Lucky Me
Chapter 073
2:30 a.m.
I sat up in my bed so fast I felt my brain spin.
Sweat covered me, and my sheet was bunched up at the foot of my bed. My cat didn't even have the decency to look at me. I probably would have kicked the dumb thing off the bed if I hadn't been shaking so badly from the dream.
For some reason, the same dream-memory kept happening. I remembered the time it happened at the mansion. After the dream I had been so shaken that I ended up with my head in a toilet. 'Jack' holding my hair back…
…back…
I shook my head. I didn't care for 'subliminal' messages. They were more trouble than they were worth most of the time.
Sighing, I decided to not even attempt sleep again. I would probably end up screaming or something if the nightmare returned. Noting I was still fully dressed in my clothes from the day before, I pushed the mental and physical exhaustion off of me. I'd been tired since April; I guessed it was really starting to hit me hard.
The creature of fur and evil made a noise and I answered it with a glare.
It started to purr. The cat was just wrong on so many levels. I guessed any guy would be wrong if his, uhm, equipment went missing.
To pass the time and to get away from the nightmare plaguing me, I decided some good old video games were in order. Adrian and Chris got me hooked on the thing. I couldn't beat any of the games, but it was always fun to fuss at the little guy who I was playing about doing something wrong. Like it was really his fault I was losing (well it was!).
What would an "Up All Night" party be without some refreshments? I stole some from the hidden stash I recently discovered in the back, back parts of a cabinet where only spiders and desperate girls would go. So with a cookie in my mouth and the controller in my hand I happily pounded some snake-lizard looking guy back down the evolutionary chain with a disgustingly big sword.
I had been there for about an hour when my heart stopped at the sound of a cold male voice.
"What are you doing up?"
Swallowing my cookie, I turned my head slowly toward him (like he was going to suddenly run away if I did it slow enough). "Huh?" Contribute it to the lateness (or earliness, whatever) that my brain was not putting the Legos of thoughts together correctly.
"What. Are. You. Doing. Up"
I winced.
"I, uh, had a-" what? A nightmare? Wouldn't that sound mature! I was being trained to kick the ugliest, meanest, most poorly dressed people in the world's butt and I was freaking out over a nightmare? Sheesh! That would be smart! Lower myself shaky standing in Scott's eyes and my team's (because I knew those little rumor leaches would find out eventually).
I turned off the game numbly, packed up my things, and started to leave with my head hung.
Scott wasn't done with me.
"Is this why you haven't been able to give your best in the Danger Room and training? Because you're staying up all night instead of resting?"
"Don't," I admonished, letting my shoulders square and my grip on the items in my hand increase. "Don't say that." The tears and anger came on at the same time. "How can you even stand there and have the nerve to think that?"
My tone was becoming more and more like cold fire, burning with anger but also leaving ice in its wake instead of ash. A truly amazing timbre (and one to fear, I would like to flatter myself) to accomplish when I was frazzled.
"What would you have me thinking, Blyt?" He was in Cyclops, General and Saint of the X-Men mode.
Oh that was it! I was nowhere near a costume and far enough from the Danger Room I wouldn't be able to hear the crashing and bashing. Yet he still called me Blyt. I hated that girl! I hated Blyt! I was Kookie. I started to shake with rage and aggravation.
"Bly-Kookie. What's wrong?" Idiot!
"What do you think, Scott?" I screamed and turned my head to look over my shoulder, eyes narrowed. "Do you even know the difference between Kookie and Blyt?"
"What are you-"
"It's Kookie," I snapped. "Not Blyt. Blyt and Kookie are two different people! Blyt is the one who has to talk to Cyclops. Blyt is the one who keeps getting in trouble because Cyclops doesn't think she can do anything right. Blyt is the one who can never do anything to get his friggin' approval because he doesn't know that Blyt isn't perfect! No matter how much she tries to be, Blyt is still human!"
I felt my tears start to sting my eyes almost ready for fall, almost!
"D-do you even know who Kookie is?" I asked, my tone reaching a barely audible tone. It was still cold fire, but more like a compressed cold fire. Like an intelligent man, he stayed silent. "Kookie is the one who hasn't been getting enough sleep because she has been trying to make Scott happy with her progress."
"Kookie is the one who has been busting her brain, life, and body to try to make Scott pr— happy for her! I can't imagine her giving anymore! The only thing she has left is her blood! Do you want to drink it? Or wouldn't that be good enough either? I'm not even sure it's circulating anymore because it might not be good enough for Scott."
His eyebrows snapped up, and then lowered, if I had cared, I would have noticed where his focus was.
"Kookie is the girl who has no other father figure left in the world to look up to but Scott."
There was silence, so uneasy, weird, and unwanted that I had to finally bow my head. The tears threatened to overflow and the final break came from what he said next.
His voice was soft and suddenly filled with regret but he-he said it again! "Bly-"
He didn't get it! He still didn't get it! I started to cry. I didn't want him to see me cry, Cyclops only wanted Blyt but then I still didn't want to seem weak. I still cared about what he thought and it made me even more pathetic in my mind.
I turned away from him and started to walk away at a fast pace, but I bumped into the crowd I didn't even realize had collected. I didn't care! I pushed past them and went straight to my room. I probably looked like every single teen drama rolled up into one and I didn't care.
Scott could have made it all better like Dad's are supposed to do!
"Kerry?"
I didn't even realize I had gotten to my door and, instead of going in I had my hand on the doorknob and my forehead pressed against the door. Tears were coming down in rivers. I had this building up for what felt like forever. I didn't have the heart to turn around, so the person did it for me.
"Kerry?" He asked again, softly. "What's wron-?" I didn't give him time to say anymore. I crashed into him, gripping onto him like I was going to get sucked into the big black void of nothingness if I didn't.
I was not Blyt, not all the time.
My name was Kookie now.
Kookie Nadja Summers.
10:17 a.m.
I should be proud of my team for not being so easily scammed.
After reality slammed into me (yesterday), I marched to D-M's door and told her not to even think about telling the others about the therapy trip that was to happen in the very near future (today). She merely nodded and said 'yes ma'am' which left me feeling old. I went back to my room, grabbed a pillow, and screamed into it at the top of my lungs.
The day following (today) I was stuck in the Danger Room (yes, we were really getting that much forced practice in) and while trying to be little Miss Pound-Anything-Not-Wearing-an-'X' I was also casting myself in the role of 'nice-nice' girl.
Apparently, Dr. Frese wanted all members (past and present) at the meeting. That meant I had to get one nice guy, a semi-nice guy and two thickheaded stubborn mules to go—willingly. There was always the option (read: hope) that Dr. Hank would lend me some tranquilizers.
Back to the Danger Room, this time we were fighting sentinels. Much to my relief we were able to bring one down, but like all monsters, when one fell its brothers came seeking revenge. I'd even talked Adam into donning his uniform for practice.
That was the first hint something was up with Adam, or so Chris would tell me.
After managing to drag another sentinel down, Professor told us our team work improved, but still needed work. He couldn't have said anything more perfect at the moment (and I had a feeling he planned it that way).
"Man, this stinks," Chris muttered, walking toward the locker rooms. "I hate machines."
Adam must have taken offense to the verbal cruelty to electronics.
"Machines are very helpful! It's simply ignorance to say something like that…" He faded off in my hearing (short attention spans were sometimes helpful). Scratching my hand nervously, I attempted to think of putting 'hey we all need to go to the shrink, wouldn't that be fun?' into a more acceptable manner.
Reaching the locker rooms, it was now or never (considering that the appointment was today, Friday).
"Uhm, guys?"
They turned around to look at me. Thankfully, D-M was still 'out of action' and didn't have to give me any sympathetic smirks, although Julie's 'dry wit' made up for the lack of compassion (and would explain my tendencies to want to hurt her).
"I am not a guy," Julie corrected. "I am a lady."
Chris snorted, "So are drag queens."
"Anyway, I had something that I wanted to tell you-"
"Drag queen? I ought to make your lust levels so high that you fancy anything breathing attractive!" Julie fumed and because of her power there were literally flames dancing around her head and hands.
A lower-lid stare came from Chris before he opened his big, fat mouth again.
"Nothing could ever make me attracted to you. So stop looking for excuses to get me to try."
The flames suddenly got a lot higher and even darker. Oh goody, she was livid.
"Stop! Stop it now!"
That snuffed out the flames and turned all eyes to me. I really didn't want to go into 'Scott mode', but they left me no choice.
"After you change, meet me the Command Room." With that I pushed open the door, and paused when I saw Northstar staring back at me. I blushed, turned around and stomped through the door again. Adrian's eyebrows shot up; I muttered under my breath and went to the other locker room door, the one labeled 'women'.
10:37 a.m.
Sure, the glare was a great help!
Oh! Oh! Even better, the classic-arms-crossed-over-the-chest maneuver. Yeah, this was productive!
"Group therapy?"
I wasn't sure if I should burst out laughing like some kind of maniac, or break down and start tearing things apart. That was the fourth time that question had been asked.
"Yes."
"Like hell."
Thank you so much, Chris.
"No bloody way," Julie snapped. Whatever possessed her a few days ago to be skittish was completely gone now.
"I'm with her. We don't need a shrink telling us what's what," Adrian popped off.
"Why?" Adam, always the logical, wanted to know. "What good will it do?"
Man, I was really not going to like pulling this nasty little guilt trip on them. If the four in front of me were just a little more agreeable and wouldn't shoot down the idea before they understood it, I wouldn't have to sink to this method!
"The Professor thinks it's an excellent idea to work on our team dynamics." There was a groan from the group. "And it's to help Daisy." Complete and utter silence. Sometimes these people were just too easy. "Dr. Frese thinks if we were all there, it would help everyone to understand what happened and how to understand each other. Our team member is in need, we are going to help her."
They grumbled but agreed to do it after that little point was made. It was a relief; of course they didn't need to know I spent all yesterday fuming and fighting this. All they needed to think was that I was mature enough to handle going back to the doctor's office instead of what I did do-throw things around my room and scream.
12:00 p.m.
Chris kept trying to get me to open up about why I seemed so down. If I had been in my room the entire night, perhaps he would have something to worry about. Instead, Jack led me back to his room saying Scott would never look for me there. I didn't want to see Scott. Just thinking about what happened made my heart hurt in a way no one should feel from their parents.
When I saw Scott after convincing my team to go, I almost broke down into tears again, but instead I ran away. Scott tried to call me back, but I didn't want to listen. I spent most of the time flying around the school because I knew he wouldn't be able to 'talk' to me up there.
Jean had driven the van with us piled up in it. I purposefully sat furthest away from her as well. They were a pair, if one was under fire so was the other one.
But back to a lighter note. We were at Dr. Frese's, staring at the woman who smiled back at us with the fakest grin I'd ever been on the receiving end of getting. What I didn't want to happen, happened—the 'good' doctor started to talk.
"I'm very pleased to see you all here and with such cheerful faces." The woman had been prescribing herself medicine again. "I would like to start by asking the group a few questions."
There wasn't a pair of brown, green, or blue eyes that didn't roll. I left out Adam because he's too sweet to be upset.
"Now, I heard there are certain problems within your 'clique'. I would like to hear more about them."
You know the theory that if you start at the top of the mountain with a tiny snowball it'll just get bigger and bigger? Yeah, well…
"Don't be shy."
"Julie is a little witch with a capital B," Chris stated plainly.
That was the tiny snowball.
"Better than being a love-sick loser!" Julie snapped back. I could have sworn I saw Chris blush slightly.
"No, that would be Adrian," Daisy said quietly, "at least the loser part."
"What'd I ever do to you?!"
Needless to say, it escalated from there. Adam only smiled nervously and kept looking toward the door for his chance of escape. I kept trying to keep my mind from going back to Scott. They continued to bicker for about ten minutes before the snowball the size of Brazil came slamming into me.
"I've never heard any of you raise a complaint against Kookie." Dr. Frese leaned forward, completely ignoring my glare. Everyone else shifted their eyes to me. "Are all of you scared of Kookie?"
Huh?!
"…sort of."
"She has the ability to be scary."
"Only when she gets ticked or depressed or happy."
Gee, thanks!
"And you, Chris?"
"No. I'm not afraid of Blyt or Kookie." I felt like being scary right then by breaking things over a few choice heads.
"Is it because of her disturbing image when she shows her true form?"
I chocked. There was no way I was going to clarify that to my other captives.
"How she looks without the image inducer?"
Adam answered, "What? Why would we? She looks like an angel."
"Angel of death," Julie just couldn't help herself.
Dr. Frese was caught off guard with Adam's reply. I started to snicker at her. Poor, clueless, yet well paid doctor.
"You don't find her natural form—disturbing?"
"What are you smoking?" Adrian asked with an eyebrow raised. "Kookie doesn't look disturbing."
"You don't live next door to her. I've seen her in the early morning," Chris shot and some of them began to laugh. I was going to put them through a nightmare next time I got them into the Danger Room!
Adam was the first to catch my promise of fatality look and suddenly they all shut up. Dr. Frese then kicked me out of the session! I was kicked out! Because I blocked the emotions from flowing freely. To get to the bottom of their problems, she had to make sure there wasn't any intimidation affecting them.
I was so irritated that I didn't even realize who I plopped next to in the chairs. When a flash of red caught my peripheral vision, I started to get up to move. Jean's hand on my arm stopped me.
"Kerry, wait."
I stiffened.
"I thought it was Blyt to you people." Okay, I know it was petty to be mad at people who knew the true person I was upset with, but I snapped out the sentence before my brain could do anything about it.
My eyes stayed locked on the door where my team members were, and only because that door was directly in front of me. I heard her sigh in what I could only guess was frustration (well, she could just join the club!).
"I heard what happened between Scott and you this morning."
Yeah, so? I didn't doubt people I never met but wore the X symbol for the grand total of three seconds knew what happened between me and Scott this morning!
"Point?" And I knew she had plenty of them to give! How did I know? Because she always did. "Are you going to try to get us to kiss and make up?"
"Quite the opposite."
Okay, I had to lose the 'cold-shoulder' in order to stare at the red head with my best shocked expression ever. She smiled and gave a small quiet laugh.
"Why so surprised?"
Because you people were always in my business! Not to mention you and Scott were the whole one body and (quite literally) one mind.
"Then-what are you going to do?"
"Nothing."
No questions needed to be asked as she got the serious look about her once more.
"I'm tired of playing mediator between the two of you." You mean nosey telephone operator! "Scott's never been the easiest to understand, he has been through a lot in his life." And what? I'd had it easy? "I think it would benefit you both to resolve this, and as soon as possible."
I stuck my nose in the air.
She sighed again, shaking her head. "Alex and you would have gotten along so well."
Grr! Jean sure knew how to make a girl curious!
"Who's an 'Alex'?"
"Scott's little brother, his Darcy." I went to stone at my sister's name. "Alex, from the moment he found Scott again, was always looking up to him. Their father and mother were thought to be dead, so Scott was the closest father figure Alex had." Jean smiled sort of sadly. "You know the frustration of trying to get Scott to tell you something positive when he drives you to your breaking point. Alex always felt like he was walking in Scott's shadow, never good enough for his big brother's approval, just something to batter with words and speeches about how to 'improve' himself."
So it must be any family member.
"Where is Alex?" Uncle Alex?
"Dead."
Uh, from the stress of trying to live up to Scott's level? Oh! Bad timing for a bad joke! Darn my defense mechanism!
"Oh."
"Ask Scott about it, whenever you talk to him again."
Yeah, like when I was choosing his nursing home. If at all possible, I wasn't going to talk to Scott again until he was so old that he had to gum a kernel of corn for twenty minutes before swallowing!
It took another thirty minutes before my team (some of it) emerged from the depths of the crazy cave.
"She wants to see you." Adam smiled, unnervingly might I add. Only Adam, Adrian, Julie, and D-M came out. Chris was still in there. Taking a deep breath I walked into the den of fools.
"Kookie, please have a seat. Oh, not over there, sit by Chris if you wouldn't mind." I did as she asked (first time for everything I supposed). "Now, I have been talking with your friends and I have decided to start at the one with the simpler problems concerning you."
And here I thought this was supposed to be helping D-M. The wacky woman must have read my mind or something because she popped off with, "An understanding team is a happy team."
And an annoying doctor was a hurt doctor.
"Shall we begin? Now, it appears to me that Adam stated he really didn't have any issues to deal with regarding you, Kookie. I usually consider that denial, but then he informed me that he will be leaving the mansion. Is that true?"
"Check your tape recorder," Chris answered darkly.
Dr. Frese glared over at him for a brief nano-second before slathering on her fake sugary grin and directly her freakiness back at me.
"Now, Kookie, what problems do you see with, Chris?"
Oh sure, put me on the spot!
"Uh, I don't have problems with Chris." Besides the point that I think he might still have a miniscule crush on me. But that wasn't important, right? Right!
"Chris, how do you feel about that?"
Oh man! This was going to take forever!
3:13 p.m.
Three teammates later (Chris, D-M, and Adrian later to be precise) I sat on the couch begging for the light fixture to fall from the ceiling and knock me out. If I heard that question 'how does it make you feel ' one more time I was going to lose my barely-hanging-on sanity.
Julie was sitting beside me shooting me looks that screamed, 'is this lady for real?'.
After stating her problems with me (Julie, not Dr. Frese) which mainly consisted of me trying to kill her on different occasions, the doctor looked at me and again asked, "How does that make you feel?"
"Homicidal. Why don't we turn out the lights and see who's left to turn them on?"
Julie's eyes about made the lenses from her sunglasses pop out and Dr. Frese shifted nervously in her chair.
Clearing her throat, she pressed on, "Does this stem from your low self-esteem regarding your looks? Is it because Julie is more visually acceptable? Better looking, in lay man's terms, than you?"
Oh, gag! That was just wrong. I was being chocked by this lady's words and the air in my throat. This was not happening! Julie smirked, crossed her arms, and started talking. I had never wanted to hurt someone so much (well, the last time I really wanted to hurt someone it was Julie, I was catching on to a pattern).
"Of course she is!" Julie's nose went skyward, "that and the fact that her little Daddy-dearest gave me some encouraging words and didn't say a bloody thing to her." Must. Not. Kill! It would be hard to dispose of the body since there was only one exit. "She had so much jealousy rolling off her, it almost matched his pride that he felt when she-" Her mouth clamped shut.
My eyes tried to escape their sockets. "Pride?"
She muttered under her breath, "I'm not saying."
Dr. Frese carried on from there. I was still in a state of shock over Julie's half confession. But it couldn't possibly have been true! No way! I was the bad apple on his perfect tree! Scott wouldn't be proud of a screw up. Oh that mean little tea drinker! She probably made it all up!
6:34 p.m.
"How'd it go?" Sam asked when we came trudging into the room.
"If I ever have to hear the word 'feel' again, I'm going to strangle something," I muttered.
"Maybe they should cut back the hours you spend with Wolverine…" Bobby-Jerk suggested, trailing off as I almost snarled at him.
Snarled? Humph. Guess that jerk was right. Maybe I had been spending too much time with Mr. Logan. Next thing I know I'd be putting my hair in points and gluing knives to the back of my hands. Oh yeah, and calling every guy 'bub' and everything female 'darlin.' Tell me that wasn't a scary thought.
I sat down at the kitchen table where Sam, Bobby-Jerk, Mr. Remy, and Miss Ororo were seated. When they didn't say anything, or move or anything, I cracked an eye opened and looked at them.
They were all staring at me!
"What?" I asked, confused.
Then they all looked away. No, that wasn't suspicious. They were nervous and though I was no empath like Black Flame I suddenly felt like a frog in Biology class. My drink was shifting nervously in my hands until; finally, someone spoke up.
"Are you okay now?" Mr. Remy questioned.
"Now?" Totally lost! I was okay two minutes ago, now I didn't know what I was besides confused.
"We-all saw you this mornin' talkin' to Cyclops," Sam confessed and whereas they wouldn't meet me in the eye before asking, they were all staring intently at me now!
I was back to feeling like a strapped down frog in eleventh grade Biology.
My face got hot.
"Oh that." I cleared my throat and put on my best smile. "I'm fine."
Miss Ororo wasn't buying it.
"You seemed highly upset."
I could see the scalpel coming out.
"I was just cranky." It was poking my skin. "No big deal." I squirmed on the dissecting tray.
"You're lying, kid," Bobby-Jerk stated. Great, now some weird nerd boy was making the frog (me) dance. "You're still bothered."
I snorted, "Only you bother me."
"I didn't say hot and bothered, I just said bothered."
Frog broke free from demented kid who was making her dance, picked up the scalpel, and engaged in a pencil/scalpel fight with idiot kid.
Forget snarling or growling, I was about to cut him with my words when Sam spoke up, "He's lookin' for ya."
Frog died from massive heart attack.
"Probably still is."
My heart tightened, my stomach hitched a ride to Wisconsin and my mind started to shake. I couldn't face him right now. There was no stinkin' way I could!
"Oh." My English teachers would just shoot me because of my 'oh' answers. I was starting to sound like a bird.
And considering I already had the wings ….I was now a frog with wings. Great, I really was losing it!
"In other words, kid, I would get a head start."
I glanced over at Bobby-Jerk who smiled back and nodded toward the doors which lead outside.
The doorknob was turning and before whoever it was opened the door (whether it was Scott or not) I was out of that kitchen faster than Mr. Kurt could teleport.
