"What's up?" Kari asked.
"What do ya mean?" Buffy asked.
"You pushing me out of your house."
"Oh, uh… Spike's here."
"Oh ew," Kari said with a disgusted face.
"Yeah."
"I can't believe you two are engaged. He is a total waste of space."
"I know."
"But really hot."
"Yea- what?!"
"Oh no, I wouldn't date him in a million years. His personality is worse than a great white shark. But he's nice to look at. His toned arms and jutting cheek bones." Kari was smiling as she pictured him topless.
"Please stop talking," Buffy insisted.
"Sorry. Well, I just wanted to drop off the boombox so, I guess I'll just go. Bye Buffy. Bye… Willow?"
"Yeah," Willow said.
"Great. Uh, bye." Kari turned and walked to her red Mercedes. She waved and drove off.
They were startled by a scream from inside. Buffy and Willow ran in.
"Oh Joyce. You are so gorgeous."
"Thank you Xander," Joyce said, trying to hold him back.
"I must have you. You are my love. My essence."
Spike stood between them. "What the hell is wrong with you mate?"
"I am in love," Xander said, looking at Joyce.
"Oh no," Buffy said before she ran in the kitchen. "Xander, enough with the freak factor. Our science project is over, remember? We don't need anymore research." She pulled Xander out.
"What project? Buffy, I love her. I am in love with Joyce."
Spike walked out of the kitchen. "What the hell's goin' on?" he demanded from Buffy.
"Help me get him upstairs and I'll tell you."
Spike pushed Xander while Willow and Buffy pulled him. They made it up the stairs and brought him into the bathroom. They maneuvered him into the bathtub and had Spike sit on him.
"I must see Joyce. I must tell her of my love before someone else does and I lose her!"
"What the bloody hell did you do to him?" Spike asked, extremely perturbed.
"Well, I sort of got Buffy this gift that was supposed to help her. It was the box she needed," Willow said, incase he forgot. "In the box were three pills that were supposed to make someone fall in love with you for different amounts of time."
"English," Spike said snidely.
"Xander took two of the love pills. That's why he was all over me. I was the first person of the opposite sex that he saw since he took the pills. Luckily it was the moment pill. However, now he's in love with my Mom either for a day or for forever."
Spike wasn't sure what to make of the situation. He gave it a quick run through. "Willow gives you three pills that make someone fall in love with the first person they see of the opposite sex for the amount of a moment, a day and forever." They nodded. "And Xander saw you and activated the moment pill and now Joyce is the object of his screwball affection for a day or forever." They nodded again. "That's the most absurd thing I've ever heard."
"I must be with Joyce! She is my love!"
"But it's true. Look at him," Buffy defended.
Spike looked at Xander. "Joyce! Joyce!"
"This is pretty messed up."
"You're tellin' me. He kissed me."
"I know, I was there," Spike said, annoyed.
"Buffy!" Joyce yelled from downstairs. "Oz is here!"
"Oz?" Buffy directed to Willow.
"Joyce! Joyce, please! I must be with you or my life as I know it will cease to be!"
Spike pushed down on Xander's collarbone. "You need to settle mate."
"I can't. I love her Spike."
"That's touching. But not gonna happen."
"He came to get me. I figured I'd be in and out within a few minutes," Willow answered Buffy's question.
"Willow, when will you learn that plans never go as brief as you think they will when you come here?"
"I'll make a mental note." Willow looked over and saw Oz looking in Buffy's room. "Oz!" His glance turned. He saw Spike sitting on Xander in the bathtub and still kept the same face he usually had. "It's not what it looks like."
"It looks like Spike here is restraining Xander in Buffy's tub while you two watch."
"Okay, it is what it looks like, but the reason can't possibly be what you think," Willow said.
"Actually I wasn't thinking anything. Well, the word strange came to mind."
"Willow's gift went a little awry," Buffy said. Her arms were folded and she was leaning against the sink.
"And led to Xander in a bathtub?"
"He's in love with my Mom."
"That it explains it," Oz said in his usual monotone voice. "Hi Willow," he said lovingly.
"Hi Oz," she spoke with a smile. They gave each other two soft kisses.
"Can we please address the issue at hand," Spike insisted. "I'm not gonna sit on him all night."
"Can you take him home?" Buffy asked.
"Yeah, but how will he stay there? If it keeps going the way it has, he'll probably come back here."
"Then chain him to the bed."
"Okay, I'll just grab it from the storage shed in my bedroom."
"Why do you always have to bicker with me?"
"You're the one that did this to him."
"No, this is technically your fault. You're the one that gave him the pills."
"You're the one that left them in the kitchen."
"Because aspirin usually comes in a box!" Buffy argued.
"Don't start with me," Spike said, standing up.
Xander jumped at the chance and hopped out of the tub. He bolted out the door and down the stairs. Buffy and Spike dashed after him. Spike tried grabbing his shirt but he was too fast, which made Spike fall. He attempted to grab his feet but Xander hopped out of the way. Buffy ran past Spike and jumped down the last three steps. As he headed to the kitchen, Buffy leapt on Xander's back. She tugged and pulled but he kept moving forward. Buffy tossed her weight into making him hit the wall. His body side stepped left and ran him into it. Then she moved up and swiftly dropped her body weight back down on his back to make him fall.
"What on earth are you doing?" Joyce asked from the kitchen.
"Practicing for gym. We got a wrestling competition."
"Joyce!" Xander screamed. Spike grabbed Xander by the collar of his shirt and pulled him out the front door. "I love you Joyce!"
"Sorry about this Xander." Spike picked up a potted plant that was sitting on the porch and walloped it onto Xander's head. He fell instantly.
"I know. I'm sorry Mom," Buffy said as she was exiting the house. She shut the door quietly. She saw Xander passed out on the porch. "What did you do?!"
"Knocked him out with the plant."
"Why?"
"What are you a cop?"
"You know what?" Buffy said angrily.
"What!" Spike said, standing right in front of her. His chest was against hers and he was looking down at her.
Buffy shook her head and turned away. "Whatever. Look, just get him to his house and find some way to restrain him. Please."
"I was going to do that anyway." Spike lifted him up, put Xander's right arm around his neck and dragged him to his car. Spike got behind his wheel and backed out.
Buffy watched him leave. Willow and Oz came outside to see how things were going. "Hey," Willow said.
"Hey."
"Where is he?"
"Spike knocked him out with this handy little plant and took him home. Hopefully tomorrow he'll be back to himself."
"I'm sure he will be," Willow assured.
"If he isn't we're gonna have to move."
"Well at least something good will come out of this," Oz stated.
"Thanks for the cheer Oz."
"I try."
"Well, we're gonna go now, unless you want me to stick around for awhile," Willow offered.
"No, that's okay. There's nothing more you or any of us can do."
"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow then."
"Bye." They gave each other a hug. "Thanks Willow. Bye Oz."
"Bye Buffy. Good luck with your dilemma."
"I'll remember to lock all the doors and windows."
"I don't think that'll make Spike go away."
"Huh? ... Oh, that dilemma. Thanks."
Oz raised his hand in the air as a 'goodbye' gesture and got in his big van. Willow waved as they drove down the street.
