CHAPTER 4
They were at the table, getting ready for lunch.
' What's wrong?' Conan had said. " Why are you looking so grumpy?' we went on, watching Ran glance at Ran who was busy in the kitchen. Haibara didn't answer, but merely yawn and look away, drumming her fingers on the table. Conan raised his eyebrows at the grumpy 'eleven-year old'.
If it was Ran speaking, he would have suspected it to be' that day of the month again', but she was merely 'eleven', and plus she always looked like she got out on the wrong side of the bed, anyway. Haibara watched Ran for a moment before sighing and facing the other direction.
Conan's raised his eyebrows at this once more.
' What?' he had asked.
Haibara merely rolled her eyes and didn't answer.
Conan muttered something not allowed to be written into this story (PG-13, mind you.) and looked away, grumbling away. The two of them sat there for quite some time before Conan spoke again.
' What's wrong with you?' he asked, and she spun around.
' What!' she spat and he flinched.
Silence.
' Sorry.' She muttered. ' I'm just not feeling myself today.'
' Then by right you should be happy.' He said, rolling his eyes.
' What's THAT supposed to mean?' Haibara said threateningly.
' I'm just saying that it's almost wrong,' Conan jumped. ' That you're never happy.'
' I can TOO.' Haibara said, offended.
' Not happy happy,' he said. ' More like an unhappy happy happy.'
Haibara raised her eyebrows.
' Wow, you really spend too much time with Genta.' She said.
' Like on outings,' Conan said importantly like a lawyer speaking against a suspect. ' You smile, but it's not a smile smile. You smile for the sake of smiling, but people smile to smile, not for the sake of smiling an act of smiling.'
Haibara looked at him, bewildered.
' You're retarded.' She said, looking away.
But inside her, she knew that his stupid lines of mind twisting were right. She did not smile truthfully. It was just a mask. Like a clown at a circus. Just to show a performance, to avoid Ayumi and the others from worrying. Especially Ayumi, as she was the one of all of them beside Conan and the professor who knew her best. And it shocked her slightly at that.
It was just that she was alone.
So hollow and empty, knowing that nothing could fill it. There were some times when she lay in bed, wondering if she should just run away, avoiding the deaths of the people she loved when Conan's words would beat into her head.'
' Don't escape from your destiny.' He had said.
She would smile and cuddle next to the professor and fall asleep, and the next day find him snoring into her ears. But he was her best friend, her keeper.
He was the father she never had.
Haibara bit her lip and glared at Conan.
' Do you think she'll still wait for you?' Haibara asked quietly and Conan turned around to stare at her.
' What?' he asked, once again.
' A normal-human being,' Haibara said, almost threading through every word. ' Wouldn't wait for this many years for you unless you're a relative or father who left her; which I doubt. Most likely she's forgotten or going to forget you sooner or later, so might as well break up with her now.'
A fresh coat of quilt slid through her heart. Okay, that was way over the top. She knew the reason she had said that was because she had been desperately in love with him for a pretty damn long time now, and there was absolutely nothing she could do about it, unless Shinichi or Ran broke up with one another.
She looked at Conan, trying to look as cool and collected as she used to, but totally lost it when she saw Conan smile.
' That's what you always think don't you,' he whispered softly. ' A scientific example. Through tests and polls and theorems. A human person would have murdered herself if she were in your position, having almost a 99 per cent chance of being killed or shot on the streets. And yet,' he continued, glancing in her direction. ' Here you are.'
Haibara didn't say anything.
' You can tell which exact formula can make which. You can change anything you want to in your notes. But the most unreliable test is about someone's heart.'
Haibara bit her lip.
' Oh God, please don't say it,' she forced herself to say in her mind.
' I love her.' Conan had said, a smile on his face. ' And that will never change.'
Her heart broke into two right there and then.
Tears that threatened to spill from her eyes stopped as she forced herself to stay calm, watching Conan looking at Ran walk over, food in her hands.
' Sorry to keep you both waiting!' she said cheerfully.
' Ran-neechan!' Conan said, changing his tone of voice immediately.
Haibara would have laughed if she weren't feeling so somber.
Something inside her cracked, like the same as keeping a secret way over the elapsed time, like having a joke and having nobody to tell it to.
' Conan,' she whispered, and Conan turned around.
' I love you.' She had said. ' I love you.'
-
Conan woke up.
He rubbed his eyes and put on his no-degree glasses. That was weird. Dreaming about an incident that happened was so unlike him. He scratched his head and reached out to shake the professor awake, only to find out that he was not there. Conan blinked. That was weird, once again. This had to be some new record for the professor to wake up earlier that him. Come to think of it, the only time THAT had happened was when he was drunk and the professor wasn't.
He rolled his eyes and wrenched open the door sleepily.
His eyes widened at what he saw.
The professor was watching the news.
That was weird.
He always watched the cartoons.
He looked at the table and saw Ran and Haibara laughing and eating at the table.
The past three things were weird, but this was just-
Doh.
" If only I had my camera," he muttered, closing the door behind him.
" Good morning!" the professor said brightly. " Ran brought breakfast!"
" Did she not?" Conan said, walking over.
" Hello, Conan!" ran said brightly.
Haibara looked away, blushing furiously.
Conan, taking that she was still ignoring him, sighed.
" Haibara-can I talk to you for a moment?"
Haibara's face reddened considerable after that.
Ran smiled.
" Fine." Haibara mumbled, following after him as they walked into the kitchen.
They stood in the kitchen for a while, Haibara watching Conan with raised eyebrows as he scratched the back of his head uncomfortably.
" Can-can we be friends again?" he mumbled.
Her eyes widened.
" Because," he said, blushing lightly. " I-I don't think I could live without a friend like you."
Her shocked expression disappeared.
She smiled at him.
A true smile.
He blinked.
She turned and walked out of the kitchen, almost rolling her eyes as she saw Ran and the professor give her two thumbs up. But she just grinned.
Maybe she wasn't alone after all.
Conan just watched her walk away, before smiling witheringly. " Now, who said that she could show a true smile?" he whispered to himself, leaning against the wall.
Ran and the professor looked at each other.
They smiled, and high-fived.
END OF CHAPTER 4
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