Finding Home
Sequel to 'Bittersweet Memories'
Synopsis: Same as the first one. This is from Tess' POV. I don't want to say much else though; I'm always afraid I'll ruin it!
Author's Note: Hey everyone! By request, here is a sequel! It's funny cause I never intended on writing one. The first part was just an idea kicking around and wouldn't go away, and since I hadn't posted/written anything in a bit I decided to write it then share it with everyone! I'm really glad though that you guys encouraged me to write a sequel. I had a lot of fun writing this fic! And while as I don't like Tess (cause of all the mess that happened in s2) I'm actually liking writing Lamptrimmer fics! I think Kyle and Tess should have been paired together from the beginning. Oh well. They are in my world! Hope you guys like this second part as much as you liked the first one!
Feedback: Feedback is like a writer's paycheck! I love getting e-mails (what fan-fic writer doesn't?) so please act upon the urge you may get to drop me an e-mail!
I look around at my surroundings, letting all the memories flood my head. I'm home. Or at least in the only place I've ever considered home. I can't believe I'm finally here; it seems like it's been years since my feet stood on earth's surface. But it's only been fourteen months to the day. I put a hand to my stomach, remembering.
I can't describe the shock, fear and uncertainty I felt when I found out I was pregnant. When I first sensed my daughter growing inside of me. I know it sounds selfish of me, but any seventeen year old girl would have felt the same way, I'm sure. To make things worse, I hadn't had a mother growing up; what kind of mother would I be when I didn't even know what a mother was? Kyle and I, after a lengthy talk, decided to keep the baby. Because of our beliefs and feelings on it and also because we had no idea what I was carrying. I was so scared and worried; scared of what life had in store for us in the future and worried I'd be a horrible mother and screw up this innocent child's life.
I remember throughout my pregnancy, Kyle had waited on me hand and foot. Thinking about him now puts a smile on my face and breaks my heart at the same time. I never expected to fall in love with him. Pretty much since I had emerged from my pod, Nasedo had preached to me about my destiny; how I was meant to be with Max, and how he and I ruled this far away planet and such. By the time I was sixteen and Nasedo had finally tracked Max, Michael and Isabel down here in Roswell, I was obsessed with finding Max. My husband. My mate.
But things never turn out the way you plan them; this I've learned in a stronger sense than most people. By the time we arrived in Roswell, Max was with Liz. More importantly, they were in love. It's funny, I don't think I even knew what the word 'love' meant until I met Kyle. I remember the first time I had seen him; it was in the halls on my way to the guidance office. But at that point, a bomb could have been dropped in front of me and all I'd be concerned about was Max, Michael and Isabel; I was so oblivious to all life around me at that time.
The so called 'fates' must have had other plans for us in this new lives we were living because soon after Nasedo was killed, Max brought me to live with Kyle and his dad. I didn't know it then, but that was the first day of the rest of my life. I never blamed Kyle for getting pregnant; not even for a minute. I really hope he knows that. It was both our faults for getting so caught up in the moment that we forgot to use protection.
Even now I don't know what drove me to flee earth and escape to Antar. I had everything going for me here, but at the time I didn't see it that way.
I remember feeling trapped, and unsure of how to react. My body was rapidly changing early on in my pregnancy; faster than human pregnancies. The first two weeks I already noticed I had a belly! By the end of the first month, I was the size of a whale! Kyle of coarse, constantly assured me I wasn't as big as I thought. Yeah, sure I wasn't! Even his dad tried reassuring me one day! I stayed in the house for the two months I was pregnant because I was growing so fast. What would people think if they saw me one week, not showing then the next, I was sticking out like I had a beach ball under my shirt? I remember one night Kyle compared me to Buddha -with the purest intentions, but still… He earned a smack on the arm for that one! I remember the first time I felt her move inside of me. Kyle and I were sitting on he couch, watching TV; I was filling my face with Tabasco Swirl cookies as usual. The baby must have liked them or something because she certainly let her presence be known! I jumped and looked over at Kyle, my eyes wide as they could be. He quickly put his hand over my swollen stomach, waiting for our daughter to kick again. And she did. I remember looking up at him, his eyes now as wide as mine and filed with just as much awe and joy as mine; I fell in love with him all over again.
It wasn't all happy time, however. Kyle and I argued a lot after I became pregnant.
The first few weeks after Kaylee was born aren't much more than a blur to me. I remember our friends stopping over, offering to help out any way they could whenever we needed help. I remember late at night when I was rocking her to sleep, looking down at her innocent face and feeling an overwhelming sense of love.
Why did I leave? Once I arrived on Antar, the weight of my decision to up and leave the two people in the world I loved most, hit me full force. I was overcome with guilt and sadness. I remember looking out the windows, out into the planet Max and I once ruled, that now belonging to Kivar, and asking myself why I left them for this? I wasn't even ruler there! I knew no one there. Everything was strange and unknown and all I wanted to do was go home to Kyle and our beautiful daughter, who I imagined grew more and more each day. Oh how I regretted my decision with each passing day. But as much as I wanted to go back home, the thought of arriving at their doorstep and having Kyle take one look at me and shutting the door in my face prevented me from leaving. Finally one day, I woke up and decided it was time to go back home.
Now here I am. Roswell, New Mexico. Planet earth. I've finally come back to return to the man I love and our daughter who is fourteen months today. I wonder what she looks like? She was born with a patch of brown hair on the top of her head like her daddy's, that much I remember. The last time I saw her, she was sleeping in the crib her grandfather had made for her out in the garage.
Forcing myself to walk out of that house, away from them, was the hardest thing I had ever done. I remember I had begun to cry midway through packing some of my clothes. After I finished writing a letter to Kyle, I bent down and kissed our sleeping daughter on her head and forced myself to leave. Why? The fear. It seems like too easy of an answer but I was scared out of my mind. I never in my life had someone that depended on me so as Kaylee did. Not that it was her fault. Not at all. I take full blame for my actions, which is why I'm now outside the Valenti residence, looking in.
I see Kyle through his bedroom window. The site before me makes my heart melt. He has Kaylee cradled in his strong arms, slowly and lovingly rocking her to sleep. I am once more reminded of what I could have been a part of, had I stayed like a good mother would have done.
I then wonder if I should just turn around and walk away now; spare them from myself. No, I have to be strong this time. I won't run away from them ever again, I decide then and there. I take in a deep breath in attempt to slow down my fast beating heart. Before I can do anything, Kyle looks up, through the window. Our eyes meet for the first time on over a year and the connection we had I can still feel.
I'm suddenly filled with hope and a new sense of strength as I stand there, looking back at the two loves of my life. I take another breath and take my first step towards the front door.
