Disclaimer: I don't own anything! Sadly...

A/N: I'm still alive! Anyhoo, I had this written MONTHS ago and forgot to post it! Whoops... Hope ya'll enjoy!

P.S. I KNOW it was Theoden, not Theodred in chapter 2! I made a little mistake! But I'm too lazy to fix it...

PPS Asterisks didn't work, so then I tried another symbol, and another, until I wound up with parenthesis. Anyone else have this problem?

We have sponsors?

Lolly: Welcome back to Funniest Middle-earth Videos! And as always I'm your host Lolly!

Audience : (silence cricket chirps)

Lolly: Anywho, tonight we're going to show just a bunch of videos!

Audience: (more cricket chirps)

Lolly: (glares) As I was saying, these are just videos that have no relation to one another. Just like cheerleading and actual sports!

Audience: (more cricket chirps) (then the sound of bug spray and the chirping stops)

Lolly: Come on people! Laugh!

Crew member: Oh, yeah. The applause light thing is broken.

Lolly: Really? I thought people who applauded and laughed actually liked this show.

Crew member: Nope, it was that light thing the whole time.

Lolly: (sigh) Well my self-esteem just went down 32.8. (looks depressed)

Audience: (laughs)

Lolly: (blinks) Oh, the twisted irony. Just roll the clips!

(((((Return of the CLEAN)))))

(In Lothlorien, Legolas has a bucket of soapy water and Haldir has shampoo and both are in a tree)

Aragorn: (walking by)Merry, Pippin, I don't see a band of orcs here.

Merry: But they're right over here (stands under tree)

Aragorn: (stands beside him) Where?

Pippin: NOW!

(Legolas and Haldir drop the hygienic products on Aragorn)

Aragorn: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! IT BURNS, THE CLEANSES BURNS!AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFFAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. MUST ...FIND...DIRT... AHHHH! (starts rolling around in dirt pile)

(Galadriel and Celeborn walk by)

Celeborn: That's going to marry our granddaughter!

Galadriel: (faints)

(END)

Lolly: History tends to repeat itself.

Crew member: You can say that again.

Lolly: History tends to repeat itself.

Crew member: You can say that again.

Lolly: History tends to repeat itself.

Crew member: You can say that again.

Lolly: (pause) Anyhoo, check out this funny clip!

(((((Legolas and His Crazy Dreams)))))

Legolas: Aragorn, can I talk to you?

Aragorn: Of course. What's wrong?

Legolas: I've been having these dreams about pirates and monkeys lately. What's worse is there is this girl who throughout my dreams tells me she loves me and insists that I love her. She's so annoying and I just have this urge to kill her. Do you think these dreams could means something?

Aragorn: I've also been having weird dreams. I'm riding through the desert on a horse. And these men are trying to kill me!

Legolas: Do you think our dreams mean something of what's to come? (thinks)

Aragorn: (thinks)

Aragorn and Legolas: Nah!

(END)

Lolly: And now for a commercial break!

Crew member: When did this show start getting commercials?

Lolly: We need sponsors or you can't get paid.

Crew member: You don't pay me anyway.

Lolly: Oh yeah... And now a word from our sponsors!

((((((COMMERCIAL)))))))

Legolas: (looking depressed)

Narrator: Feeling depressed?

Legolas: Who said that?

Narrator: Frightened and alone?

Legolas: Who are you? pauses Eru?

Narrator: Got more fangirls then Sauron has orcs?

Legolas: Yes! Can you please help me?

Narrator: Uh, no.

Legolas: Then why were you talking about all that?

Narrator: I was distracting you while those fangirls tried to attack you.

Legolas: Huh?

Fangirls: LEEEEEEEEGGGGGGGGGY! (charge at Legolas)

Legolas: AHHHHHHH! (runs for his life)

Narrator: Need a narrator to announce stuff? Call 1-800-NAR8R today!

(END)

(cuts to back of a smelly alley where the show is now set)

Lolly: Welcome back! Unfortunately, our only sponsor was sued by Legolas for Elf harassment and went bankrupt. In other words, we can't afford a set and such. (cough )Or anymore videos (cough)

Audience: (sniff)

Lolly: So let's watch these cheaper videos. runs behind puppet show thing

(((((Videos...?)))))

(Lolly disguising her voice with badly made sock puppets on her hands of herself and Legolas)

Sock puppet Lolly: Oh Legolas, you're so big and strong. I love you! (tries to kiss Sock Puppet Legolas)

Sock puppet Legolas: ('running away') Ahhh! Save me!

'the real' Lolly: No Sock puppet Legolas! She loves you! (tosses Sock puppet Legolas in laundry hamper)

Sock puppet Lolly: But I loved him so much!

Lolly: (pats sock puppet) Ta da!

(END)

Lolly: runs in front of camera Watch out Adam Sandler, there's sock puppets in town!

Audience: Get off the stage! (tosses shoe)

Sock puppet Lolly: Not the shoe! He was my bestest friend. Sniff.

Crew member: Good news, we now have money for a set and videos.

Lolly: How did we get money?

Crew member: From the FHFA, the Fangirls Helping Fangirls Association.

Sock puppet Lolly: We're not fangirls!

Lolly: Yeah, I'm just a sock puppet... Wait, that's not right, is it?

Sock puppet Lolly: Thank you FHFA, wherever you are.

(cut scene to insane asylum)

Fangirl #1: It's on! The Funniest Middle-earth Videos is on! Hurry up Fangirl #2 and #3.

Fangirl #2: We have names.

Fangirl#3: Why do I have to be #3?

(cuts back to set)

Lolly: Roll the clips!

(((((Mortality or a New Dress?)))))

Arwen: Daddy, please can I have the new Elf Vuitton dress! It only costs a few hundred thousand dollars! Pretty please!

Elrond: Arwen, for the final time no, no, and NO!

Arwen: Fine then. I'll go give up my immortality to be with some smelly man!

Elrond: (sighs)

(((A Little Too Festive))))))

Frodo: I'm really glad that we bought this giant pumpkin. You could fight four hobbits in there!

Sam: This will be the best Halloween ever! By the way, what is Halloween?

Merry: (shrug) Has anyone seen Pippin? I thought he was suppose to be taking the insides of the pumpkin out.

Frodo and Sam: (shrug)

(inside the pumpkin)

Pippin: Somebody? A little help! I'm stuck in the giant pumpkin! pause I guess I'll just have to eat my way through. (bits into pumpkin) Dreams really do come true!

((((((Pieces of Meat))))))

Orc 1: We ain't had nothing but maggoty bread for three stinkin' days!

Orc 2: We need some meat!

(other orcs agree)

Orc 3: (singing) Pieces, pieces, pieces of meat!

Orc 2: (singing) We want chicken or beef. We don't care, we want meat. We are not vegans.

Orc 1: (singing) Well done or rare. We want meat, cooked or not, we don't care!

Orc 3: (singing) Ooooooh I wish that I could sink my teeth into some juicy, tender meat. That's all that I want to eat! Pieces, pieces -

Uruk-hai: (stabs orc 3) Meat's back on the table boys!

(END)

Lolly: Lip syncers! Who would have thought orcs sang Ashlee Simpson parodies? Ew, Ashlee Simpson! Gag!

Ashlee Simpson fans: ATTACK! (attack Lolly)

Sock puppet Legolas (controlled by camera person): Join us next time for more of Middle-earth's funniest videos!

Sock puppet Lolly: Leggy! (chases sock puppet Legolas)

(cheesy music)

Don't expect another chapter right away. I've been working on another fic, but so far I've only got a couple paragraphs... I procrastinate... Be nice and remember to review! By-ers!