Note: Speech between Buffy Spike in italics is telepathy.
Spike stared down at the city blueprints and the maps spread across the large desk in Angel's office. He was leaning over the table, his weight supported on his clenched fists as he pressed his knuckles into the wood.
His brows knit.
Buffy had moved slowly around the table and had come to settle next to him like it was now the most natural thing in the world for her to do.
He closed his eyes briefly and inhaled.
He didn't know what had possessed him to kiss her. It was more that he wanted her to kiss him so that her friends would see she needed him. He wasn't sure if it would have helped her in her attempt to win them over about him or whether it would have just hindered her.
The fact was that he couldn't help himself when she'd come in to the lobby to see what was happening between himself and Cordelia.
The second she'd appeared, his attention had been wholly with her, the argument with the dark haired girl completely forgotten and the words he'd thrown at her had been for show.
It was all bravado.
To win the girl.
He surmised that testosterone wasn't something that left you when you became a vampire and-if anything-it got even more potent.
She had looked so beautiful as she commanded the room-not giving or taking a single inch in her attempt to break up the fray. He'd been mesmerised. Her signature and scent buried itself deep inside his un-beating heart, wormed its way into him until there was no way he was ever going to be able to get her out of his system. It was clear to him that he was never going to be the same again. The vampire he had been not three weeks ago was still there, it was still him, only now he had something in his existence that ranked higher than the hunt and the blood.
Spike frowned at that thought.
She was more important to him than blood?
She was his blood.
His life.
His everything.
He'd never been one to fall gently, both in life and death.
But he'd never fallen this hard, this fast before.
He'd never been so unsure about what was going to happen-not since he was William.
Spike flared his nostrils and tensed his jaw, exhaling sharply as he stared unseeingly at the maps below him. He started as he felt her small hand run over his shoulder, her concern echoing in his body as she watched him.
Closing his eyes, he allowed himself a moment to enjoy her feelings for him and then met her gaze. Her face was a mask of beautiful emotions. Her green eyes watching him with slight anxiety and her round lips twitching at the corners into a smile that showed him she really meant everything he was seeing in her expression and feeling in her body.
There was a word for her, balanced precariously on the tip of his tongue.
Effulgent.
Spike bought his hand up and placed it over hers where it rested on his shoulder. He smiled at her before he looked down at the maps again and noticed her eyes fell there also.
Buffy looked down at the maps. Standing next to Spike in front of her friends and planning just where they were going to start looking for Angel had a weird feel to it. It wasn't so much the friends or the planning. It was Spike.
She felt like she was no longer the only General in the room. Standing beside him it was as if they were both in command, or at least that she was in control and had a first officer that knew a lot more about warfare than she did.
It was a nice feeling.
Having backup that could do just that. Back her up. For once, she was going into a fight with someone by her side to help her and she didn't have to worry about him getting hurt.
She shifted her gaze off the maps to rest on the ring that encircled a finger on his left hand.
At least in theory she didn't have to worry, but the tiny part of her mind where that niggling voice lived was very much awake today and taunting her.
Her eyes widened as she felt something brush against her hand where it was pressed against the table. Looking down at it, calm washed through her as she saw Spike's hand brushing against hers, his little finger playing with her one.
Buffy swallowed her apprehension about the upcoming fight and smiled at him.
"They took him during the day?" She turned her attention back to Cordelia who was standing on the opposite side of the table to them. From the look on her face, it was clear to Buffy that she hadn't missed the display of mutual affection that had played out between her and Spike.
"Down the sewers." Cordelia gestured towards the basement. "There's an entrance down there that Angel always used when he needed to get around the city unnoticed."
"Or un-fried." Spike muttered as he pressed his finger against the blueprint that mapped out the network of sewers in Los Angeles. "They could have gone anywhere from here; there's about five different directions breaking off from this one point."
"But you'll be able to pick up a scent?" Buffy looked concerned.
Spike let his brows furrow as jealously swept through him. The thought of her intense concern for Angel made him want to push away from her. He squashed down his desire and kept his eyes fixed on the map.
"Give me blood, I'll give you Angel cake." He said emotionlessly and let his eyes trace the possible directions the gang could have escaped in.
Closing his eyes, he tried to remember where he'd been the night that he'd been attacked. He had driven his Desoto into the heart of Los Angeles and then he'd stopped. He'd been unsure of where to go and had wound up down by the ocean somewhere. Images of hangars and cranes flashed into his head and he knit his brows again.
The docks.
He remembered he'd gone there to watch the moon play on the water, a bottle of bourbon keeping him company as he sat perched on the bonnet of his car and thinking of her. His gaze moved to rest on her where she was walking around the table, her eyes fixed on the maps as a frown of concentration wrinkled her nose.
He hadn't realised back then that the reason she was on his mind so much was because she'd claimed him. He had presumed there was only one emotion at work and not the multitude it took to create a bond between them.
Spike felt his jaw tense as he ran through what had happened that night. He'd been drowning his sorrows in an attempt to rid himself of the feeling of loss that being parted from Buffy had instilled in him. There had been the noise of doors opening and a few minutes gap of silence, and then there had been pain.
Blinding, searing, pain.
He rolled his shoulder and sniffed as he tried to ignore the feeling of rage that boiled up inside of him. The desire to kill flooded his veins and almost overwhelmed him.
Buffy shot her head up and frowned at Spike as she felt his signature grow stronger, laced with fury and darkness.
Moving around the table, she hesitated for a moment in front of him. His eyes were almost black as he looked at her. His expression hard and unforgiving.
Spike narrowed his eyes on her, expecting her to lash out at him or to drag him away from her friends so they were safe from harm.
His eyes widened in shock as, instead of doing as he'd predicted she would, she wrapped her arms around his neck and cradled him to her-allowing him to bury his face into her throat as she held him tightly.
Buffy let her cheek rest against his neck as she ran her fingers in small circles on his leather-coated shoulders. She knew without question what had upset him; instinct told her he needed comfort and she was the one to give it to him-to bring him back down to earth and ground him again.
Murmuring quiet words to him, she stroked the soft hair on the back of his head as he wrapped his arms around her waist and held her tight enough to break her back-if she'd been a normal girl.
Buffy met Willow's eyes as she watched them. As she read the softness in them, she realised that her friend had seen the conflict and pain in Spike as clearly as she had. She just hoped that now Willow wouldn't be as scared of him, that she could start to see the side of him that so far he'd only shown to herself-his more human side.
Spike nuzzled her neck and breathed in deeply, taking comfort from her scent and the way it calmed the swirling emotions inside him. Loosening his grip on her a fraction, he closed his eyes and let his cheek rest heavily on her shoulder. He hadn't realised just how tired he was until she'd held him, her warm embrace triggering the sudden onset of drowsiness.
Buffy continued to thread her fingers through his hair as he breathed heavily against her neck. She could feeling him growing heavier in her arms, his body leaning hard into hers and his grip on her failing. She nudged him slightly and he pulled away, blinking down at her as he tried to force the tiredness from his body.
She looked at the clock on the wall opposite. It was nearing midday.
"Sleep." Buffy whispered quietly and watched an appreciative smile flicker on his lips.
She took hold of his hand and led him through the building to a quiet room at the back that Cordelia had offered to her earlier.
Watching him settle down on the tatty old bed, she wanted nothing more than to curl up with him and sleep the day away. Her body felt as fatigued as his-even her brain was aching for sleep. Sighing to herself, she ran her fingers lightly down his cheek and then pressed a kiss to his forehead.
"Sleep…" She whispered again and then backed out of the room, closing the door quietly so she didn't disturb him as he drifted off.
Buffy almost squealed as she turned sharply to find Cordelia standing inches behind her.
"Christ…" Buffy hissed and then started walking up the hall.
"More like the devil." Cordelia fell into step beside her and watched her face closely. "You're playing with fire. Angel's told me all about him."
"Look, this is none of Angel's business. He left me. I have every right to see any man that I want to."
"Vampire." Cordelia corrected her.
"Those too." Buffy muttered and walked back into Angel's office. Stopping a few steps inside the doorway, she turned on her friend. "Besides, Angel's done things that were just as bad as he has, if not worse. He's only had a soul for what, a century? Think of all the people he killed the hundred years or so before that."
She realised she sounded like she was trying to justify her attraction to Spike, and in front of all her friends, too.
Buffy paced by the desk in silence for a few minutes before stopping dead and looking at them all.
"This thing with Spike. I just realised something. I don't have to justify it or try and convince you all that I'm not going crazy." She let her brows knit. "You just have to accept it. That's that. I'm not going to waste my time trying to get you all to like him or to recognise my feelings for him. I know it seems insane, but it's been there all along…since the moment I met him there's been an attraction between us and I guess my time with him in the caves just allowed it to come out into the open and develop. I can't explain it; it's deep, like it happened to us both on a base level and we're powerless to change it or resist it. I'm not going to beg you to like him, or to accept him, I just want to ask you to give him time and he'll show his true colours to you all like he has to me."
The stunned looks on their faces made her lips curve into a smile-it was always a sure sign that she'd made a good speech.
Before they had a chance to say anything she turned and let her eyes fall to rest on the maps, her fingers tracing the sewer tunnels and the five directions that Spike had mentioned earlier.
"It's almost noon, guys. In five hours Spike and I are leaving via the sewer tunnels and we won't be in contact again until we've found Angel. I'll wake Spike in just over four hours and we'll go over the maps again. Let's hope there's some blood in that sewer to give Spike a signature to lock on to."
Buffy felt a hand come to rest on her shoulder and stifled her desire to break free of it. She turned her head slightly to see Giles standing beside her, concern wrinkling his brows. "You should get some rest, too. You haven't slept in over twenty four hours."
She smiled at the sight of affection in his eyes, and nodded.
Walking down the hall to the bedroom she'd left Spike in, Buffy paused outside it and eased the door open. She remained frozen to the spot as she looked at Spike. He was stretched out on the bed with his eyes closed in sleep.
She ached inside.
If she went to him now and curled up beside him, she would be surrendering completely to her emotions and the need that burnt inside her to be close to him. There would be no coming back. He would wrap his arms around her possessively and she would never want to sleep alone again. She'd need his tight embrace, the comforting scent of his body next to hers and the feeling of safety he gave her.
She'd want him.
She'd love him.
Her hands trembled as she stared down at the line that ran across the floor at her feet, stretching across the open doorway like a barrier she was going to have to cross.
Taking a long, deep breath she stepped over it and discovered that surrendering to her need to be close to him wasn't as bad as it had seemed. She didn't feel different in any way. If anything, she felt stronger for finally admitting it to herself.
Slipping her boots off, she moved silently across the room and looked down at where Spike lay sleeping. Giving herself a moment to build up the courage to lie down next to him, she looked him over. His face was soft with his slumber, reminding her of the time that he'd been drunk and had attempted to bite her, only to fall asleep instead.
Sitting down on the edge of the bed, she took another deep breath and then lay down next to him. She curled up on her side and waited quietly, anxiously, to see if he would react to her presence the way she wanted him to.
Spike growled and rolled onto his side, his arm wrapping around her waist and tugging her flush against his body.
Buffy sighed and closed her eyes, a warmth spreading through her as she was held tightly. Letting sleep overcome her, she wriggled against his body and smiled as his breathy growl of possession tickled her ear.
She felt safe.
Warm.
Loved.
