Lucky Me

Chapter 021


He wanted to talk to me again.

He thought it would be beneficial if I got some of the things bothering 'off my chest'.

He thought I was being childish when I kept saying 'nothing's wrong'.

He thought I should learn to feel comfortable with talking to him.

Yeah right.

I would rather be stuck back up on that ice pillar then bare my soul to a man who only knows my name when I my 'brain waves' disturbed him. Professor Xavier said I needed to vent any frustrations and problems I had about the X-men or about living here to someone who could do something about it.

Namely him.

If not him, then somebody with whom I felt a 'bond'.

I said I did tell someone all my woes, I just didn't tell him his name.

I know that man would have had me in the nut house if I said his name was Stitch, and he's my stuffed toy.


Sometimes I really wished I was a guy.

Not only to be able to beat the living crap out of Chris and claim it was just for 'fun', but also because teenage boys seemed to be able to pack it away and never gained a pound. They could sit in front of the TV all day long, never stop eating, and it hardly ever showed. While if I even thought about a French fry I ballooned up and would be waddling around instead of walking.

I had seen Chris and Adrian sit down to eat first, get up last, and still have the nerve to hunt around in the kitchen for more food. As hard as it was to believe Chris actually would leave his room (earning me silence for maybe an hour) I'd actually seen him smile (after he found Mr. Hypocrite-Summers' stash of Snickers bars, which he did not share-jerk).

Guys had it so easy, if they gained a pound, they'd make their bellies dance, and showed it off to their friends. A girl gained a pound and she'd be off to the gym to try to burn it away, (while the guys were still stuffing their faces) so she'd be able to fit into her jeans without her feet turning blue.

My mom (the one who tried to get me killed?) used to say the best thing about being pregnant was that you could eat whatever the heck you wanted (within reason) and gain all the weight you wanted. If the guy started to raise an eyebrow, all the woman had to do was a) pat her belly and say it's for the baby, or b) break down sobbing (got to love unstable emotions). But for us 'not carrying' girls, it was like tough cookies!

If I had my choice of being the 'fairer sex' and being able to eat whatever I wanted to without reserve-give me the food! Everything would be dipped in chocolate, including a double decker hamburger with extra pickles and make those fries a large, please!

What brought on this sudden tantrum of food and the unfairness of it all?

One minor factor would be that I had to go grocery shopping again, because I 'did it so well' (I'd become a servant in the disguise of a student). What Mrs. Jean basically meant was that no one else wanted to do it, so the innocent kid got to. Here the excitement in my voice?

But the second and much larger part was that someone told me I needed to lay off the 'junk food'. A guy told me again to lay off the food, and while he was shoving a huge handful of chips down his trap.

Didn't these people ever hear of etiquette? This was the hypocrite with the secret stash of Snickers telling me lay off the junk food. What, I was now not allowed to have salad dressing on my rabbit food? I hadn't had chocolate in a didn't know how long (since April, but who's keeping track?), and the chips were gone before I could get to them, there was no such thing as junk food in that house!

"Lay off the junk food, Kerry. I don't want you falling when you're trying to fly."

He's time was coming! I swear it!


"Just-jump!"

That line didn't work on the high dive when I was ten, and it wasn't going to work now!

"I'll fall!" I'm learned how to whine rather well.

"You won't fall if you open your wings and do as I told you to," he tried; this guy was getting too good with the words. Although I gotta say, it sounded as though Mr. Warren was the one that was beginning to whine.

We were standing on top of the mansion looking down at the grass (and much to my dismay a serious lack of safety net). This insane man wanted me to just take a suicide leap off the side of the house, open my wings, and join the birds in the sky (more like, jump and be with the angels). Mr. Warren was under the illusion that since the ice pillar ordeal I would be more willing to fly.

He said I was crying, I told him it was because I thought I was going to die.

"You're making this too difficult."

No, I was not! And if I was then they needed to get the crazy idea of my using my wings for flying out of their skulls, only then would we all be happy. The black wings were just accessories!

"We aren't high enough!"

"And if I made you go anywhere higher, you'd complain that we are too high. Give me some credit, Kerry."

Actually I would have said that the air is too thin and I was getting dizzy, but I'd like to save that excuse for another ice pillar incident (that and a shotgun).

I looked over the edge of the house, and then promptly back peddled to Mr. Warren's side.

"If you don't do this by choice, we're going to have to go to extremes again."

"I'm not going on another chunk of ice!" No way, I was tricked into that once never ever again! I still thought some parts of my feet hadn't returned to their normal color!

"No, no, of course not." He gave this funny smile, "It's boring to do the same thing twice."

Uh-oh.


Not only was he highly annoying, had blasting music, and made my skin crawl-Chris was also a leech.

Now before you get the wrong idea about what I mean, he didn't suck blood just money. I was collecting the shopping lists from everyone before the grocery shopping nightmare that awaited when I overheard him begging for money.

"Dude, come on, don't you have any cash left?" It was like his mantra, but he was only asking the guys.

"I'm broke. I told you, I spent it all," was Adrian's excuse, when Chris turned and looked at me I just glared at him. I must have gotten real good at this glaring thing because he said he wasn't that desperate and turned to another door.

Most of the older people were gone, and the little leech convinced Adam into coughing up some money. I didn't ask about it, it wasn't any of my business (doesn't mean I wasn't dying to know).

"You ready to go, Ker?"

I sighed, this was so not right. Just because I wasn't grounded (so said the almighty Professor) he said I still had to go shopping for the food (which almost required the help of an 18-wheeler to get home) to learn to deal with my anger by those that caused it to flare.

All (oh, joy) the victims piled into the Suburban and headed off into town to buy the grocery store out again. There was Bobby-Jerk, Jubilee, Mr. Bishop, and me. Weird combo, I know. I think I saw a stock boy cry when we went last time because he knew the damage we'd do. Also, I think the manager was there with a goofy smile and tears in his eyes, we funded his paycheck (and several bonuses) most likely.

"Get a cart; we're going to be here for a while," Bobby-Jerk sighed, and grabbed his own set of wheels. We broke off into pairs; somehow I got Mr. Bishop who for the most part was quiet. He reminded me of how Batman might act: quiet, big, and just there.

Off to the can goods we trudged, last time we started with the frozen stuff and by the time it got back to the mansion most of it thawed or melted. Ever seen a woman go without her ice cream?

Miss Oreo was a very scary woman when her ice cream wasn't available. She started calling people by their full first name, and even threatened to lightning bolt Bobby-Jerk if he ever did that again.

Now I know that the new clothes I had were a far cry from the loose jeans and t-shirts I adored (but no longer had) because these hugged the body. I now owned a pair of jeans that I couldn't even put my hands in my pockets because I would rupture my spleen or something.

Of course the aisle I had to go down was being stocked at the time. And let me inform the world that teenage boys have some of the stupidest lines ever thought up. I wasn't talking about any of the old clichés about signs or anything like that, oh no, this was so much worse.

"Hey, there," came this guy's voice.

Naturally, I didn't think he was talking to me. So I kept browsing the shelves for things needed, and personally wondering if guys really did have a hollow leg.

"Hello?"

Noticing that there was no one else around; I decided to acknowledge him (otherwise known as mistake #1). "Hi."

And that was that, or so I thought.

"I'm Kenney."

"That's nice," I threw more stuff into the cart; "I'm shopping."

"What's your name?"

Was I the only one who loses her mind when confronted with the fact that there was this stock boy trying to get me interested?

"My name?" Again with the intelligent replies. I should go down in the World Book of Records for being the girl who always said the dumbest things. But in this case, I'd let it slide.

"Yeah, you know the word people call you," and get ready for the eye-rolling corny part that made me want to barf, "Well, what the call you besides beautiful."

"Oh brother, " I muttered (my eye rolling was a given), and turned to leave.

He followed (mistake #1 on his part, actually mistake #2 his first one was talking to me with such a dumb line).

"Come on, just tell me your name, what could it hurt?" It wouldn't hurt me, but it could hurt him plenty. I'd supervise the hurting. Where was D-M to drool over the guys so they'd slip in the drool puddle and not bug me? I'd never had this sort of attention and it was kind of flattering, but somewhat annoying all at once.

Was this normal? Maybe I should have borrowed some of Daisy's teen things and try to 'relate' to those of my generation-but then again, I liked having an IQ higher than 17.

"Is there a problem?" Came a deep voice that I was so glad to hear.

Me and the stock boy turned around to see the mountain of a man holding an armful of cans, while glaring down at 'Kenney'. If I was on the receiving end of that look I would have prayed I was wearing a diaper, but this guy laughed nervously and turned to leave. I was never so happy to see one of the X-Men butt their nose into my life as I was then. Mr. Bishop snorted and dumped the load in the cart, and sighed heavily as the PA system announced a clean up in the fruits and vegetables-the place Bobby-Jerk and Jubilee where supposed to be.

The next second Mr. Bishop was gone, and Bobby-Jerk was walking to me.

"It was decided that we form new teams."

That translated into that they broke something or they were throwing oranges at each other or something weird like that. This was going to be a long shopping trip. But an evil thought came into my mind as I read some of the list; I made a U-turn and headed straight for the aisle that would be silent payback.

As soon as he turned down the aisle with me and laid eyes on the female 'products' that sent men running for years, Bobby-Jerk suddenly found the ceiling highly interesting.

Life was good.


"What is it?" Daisy asked as I dragged her to her room. My wings half shielding me as I passed everyone who was hungry enough to help put the food away (so they'd know where the good stuff was). I tried to avoid the mind readers that I knew of, and tried my hardest to think of anything but what was happening.

I didn't let go of her arm until we were in her room with her door shut and locked.

This was my last chance for a while; and I wasn't going to be taking any chances.

I took the package out from underneath my shirt and shoved it into her hands.

"What's this?"

"Something that does not exist." I then opened the door to leave, "You don't know anything about it. Hide them and forget about them. I'll come back later for them."

I then left, hoping that these cookies would not share the same fate as the others.

Why did I hide them? Because like it or not, I know the 'big guys' check out the receipt to make sure nothing 'bad' was purchased. And perhaps they'd notice the cookies, but I wouldn't have them. And they wouldn't find them until they crossed my sugar deprived tongue and splashed down into the pit of my stomach.


Two days later, there came a knock on the door again.

I said that a lot, but it's better than saying that someone busted through the door while I was half dressed (which also happened but let's not get into that). Answering the door I saw (dun dun dun) Bobby-Jerk.

"The girls are gone and we're hungry, want to come to Harry's with us?"

"But we just bought all that food." Why was I complaining? Why was I fighting this?

"That food is kind of useless to those that are left here. I can't cook, and we don't have enough liquids to take on another Cajun dish from Gambit. Unless you want to make enough food for all the people here….including Chris and Adrian-"

"I'll be right down." I didn't know who or what Harry's was, but maybe it served real hamburgers and not that Soy-crud on a whole wheat bun. My taste buds were in serious need of a work out and low-fat and no-fat weren't cutting it. "Wait!"

Bobby-Jerk turned on his heel (he didn't take long to walk away). "Yeah?"

"I don't have any money."

This, for some reason, made him sorta laugh, "Ker, don't worry about it. I'll cover you."

Real food and for free? Who would turn that down?


Somehow the women evaporated into thin air, because I was one of the only females present on our little journey. The only other one was Miss Rogue. But (according to the big mouths of the group) Mr. Scott and Mrs. Jean were on a date to make-up because of a huge fight. Miss Oreo, Jubilee, Mr. Warren, and those other people that tended to hang around but I didn't learn their names were 'out' in a sense that they were more than likely beating the snot out of the newest bad guy (which was something else I learned from the little outing group).

I thought the fifteen minute inquisition was bad when Summers made me do it with the other new people, but, boy, was I wrong. Then I had a reason to be paired off, but when it happened without a 'cruise-director' telling us to do it, eyebrows raise and they (anyone watching us) started to tease.

When we got to this Harry's Hideaway I was half starved (and trust me it helps when you have to eat his food). Bobby-Jerk (naturally, someone had to pay for my food), Adrian (who was also getting covered by Bobby-Jerk, I was thinking another stolen credit card), Mr. Remy, Mr. Bishop, Adam, Dr. Hank, Miss Rogue, Chris, and me. D-M dropped off the face of the earth for the day (probably went home to her own planet).

It was bad enough when Dr. Hank started to juggle the empty water glasses, but then we separated in groups after we ate. I finally got caffeine! Dr. Pepper, Coke (though I'm more of a Pepsi drinker to tell the truth), and all the other fizzy drinks I could order. Mr. Meany-Man-Scott wouldn't let me have any carbonated drinks on top of the lack of sweets (which Dr. Hank refused to let me have as dinner!).

Miss Rogue and Mr. Remy went off together (Miss Rogue said it was to keep the sewer rat from looking at any other breathing female), Mr. Bishop disappeared after Bobby-Jerk found the karaoke machine (Dr. Hank stayed with him in case a riot broke out, right) and the rest of us drifted down the street where an arcade was.

Adam and Chris went off into the shoot 'em up games in the back, and yes Adrian and I were together trying to get the silly frog across the road. But no luck, it kept ending up as a road Frisbee.

"Man, this bites." I just blew seven dollars on this stupid game, and didn't even win the freaking thing! Argh! Now before anyone started getting odd ideas, me and Adrian were just friends. He was a well, I guess, the mean way to say it would be to label him a wimp, but a total sweetheart. Just seriously lacking in the courage department.

"You want to go distract the others guys until they lose?"

Okay, so he might be kind of cool. But nothing 'oh wow' if anyone knows what I mean (shoot me if I start with the 'like-like' crap, talk about confusing). So that's what we went about doing. Bugging Chris and Adam, believe it or not, I knew I was on Chris' bad side already so pestering him would have been boring. Adam, who thought everything about my mutation was 'wicked cool', was my victim.

Boy, would D-M be jealous!

It was great timing when the older two guys wandered up with goofy grins on their faces.

"Hey," Bobby-Jerk then put an arm around Chris and my shoulders, "let's go to the movies, I need a place to hide from the adoring fans that are bound follow me!"

"And their husbands, eh Romeo?"

Oh, brother.


I thought dinner was bad, try sitting between two guys who get sick kicks out of throwing popcorn ice-balls, and analyzing what combination of concession treats are currently making their shoes stick to the floor. They even dragged Adrian into their conversation, the others smartly sat in front of us. According to Bobby-Jerk and Dr. Hank I had to sit between them to prevent a war from breaking out among the three guys.

I choked on my coke with that comment.

Unfortunately, it was on the back of Chris' head.

Whoops.

I tried to apologize, but it was hard to believe it was sincere since I was laughing and smiling while apologizing to him.