the conversation was taking, and he answered the question with a short, "No."

Sara just shook her head, more at Grissom's clueless state than at what was intended as an answer.

And then it came, the predicted disaster, "Are they in your future plans?"

Sara could only watch with dread as Grissom stiffened. All her hard work at getting him to open up was dangerously close to being for naught.

She was too afraid and too focused on Grissom to remember that the question was also directed at her, but she wouldn't have known how to answer anyway. Right now, she didn't know what she wanted – besides Grissom to take the chance of course.

"I…I'm not sure I would be a good father."

Sara's head snapped up, totally taken by surprise that he answered, and that he did it like this. Not that she knew what he meant.

How could he say that and still have Amelia on his lap, looking so happy? He was good with children, and despite his earlier words about rebellious children she knew that he would be patient.

Or, was it just his way of politely negating the answer without a harsh-sounding 'no'?

Why was everything so confusing?

"I think our granddaughter would disagree."

He smiled at that, just enough to give Sara hope that not all was lost. "But this is different. Babysitting is different than having a child 24/7, and not everyone is made for this tremendous task."

He lowered his eyes to Amelia again, and Sara thought she detected a twinge of sadness. Past or future, what was he talking about?

Damn, this man was so ambiguous. Amelia's grandparents seemed satisfied with his answer and changed the topic of their conversation, forgetting to ask Sara, for which she was glad.

They inquired about their work, truly curious about the gruesome job. Time passed fairly quickly while they talked, and Amelia played with her toys. They left with a promise to visit again and a bit of relief that they had survived a birthday party.

For now, Sara decided to let him settle everything in his mind.

TBC

A/N: Please let me know what you think!