One Second Chance
Daniel walked down the long hallway not really seeing where he was going. She was dead, gone forever in the blink on an eye. So much lost, so much left unsaid. It had only been three days since that horrible day. Three of the longest and worst three days of Daniel's entire life. Worst almost to losing Sha're, at lest she had always known how much Daniel loved her. Janet on the other hand went to her death thinking Daniel was just a good friend. Oh if he had only said something, told her how he felt, but he hadn't. He had kept it bottled up for so many important reasons. Looking back now they didn't seem so important. He watched his feet as they hit the floor wondering all the 'what if's.' "What if he'd been faster, what if he'd seen the guy coming, what if, what if, what if?
When he came to a door he looked up and sighed. It was Janets' office. Daniel looked at the door wondering if he could go in there. He looked around the hall and found that he was totally alone. He pushed open the door and walked in and was all at once hit with a strong filling of lose. He looked around at all the things that had been hers. The lap top on her desk that she insisted on carting around with her, the pen/light that Jack had gotten her for Christmas last year, her favorite picture of Cassie sat on her desk next to one of her with all of SG-1 after a partially hard day, they were all tired and sore but having a good time at Jacks. It was all her, the office even smelled like her, that smell that Daniel had come to love but could never really identify.
He walked around the desk and sat in her chair for the first time in his life. He picked up the picture of Cassie and a new wave of grief hit him. That poor girl, she had no one now. It must be horrible to have lost two mothers in the span of seven years. He had seen her only briefly the day before at her mothers wake. He had wanted to go to her and comfort her but she had been surrounded by Janet's family, none of them knowing who she really was. He put the picture down and stared at her desk, always so neat and tidy. He looked at the screen on her computer and saw it was after six o'clock at night. He smiled a little when the screen saver came on. It was a picture of him and Jack playing in the snow this Christmas. Jack had dumped a bucked of snow on him and Daniel had retaliated by shoving his CO's face in the snow. In the picture Daniel was just letting Jack up.
Daniel stood and whipped a tear off his face as it rolled down his cheek. He looked around the room and wondered who would box it all up? He would see to it that it was he and Sam. They knew her best and would know where everything was to go. He picked up the pen/light Jack had gotten her and smiled at the inscription. 'This is for every one else, got that Doc?' He smiled sadly to himself and didn't hear the door open.
"Daniel?" Jack said watching as Daniel held the pen like a lost and very much loved toy. His head shot up at his name and he began to back away from the desk.
"Jack" He said stopping a few feet away from the desk.
"Whatcha doin?" He asked looking around at all the Docs things.
"I was just..." he trailed off and looked down at the pen still in his hands. "Just..." He trailed off again as a tear ran down his cheek. "I just needed to...be...here" he said looking around the little room.
"Yeah" Jack said nodding his head and walking around to the side of the desk Daniel was on. He picked up the picture of Cassie and looked back at Daniel. "Poor kid" Daniel was afraid if he spook he might lose the little control he had so he just nodded his head. "Is that the pen I got her?" He asked looking down at the thing Daniel was holding in his hands. Again Daniel nodded and held it out to him.
"She used it on me" he said trying to smile. "Told her it wasn't for me, but you could never tell her anything" Jack said taking a deep breath and looking around the room again. "You should go home; you've been here for three days strait"
"Uh-huh" Daniel said nodding his head. Finally he raised his eyes and found his voice. "I loved her" he said looking into Jack's crystal clear eyes.
"I know you did buddy, we all did" Jack said not really understanding.
"No Jack, I was in love with her" Daniel said making himself clearer. He closed his eyes and turned around to face the wall. "I never told her, always told myself there'd be time later." His whole body was tense, his muscles all pulled in tight in an effort to keep from crying.
"Oh gees" Jack said sitting back on her desk. "Man Daniel" He said under his breath and mostly to himself.
"I should have told her" Daniel said turning to face him again now that he had a little more control. "I should have told her as soon as I remembered, I should have known" He looked down at his hands and sighed. "You only get one second chance" Jack just stared at him not really knowing what to say or how to say it. Daniel looked up at him and walked towards the door. Jack watched as he stopped at the door and just stood there. He looked like he was waiting for something.
"Jack there are things, important things keeping you from her" He said causing Jack to stare at the back of his head wondering just what he was getting at. "They really aren't as important as you think" Daniel said closing his eyes and putting his hand on the door. "And if you still feel...anything, you should do something about it because in this little world we live in there is no guarantee of a tomorrow. Don't be an idiot like me." He turned around and looked at Jack. "Some day you want to be able to look back at your life and have no regrets. Nothing is more important then what you feel, not even saving the world. Because if you can't have what you love the most what's the point in saving it?" He looked at Jack once more turned opened the door and walked out.
Jack just sat there on the edge of her desk watching the empty space that Daniel had just been in. He had loved her, all this time and Jack had never known. He had never even thought about it. He had been taking about Sam; there was no doubt in Jack's mind. Did he still love her? Daniel had asked, of course he did, and he didn't think there would ever come a time when he didn't love her. But it was two late for him, wasn't it? Didn't she already have someone? Finally he stood and walked out into the hall closing the door gently behind him.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
Sam walked into Daniel's office and turned on the lights. He was seated at his desk with his head lying on his arms. He was so still that Sam got a little scared.
"Daniel?" She said walking over to him. She laid her hand on his shoulder and he was freezing. "Daniel?" She said again shaking him a little.
"Watch out!" He said shooting up and looking around wildly. He blinked his eyes a little and blinked at Sam.
"Sam?" he asked reaching for his glasses and putting them on. He looked down at the journal lying open under his arms and closed it.
"How are you?" She asked picking up some stuff off the only other chair in the room and sitting down.
"I'm fine" he said looking up at her. She looked like she had had a good cry recently. "Are you... Jack said you might be saying something at..." He trailed off and looked down at his hands.
"Yeah I am" Sam said nodding her head. "Actually Teal'c helped me write it"
"Oh" Daniel said nodding his head and noticing that she was wearing her formal suit. "Well I need to change" He said looking down at his BDU's.
"Right" Sam said nodding her head. "I just wanted to see how you were doing"
"I'm fine" he said nodding his head at her. "I'll be fine"
"Ok" Sam said standing and walking to the door. "If you ever need to talk..."
"I know" He said nodding his head.
"Ok" Sam said opening the door and walking out.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
Standing tall Daniel watched as a man he didn't know stood and played a song for a woman he'd never met. Then he watched as Sam walked up to the podium and looked out at all of them. He had hoped Cassie could have been here but she still couldn't get in close proximity to the gate with out risk to herself. Sam took a deep breath and looked down and locked eyes with Daniel for a moment.
"Janet Frasier was an extraordinary person." Sam paused and took another breath. "She was kind and funny and talented. Above all, she was courageous." Sam paused again and closed her eyes for a second "Try as I might I could not find the words to honor her. To do justice to her life. Thankfully I got some help." She paused and looked down at Teal'c who looked stoic as ever, the grief hidden just below the surface. "While words alone may not be enough, there are some names that might do." She paused as the tears threatened to over take her. "We often talk about those that give their lives in the service of their country, and while Janet Frasier did just that. That's not what her life was about. The following are the names of the men and women who did not die in service, but who are in fact alive today because of Janet. Major Samantha Carter, Doctor Daniel Jackson, Colonel Jack O'Neill, Teal'c, Sgt Connie Smith, Major Ian Hewles, Senior Airman Simon Wells..." Sam continued to speak names of people that Daniel didn't know well, or didn't know at all but his mind was else where as he thought about all the times Janet had been there to save him. And this one time she had needed him and he had failed her miserably.
Later as every one milled around not really knowing what to do or say Daniel was sitting in the infirmary alone. Every one was still in the gate room but Daniel hadn't been able to stand standing there fighting back tears. This time he heard when someone walked into the room. He could tell by the sound of the footsteps it was Sam. She didn't say anything as she hopped up on the bed with him. She leaned into him and put her arm around his shoulder.
"How's Cassie?" He asked not looking at her.
"She's getting alone" Sam said as silent tears ran down her face. "I'm taking her home with me, it's in Janets will"
"That's good" Daniel said nodding his head. She would be safe there with Sam, no bouncing around form home to home. "How's Pete?" He asks out of nowhere.
"He's...things are...complicated" Sam said shifting in her seat. "I don't think it's going to work"
"I'm sorry" Daniel said with no feeling to the words.
"Yeah" Sam said nodding her head. They sat in silence for a few moments both thinking about Janet and how short life really is. Daniel scooted back a little and looked up at Sam.
"A little to the left and we'd be saying goodbye to two good friends" Daniel said looking her in the eyes.
"I know" Sam said nodding her head getting what he was saying. "Why didn't you ever tell her?" Sam asked locking sad eyes with sad eyes.
"Tell her?" Daniel asked wondering what she meant. Sam couldn't know, no one knew. But then this was Sam, and she knew everything. "Oh, well I had lots of very good reasons" Daniel said sarcastically. And Sam could almost feel the bitterness in the words.
"Like?" Sam asked trying to help him unload.
"None of them mater now" Daniel said shaking his head. "None of them where right, none of them were good enough, noting should have stopped me"
"It's so hard to tell some one something like that" Sam said looking down at her hands. "To get it out, what if you find it then its torn away?"
"Sam" He said taking one of her hands. "I wouldn't trade a single day I had with Sha're. Even if I knew how it would end, because no mater what I'll always have the memories of her." He said looking into her eyes. "Love is too important to not risk" He got down off the bed and smiled at her. "I love you Sam, you know that right?"
"Of course I do" Sam said nodding her head. "I love you too" She got down with him and pulled him into a hug. They pulled apart both crying as they walked out the door and down the hall to pay tribute to their friend.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
"Can I come in?" Jack asked knocking on Sam's open door.
"It's open Sir" Sam said looking up from her computer. It was Friday and she had finally gotten Daniel to go home and sleep.
"How are you doing?" Jack asked walking over to her desk, he picked up a pen and started twirling it in his fingers.
"I'm...fine" She said after a little pause. "Cassie's settling in real well"
"That's good" Jack said nodding his head. "Maybe I could come see her sometime?"
"I'm sure she'd like that Sir" Sam said watching as he rolled his sore shoulder. She thought about what Daniel had said about how it could have been him they were honoring along with Janet and she shuttered. She looked up at him and smiled a little as she watched him play with the pen.
"Sir was there something you needed?" Sam asked and smiled again when he dropped the pen on the floor and cursed.
"Um" He said bending to pick it up. 'Man how do you say something like this?' He thought as she sat waiting for an answer. "I had a talk with Daniel the other day about regret"
"Oh?" She said nodding her head and urging him on.
"And he made a really good point" He said as she nodded her head. "And well..." he trailed off and looked down at him hands. "I guess what I'm trying to say isBut he didn't get to finish the thought because there was now a pair of very warm lips pressed to him. 'Man she moves fast, I didn't even see her get up' He thought as she put her hands on the back of his head. He didn't remember kissing Sam being this good. He remembered kissing her when they'd been stuck in the time loop, he had built that kiss up so much in his mind he thought if he ever got to kiss her again it could never be as good. Boy had he been very wrong. He ran his hands up and down her back and she sighed. After a second Jack pulled back and looked down at her.
"What about Pete?" he asked looking a little worried.
"Pete and I are over" She said smiling at him. "I had a little talk with someone too" She looked up into his eyes. "He made me see the light"
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
Jack sat on the other side of the general's desk two days later. He had been called there knowing exactly what it was about.
"Do you want to tell me what the hell this is?" He asked holding up a piece of paper. Jack leaned in and studied it like he wasn't sure.
"It looks like my resignation" Jack said, like he wasn't quite sure he looked back to the general, who looked like he might actually reach across the desk and belt Jack.
"Why?" he asked looking at Jack. And now he didn't see anger, just fatigue and worry.
"It says on the paper Sir" Jack said looking down at the desk.
"Personal reasons' are not good enough for me" He said as Jack's eyes came back up to meet his.
"Some one said something to me the other day" Jack said sighing. "Something I took to heart" Hammond nodded his head and sat back in the chair.
"And so it's finally happened" Hammond said shaking his head. "I knew it would one day" He leaned back in his chair and sighed. "Are you sure this is the right thing?"
"100" Jack said smiling a little now. "This is the most right I've ever been"
"Ok" Hammond said nodding his head. "Give me two days before you send this out" He said handing the paper to Jack.
"Two days for what Sir?" Jack asked looking confused.
"Just give me a few days" he said looking at Jack.
"Ok" Jack said standing. "A few days it is then" He walked over to the door and opened it.
"Oh and congratulations" He said smiling at Jack.
"Thank you Sir" he said turning and walking out the door. Hammond waited for the door to close then he turned to his little red phone and picked it up.
"I need to speak to the president" He said waiting a second then nodded his head. "Hello Sir, we have a problem"
Epilogue
Sam sat at her desk in her office looking over something SG-3 had brought back from there most resent trip. Of course she wasn't getting very far in her work because she was berating her self for letting Jack retire. Of course 'letting him' was a little strong. She couldn't have stopped him with a brick wall and ten pounds of C4. She didn't want him to have to stop working to save the world but what Daniel had said was very true. And Jack had said that if anyone was leaving it would be him. He had called an hour ago to tell her he had good new and bad news and would be down to see her as soon as he got away from the general. It had been a week now since Janet's memorial and Sam still sometimes expected to see her when she walked into the sickbay. It was hard, but not as hard as it had been. She could see it was getting easier on Daniel as well. She wished he had had more time; it seemed Daniel never had any luck.
"Can I cam in?" Jack asked walking into her office. She looked up at him and smiled.
"I guess so" She said sighing a big fake sigh. "There's really nothing I can do, you being my CO and all"
"Not any more" He said smiling at her. He handed her a piece of paper and picked up the thing she had been working on.
"What is a SGC trainer?" Sam asked looking up from the paper. "Does that mean your staying here?"
"Yep" He said nodding his head with a smile. "Hammond did it, said he didn't want me to leave, had to have me, so I'm training now. Of course I'm a civilian now, but that's ok. Because that means I'm free to do this..." He said pulling her over to him and kissing her lightly on the lips. "...any time I want to" He said when he pulled away.
"Well that's good to hear" She said taking the thing from SG-3 back. "So what do you do?"
"I train the newbie's" He said smiling at her. "Help them with stuff they're going to see here, things that their normal training won't help them with" He smirked and raised his eyebrows. "I also get to say if someone isn't fit to work here"
"Oh heaven help us" Sam said smiling at him. "So did the general tell you who's taking over your lead?"
"Yep" He said nodding his head and leaning against the desk.
"Who?" She asked looking at him suspiciously.
"You" He said smirking now. "Who else?"
"Me? Really?" She asked smiling again. "Wow"
"Pretty cool, huh Colonel Carter" He said smiling at her. She went from smiling and happy to totally shocked. She sat down in her chair and looking up at him.
"Really?" She asked.
"Really" He said nodding his head. "And as a celebration I think I should take you out to dinner" He said taking her hand.
"Ok" Sam said nodding her head numbly. "Wow" She said shaking her head. "Colonel"
"Yep" Jack said nodding his head. He leaned over kissed the top of her head and smiled. "I'll pick you up at your house at 8:00, ok?"
"Ok" She said nodding her head and smiling at him. "I'll see you then" He nodding his head and walked out the door. A few minutes late Daniel came walking in with the first real smile Sam had seen on his face in a while.
"Well you look happy" He said sitting down across from her. He had just run into Jack, who told him all about their date.
"Yeah" She said dreamily. Then realizing who was sitting across from her she sobered up and looked a little shameful. "Oh gees I'm sorry Daniel I didn't mean
"It's ok" Daniel said smiling at her. "I'm happy for you, Janet would have been happy for you. She would have been telling you it was about time, but she's be happy"
"Thanks" Sam said smiling at him. "I still feel bad, feeling so happy"
"Yeah" Daniel said nodding his head. "Well you shouldn't. She wouldn't want us to morn her for to long. She would want us to move on and be happy, and now you are" He said smiling at the women he had come to think of as his sister.
"Thank you" She said standing and walking over to him. "For everything"
"Hey, that's what I'm here for" He said smiling at her. He stood up to and they hugged. "But of course you know you have to name your first born after me" he joked smiling.
"I'll keep that in mind" Sam said stepping back.
"Well I'll let you get to work on..." He trailed off and looked down at her empty desk. "What were you working on?" he asked. She looked down at her empty desk too and shook her head. She ran out the door calling "O'Neill!" Daniel shook his head and smiled. He was happy they had been able to finally get it together. He was also glad that Jack didn't have to leave the SGC. It would have been really boring around here with out him. He walked back down the hall towards his office. He opened the door and walked in and looked around. He smiled at the person sitting behind his desk.
"You did a good thing" She said smiling at him.
"Yeah" He said shrugging his shoulders and looking at her with sad eyes. "I wish you could stay" He said sighing.
"So do I" She said smiling at him. She reached out her hand and it ghosted over his face making him shiver. "But it doesn't work that way" She said smiling at him. "This isn't the same as ascending"
"I know" He said nodding his head.
"They just wanted me to be able to say good-bye" She smiled at him "And help the helpless" She said thinking of Jack and Sam.
"Right" He said nodding his head.
"Daniel" She said looking lovingly at him. "Don't regret, this is how it was meant to be, I'll see you again some day"
"I know" he said nodding his head. "I just..." he trailed off as a tear ran down his cheek. "Don't have to much fun up there" He said smiling as she laughed.
"Ok" She looked over her shoulder. "I have to go" She said smiling sadly at him.
"Janet" he said reaching out to touch her. "I love you"
"I know Daniel, I've always know" She said and just as his hand was about to touch her cheek she disappeared. He looked around and sighed as the tears gathered in his eyes again. He sat down and put his head in his arms. As he cried something caressed his cheek and whispered "I love you too, no regrets my love" He sat up and looked around. And nodded his head, no regrets, he would see her again. And until then he would help the people she worked so hard to keep alive.
