A/N: Hello again! I know I told you there would be awkward attempts at sex between Harry and Lavender, but I have decided to... forget about that, since I'm the author and I can do stuff like that. And Lavender will seem EXTREMELY outlandish, but trust me, I actually know people like what you're about to read. Also, I said Hermione would be in this chapter, but I changed my mind because her appearances made the story "choppy." So, where did we leave off? Oh, yes, Draco went crazy and scared Harry, who then decided to... er... relieve sexual tension by asking Lavender out on a date, which was possibly the stupidest thing he could have done. But Ron's going to help him. Right? Hmm...
Disclaimer: I do not own Willow Rosenburg. Willow is a character from Joss Whedon's "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." Enjoy.
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Chapter Six
"I'm off for the weekend
I couldn't imagine why you would save yourself"
"Skin," Breaking Benjamin
When Harry woke up on Saturday morning he felt like he was about to be sent off to the executioner's block, but he couldn't remember why. And when it all came back to him he pulled the blankets over his head and groaned, praying for sudden death. Hell was better than going to Hogsmeade with Lavender Brown. Maybe he had time to tell Lavender he'd changed his mind or something. He emerged from underneath the covers just enough to see the clock hanging on the wall. Five minutes to eight. Shit. Harry buried himself under the warmth of the blankets again and fought the urge to cry. Lavender Brown. Lavender fucking Brown. Why?
He was still asking himself the same question five minutes later when someone burst into the room. Harry groaned and rolled over onto his side, letting whoever it was know that he didn't want to be disturbed. Guys were understanding that way. Unless it was Seamus. He was just too bouncy and talkative to take a hint.
"Harry!" A nasal, singsong voice filled the room, making Harry cringe. Every possible curse word in the English language flew through Harry's head at lightning speed, and he clutched at the covers so tightly he almost ripped them apart. Lavender, his worst nightmare, was in his dorm. "Harry? Baby, you're late."
Baby? Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit...
"Honey? Are you still asleep?" Lavender began tugging at the covers, and Harry pulled back, teeth clenched and eyes widened, looking like a frightened animal. "Harry," Lavender grunted, pulling harder, "come on! Wake up!" With one final, freakishly strong tug, Lavender yanked the blankets off of Harry, leaving him sprawled out on the bed in his boxers. Lavender blushed, gaping at him. How the hell was he going to get her to have sex with him if she blushed at the sight of boxers? But then she smiled and winked at him. Winked.
And then Lavender was rummaging around in Harry's chest, tossing his clothes this way and that, muttering about his lack of style. Harry sat up slowly, still not fully comprehending that the nightmare that was Lavender Brown was in his room, looking at and touching everything he owned. Lavender sighed and picked up a dark green, long-sleeved shirt. "I guess this'll have to do, then," she said, laying it out on Harry's bed. Then she dove back into the pile of clothes.
Harry shrugged and put on the shirt. Then Lavender practically sprang up out of the pile of clothes, laying a pair of jeans out on the bed. "Oh, good, you've put on the shirt. You look so good in it, Harry. Makes your eyes look greener." She looked down at Harry's shoes, which were halfway under the bed. "Are those your only shoes?"
Harry nodded, zipping up his pants. Pray for the flu. Pray for the plague. Pray for death. Lavender sighed. "Well, I guess that means new shoes is going to be one of our top priorities today." She stood still for a second, hands on her hips, then she studied him critically. "Got any contacts?" Harry shook his head slowly. "Another thing to do, then," Lavender sighed.
"So, what're we doing at Hogsmeade? Shopping the whole time?" Harry's voice was weak. This was some terrifying stuff. And the day hadn't even really started yet.
"Of course. Harry, darling, we're the most beautiful coupleat Hogwarts. We've got to look the part, don't we?" Lavender stuck her lower lip out in what was probably supposed to be a sexy pout and fluttered her mascara-caked lashes. She linked her arm with Harry's and led him toward the door.
"Um, so, who's paying for this?" Harry asked.
"I told Daddy I had an emergency, so he owled me his credit card last night," Lavender replied. She punched Harry's shoulder lightly. "Don't expect me to pay all the time, though. This is just special." And then she did something absolutely horrifying. She kissed him. When she pulled away, Harry forced himself to smile. Number one priority on Harry's list was toget Lavender drunk as soon and as rapidly as possible, then work on the sex factor. Until then he had to work on building up trust.
Lavender practically dragged Harry all the way down to the Great Hall. When Harry told Lavender he didn't really need to eat breakfast, Lavender laughed and told him he needed his strength. When translated, that meant: "I want to show everyone that you're mine now, whether you like it or not."
The next thing Harry knew, he was sitting next to Lavender at Gryffindor table, surrounded by all of Lavender's friends. And Lavender put half of a grapefruit on Harry's plate and told him to eat. Harry reached for the sugar, but Lavender slapped his hand. "You've got to watch what you eat, baby."
Harry groaned mentally and forced himself to dig into the grapefruit, chew, swallow. Hell, hell, hell...
"...what do you think, Harry?" Parvati's voice was loud. Really loud.
"Huh?" Harry asked, his mouth full of grapefruit.
"Don't talk with your mouth full, Harry," Lavender said, pushing at his chin to close his mouth. "He thinks it's great. We talked all about it last night. You know, in my dorm."
Harry was certain he'd missed out on something when all of Lavender's sheep giggled, and Lavender rolled her eyes and smiled in a way that said she was too sophisticated to join in. Idiot. What was going on? "What was that?" Harry asked.
"Nothing, sweetheart. Just finish your grapefruit so we can go."
Oh, yeah. It wasn't over yet. Harry felt tears well upat the backs of his eyes. Where was Ron?
"...and he totally loves my new dress, don't you Harry?" Lavender was facing him now.
Harry shrugged and shoved more grapefruit into his mouth. Lavender was wearing a pink, low cut, flower-print dress that showed off her lacy pink thong when she sat down. Especially when she crossed her legs, which she was doing right now. And she was supposed to be innocent?
"I got the shoes and the purse half off since they go with the dress. Aren't they the cutest?" Lavender extended one of her legs to show off a high-heeled, pink sandal, and waved a matching purse around in the air. All of the sheep squealed. Great. Harry was going out with a stupid, pink,shallow Barbie doll that bathed in extremely strong perfume. And he was doing this all for the sex? Where the hell was Ron, damnit?
Harry looked around the Great Hall, looking for someone to help him cope with, or just get out of, a date with Lavender. His eyes habitually rested on Malfoy's usual spot at Slytherin table, but he wasn't there. Nothing new there; Malfoy skipped breakfast sometimes.
"Harry? Who are you looking at?" Lavender asked. She stared in the same direction as Harry, her eyes resting on Pansy. Then Pansy caught Lavender's eyes on her, took in Lavender's jealous, "back off" expression, and Harry gazing in her general direction. And flashed a smile that was so sweet it was evil,then blew a kiss at Harry. Lavender scowled, and Harry swore he could hear an animalistic growl escape from her lips. "Look at the time. Almost time for Hogsmeade. Let's go, Harry." Lavender stood up and left the Great Hall, pulling Harry after her.
Ron!
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Harry was right; Lavender and Hogsmeade was hell. Coming out of the fifth shop they'd been to that day, he had to blink every few seconds to make sure his contacts were still in place, and he was so weighed down with bags full ofLavender's "emergency" purchases that he wanted to kill Lavender's father. What had possessed the man to give her his credit card?Because Harrywouldn't have any room for all of his new clothes. He probably wasn't even going to wear them.
"Let's go in here, Harry." Lavender led Harry into some building and began taking bags away from him and setting them down on the floor. When he could see again, Harry realized they were in the Three Broomsticks. Harry collapsed on a nearby chair and plunked his head on the table. "Isn't this fun?" Lavender asked, moving her chair closer to Harry's and sitting down. Harry shrugged, not lifting his head up from the table. Lavender gave a fake, empty laugh, then placed her hand on Harry's head. "Sit up, baby," she said quietly. When Harry didn't move, Lavender planted a fake smile on her face and began running her fingers through his messy hair.
The feeling of her fingers moving through his hair reminded him of something, but what? Nobody had ever done something like this to him before. And why did Malfoy's face suddenly appear in his mind's eye? Malfoy didn't do stuff like that. Malfoy was not gentle.Harry sat up quickly. He had to stop thinking about Malfoy. He put his arm around Lavender's waist. Lavender's grin was so wide that Harry was afraid it would split her face in half. If that was all it took then maybe he'd get some after all. Maybe.
Just then, Ron's bright red head came in through the door of the Three Broomsticks. With another bright red head. And it wasn't Ginny's. "Ron!" Harry yelled, his voice a bit louder than usual because he was close to panicking. Lavender was a lot to handle, after all. Ron looked around, startled, then saw Harry and smiled. Smiled. Jackass. Leaving him alone with a crazy bitch like Lavender to be with... Harry couldn't remember who the girl was, but he knew she was from Ravenclaw. All he knew was that she was nice, and sort of nerdy. And she was Muggle-born, like Hermione.
"Hey, Harry," Ron said, sitting down in the chair across from his best friend. "You know Willow."
Willow smiled nervously and tucked a stray strand of her short hair behind one ear. "Hey."
Harry nodded in reply, then shot a murderous glare in Ron's direction to let him know he'd yell at him later. Ron gulped and blushed.
"Looks like you've been doing a lot of shopping," Willow commented, looking at the bags piled up next to the table.
"Harry and I thought he needed clothes that were a little more... modern," Lavender replied, snaking her arm around Harry's waist. Damn.
"I think he looks okay," Willow replied, smiling.
Lavender managed to smile and frown at the same time. "Yeah, but now he'll be absolutely gorgeous."
"Oh. Right."
The group remained silent for the next few minutes, only opening their mouths to order drinks. Lavender was glaring at Willow, Harry was alternately glaring at Ron and staring incredulously at Lavender, Ron was looking everywhere but at Lavender and Harry, and Willow was fascinated with her mug of butterbeer.
"Yes, Gryffindors are the life of the party," Pansy's soft, silky-sweet voice finally broke the silence.
"Just go away, Pansy," Lavender snapped, her grip on Harry tightening painfully.
"The last time I checked, even Slytherins were allowed in the Three Broomsticks," Pansy replied smoothly.
"So why haven't you been in here before, then?" Lavender's hands were clenched into fists.
"Well, I heard a few new attractions have classed up the place." Pansy eyed Harry pointedly, making sure Lavender noticed. Ron noticed. Willow noticed. But Harry didn't; he was trying not to look at Malfoy, who was standing right behind Pansy.
"Yes, well, I hope you enjoy your time here. Come on, Harry." Lavender yanked Harry out of his chair, nearly ripping his arm off, and pulled him out of the Three Broomsticks. Ron and Willow followed, holding all of the bags that had been left behind.
"Let's go to Honeyduke's," Lavender said, already entering the candy shop.
"Um, what do you want us to do with these?" Ron asked, trying to hold on to all of the bags he had, and help Willow with the ones she was struggling to keep in her arms.
"Oh, thanks for holding on to them for us, Ron," Lavender said airily, walking over to a shelf of particularly strange looking candies.
"Yeah, and I'd like to thank you for helping to carry them around," Ron muttered.
Harry rolled his eyes and took some of the bags from Ron. "I should just let you carry them all."
Ron blushed. "Sorry, man. Things came up, you know?"
"No, I don't."
"Well..."
"It was my fault," Willow answered for Ron. "Since it's my first year here and all... well, I just wanted to go to Hogsmeade with someone I know, you know? So I ran into Ron last night on the way back from the library and asked him if we could go together so he can show me around and stuff."
Harry nodded. "Just don't leave me with her. She's driving me crazy."
"Don't worry. Nobody deserves to be left alone with Lavender," Ron said. "Except for, maybe, Malfoy."
Harry winced. Malfoy. Why did Malfoy have to keep popping up everywhere? And what was he doing with Pansy? Probably the same thing he was doing with Lavender. Whatever. "Yeah. Thanks."
Willow smiled. "I've only really talked to Lavender today, and already I can't stand her. She thinks I'm trying to steal you away from her, Harry."
Harry groaned. "She thinks everyone's trying to steal me away from her. She's a paranoid, controlling bitch."
Willow's eyes widened. "Then what are you going out with her for?"
For sex. Which hasn't happened yet. "I'm going to be dumping her soon."
"I hope it's really soon, for your sake," Ron said quietly, eyeing Lavender nervously.
As soon as Harry didn't need Lavender for sex anymore. Why did he even need her now? The only reason he'd asked Lavender out on a date in the first place was because he'd thought Malfoy was pissed off. And he'd seen Malfoy in the Three Broomsticks, and he had, in fact, looked pissed off. Extremely pissed off. But Harry could have sworn Malfoy hadn't been looking at him; he'd been glaring at Lavender. Or had he? Harry just never knew when it came to Malfoy. Malfoy was the only person in the world that kept him guessing. But if he wasn't wrong, then that meant Malfoy was, at least moderately, jealous. Maybe.
Lavender came back with a bag full of sweets. "Anybody else want anything? Let's go, then," she said before anybody could reply. The four of them went outside, standing around and wondering what they should do next.
"Where's Hermione?" Harry asked, trying to get some kind of conversation going. Silence made him insane. Not the way Lavender did. Silence brought out a different kind of insanity in Harry.
"She's back at Hogwarts. Not feeling good." Ron looked somewhat relieved. Harry looked at Ron, then at Willow, then back at Ron, his eyebrows raised. Ron blushed yet again and shrugged almost imperceptibly. Good. Harry knew that Ron had a crush on Hermione, but Hermione didn't seem to feel the same way. At least there was a possibility with Willow.
Lavender, not liking Harry's bringing up Hermione, squinted her eyes at Ron. "I'm so sorry for Hermione. I hope she's better before Monday. I know how much she hates missing classes."
"Yeah. She loves school so much it scares me sometimes." Harry sort-of-grinned, annoying Lavender even more.
"I like school, too," Willow said, defending Hermione. "What's wrong with school, anyway?"
"Nothing, except for the classes part," Ron replied.
"School is classes, Weasley," Blaise said from behind them.
Harry, Lavender, Ron, and Willow turned around to face Blaise, Pansy, Goyle, Crabbe, and Malfoy. "What do you want, Zabini?" Ron asked, ready to fight if he had to.
"Well, that little remark about school was so stupid I just had to say something."
"So you've said it. Now go."
"What if he doesn't want to?" Pansy asked, edging closer to Harry.
Lavender's hand reached out for Harry instinctively, making Pansy smirk. "Then we'll go."
"Can't take the competition, Brown?" Pansy asked quietly.
"Excuse me?" Lavender crossed her arms.
"Oh, nothing," Pansy said softly, studying her fingernails.
"That's it. What the hell is your problem, bitch? Yesterday you never even so much as looked at Harry"
"No, I looked. Don't think I wouldn't look at that fine..."
"Back off, bitch!"
"You already called me a bitch, dear." Pansy's voice was deceptively gentle.
"I'll call you a bitch as many times as I want, because that's what you are," Lavender snapped. "Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch!"
"Flattery will get you everywhere," Pansy replied calmly. "Harry, darling, if you're not too busy a little later on, perhaps we could..."
Pansy was cut off because Lavender lunged at her and pinned her to the ground, squeezing her neck like a sponge. Pansy lashed out and punched Lavender's nose, making Lavender pull away with a sharp gasp. Everyone else stood around watching for a few seconds before springing into action. Crabbe and Goyle stood still, confused; they couldn't hit girls. So they slipped into Honeyduke's. Blaise stepped forward to pull Lavender away from Pansy, but Ron took this as a sign of hostility and began pounding Blaise into the ground. So Blaise retaliated, and the two of them began to beat the shit out of each other. And then Lavender's leg shot out and hit Willow square on the head, knocking her senseless.
Harry continued to watch Lavender and Pansy for a few more seconds, half-hoping Lavender would get herself killed, and then he looked up to see Malfoy was the only other person not fighting. And Malfoy was staring right back at him. He looked pointedly at Lavender, then returned his gaze to Harry, his expression one of disgust. Harry shrugged and looked at Pansy, then back up at Malfoy, his eyebrow raised.
"She's with Blaise," Malfoy mouthed, looking annoyed.
Harry's eyes widened. Blaise was with Pansy. Not Malfoy? Then he looked down at Lavender, and repressed the urge to burst into tears. He could be fucking Malfoy right now, but instead he'd set himself up for a miserable day with an unbelievably stupid bitch. And then he noticed Malfoy moving to the side of the brawl, motioning for Harry to do the same.
When Harry and Malfoy were a safe distance away from the fight, Harry said, "I don't know what possessed me to ask Lavender." Malfoy only shrugged. And it worried Harry. "I can't stand her."
"You got yourself in this mess," Malfoy replied.
"No shit. I'm just afraid I won't be able to get out of it."
"Dump her."
"It's not that easy..."
"Sure it is. You tell her you don't want to see her anymore. Or don't."
Of course Malfoy didn't care; they could see anyone they wanted. They weren't together or anything. "I only hooked up with her for the sex anyway. And I don't think I'll be getting any."
"I don't think you will, either."
What did that mean? "Yeah. I just had to get away this weekend."
"Away? Away from what, sanity?" Malfoy glanced at the fight going on next to them. "Well, semi-sanity, anyway. Hogwarts is never sane."
Harry closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. "No kidding." Neither was Hogsmeade. Malfoy wasn't here with Pansy... was Malfoy pissed off?
"Meet me in the room by the suit of armor at ten," Malfoy said. Apparently he wasn't that angry. Or he was, and they were going to have angry sex. "We have unfinished business there."
And there was the light at the end of the tunnel; something to look forward to at the end of the hellish day. Harry Potter was, in fact, going to get some that night. And it wasn't going to be from Lavender Brown. Hallelujah, praise the Lord.
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A/N: And that's the end of this chapter. Yes, it cuts off. But that's because for now there's nothing else to say. For those of you wondering why Malfoy was so "forgiving," you'll find out in the next chapter. Review and let me know what you think. Please.
