Stu Barry, a blue bull, and Chuck Barry, a red bull, are in the rec room of Stu's house. In this room, there is a big pool table and a cooler in the corner. They are standing at the pool table, holding pool cues.
STU
That nine ball is going to be mine.
CHUCK
Probably, because you've sunk every ball so far and I only had one turn.
STU
Knock on wood!
Stu chuckles to himself as he moves over to the nine ball, the only ball left on the table. He lines it up with his pool cue and aims it at a pocket. He sinks the ball.
STU
I win! So, what's the score, Chuck?
CHUCK (mumbling)
You eight, me none...
STU
All right! How about we play Lulu in a game of cutthroat now?
CHUCK
Nah...I don't feel like pool anymore. (sets down pool cue) I'm going to go watch the game with Jay and Ace.
STU
Oh...okay. I'll come with you then.
Stu and Chuck exit the rec room, leading them to the living room. Ace, a bluebird, is sitting on the couch, and Jay, a dark blue bird with a red hairdo is on a recliner. They are hunched toward the TV, each holding a bottle of Buzz Soda in their wings. After a moment, Ace starts to yell.
ACE
No! They were this close! This close!
Jay sinks his head and starts to groan.
JAY (in a muffled voice)
The Warriors are losing again, Ace...drink!
They both take drinks from their soda.
STU
Hey, what do you mean "again", Jay? The Crazyold Warriors are pretty good...
JAY (cynically)
Yeah. When pigs fly...
STU
Whatever...hey, you mind if we watch the game with you guys?
JAY (disgustedly)
What! Are we on a date or something! Come on, sit down before you say anything stupider than you have already...
Stu and Chuck sit on the couch next to Ace. Stu points at the television.
STU
Ooh, when do you think the Warriors will get that player back?
JAY
Gahhh...!
ACE
I dunno, Stu...one of the guys tripped in the mud and had to be brought to the hospital on a stretcher. And it's not even raining!
STU
Wow, talk about embarrassing. I'd hate to be that guy.
CHUCK
Will you guys be quiet? I'm trying to watch some football here.
ACE
Ho ho...Chuck asked us to do something we aren't capable of. Drink!
Ace takes a sip of soda, but Jay just shakes his head.
STU (jokingly)
Hey...Jay secretly thought Ace is stupid for probably the hundredth time today, guys, drink!
The two birds take a drink of soda.
ACE (delayed)
...Hey!
STU
You know, I want in on your little caffeine game...I'm gonna get some soda too.
He gets up to go into the kitchen, only to be blocked by a purple hippo by the name of Lulu Bobeck-Barry...Stu's sister-in-law.
LULU
Hey, pig.
STU
Hey Lulu? Hurry up, would you? I got to get some soda.
LULU
Not a good idea.
STU
What? Why! ...You better not have...
LULU
I drank 'em all.
STU (murmuring)
She drank them all.
LULU
That's right, pig. If you got a problem, talk to the hand! I'm a girl, I need soda whenever I feel like it.
STU
(smiling disbelievingly) One, I have my doubts. Two, I see you must need it a lot. (starts laughing)
LULU
Whatever...
Stu walks over to the couch again and sits.
STU
Well, there's no soda left, thanks to the monstrous swamp animal that is probably behind me right now.
LULU
That's right...
CHUCK (sympathetically)
Oh, Lulu, you aren't a monstrous swamp animal.
LULU
Thanks sweetheart...
STU
Oh, stop the love, it's not spring yet.
JAY
Will you guys all shut up? Ace and I are trying to find all the faults in the Warriors so we can distract them the next time we go to a game.
STU
Well, why would you want to do that!
ACE
Why? Because we can!
JAY
Yeah, why not?
STU
I forgot you're always scheming something
JAY
It's what we do.
They all watch the television. Suddenly they all become surprised.
STU
Oh my God! What was that?
JAY (stumbling)
Ap...parently...the ref has passed out...
STU
Oh, this is just great! The Warriors ARE getting worse!
JAY
Newsflash: They're already at their worst.
ACE
Yeah...they can hardly score a touchdown anymore.
CHUCK
Let's watch something else.
STU
Well, what else is on?
CHUCK
I dunno, but we can check...(picks up the remote and starts to flip through the channels)
JAY
Hey, come on. I was having fun watching everyone get wounded.
Chuck gives him a look, then goes back to flipping through the channels. He stops on one.
CHUCK
(gasps) Lulu! It's our favorite show!
LULU
Oh yeah. Townies.
TV VOICE
Flash...I'm carrying your baby...
CHUCK
Hey, it's the long lost episode you never got to see.
LULU
Oh, yay! (runs around to sit down) Watch it pig, or I sit on you.
STU
Please! I don't want to die so young!
Stu jumps out of the way just as Lulu sits down.
STU
Let's go, Jay, Ace. (walks over to the door)
Jay and Ace stand up, abandoning their bottles of soda. Jay walks over to Stu, and Ace follows, but then he abruptly stops, eyes transfixed on the screen.
ACE
Oh my gosh...
JAY
Ace, you're watching a soap opera. Get away.
ACE
No...look.
Stu and Jay look at the television. Their eyes widen with horror while Chuck and Lulu hug each other, sobbing.
STU
Is that legal to air?
JAY
It is now.
ACE
Oh, it just got worse. (runs over to join them) Where to?
STU & JAY (in unison)
Warsaw.
ACE
Okay.
STU
Chuck, here's your last chance. I'm throwing you a lifeline. Come to Warsaw. Drink soda. Be happy. Get hyper.
CHUCK (voice breaking)
Sorry, Stu. Maybe some other time.
STU
(sighs) Okay, fine...more soda for us, then.
Ace and Jay upturn their beaks to Chuck for effect, then glare. They exit the house. The screen fades out.
