She had slept a long while this time. Simon was sleeping again, and she could sense the passage of time was more than the few hours it should have been. This fog had been a heavy one, like an ocean she could breathe, and waking from it felt like swimming in mud. She wondered if fish felt the same way in air.
Mal was on the bridge. He was the only one awake, and barely. His mind was empty, mostly, as he looked into space. His thoughts were aimless, skimming the surface of a deeper state of thinking; she caught a spot of desire, a dash of ancient pain, and a sudden wave of desperation, all cloaked and hidden behind the cliffs of his resolve to continue living.
She focused on him, on the ebb and flow of his thoughts, and without realizing she moved, River found herself at the end of the hall, looking into the control room from a distance. She sat against the closed door of Kaylee's room, watching him watch the passage of space, her nightgown in a diaphanous puddle around her.
River like Captain Reynolds. He was broken, like her, but his breaking
She watched him, and perhaps because the fog still hovered, she touched his mind.
Mal jumped up from his seat, and spun to look at her. The feeling was unreal, but he knew instantly that it was her. He saw her gown first, and her wide, sparkling eyes in the dark by Kaylee's door. His heart pounded in reaction to it, but oddly, he found that he wasn't really surprised. He looked at her, meeting her eyes, for what seemed like years, then summoned her to him with a nod and a wave. She complied, effortlessly rolling to her feet and padding toward him, up the stairs to stand in front of him. She was barefoot, and her hair was mussed, as if she'd rolled out of bed and into Kaylee's alcove.
"You alright, River?" He was surprised his voice didn't break.
"I am foggy captain."
He smiled, uncertainly, and she smiled back. "You been sleeping a good while, young miss."
River tilted her head to one side, and her gaze slid to the stars above her, "Sleep… I wasted time in sleep… Simple Simon tried to carry water, but I am a sieve." Her eyes turn, and her head follows her body, and then her body follows her head, until she makes a full circle and comes back to face him, her eyes focused on the floor, and her thick, long hair obscuring her face. "The water runs right through." She sighed, and Mal caught a glimpse of her upturned eyes through the curtain of hair. "My Simon is not simple. But he's looking too strenuously for explanations that don't exist, and hence the solutions he finds are flawed."
Mal looked up at her, glanced at the instrument panel, which glowed serenely back at him. Then carefully, he pushed the hair out of her face and took her hands in his. "I can't say I take your meaning rightly, River, but I hope you'll have patience with your brother. I've never seen a devotion to family like unto his, and he means well by you." She nodded, and he continued talking, putting a slightly awkward, but fatherly hand on her shoulder as he stood to be beside her, looking out into the void. "You two have been a lot of things to this ship, but you both pulled your weight more 'n once. I have a good crew, and good ship, and a cargo that's gonna turn a profit. So it's a good day, right?"
River smiled, and leaned her head on his shoulder.
Mal looked down at her, wary, but sure now he'd approached it correctly. As uncomfortable as she sometimes made him, he had developed, if not a soft spot for the girl, it was at least a less hard spot. Ever since she had saved the ship from Jubal Early, since Ariel really, he understood a little better the magnitude of what Simon was trying to do. Still he made it a point not to question his own judgment.
River warmed against him, enjoying the strength of his pragmatism. "You are better than you think Captain. They don't even know why they are loyal to you, but I do. Even Jayne. And he doesn't even know he is either."
"I do too know! Um… Know what?" The voice came from behind them as Jayne had risen to take the captain's place on deck. It was a quiet stretch they were in, and so time off was allotted to everyone. Most times that put them in their own quarters, sleeping or doing what they most enjoyed.
River smiled, not looking at him. "You don't know. But the captain lets you stay anyway."
Mal turned and grinned at Jayne, enjoying his discomfiture. "Why Jayne, if you know, why are you asking? Time for me to go get a little shut-eye, and you can help River here watch the helm. Night!" And, feeling better than he had since Inara's departure, he headed to his bunk, to dream of clear skies and piles of money.
River went as far as the door, watching him go down into his bunk. She smiled softly, glad she'd chosen to give him some pleasure. The captain seemed simple sometimes, and perhaps on the surface, he was. He liked to think he had buried all his complex needs and emotions with the soldiers who had fallen under his command. She knew better, but she would allow him his delusions of simplicity. He needed it now, with Inara gone. Another problem she would rectify before too much longer.
Jayne was ignoring her. His mind was hot, radiating irritation and bother and desire. She could tell he still remembered too vividly the night before. She could feel the warmth infiltrating her stomach like liquid crystal, smooth and prickly at the same time. She moved to stand behind him, as close as she could get without touching him. The warmth grew within her, rising to her breasts, and her lips burned with it, tingling as if there were something they were missing.
Jayne felt her nearness, but stubbornly refused to turn around, hoping that if he didn't speak to her she'd go away. But he heard her; the change in her breathing, the small gasps and catches; his muscles began to tense as he remembered the feel of her skin against his, and the dreams that had followed. He took a deep breath and settled down in Wash's chair. He frowned harder, trying to change his thoughts to safer subjects. Let's see. Stars – kinda like her eyes when she smiled… Gorramit! Black empty space. Planets. Uh… Trees. That old willow in his Ma's front yard… He was ok with that image until the flow of her hair superimposed over the old will tree.
He spun so quickly, he almost knocked her over. For once she looked startled. He caught her arms to keep her from falling, then stood up, still gripping her upper arms and almost shaking with emotions that he couldn't define. "Gorramit girl! Get out o' my head! I can't even think with you this close! Get out of here!"
He shoved her roughly away from him, and she caught herself on the frame of the door, barely managing to avoid falling down the stairs into the corridor. She stood there, clutching the frame, her hair hanging over her face and hiding her expression, but her whole body moved with her breathing.
Jayne was coming down from where he'd been, and was slightly horrified by his lack of control. But only slightly. He had little use for book-learning, had made a living on his brute strength and ability to track even the smallest varmint to his den at night in the middle of a rainstorm. He banked on his ability to shoot, and his drive was for a better life than he'd grown up with. But never had he ever dreamed he'd be tied up with a crazy rich girl who couldn't seem to keep her mind to herself.
His breathing was labored as well, and he watched as her heaving became punctuated by the occasional shudder. He frowned again, but deliberately turned away from her, sat back down, and gazed broodingly at the instrument panels without really seeing them.
River couldn't help it. She wanted to run. She couldn't move. Her shoulder hurt a little bit, where she'd banged it when catching herself from falling. But somehow, it hurt more that he'd turned his back on her. "I have conquered you." The words left her before she could stop them.
Jayne didn't respond. For once, he was refusing to be baited.
"I find myself a child of illusion."
"Yeah. Whatever. Go away."
"You are trying to build a fire in snow. Have you ever seen snow, Jayne?"
"Yeah, I seen snow. What's that got to do with—HEY! Stop trying to draw me in! I ain't stupid you know." He still refused to look at her.
River gazed at his back through the curtain of her hair. "A little hope, and I am finished."
He spun to look at her, trying to be threatening. As soon as he faced her she stood tall, threw back her hair, and smiled in triumph. "That is enough."
She turned and ran down the corridor and into the kitchen, out of sight, leaving Jayne bewildered, and feeling oddly as if somehow he'd lost a major battle.
