Lucky Me
Chapter 99
If I thought I had perfected the art of avoiding Scott after I made a fool of myself in front of D-M's parents, dodging Bobby was ten times worse. I lived on the same hall as the guy. After his little stunt in my room a week ago, I was able to crawl, cruch (not a verb but I don't really care), and weave my way around the mansion.
I wanted to avoid Bobby because I didn't know how to tell him that I wasn't ready for-er, well—anything of the naked and horizontal caliber. And, yeah, there would be huge amounts of trouble if anyone ever find out and just—okay. So, I was eighteen and yes that was an excuse. I didn't care about the statistics of the age when girls go 'all the way', I wanted to be different. I wanted to stay nice and warm at my big flashing 'stop' sign of life.
Also, speaking of the teacher thing, before they could ask him about anything weird, 'Mr. Drake' quit. With only Adrian and Julie there, the Professor thought it would be okay to let the 'kids' handle whatever they came up against by themselves. I think it was because the Professor caught a word or two about the situation (like by Alexis screaming on my answering machine for me to pick up and tell her about the 'Mr. Drake' thing) and he didn't want to have Bobby investigated/arrested/publicly hung by Jean.
Back to the present. I was avoiding my 'boyfriend' again by hiding in the gym with Mr. Kurt, who was currently doing back flips over a high bar. The Kitty girl was on the ground messing around on a lap top, and Miss Rogue was lifting about three tons in the corner on a machine that was just weird and heavy.
I had the accursed bar in my hands, slowly making my way from wall to wall. Occasionally I was able to do it one handed and even without any hands on the bar. However, I would over compensate for my wings, and forget I didn't have them anymore, and end up almost falling backwards.
That's when I heard his voice. He was coming down the hall with a somewhat cold sounding Mr. Warren. I panicked. Looking for an escape, I spotted one of the musty old closets that they kept some spare equipment in. But it was all the way across the room.
I had maybe a minute before he made it into the room.
"Who lit the fire under you, sugah?" Miss Rogue asked as I fumbled my way down the longest side of the wall, and turned to start the shortest wall. The door was opening by then and my heart was officially going into cardiac arrest. I let go of that bar when I saw a familiar brunette head come in and I never remembered falling so quickly forward in my life.
I didn't fall on my face. I actually made it to the closet door (I hit the door with the side of my face and one of my hands) opened it, fell in, and shut it quietly.
"Hey!" Bobby greeted the group. There was complete silence. "What's going on?"
There was silence until Kitty spoke up.
"Nothing here."
I guess it was a bit odd to see someone come into this disgustingly smelly closet of their own free will. Not only come in, but run to get in. Might be odd, but it made perfect sense to me.
I didn't know how long I stayed in there and I thought I was going to pass out because of the rank air but finally I heard Bobby leave. With a sigh, I reached up and twisted the door knob…which then snapped off in my hand.
Staring at it blankly for the first few seconds, I rolled my eyes and sighed.
Seemed like I was in time-out for being a chicken.
Dandy.
Two hours, fifty half-remembered songs later, I was rescued.
Julie, of all people, opened up the equipment closet door and when I tumbled out with the rest of the rackets, gloves, and miscellaneous items she only raised an eyebrow. She had this half smile that was somehow still mostly a frown on as I struggled to my feet.
"I don't want to know, do I?"
Grabbing hold of the bar, my legs screamed in pain because they were so stiff. "No you don't."
"Wot kind of idiot gets herself locked in closet?" Julie might have been my rescuer, but that didn't give her the right to be snotty to me. I smirked as this absolutely delicious idea came to my wicked little mind. Without warning or even a second to spare, I looked behind me to see my soon to be victim throwing things back into the closet. She had her rear up in the air and because I needed to be malicious, I kicked her.
Oh it wasn't hard, just enough to get her off balance and stumbling into the closet with the other junk. Before she could get her baring, I fell forward, shut the door, and smirked myself as she began to bang on the door.
"Let me out of here!" She made some other comments, but I stopped listening. Well, I would have listened, most likely, but I left with my crutches under my arms and my laughter filling the air.
Never let it be said I didn't have a nasty streak. It even had me feeling light headed.
Another week, a new year, and I finally found someone to sort of talk to about the Bobby thing. Yes, I'd been avoiding him still but I didn't think it was going to help us out in the long run. He probably thought I hated him since I kept running away from him.
And yes, they found Julie and let her out within the same day.
She was grumpy and tired, and they didn't let her near me. More like, I just laughed at her when she tried to intimidate me in my own room. Chris had to pretend to fry her to get her out of the hall because she came stomping (as much as that stick creature could) down the hall, banging on my door, and demanding to know why I was such a brat. She hadn't said brat though, the word she used I figured probably translated into brat.
I was finally walking all by my little lonesome self. No more crutches and though I did walk with this sort of 'glide' effect to me, I was able to do it! Finally! Sometimes I still stumble (like on the steps behind a half dead Mr. Remy with a hot cup of coffee which ended up all down his shirt and he ended up yelling in French. Of course, I was about to apologize but then he stripped his shirt off to get the liquid away from his body and then I was just dumbstruck by beauty).
Oh, right, about the talking with/about Bobby thing. My first options were women in the house, but then I scratched that idea remembering that they would probably pull the protective sibling act and not hear me out but beat the idea out of his head instead. Then I thought about Arty, then I rethought that. Were the X women would be on one extreme (in my mind at least) I think Arty would be on the other. She would probably send me candy underwear or something like that.
Alexis was so out of the question. She was still having problems believing it was true, the relationship thing, so I had no idea what this would do with her. So that left only one other female who was unattached to the X, Diana St. Loy.
I prowled out her number that she'd given me and I dialed it up. After about thirty minutes of casual chit-chat, it took another fifteen minutes to tell her the story. She didn't say anything at first but then she took a long breath and started talking.
"Do you want to?"
"No." Automatic reply. "Not really, I just had my life turned upside down and flipped inside out and I don't think I'd be able to handle a new pressure."
"Then, duh, don't do it. How'd you get out of it last time he had you, as you say, trapped?"
I felt my blush tickle my cheeks remembering just how I did manage to get myself out of that one. There had been several very nice options going through my mind but I went with the most female one possible. "I told him I was on my period."
It took her three minutes to stop laughing long enough to make sense again. "That's pretty good. Just like when you really don't want to kiss a guy, say you have a canker sore and suddenly they are as noble as a priest on Sunday."
"Yeah, but that'll only work once a month."
Diana sighed, "Listen, do you think you should be deathly thin?"
Didn't see the point of this but okay. "No." I've seen Julie, who is that 'deathly thin' because she rarely eats anything. "It's -unnatural."
"Right, but pop culture would have you believe it's just what has to be." Diana was getting on a roll I just knew it. I rolled my eyes and laid down on my bed, might as well get comfortable. "There was this model a few years back, Tirips something, anyway, she was some hot stuff for about half a year until they found out she was whacky. The girl had been driving nails into her hands to prevent her from eating."
I cringed. That just sounded painful. Of course I lost weight recently. I had my wings butchered off, lost almost all my blood and then was in a coma for a while. But I'm not bitter. I just want to punch a hole in something.
"What's that got to do with anything?" I asked, finally.
"It's got to do with you can't let others influence you. Be your own person and all that other pep talk stuff guidance counselors are always pushing on kids." Diana made it sound so final. "Because if you do anything you regret, it'll be only you to blame."
"Thank you Miss Budda.." I muttered in a reply. So basically she was no help, just made it very evident that everything was up to me.
Again, dandy.
It had finally come to this.
I stood in front of Bobby's door, biting my lip so much I thought it was going to end up being my lunch. For some reason I figured going to him in the brightest hour of the day would make it easier and give him less of an imagination as to why I was here.
Also to protect my behind, I made sure Jean was a million miles away (okay so the super market isn't a million miles away, but at least she's not right outside the door) and that Dad was wrapped up training with Wolverine and Emma. Ick on Emma.
Finally, after ten minutes of trying to decide what to do, I raised my hand to knock and before my knuckles reached the door, the door swung open. Bobby stood there, staring at me like a confused deer in headlights and I was looking like myself, lost and caught.
"Hey." Oh that's so smooth, Drake. He backed away from the door and waved a hand in. "Come on in."
I smiled nervously and stepped in far enough where he could shut the door.
"To what do I owe the honor of having the phantom mutant appear before me instead of jumping in closets and running down the opposite end of the hall?"
"Oh," So I wasn't as invisible as I had originally hoped. "You noticed."
"Yeah, I noticed. I had my doubts at first but after the second week, I got a pretty good hint." He sat down on his bed and I tensed . "So did you come to explain?"
"You're a sharp one," I laughed nervously. Oh goody, don't tell me lame jokes are now a nervous habit. "Uhm, but I guess I kinda need to explain why. Maybe?"
"Maybe. Might be a good idea before I start to think that you just liked the mystery of our relationship instead of me." He gave me this flat look. It's really hard for me to focus on my topic at hand when I just look at him. What was I going to say-? Something…oh! Right, now I remember.
"Uh, it's just that you seem very eager to-and I don't want to-not because I don't want to just because I don't think I want to because I don't think I'm ready for that type of er, attention and uh." Well, I went on like that for about five minutes, my face was beat red by the time he started to laugh at me.
Now, when one is trying to be grown-up and serious, one does not want to get laughed at!
Then the fear slammed into me, maybe I'm talking about something he wasn't talking about! What if I had misinterpreted it? Oh man, I would be so embarrassed!
"Is that all?" Bobby laughed out. "You've been playing secret agent girl because of that?"
"Uh, yeah." I was confused, embarrassed and lost. "Why are you laughing?"
"Because all you had to tell me was 'no'." I stared at him with a 'yeah-right-that-would-have-worked' look on my face. "I wouldn't have liked the answer but I'm not about to make you do something you don't want to."
"Not to mention I'm ten times stronger than you and you can't make me do anything against my will period."
"And your parents and devoted 'friends' around here would have seen me in pain." I felt a huge weight shift off of me and out the door. "Now, I'm not going to lie about wanting to…"
Okay, so the weight didn't go out the door, but it was off my shoulders and whistling innocently beside me now.
Great.
I never known Chris to be straight forward, he's always enjoyed skirting around issues and life in general. With me, though, it was harder for him. He always held back, even in the beginning, even before Bobby. Some parts of me wanders what would have happened if he did make his interest known. Like now.
There was something I was going to ask him, I was going to thank him too for taking care of Darcy while I was…out. I knocked, walked into his room after he said it was okay, I never expected him to ask me to shut the door. I was compliant and did as he asked. His room was dark, except for the moonlight coming from the naked windows.
"I just wanted to-" And then he was there. From the shadows formed this boy who, in the same breath, had me pressed tightly against him in an unbreakable embrace. My mind, quite literally, shut down. I had my arms laying by my sides dead as they could be.
Chris…Chris was hugging me. Chris was trying to make me a part of him since he was hugging me so tightly. I heard a thousand girls swoon at romantic novels when the described a moment like this as the man was holding on to the female like a piece of wood to a drowning man. This time I knew what they meant. Only one other time have I felt this…wanted and needed. That was when Bobby had run to me and taken me into his arms in my room without any real reason he felt like explaining.
"I was so scared." He whispered into my ear. His voice was just as different as his actions, instead of annoyed and sarcastic, it was deep and -hurt? I felt relief seep through me though, he was just doing this as a friend. "I went to see you every night-" His arms tightened.
My eyes, if they weren't threaten to pop out by now, certainly tried to when I felt something warm and wet hit my shoulder. Oh my-he was crying. My breath abandoned me when I realized this. Chris really did care for me, this was more shocking to me than anything. He was crying, confessing and holding me and all because he cared for me. I never thought I'd see his iron, mulish attitude crumble so much, so quickly.
"I wanted to be the one who sat with you all night." Chris buried his face further in my neck. "I wanted to be the one to hold your hand. I wanted to be-" His voice hitched and my heart started to chip away. "But it was him," Chris' voice dropped lower, harsher. "He was always there. A-and now he gets to be the one to-hold you. "
I didn't know what to say. I had a million things spinning through my mind and still it was blank with shock and sympathy. My own eyes were tearing up, as much as I would love to, I couldn't brush him off and make him laugh at himself. What was I suppose to do? He was leaving himself so vulnerable at this moment, baring his heart to me as he held me in this dark room.
"I don't know what else to do for you, Kerry." One of his hands left the middle of my back to the top of my shoulder. "Please, Kerry. Please." The last word was between a barely restrained crying shudder and a whisper.
My eyes closed for the briefest of moments, my skin tingled where his tears landed. Why now, Chris? Why did you have to add to the confusion of my life? Haven't I gone through enough? I don't want to hurt anyone anymore or have anyone else hurt me.
"C-Chris…"
"Tell me." He cut me off before I could finish my statement. I bit my lip, trying to keep my words and tears inside until he finished. My heart was completely wounded by this, and even more so when he tightened his already painful embrace. "Tell me you love him." He raised his head to where his lips were just by my ear, which was probably a good thing since he was barely audible as it was.
He removed his other hand from my back and let it slide between us, to cup the side of my face as if I was going to turn suddenly and break his nose.
"Just tell me the truth." More tears, from both of us. I could keep the words in but not the tears, not any longer. "Just tell me if you love him." Both hands were around me again, was this his awkward form of fidgeting or something?
I finally found that I did have strength in my arms as I raised them up. He allowed them to come between us, and I-pushed him away gently. His blue eyes seemed to be their own living and breathing beings. I never knew his eyes to be that dark blue. They were different from Bobby's blue eyes. He was different from Bobby period.
"I-can't tell you something I-don't know." I was going to say 'unsure about' and maybe I should have since I saw his eyes lift a single veil of melancholy for an instant. "But I don't love you. Not in that way."
The way his heart shattered in his eyes was more than any normal person to take. His hands had moved to the top of my arms, and with my last statement they tightened, not painfully but noticeably. Chris' breath sounded as if it hitched in his throat and in the same instant he let his arms drop as he turned his back to me.
"Chris, I-" I let the tears roll down my face plainly. After going through what I did, what was the point of hiding things anymore? What was the point of caring for people if they never knew? "I do love you but not in the way you-want me to. I love you all." I added this pathetic explanation in a gentle whisper. His shoulders squared and I heard a cross between a cry and angered noise escape his throat.
Reaching out, I gingerly touched his shoulder, which he jerked it out of my grasp. "Get out, Kookie."
I shook my head, why did you make me do this to you Chris? I didn't ever want to hurt you. "Chris.."
"Get. Out." He snapped, his old angry self coming back into play. I just shot his heart into the next realm, why wouldn't he be snappy? "Go to him." Chris voice was a harsh whisper once more.
I left his room just as quickly as I had come in but instead of searching out Bobby, I leaned on Chris' door for a moment. Wiping the tears away from my eyes and cheeks I could only think and say one thing over and over. "I'm sorry, Chris."
