Child's Play

Chapter 6

Summary: Grissom decides it's time to move a step forward, but is Sara ready?

A/N: I'm sorry that it's taking me longer and longer to update, but I just have so much other stuff that's keeping me from writing. This will be finished, I promise, and I try to get at least one chapter out per week.

xxxxx

When Sara opened her locker the next night, she was surprised to find a card inside. A quick look around told her she was alone, which was nothing unusual as she was an hour early, her normal clock-in time.

She opened the card, and her eyes widened at what she read.

'Please, have dinner with me.
I'm not rushing, just hoping you're going to say yes.
Grissom'

Her mouth went dry as panic began to overtake her. Dinner?

After the party, she had thought he would clam up, fall back into his old pattern for a while and ignore her for a week or two. Never in her life had she dared to dream that he would actually make the move – let alone that fast.

Suddenly, she didn't know if she was ready.

What if she did something stupid? She was not good at this stuff.

When she began to see the first black dots in her line of vision, she felt a hand clamp over her face. She struggled at first but then recognized the smell and tried to relax. The hand over her mouth and nose helped to regulate her breathing, and the dots disappeared as she came back from her panic attack.

Sara closed her eyes, wishing he would just go away, that this had never happened.

His hands did not leave her. They only moved to her cheeks, framing her face, and when she opened her eyes, she came face to face with a set of blue ones. She could see the worry and the silent question in his eyes, and suddenly she couldn't stop the tears from falling. Everything came crashing down on her, the weight of the past years, her fears and insecurities, the pain he had caused – and she cried.

His arms wrapped around her, and he held her as she cried, not knowing what else to do. Her thoughts were a complete mess, fluttering around in chaos so that she couldn't hold on to one for long.

It was a while before she had cried herself out, and she was able to talk again.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, feeling horrible for her emotional outburst. She shouldn't have let herself go. What was wrong with her?

First she was hyperventilating because of a dinner invitation, and then she broke out in tears when he touched her. Her rational mind tried to tell her that that was to be expected after the rollercoaster ride of the last few weeks, but she couldn't help but see it as a weakness.

She felt a tug on her arm and finally dared to open her eyes again. He looked at her with so much understanding that she almost started crying again.

"Let's go somewhere private." He tugged on her arm again, leading her out of the locker room.

When they neared his office, she was on the verge of panicking for the second time that night. He seemed to sense her hesitance and tried to make sure she was comfortable with this. "We don't have to talk. You can rest a bit before the others arrive."

She stepped through the door, and he closed the door and the blinds behind her. They both took a seat in front of his desk, but neither spoke a word.

Sara used the silence to compose herself, trying to figure out what had happened. It had started so innocently with a dinner invitation, and then she freaked.

Dinner…oh damn.

She hadn't even answered him, instead she had broken down crying. Way to give the poor guy a complex.

She cautiously glanced over at Grissom, trying to gauge his state of mind. His expression was tight, and he was sitting straight – too straight. No, she didn't want to think about what he felt about her reaction. She had to clear that up.

She wanted to go to dinner with him, but still, the thought frightened her.

Although she had told Grissom not to worry, she did herself. All of those 'what if' questions were pushing their way to the front of her mind. But she wanted this. She had to make this right.

"About dinner…" she began, trying to explain, but Grissom cut her off.

"Sara, look. You don't have to. Maybe it was a bad idea." He lowered his head, refusing to look at her, and Sara began to panic again.

He was retreating and soon there would be no chance that he'd ever make a move again.

However, this time her panic turned into anger, and she jumped up, startling him with her sudden movement. "Damn it, Grissom. Don't go all martyr on me now. We've made it this far."

Her voice level rose with every word. "I panicked, yes. And I'm panicking now. But not for the reasons you might think."

He had finally looked up to see her pacing. "Sara…"

"No, now it's my turn to talk, and you will listen." She threw herself into the chair again, taking a moment to sort her thoughts. "First of all, I want to have dinner with you. I would love to have dinner."

His eyes were wide riveted on her, and he was listening, not blocking.

"I panicked when I saw your card, because I thought maybe you were not really meaning it and did it just because you thought I wanted it. And then, then I thought about all those things that could go wrong. I know I said that I'm confident about 'us' working out, but today my fear was stronger. I'm…I'm scared to lose you." A couple of tears were rolling down her face, her emotions betraying her again.

Suddenly she felt his hands hovering above her face, not quite daring to touch her. She brought her hands up to cover his and made contact with her face. His thumbs were carefully wiping her tears away, and in his eyes she could see the desire to take away her pain.

"You know why I'm scared now?" When he shook his head, she continued, "Because I'm scared that with my little breakdown, letting my fears consume me for a minute, you will retreat. You will not just take the invitation back, you will take the last few weeks back. And all of our progress will be gone, and it's going to be worse than before." Sara willed for him to see her pain, hoping that he would understand that this future would be worse than the present fears.

Grissom said nothing at first, his hands still cradling her face and his eyes boring into hers. Sara didn't dare close her eyes or turn away, although his scrutiny was making her uncomfortable.

He was taking his time, and she hoped his decision was worth it. She was losing the strength to fight.

"I meant what I said. I'm not taking anything back. I don't want to hurt you anymore." He leaned forward, and his lips touched her forehead, kissing her gently.

Sara closed her eyes, reveling in this simple display of affection, fighting a new onset of tears – this time not a sign of panic.

"Griss…" She was at a loss of words, not knowing what to say anymore. The only thing she wanted was for Grissom to keep holding her.

"I'm sorry." The unexpected apology made her smile.

"Although…I'm such a mess right now, are you still willing to go to dinner with me? In my current state of mind it's probably not a good idea. I don't even like myself that way."

Grissom's eyes darkened in anger, and before he spoke, Sara didn't know what she had done wrong this time. "Don't ever speak of yourself like that again. I put you through that, so blame me, not yourself."

His hands slid down her face, her shoulders, her arms until he reached her hands. He clasped them tightly in his.

"Let's try this again. Sara, will you have dinner with me?"

This time she remained calm and nodded. "Yes."

TBC