A/N: Hey, everyone! Sorry about the delay yet again, but first I had to put up with my younger sister and her screaming friends (courtesy of a little birthday slumber party), and for some reason that I can't fathom, they love hanging around me and stuff. Also, I recently discovered this website that focuses mainly on Spike/Angel fanfiction authored by sabershadowkitten (I am a fan of that particular relationship, but it has to involve just the right mixture of love and hate, like with Draco and Harry. But Spike and Angel fanfics also have to have a higher level of maturity, you know? So, while I really like the Spike/Angel scenario when it's played out right, it's usually difficult to achieve the level of slashy goodness needed. I'm actually a beta reader for an author on this website who writes ultimately good Angel/Spike fiction), and I've been hooked on reading all of the fics on the site. I just finished reading half of them, and decided I'd better work on this, too. But, mm, that Spike/Angel site. It's a lot like the whole Harry/Draco thing if you think about it, with Angel and Spike representing the later years. Anyway, enough about that. Thank you so much, reviewers! Here's chapter twenty-one (four more chapters to go. Well, five, including the epilogue. Which I might not post)!

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Chapter Twenty-One

"Now I'm lost in you like I always do

And I'd die to win because I'm born to lose"

"Firefly," Breaking Benjamin

"...Draco, honey, McGonagall's frowning at you," Pansy said quietly, eyeing her friend worriedly.

"Sod off," Draco said absently, still staring at Harry's empty seat. His Golden Boy hadn't shown up for any classes that morning. He knew this because Dean had told him so. And Seamus had told him that Harry hadn't been in his bed that morning when everyone else had awakened. Draco was beginning to get a little more than slightly anxious, twisting his hands around his wand nervously until he nearly snapped it in half. Where was Harry?

"Mr. Malfoy?" McGonagall's voice startled him out of his thoughts.

"Where?"

"What?" McGonagall scowled, looking him over.

Draco cleared his throat. "Er, huh?"

McGonagall's lips pursed together. "Mr. Malfoy, if you would kindly refrain from interrupting our lesson..."

"Sorry," Draco mumbled, still shooting worried glances at where Harry should have been sitting.

"What the hell is wrong with you today?" Pansy hissed. "And where's Harry?"

"That's what's wrong."

"Huh?"

"Harry's missing."

Pansy's eyes grew wide. "...Missing?"

"No, not that kind of missing," Draco snapped impatiently. "That is... oh, I don't know." He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "That boy is making me a nervous wreck."

"Really? I hadn't noticed," Pansy said wryly, smirking.

"Pansy?"

"Yes, Draco?"

"Shut up."

Pansy's response was to giggle quietly. "You've got it so bad, baby."

Draco sighed again. "I know. And it really sucks sometimes."

They both shut up when McGonagall turned away from the chalkboard to face them, but resumed their conversation when she turned back tocontinue writing instructions.

"So," Pansy whispered, leaning closer to Draco, "when was the last time you saw him?"

"Earlier this morning. I left him when he fell asleep." Draco wished he hadn't. Something was bothering his Harry and he didn't even know where to find him, let alone make him feel better. "Didn't see him at breakfast, and Dean and Seamus said that they haven't seen him either."

"Hm." Pansy pressed her lips together in thought, her index finger tapping her temple rhythmically. "Where does he usually go when he wants to be alone?"

"Um... sometimes he goes to the Quidditch pitch to fly. But that's only at night." Draco resisted the urge to smack his forehead repeatedly. "God damnit, I'm not sure."

Pansy sighed and patted Draco's knee under the table. "It'll be all right, sweetie," she murmured, though she wasn't altogether certain herself; Harry had a tendency to tear himself apart emotionally when he was alone. "Um... do you remember exactly what happened before he fell asleep?"

Draco bit his lip and closed his eyes. "Yeah. Took him forever to come, and even then he wasn't really 'with it.'"

"So something had already been wrong when you left him," Pansy confirmed.

"You don't think I did something, do you?"

"I don't have all the answers, Draco," Pansy snapped, worried about both of her friends. "You need to go and try to find him. I'll get your homework and stuff." She began to push him away gently. "Go, baby. Go make things right again."

Draco nodded and cleared his throat loudly. "Professor McGonagall? I'm not feeling..."

"Go, Mr. Malfoy," McGonagall interrupted him. "Make sure you get your homework assignments from another student because you still have to turn them in the next time you have this class."

"Right. Thanks," Draco muttered, rising to his feet and practically springing out of the room.

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Draco had searched the entire castle and wasdashing across the grounds, nearly suffocating from lack of air, when he saw something twitch in the distance. He froze in his tracks, nearly pitching forward onto the grass, and squinted at the tiny figure to see it better. It was Harry all right. He was standing at the shore of the lake, skipping rocks across the surface of the water. Draco stood still, watching him for a few minutes, before approaching him slowly, thinking about what the hell he was going to say. He stopped when he was about six feet away from Harry. "Um, Potter?"

Harry spun around. "Where the hell did you come from, Malfoy?" He was poised as if he were about to throw the rock that was in his hand straight at him. "How long were you standing there?"

"Just got here right now," Draco replied, eyeing the rock. "Jumpy, much?"

Harry looked at the rock as if he were just noticing that it was in his hand for the first time. "Oh, um, well, you know..." he half-turned and skipped the rock across the surface of the lake before facing Draco again. "What's on your mind?"

"Actually, I was about to ask you the same question..."

"Nothing's wrong, Malfoy," Harry said shortly, turning away to face the lake.

"Liar," Draco stated simply. "That muscle in your jaw always twitches when something's bothering you."

Harry shifted uncomfortably. "What's it matter to you, anyway?"

"Well, it's affecting our sex life," Draco lied. In truth, he just couldn't stand to see Harry miserable. And to be honest, it sort of annoyed him. He'd been a wreck for the past month or so, and all because the Golden Boy kept twisting his heart this way and that. Oh well, maybe Draco was a certified masochist, but he loved being with Harry, despite the fact that the Boy Who Lived was constantly breaking his heart and putting it back together again. Actually, that was probably the reason Draco loved Harry so much, besides the fighting, anyway; Harry assured Draco that he was, in fact, alive. Draco had honestly thought himself a cruel, heartless, unfeeling bastard until Harry had come along and hurt him, set him on edge, pissed him off. Harry had crawled under his skin, and now Draco couldn't get him out. Not that he tried. Not anymore.

"God forbid," Harry said sarcastically. "Look, everything's okay." Draco raised a disbelieving eyebrow. Harry sighed and looked off into the distance. "Okay, something's bothering the hell out of me. But I don't want to talk about it," he said firmly, looking directly at Draco long enough to get his point across before looking away again.

"Potter..."

"Malfoy."

Draco bit back a sigh. "If you need me later..."

"I'll let you know."

"Okay." Draco stayed still for a few more seconds, then turned around slowly and left, forcing himself to breathe deeply. He shouldn't have left Harry that morning. The Golden Boy had built up his goddamned walls again, and this time Draco wasn't sure if he could break through. He blinked back unbidden tears and wrapped his arms around himself. He hated the fact that there were still classes going on because he needed to think and the Astronomy Tower would currently be filled with annoying fellow students and that stupid professor.

Draco looked up at the clouds, then sighed and dropped down onto the grass right there in the middle of Hogwarts' grounds. This was as good a place as any to sort out his thoughts, and at least here there were no obstacles blocking his view of the sky.

"Potter," he murmured, folding his arms behind his head, "whatever am I going to do about you?"

That was another reason Draco loved Harry so much; the boy was so damned unpredictable that it was impossible for Draco to be bored around him. When he'd seen his Golden Boy at Deity two nights ago... Christ, he'd never seen anything so sexy and alluring. He would have done anything Harry asked him to do. Not that he'd ever actually tell him that. If Harry knew what kind of power he held when he wore that costume, he'd be invincible. And when they'd went to The Underworld, Draco hadthought he'd die from laughing so hard. He'd never had so much fun in his entire life.

The small smile that had been playing at the corners of Draco's lips faded. And then he'd fucked everything up somehow. Harry was killing himself over something, and Draco didn't have the slightest idea how to help him. That was when Harry's unpredictability became frustrating.

"Son of a bitch," Draco muttered, directing the comment more at himself than anyone else. He somehow always managed to drive away the people he cared about most. And the people he didn't want around always stayed. Bastards.

A mosquito attempted to land on Draco's nose, but he swatted it away before replacing his arm beneath his head. Draco was lying to himself when he said thathe didn't know what was bothering Harry. He knew he was partly responsible for Harry's inner turmoil, but not completely. He was just the catalyst. Harry had been lying to himself, had built up walls around himself for so long... and Draco was forcing him to realize it. Draco was managing to tear down those walls. Of course, last night he'd fucked up yet again and driven Harry to hastily repair those walls, but he could break them down again. At least, he hoped so.

Draco closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. Then again, who didn't lie to themselves? But Harry was different. Harry's lie was huge. Harry's lie involved the whole damned wizarding world. And it was killing him. It was killing their relationship. And Draco refused to let their relationship die when it hadn't really even officially started. Draco simply would not accept being left with another empty shell. And if he couldn't get Harry to face the truth, then... Draco would die inside. It was that simple. He wouldn't care about a damned thing anymore because, somehow, Harry had managed to become his everything, and if everything to him was gone, what was the point of going on?

Draco laughed hollowly. He had seen this coming since that night in the supply closet. Everything he genuinely loved faded away, died. Why should Harry be any different? But he wasn't going to just sit back and watch the love of his life go. No, he was going to fight with everything he had to keep Harry with him. And if that didn't work... well, then, maybe his parents were right. Maybe it just wasn't worth all the pain to love someone. Draco shook his head. No, if he had to go through everything with Harry all over again, he would in a heartbeat. Even if he had to get his heart ripped out and trampled on repeatedly.

Draco opened his eyes when he felt the first fat raindrop hit him square on the nose, splashing over the rest of his face. But he didn't get up. He didn't want to leave the softness of the earth, didn't want to face the hardness of the life inside Hogwarts and the possibility of Harry leaving him.

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Draco was trying not to stare at Harry when he saw the other boy's hand move distinctly underneath the table. He looked at him slowly, his eyes questioning. Harry nodded, then left the Great Hall. Draco waited an agonizingly slow ten minutes, then stood up and left as well. He entered the hidden room by the suit of armor and looked at Harry for a few seconds. When he opened his mouth to say something, Harry cut him off. "I'm on top tonight," he said, his voice brisk and businesslike, "since I owe you for yesterday and all."

Draco, his throat oddly filled up with a strange, baseball-sized lump, could only nod. Maybe he could reach Harry afterward...

Harry was slipping out of his typical, baggy black T-shirt, this time sporting the logo of some band called Lost Prophets, then unfastened his jeans and kicked them to the floor.

"What, commando?" Draco managed to say.

"Wanted to get it over with fast," Harry said quickly, hurrying toward Draco.

Draco nodded, swallowing. Right, so the objective was to get his own clothes off now...

"What, need help?" Harry joked humorlessly. He unfastened Draco's pants and tugged them down while Draco slipped his shirt over his head. "Get down on the floor," Harry commanded, already pulling Draco down with him.

"What do you want tonight?" Draco asked.

"Thought it was obvious," Harry replied, leaning over Draco and nipping his ear. "Want to fuck you."

Draco normally would have been majorly turned on by Harry's assertiveness... okay, so he was extremely turned on now... but emotionally he was struggling not to grab Harry by the shoulders and shake him until the stupid boy started talking to him. He buried his fingers into Harry's hair and smashed his lips against his, kissing him hard. Draco was, in fact, a very good actor. Yes, he deserved a bloody academy award.

Harry kissed him back enthusiastically, their tongues battling for dominance, while he reached down to stroke Draco's cock. "You want me, Malfoy?" he whispered, scraping his teeth along the vein at Draco's neck before sucking the soft skin there.

"God, yes," Draco gasped, bucking up into Harry's hand.

Harry smirked and entered Draco, drawing a moan from the other boy. He kissed Draco sloppily before he began to move in and out of him, muttering things under his breath that Draco couldn't quite catch, what with the extreme pleasure. "Fuck," he gasped, digging his nails into Harry's biceps.

Harry grunted and began to drive into him even harder, pressing his hands against the nearby wall and the floor for leverage. "Oh, shit," he groaned, doubling over. "Malfoy, I can't..." his words were cut off by his orgasm, leaving Draco writhing and bucking on the floor. "Damn, I'm sorry," Harry said through clenched teeth, reaching out to stroke Draco until he came.

Draco was ashamed of his orgasm. Even though Harry hadn't done it intentionally, he'd managed to make Draco feel absolutely degraded. He sat up and ran a hand through his hair shakily. "'S okay," he lied. "Rough day at the office?"

Harry exhaled and rose to his feet, pulling on his jeans. "You could say that." He had his back to Draco, and Draco knew that he wasavoiding facinghim intentionally. Not only was Harry embarrassed, he was feeling extremely guilty. Draco bit his lip and stood up as well, reaching down to grab his shirt. "Are you..."

"I've got a test to study for," Harry said abruptly, cutting him off. "See you tomorrow." And with that, he hurried out of the room and down the corridor, his footsteps fading away, each step making Draco feel more and more like a whore.

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He was doing it again. Draco was getting piss drunk. He sat in the armchair that he and Harry had occupied before, chugging away at a bottle of whiskey. When the bottle was drained completely, he cursed and tossed it at the fireplace in front of him.

Everyone regarded Draco as heartless. If that were so, why did he hurt so much? "Sodding bastard," he cursed, slumping in the armchair. Once again, the insult was directed more at himself than at anyone else. Then Draco's fists clenched. Yes, he was angry at everyone else. Because everyone else had made Harry the way he was. If they hadn't filled his head with a false destiny and such, Draco and Harry would be happily together. Maybe. No, definitely. The alcohol said so.

Maybe Draco could convince Harry to leave every single goddamned one of his so-called "friends" behind. That way Harry wouldn't have to lie and could be himself. The Harry that Draco knew existed inside that stupid wall of his. And then Draco could metaphorically... or perhaps literally... stick his tongue out at Dumbledore while Harry smiled and actually enjoyed himself, and forgot about the dangers of Voldemort and his moronic Death Eaters...

Draco closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. Like that would ever happen. Harry felt too "responsible" to just turn his back on the wizarding world... and the Muggle one, too, for that matter... and go away with a Malfoy, of all people.

A tear was making its way down Draco's cheek, but he didn't care. Sure, he was a pathetic bastard, but he was a pathetic bastard that was hopelessly in love with someone who was supposed to be his archenemy. The supposed bane of his existence was the love of his life. Damnit. Why couldn't he have fallen in love with someone who was actually easily attainable? Because that would have been too... easy. "Fuck off," Draco spat, waving his hand dismissively at his thoughts.

"Geez," Millicent said from behind him. "I was just coming to see if you were all right."

"Damnit, Millie," Draco cursed, jumping slightly. "Don't scare me like that."

"Harry trouble?" Millie asked, already knowing the answer.

"Am I that fucking obvious?" Draco snapped.

"To anyone who knows about your relationship, yes," Millie replied calmly.

Draco sighed in annoyance, then sighed again in resignation. "Why the hell does it have to be so hard?" he asked brokenly.

Millie wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close. "Because if we didn't have heartbreak, we wouldn't appreciate loving as much," she whispered, her silent tears mingling with Draco's.

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Draco opened his dry, puffy eyes the next morning, resolving never to drink or cry that much ever again. Malfoys weren't supposed to be so emotional. Then again, it wasn't like Draco's parents had ever truly acknowledged him as a genuine Malfoy. Sure, he was the heir. He would inherit the estate, the money, everything. So what? He was their only child, so they had no choice. The bastards. He giggled, thinking about how they'd react if they found out that he loved the one boy that stood in the way of their master. Stupid "Dark Lord." He was getting old and senile. Draco had always thought of him as psychotic. Trying to kill his Harry...

Getting up out of the armchair and shoving Millicent aside lightly, he rose to his feet. His Harry. That was funny. If anything, Harry had managed to make Draco feel like his bitch the night before. Draco took a deep, shaky breath, shivering. He hated feeling this way about someone. What had happened to the tough, uncaring bastard that he had once been? Killed by the Golden Boy. Of course, the only time Draco missed that persona was when he was wallowing in self-pity.

"You going to eat something?" Pansy's voice seemed to come out of nowhere.

"Christ, would you and your girlfriend please stop doing that?" Draco hissed, pressing his fingers to his temples.

Pansy laughed softly. "Sorry, honey." She sat down on the arm of the chair, stroking her girlfriend's hair. "If it helps, he's probably just as miserable as you are."

"Thanks, love," Draco said, exiting the common room. When he was on the other side of the portrait hole, he leaned against the wall. "Doesn't help, though. Just makes it worse."

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"Potter?" Draco whispered, trying to draw the other boy's attention without attracting everyone else's.

"What?" Harry mumbled, putting an assortment of roots into the bubbling cauldron in front of them. Professor Snape had named off a list of partners for the class assignment and, sure enough, he'd delightfully paired Draco with Harry. However, the potions master had seemed rather put out when neither of the supposed archenemies had started to fight. In fact, they almost seemed to be... complacent.

"Is there something bothering you?" Draco dared to ask.

"Yeah," Harry muttered. "I can't get this stupid potion to do what it's supposed to do."

Draco sighed. "Look, I've tried to be the understanding guy for long enough. What the hell is bothering you?" He had raised his voice slightly, and now people working nearby were shooting glances in their direction, obviously attempting to listento more of the conversation.

Harry clenched the knife in his hand, his knuckles turning white. "Nothing's wrong."

"Really? Then what's with the death grip on the knife?"

"You're annoying the hell out of me."

"Oh, really? How so?" Draco tilted his head to the side. It was funny how pissing Harry off seemed to open him up more than being empathetic.

"Because you just won't shut up or leave off!" Harry hissed, now drawing the attention of everyone in the classroom, including Snape.

"Mr. Potter, five points from Gryffindor for interr..."

"Sod off, you git," Harry snapped, glaring at Snape.

Snape rose out of his chair. "That'll be an additional ten points."

"Oh yeah?" Harry asked, planting his hands on the table and staring directly into Snape's eyes. "Fuck. me," he spat before throwing the knife hard enough onto the table to make it stand upright before storming out of the classroom.

"That'll be one hundred points gone if you walk out that door, Mr. Potter!" Snape bellowed.

"See if I give a shit!" Harry yelled back, not even bothering to look back as he slammed the door behind him, his footsteps echoing as he stomped away down the hall.

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"Malfoy, would you kindly explain what exactly you did to Harry?" Ron asked, his voice dripping with menace.

Hermione placed a restraining hand on Ron's arm. "There's probably a good explana..."

"Fuck off," Draco said scathingly, shoving the two astonished Gryffindors out of the way so he could go wallow in self-loathing in peace.

However, Ron got a hold of himself quickly and yanked on Draco's arm so he spun around painfully. "Don't you dare talk to Hermione that way, you prick," he growled.

"Why don't you two just shag already?" Draco asked boredly.

Willow, who was standing nearby, blushed. "Um... I... I should go study or... something..." she murmured before hurrying down the corridor.

"Willow!" Ron shouted. "Now look what you've done, you jackass," he spat, running after her. "Willow, wait up!"

Hermione simply scowled at Draco for a few seconds before saying, "I thought I would give you a chance. You know, benefit of the doubt and all that." She tossed her hair out of her eyes and made to leave. "Ron's right. You really are a prick," she said over her shoulder before turning around the corner.

Draco bit his lip and nodded in agreement. "I know." He looked up at the ceiling, fighting back tears. He'd driven Harry to the edge, and there was definitely no going back. Harry was pissed off, and now there was no way they'd be together after Hogwarts. Draco inhaled, his breath shaky. But he'd be damned if he dragged Harry down with him.

He straightened up, held his head high, and walked down the corridor, his face expressionless.

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A/N: I'm so sorry, readers. If it's any consolation, I cried. I'm still sniffling. Stupid, twisted, evil muse. On Valentine's Day, I'll be posting a happy Draco/Harry one-shot fic. I have a bunch more coming, too, so check out my author's page (if you want) to get more information. Don't forget to review, and please don't hate me for yet more angst. Next chapter will be in Harry's perspective. Sorry, I don't have much more to say because my spirit's been deflated by this stupid chapter.