Part Four: The Green Wall (Part Four of Five)

Andrew

When the three of them decided to move in together, they'd made an oath: to leave their pasts behind.

The whole oath thing had been Andrew's idea, of course. He still had a thing for solemn oaths and secret societies, like the Trio he'd formed with Warren and Jonathan. Although he hoped this new trio would turn out much better than the last one.

Percy burnt many of his reports and throw away some of his books (including one that was named Prefects that Gained Power or something dull like that), Oliver did the same with his Kerditch magazines (was it Kerditch? He never remembered) and Andrew burnt all his comics. Every. Single. One. And he hadn't stopped there: he'd also thrown away his Xena's action figures, all Stark Trek posters and even his videocamera. This time, he'd decided to throw all his past away.

He just kept his demonology books, because they were still useful, and some photographs. Some were from his childhood with his older brother Tucker, some were with the whole Trio and one of them was taken in Mexico, with Jonathan.

He didn't keep them for sentimental reasons, but to remind him of certain things. Certain things he'd done wrong in his life, certain mistakes he didn't want to repeat ever again.

As he looked at the unframed pictures, he couldn't stop the flood of memories that came to his mind, in spite of the oath to leave the past behind.

He let it happen. Maybe he needed to dwell in past memories for one last time, before finally burying his past once for all.

---

Andrew never had many friends, not even when he was in elementary school. He'd always been a geek. However, he'd never minded, as his older brother Tucker was always there for him.

Andrew had practically worshipped his older brother, who was quite geek-y himself, but in his eyes he was perfect. Tucker had always been braver than he was (the way he dressed was enough proof of that) and way more manly, and he didn't babble like an idiot, well, at least not as much as Andrew did. In short, he was his little brother's hero. Especially when their father left them, and Tucker became the only one person Andrew could count on, as their mother was always too busy gossiping with her friends to take care of them.

But all the bad stuff that happened to them during those years had turned Tucker into a bitter and scornful man, and when Gracie, his great crush from high school, rejected his invitation to the Prom, he exploded. Well, exploded wasn't a good way to describe it. He just shut it all inside, but Andrew could tell there was something wrong, very wrong with his brother.

He began to spend all his spare time in the basement, reading dusty books about demons (at first, Andrew had thought Tucker had gone completely mad if he was believing such things existed) and wouldn't talk to anyone, except Andrew. But he wouldn't tell him what was going on, so it was as good as nothing.

And then, a year later, he'd made his move, trying to take revenge on Sunnydale's students at the Prom. Andrew knew about this because Tucker had told him all about it, and all about the Slayer, the girl who'd stopped him. At the time, Andrew hadn't seen the seriousness of the situation. He'd just thought that his brother had meant to scare the students. Now he knew better.

Fortunately, Tucker forgot all about his revenge when he met a new girl that didn't reject him, and after a while they'd moved to Chicago together. As far as Andrew knew, Tucker was still dating that girl. He felt happy for his brother now, even though at the time he'd seen the whole thing as a tragedy. He didn't know how to live without his brother. He had always depended on other people to tell him what to do, what to think. At first, it had been his father, then Tucker. And then he was on his own (he couldn't count on his mother, who'd married again and moved to San Francisco), and it scared the hell out of him.

After feeling lost for many months, he had met Warren. And his life had changed.

Warren lacked of many qualities that would have helped him to become popular, but he knew how to fascinate people. Or at least, he fascinated Andrew, and Jonathan was dragged because of his own loneliness.

For the first time in his life, Andrew felt like he belonged. He'd finally met people like him. Later on he'd find out they weren't like him at all: Jonathan was a much better person than Andrew would ever be, and Warren... Warren was more a tyrant than a friend, even though it took him ages to realise that.

When Warren had started talking about turning into villains and make the Slayer's life a living hell, Andrew had been all for it, not just because he wanted revenge for his brother, but because he felt he'd finally found his place. All his life he'd read comics and dreamed to become a hero, just to find out he was nothing but a loser. Then, though, he thought that if he couldn't be a hero, at least he could try to be a villain. Besides, following Warren's lead was much easier than trying to think on his own.

Then things had got... complicated. Jonathan began having second thoughts, Katrina died after showing them the error of their ways, they had been arrested, and Warren had betrayed them. Not to mention the whole Evil Willow episode.

After Warren's death, Andrew had to find someone else to follow. And he followed Jonathan, whose guilt had given him a purpouse. But Andrew hadn't shared that guilt. There was still a part of him that thought they hadn't done anything wrong. So when the First had begun to show up in his dreams in Warren's form, he'd switched sides and followed Warren again.

Jonathan's death was a painful subject, even after all this time. That was something he'd never get over in his life. And he wouldn't try to. He owed Jonathan that much.

In the afternath of Jonathan's death and the discovery that Warren wasn't real, he had a new leader: Buffy. But Buffy, although she was extraordinary, was still a girl, and he couldn't imitate a girl. So he chose Spike as his new role model.

Andrew had once overheard Xander saying that he had a crush on Spike, like the one he'd had on Warren. Andrew had silently laughed. In spite of what most people believed, Andrew had never been gay. He'd never been manly, but he'd always been attracted to girls, never boys. What he had felt for Warren (and later on, Spike) had been the same he felt for his brother Tucker as a child: reverence. He worshipped them, but he didn't lust after them. There was a hell of a difference.

Dawn had been the only one who'd seen this. Andrew smiled sadly when he remembered the girl. He'd developed a small crush on her, a crush she never knew about as he'd realised she was far too good for him. Besides, Andrew suspected the former Key had some feelings for the mysterious Miracle Child, son of two vampires, and that had been the reason she'd decided to finish high school in LA while her sister travelled around the world with Spike (did anyone stay dead in Sunnydale?) searching for new Slayers. He shook his head. It was better this way.

Or at least that was what he told himself.

Now, though, he was left with no one to worship. Oh, yes, there were people he admired, like Wesley or Faith, or even Percy and Oliver, who had all these cool powers, but he didn't worship them. And he didn't want to.

It surprised him, but this time he didn't want to have another role model. He'd had enough of them, and it hadn't turned out that well.

'Maybe this time I should try just to be myself', he muttered to Jonathan's picture before putting it away.

Something told him that it would be harder than it sounded.

He smiled. He felt ready for the challenge.

As for the comics, he didn't miss them too much. He'd found out that real life could be much more interesting.