Part Five

1.

The sun just broke the horizon as I ascended the steps into the village, and the sky shone in a darkened yellow light. The canyon, though it had been asleep, was fully awake within moments of my arrival. I received a warm and relieved welcome from everyone in the village as I'd expected I would, and I myself was glad to be home again.

The entire day I was welcomed back to the canyon and questioned as to where I'd been for the past few days. Naturally, I had no explanation other than 'I was out.' I wanted to tell someone, anyone, what I'd seen, but I knew I couldn't. And I couldn't think of anything else to tell them. Maybe I'd gone to Costa del Sol, or maybe to see the humans in Corel. But why? It felt wrong lying to them... I didn't feel good doing it.

But the mere fact that I could and did lie to them showed me that there had been some sort of change inside me. Something had caused me to see the canyon's people in a different light. Something allowed me to lie to them. ...I don't know how to describe what it felt like except to say that it just didn't feel quite right, that something had happened in those past couple days. I found myself restless now that I was back within Cosmo Canyon's walls.

Cloud came to the Canyon soon after my return, although he did not come to welcome me back. He brought with him some very troubling news.

"Red, they're all gone," he said in a flat tone when he arrived.

I didn't understand at first, but his voice concerned me. "What do you mean?"

"Everyone from Costa del Sol. They've all disappeared."

"What? Everyone? How is that possible?" I could tell he was serious. "What happened?"

"I don't know. It was so sudden. I woke up this morning and the town was empty. They were just gone. Their belongings are still in their homes, but the people are missing. I've looked all day, but I haven't found anyone at all. It's like they just vanished onto thin air."

What he said shocked me. "Well, calm down some and think. Do you remember anything that someone may have said to you yesterday, somewhere they may have gone?"

"No. I thought about it the entire day today. Nothing. Nowhere."

I could tell he was grasping for answers desperately, and I could tell he was finding nothing. He feared for his safety. I worried about him too. How could an entire town of people disappear overnight? Why was Cloud left behind?

"Red, can I stay here in Cosmo Canyon for a while? Just until I can figure things out?"

"Of course. I think maybe you should. At least for a couple weeks or so."

He looked relieved at my agreement. He apparently had come with no intention of leaving either, as he had brought with him a small carload of belongings, mostly clothes. He moved with me into Grandfather's house, and again I made a makeshift bed for him on its first floor. By nightfall Cloud had fully moved in and readied himself to stay the night.

Not much was said about Costa del Sol the rest of the night, but neither of us stopped thinking about it. An entire town...

2.

"Really it didn't happen all at once. There have been people disappearing for months now, but it was only one or two at a time then. Over the past few days though the number increased dramatically. Almost half the town disappeared overnight last night."

Cloud and I stood outside Grandfather's house, looking out into the nighttime darkness over the edge of the canyon. A thick layer of clouds covered the sky, cast in a shade of dark brown, a slightly rusty color.

"For months? Why didn't you leave the town earlier?" I turned my head to him.

"I don't know. It didn't seem like a problem until a few days ago. But I'd heard you had disappeared as well, so I guess I figured I'd wait to see if you would return... Seems stupid now."

"Don't worry about it, Cloud. There's nothing to do about it now. We'll find out what happened soon, and then we'll worry about it."

Cloud turned to look at me with a puzzled expression on his face. "Where were you?"

"What do you mean?" I tried to pretend I didn't understand his question.

"When you went missing. Where were you?"

"Oh..." I wanted to tell him, but I couldn't, so I stalled. "Why?"

"I don't know. I thought the same thing had happened to you that had been happening to the people in Costa del Sol. I was just wondering. I mean, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"Well..." The pressure quickly overwhelmed me, and before I knew it, the secret was spoken. "Cloud, can you keep a secret?"

"Maybe," he said in a deceivingly serious manner. "It depends on the secret."

His response put doubts into my mind. "Maybe I shouldn't tell you."

"No, no. I was kidding. If you feel like it needs to be kept a secret, I'll keep it a secret."

I was still hesitant. "...Well... Let me say first that you were wrong."

"About?"

"I found them while I was gone."

Unsurprisingly, he still did not understand.

"Cloud, these past few days that I've been missing I've been living with a family of my own kind," I said bluntly.

"What?" He was in disbelief. "Really?"

I nodded, smiling. "I still can hardly believe it myself. It's amazing."

"Where?" Cloud seemed able only to speak one word at a time.

"I promised not to tell. They don't want to be known about by the outside world and humanity."

His disbelief suddenly shifted to non-belief. "Why?"

"I... I don't know. They've been living there for a long time."

I wanted to tell him. I wanted him to believe me. I wanted him to know it was true. But I didn't know the answer to his question and could say nothing. Silently, I looked off at the dirty clouds in the distance. I could feel Cloud's stare for a moment, and then he too was looking off into the distance.

"I'm telling the truth," I said without breaking my gaze.

Cloud said nothing and walked away. Frustrated, I sighed sharply.

He took a few steps away from me and stopped. "Red?" he called back. "Do you see that light?"

I turned to look at Cloud who was on the northern edge of the plateau, near the place I'd fallen from.

"You should stay away from that spot," I said to him lifelessly. "The ground there isn't very stable. It's dangerous."

Cloud backed up a few steps and asked again, "Do you see it? In the north."

I walked over to him, searching for the light, at first unsuccessfully. I thought maybe Cloud was trying to get a point across to me, but then I saw it, very faintly at first, but more and more clearly as the seconds passed.

Over the top of the mountains in the north, rays of light shone up into the clouds in a vibrant pale green color, fluctuating in intensity and position fairly rapidly. The rays swayed back and forth in the sky like the shadows cast by a light moving through the trunks of trees in a forest.

"What is that?" I asked.

We both stood quietly watching the lights play back and forth below the bank of clouds.

"I don't know," came his reply.

The lights looked to be emanating from a single source on the opposite side of the mountain. They radiated outward like a fan.

"It's not making any noise, whatever it is. Unsettling." Cloud spoke in whispers, almost as though he were afraid to speak up lest he should be discovered.

As I watched, an inexplicable feeling of anxiety and dread crossed me, and I couldn't shake it off. It gripped me and held me, nearly paralyzed, to my spot.

"I don't know why, but that light worries me. Something about it... frightens me." The dread and anxiety grew within me to an almost unbearable level, even as I spoke.

"Is that why you're worried," he stated. "They're out there by that light, aren't they, Red?"

"You believe me then?" I glanced at him quickly.

"I never said I didn't. But that's why you're worried, isn't it?"

"Maybe." I didn't think so. There was something else, I thought. ...Cloud... His comments put even more fear into my mind. "It's coming."

3.

The lights shone over the mountains for the remainder of the night and were, by morning, gone. Cloud had spoken the truth the night before. The lights seemed to have come from the direction of the laboratory where Malaika's family lived. I was worried about her.

I left before Cloud woke up. Day had broken before I got to the lake in the mountains. I stepped behind the waterfall and entered the blue cavern with the stalagmite waves. The light from the materia on the altar was out, leaving the cavern very dark. I leaned in close to the altar as I remembered Erevu had done before, but nothing happened. The long hallway to the lab remained hidden. I tried again, but with no more luck. Unable to get into the lab, I walked back outside. By the lake I saw Malaika standing alone, looking rather distressed.

Quickly running up to her, I asked "What's wrong? Are you alright?"

She looked behind herself at the waterfall which rushed faintly into the lake.

"My brother is missing."

"Bikhai?"

"No. Erevu. He's been missing since last night sometime. Bikhai is out looking for him."

"He disappeared last night?"

"Without a trace. Where would he go?"

"Maybe he just... went out. I'm sure he'll be back."

"I can smell him all around the lake. And I found blood on the ground by the mouth of the cave next to the waterfall."

Blood. I didn't know what to say.

"Now you understand why I'm so scared."

As she spoke, I saw something move behind a large rock on the side of the mountain.

"He'll be fine, I'm sure," I said. "Erevu seems very smart. If he's in trouble he'll find a way to get safe."

I saw the movement again. My heart jumped as a flash of yellow dove back behind the large rock. My heart jumped. I'd not left so early as I thought. He'd followed me. My body burned in shock and budding anger.

"Do you think so?" Malaika asked me.

My attention was not really on her, but on the rock Cloud hid behind. I looked at her only just long enough to say "definitely." I kept myself calm outwardly, excused myself, and walked away from Malaika over to where Cloud lay hidden.

"What are you doing here?" I hissed angrily at him, being careful to keep my voice down so as not to alert Malaika.

"...Is that...?" He was fixed on Malaika.

"Why did you follow me?"

He seemed to notice me finally. "Is she for real?" he asked, looking at me in awe.

"Cloud, why did you follow me?" I demanded. I calmed down slightly.

"I... I wanted to see if-"

"If I told the truth? Cloud, why would I lie?"

"You were always telling the truth?"

"Yes," I explained, calming a little. "These past years I haven't been lying." The anger quickly sparked back up. "I can't believe you thought that. And you followed me!" I tried to keep my voice down.

"I just wanted to see for sure..."

"That's childish, Cloud. You-" I was cut off by a voice behind me.

"Nanaki?"

I turned to find Malaika staring blankly at Cloud, frozen in her place.

Oh no. "Malaika," was all I could say. My chest burned. My heart felt like it was about to burst. I felt like a thief, caught red-handed.

She glanced blankly at me for a second and then back at Cloud.

"I..." Again I could not complete a thought.

Abruptly, Malaika ran away from me, back toward the cave. She was gone behind the waterfall before I had a chance to react.

"Oh no..." came out of me, and then I exploded at Cloud. "Cloud! Get out of here! Now!" I snarled the words and then ran after Malaika.

The cave behind the waterfall was closed off when I got to it. For a few moments I waited beside it, trying to explain to Malaika in my mind why I'd brought a human to her home, trying to calm myself down. My broken leg shook erratically under the weight of my thoughts. Behind me, Cloud sat on the ground, stunned. I'd never said anything like that to him. I was, in his eyes, a pacifist. It caught him off-guard. He may actually have thought I was going to hurt him. I looked again behind the waterfall. No entrance yet. Below me I saw a red stain on the rocks. How could I explain to her? The cave entrance rumbled open, and I entered. The cave was lit by the materia on the altar. I leaned in to it and entered the darkened hallway behind the altar.

I came into a darkened, empty laboratory. A wall of cold lab equipment greeted me.

"Malaika?" My voice seemed to echo in the emptiness as I called out to her. "Just listen. Please. I didn't realize he was there. He followed me. I didn't bring him here. Honestly. I didn't know about it. Please believe me."

The deafening echoes were my response. The silence of the lab was not broken.

Anger rose up in me, directed not at Malaika, but Cloud. I couldn't believe what had just happened. I'd lost her trust—more simply, I'd lost her—because Cloud felt like following me, because he didn't trust me and what I said to him. They were all hiding from me now like I was some sort of monster.

"What can I do to prove it to you?"

Silence. I let out an irritated sigh and turned to leave.

"Are you telling the truth?"

I stopped and turned. Malaika stood in front of me on the edge of the line of machines. Behind her stood her mother, a pair of white eyes watching from the shadows.

"Of course I am. I wouldn't lie to you."

The lights in the lab turned back on, and the mechanical doors closed behind me.

"Then I believe you. I trust you."

The vigilant eyes disappeared into the machinery.

She said she trusted me and allowed me to stay with her that day, but I felt she was more reserved when she spoke to me. There was an uncomfortable tension between us. But I really couldn't blame her for being reserved. She didn't know Cloud as I did. All she saw was a human I'd brought to her home. But at least she spoke to me. None of the others in the lab would even come close to me, let alone speak with me.

"You know, Cloud is a very good person," I said to Malaika later that day. "There is no need to fear him."

"I'm sure your friend is a fine human, but... I'm not ready yet."

"I understand," I said, and didn't. Of course, I hadn't lived my life separated from the world, so I couldn't truly understand.

I stayed in the uncomfortable environment for most of the rest of the day with Malaika, talking to her. A few times we got on the topic of her missing brother again. I could see clearly that his absence distressed her. We spoke about it, but, as with everything else that day, it was severely strained and very uncomfortable. I now felt as uncomfortable in the lab as I'd felt in Cosmo Canyon.

I couldn't take it, and near the end of the day I left the lab. The family seemed even to breathe a collective sigh of relief as I left. The entrance of the cavern was closed as I came to it, the cavern veiled in darkness. Again the light from the materia was out. Quickly I became accustomed to the darkness and could see. First, I went to the altar and inspected it. The materia still lay in its place, but it appeared to be inactive. I couldn't open the door to the outside. I tried to find the door to see if I could open it manually, but to no avail. I was stuck.

But as I turned, somewhat against my will, to go back into the laboratory, I heard the rumble of moving rocks. Light rushed forth into the cavern and a strong wind was upon me, blowing in from the lake and the waterfall, spraying a mist of water at me. The light shocked me, and I turned, squinting to see.

The scattered light of a sunset glimmered brightly through the rushing waterfall in broken reds and oranges, peering around a large silhouetted figure standing in the doorway. Its shadow stretched across the cavern and engulfed me. An animal with a mane. I could see no detail in the silhouette, but I knew who it was.

A deep voice rose over rush of the falls. "Red XIII. You brought a human here?"

"Not of my own accord," I answered, still squinting to see.

"My mother told me." He said it more for himself than for me.

The wind howled alone for a moment. Bikhai didn't move; he stood across the doorway, barring my exit.

"Bikhai, what do-"

"Red XIII, why are you here? We didn't invite you into our family. We didn't ask you to come to this place. We don't want you here."

"What have I done to make you hate me?"

"You have destroyed our lives and relationships. Red XIII, you and what you stand for are what I hate. You and what you stand for are unneeded and unwanted here. You must leave."

Bikhai walked into the cavern as he spoke, speaking forcefully, with pure animosity. Detail came into his silhouette as he came closer; I could see the fire in his eyes. He finished speaking as he passed me. I watched as he walked back behind the altar and into the dark hallway leading to the lab. Its entrance closed behind him, and the materia on the altar glowed again. The wind had died down, and now all that could be heard was the frantic rush of the waterfall. Quietly, after a moment of watching the wall, trying to think, I turned and left.

4.

For some reason the walk back home seemed longer that time. Perhaps I dreaded returning to the canyon and the people in it, returning to Cloud and humanity and the discomfort I'd felt last time I returned home. Perhaps I dreaded leaving Malaika, leaving Bikhai to spread his poison amidst the family. Perhaps, even, I dreaded the time when I eventually would return to Malaika and face either her acceptance or her hatred.

Night had set itself deeply into the sky by the time I reached the canyon. The village slept. I quietly made my way up to Grandfather's house. It was empty. Cloud must have opted to sleep at the Shildra Inn above the pub. Or maybe he'd left the canyon. But to where?

I spent the night, awake, on the second level of the of the observatory thinking, though precisely about what, I couldn't say. I had the distinct feeling of being trapped, and I couldn't figure out why. Many things came to my mind. I relived the events of that day—like a chain of bad happenings. First, Cloud crept into my mind. He followed me to the lab. I ended up about as mad as I'd ever been at him. I felt badly about snarling at him even though I probably shouldn't have felt so. I really hurt him though. I would have to do something to try to mend our relations. Cloud slipped out and Malaika slipped in. I could see her shocked face as she looked at me talking with Cloud, and I could see her shutting herself off from me in the laboratory. I'd lost her trust, despite what she may have said. I remembered Anand watching me from the shadows, protecting her daughter from me. And Bikhai closed the door. They all portrayed me as a villain now, and had tried to protect themselves from me. They had distanced themselves from me.

The night drifted slowly by, passing me up with ease, and after an eternity and before I realized it, morning arose. My senses, numbed by sleeplessness and fatigue, felt nothing, and even after I saw the weak light of morning filtering in through a window above me I didn't move.

A few more hours passed before I got up to start my day. I rose on unstable, shaky legs and stretched. As I climbed down the ladder to the first floor of the observatory I heard a distant knocking through a fog of air—I was quite a bit more tired than I thought. Sleepily I opened the front door of the house and found myself face to face with Cloud. Unfazed, I looked past him and saw Kero at the top of the ladder leading down to the rest of the village, looking a bit worried.

"Come in," I said, looking at Kero.

Cloud cautiously walked in, and I closed the door behind him.

"Cloud. You stayed," I said flatly. Fatigue gripped me. Suddenly I wanted nothing more than to sleep.

"Yes," he said back in the same manner.

"You slept at the inn then?"

"I stayed at the inn. I didn't sleep well last night."

I smiled dreamily.

"You too?" he asked.

"I'm glad you're here. There's something I want to tell you. About yesterday..." I paused. "I... I didn't mean to lose my temper like that." One of the few times in my life I've had to apologize for any of my actions.

"Red, you don't have anything to apologize for. I should be doing that. I shouldn't have been there."

"What's done is done, I guess. No use going back and trying to change it now. I just felt like I had to say something to you though. It troubled me last night."

Now Cloud smiled faintly.

"So..." I said. "...Now you know, huh?"

"About your friend? I just can't believe it. You were right. About everything. I suppose the rest of her family is real too?"

"You haven't told anyone have you?" I asked.

"Why? Don't you trust this with anybody else in the canyon?"

"I don't think it's a matter of trust, really. At least not for anyone in the canyon."

Maybe I lied, maybe I didn't. The words just came out of my mouth. Maybe it was a lie, maybe it wasn't.

"You said there are more than just the one I saw?"

"You saw Malaika. There are six others: two brothers, one sister, two parents, and a grandfather named Panth, though one of the brothers has gone missing." I didn't feel up to telling him the nature of Malaika's 'family.'

"Hey, I saw those lights again last night, same place as before. I was coming up to see if you'd returned from the mountains and to talk to you, but I decided against it right outside the house. It was then I saw them, off over the mountains, same place as night before last, like I said."

"How long were they there?"

"I only watched them for about twenty minutes. They disappeared for a few minutes after that and then came back. When I returned to the pub they were still there."

A troubled sigh escaped me.

"They are out there," Cloud said. He finally believed me. "When are you leaving?"

"Huh?"

"To see if Malaika is alright. You are going, right?"

I hesitated for a moment. "I... I don't know. I may..." I said foggily.

"How could you not?"

"...I think it would be best if I were to stay away from there, at least for the time being."

"But why?"

"Just to let things... calm down."

"From what?" Cloud already knew the answer. "Me?"

I didn't answer.

"What happened after she saw me?"

"Malaika and her family aren't very trusting of humans. It's no wonder, if you think about it. The only humans most of them remember are the scientists who im-prisoned them."

"Imprisoned them?"

"Inside that mountain we were at yesterday is a scientific laboratory. Malaika and the others were captured and taken there for protection during the GI War. During that time, they had tests performed on them as part of a recovery program for my species by the lab's scientists. Those scientists left after a time, but Malaika and her family didn't. They wanted to stay out of the public eye, away from... well, humanity. They have grown up bearing some animosity toward humans and outsiders to their group in general because of their imprisonment in that laboratory. Seeing you talking to me yesterday sparked some of that animosity, and it spread like wildfire through to the others. They shut themselves off from me because of... my connection to you."

"I'm sorry..."

"It's nothing to be apologetic about. They just don't know you as well as I do."

Cloud seemed to agree and excused himself rather abruptly to go get something to eat, leaving me alone again at the door to Grandfather's house. I, still half-asleep, watched him go, watched him climb down the ladder leading below, and watched the hatch close down on the ladder after him, and then all was quiet. From down below in the village came the soft rustle and clamor of people milling around through their daily routines. A bird flew by, uttering a piercing screech as it passed, and flew off into the distance over the canyon. And again all was quiet.

Most of the rest of the day followed in that same quiet. A cool breeze flew in lazily from the north, keeping the day cooler than normal for that time of the year. I was alone for most of the day, locked up on top of the canyon.

5.

The time rolled by that day, and, as much as I tried not to think about her, Malaika slipped into my thoughts. How could I patch up our relations? She said she'd understood that it wasn't my fault, that I'd been followed without my knowing. Maybe understanding just wasn't enough. I thought again about what Bikhai said to me. What I stand for... What did I stand for?

I left the canyon about midday, not really knowing where to go. For the first time in a few months the leg I'd broken the previous year physically hurt me. The last time it had hurt had preceded by a day a strong storm that swept in over the ocean. The storm lasted for several days, dumping torrential rainfall all across the canyon, even flooding some parts at lower elevations. The Cosmo Candle was nearly put out, and the entire time a piercing pain shot all through my leg. As I limped silently away from the canyon, the storm came to my mind.

I made my way to the ocean—the walking seemed at least to some extent to help my leg—and began to walk along the beach. The sky showed no sign of the storm I felt. A vivid blue stretched out as far as I could see, broken by intermittent puffs of white, to a point where sky and sea melted into one. Waves rolled in and out, bringing new sand to the beach and taking old sand back out to sea, over and over again in a cycle. At every moment the beach was new. I watched with interest as the undertow took its hold on the sand. It was mesmerizing. I don't know how long I walked (time seemed to lose its measure after a while) but I know I walked a great distance. Nothing changed, and so time lost its measure.

And I didn't even notice it at first, probably because my mind wasn't with me. Maybe I thought what I saw walking calmly, plain as day, toward me along the beach was my reflection in the wet sand, or maybe it was a mirage. Maybe it was a dream. In any case, before I could truly realize it, the dream was upon me.

"You were coming to visit us?" the mirage asked me.

I looked away from the ocean and stopped walking. Panth stood before me on the sand.

"No," was my simple reply. It still didn't quite register with whom I talked.

"Are you afraid?"

I didn't answer.

"Of what are you afraid, Nanaki?"

I looked Panth in the eyes. He seemed to be able to look into me, at what I was thinking, at how I felt. I didn't have to say anything; he already knew.

"You know that feeling as well as I do," he said. "To know complete isolation is to know fear intimately. Don't isolate your self from us because of what has happened. Don't be afraid anymore. You will never again be alone." He paused for a moment. "Bikhai has spoken to you?"

"Yes."

"Don't let what he says influence you. He is strong, but both he and what he says are immature. They are driven by fear."

"Of what?"

Only the quiet surging and receding of the ocean tide could be heard.

"My grandson, the only thing he fears is that which he cannot know, what he cannot control. He fears that which has not yet happened."

The tide surged in more powerfully than before, rolling up past me, rolling over my feet; I felt its undertow push and then pull me.

"I wish you would come back. If not for anyone else, then for Malaika. She misses you. She always has."

Always? I'd only met her just recently.

"And bring that human friend of yours along when you come."

"Cloud?"

"Yes. Coming to know humans again may not be so bad an idea. I fear our time living in our home may be coming to a close. Please do bring Cloud with you when you come." With that he turned and began walking away. After a few steps, though, he stopped and faced me again. "It's a frightening thought, not knowing what will come. Looking uncertainty in the face. But the first step is the hardest. The rest will follow." He was finished now, and he turned and padded away as he had come, walking along the beach, a mirage on the sand.

6.

I walked back to the canyon thinking about what to do. Going back to the laboratory so soon? I hadn't planned on it. In fact, I'd planned against it. I'd planned on staying away from there for a week or so to let the shock over my having introduced a human to the environment die down. And now Panth wanted me to run right back and do it again? How could I do that? I'd be risking everything, all the trust that was left, in bringing Cloud back. No, I wouldn't. Not yet.

When I arrived in the canyon, I said nothing to Cloud.

Night fell, and I lay outside watching the lights in the night sky over the mountains. Cloud was in the house in Grandfather's observatory. The telescope probed the sky.

Sleep beckoned constantly to me. It had been nearly 48 hours since I'd last slept. The lights continued as I got up to go inside.

"Cloud," I called up into the observatory once indoors.

"The lights are out again tonight." There was a slight pause, and then I heard Cloud climbing down the ladders to the first floor. "It's become quite a regular occurrence lately, huh?" He appeared at the base of the ladder.

"Yeah..."

"You're still worried?"

"...They want me to come back. And they want you to come with me."

"What?" He didn't believe me at first.

I said it again.

"Why? Why would they want me to come back? I thought they didn't like humans."

"Honestly, it's not all of them who want you back. Only one, the 'father' of the family, you might say, wants it. He seems to think that they won't be able to live in the laboratory much longer and that becoming acquainted with humans may be a good idea."

An air of apprehension had suddenly surrounded Cloud. I could feel it.

"Alright," he said after a moment. "I'll go with you. When are you going back?"

"I don't know. Panth, the one who wants me to bring you back, made it seem pretty urgent. But I don't know if we should go so soon."

"Tell me then when you're ready—" A yawn broke his speech. I yawned too, almost in response to his yawn. "I need to get some sleep."

"Me too."

"I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

Cloud opened the door outside, and I thought for a moment I saw the lights shining in the sky directly behind him. He waved good-bye, I lifted a paw, and he left for the pub. For some reason he wanted to stay at the inn again that night. It didn't bother me as much as it probably should have. Maybe it just didn't matter anymore. I didn't ask him to stay.

I didn't get much sleep that night or the next few days. The lights kept me company during the night. My thoughts were troubled by the matter at hand. So many things had happened in such a short time... It was hard for me to process it all. Such good things had happened recently. And even more recently, those good things had begun to go bad. Could I stop the decay of things? That was was troubled me. What Malaika had said. What Bikhai had said. What Panth had said. There was a connection in all of it. There was something they had said that I hadn't heard, and it bothered me.

Sometime in the early morning of that first night I fell asleep and woke up groggily a few hours later with a soft ray of sunshine on my face. I couldn't decide that day to return to the lab, nor could I the day after, or the day after that. It bothered me.

'Cloud," I asked later that third day, "what do you think about it?" I'd found him in the diner on the level below Grandfather's house.

"What do you mean? About Panth? About going back?"

I nodded.

"I think you should do what you feel needs to be done." He said it without hesitation, like had practiced saying it beforehand, knowing I would ask.

"I can't just walk away now," I said to him, "but I can't see how I could go back either."

"Why?"

I couldn't answer. I didn't know. Maybe that too was part of what bothered me. "I..." I struggled with the words, and the explanation wouldn't come.

"When do you want to go?"

"I don't know. ...Tomorrow, maybe. I need more time to think."

"Red, do what's needed. I'm sure you don't need to think to know what you need to do."

"Yeah. Thanks," I said, and began off.

"I'll be ready tomorrow."

That day I tried to think, but I couldn't get past what they had said to me. I'd already decided to return to the lab, but I wanted to know why I was so anxious about my return.

'Are you telling the truth? Then I believe you. I trust you.'

'Red XIII, you and what you stand for are unneeded and unwanted here. ...We don't want you here.'

'He is strong, but both he and what he says are immature. They are driven by fear. …It's a frightening thought, not knowing what will come.'

I tried to make a connection, and I couldn't. No matter how I looked at what they said, I couldn't connect them all together. I could see that Panth spoke of Bikhai. But Malaika didn't fit into the picture. He hadn't spoken of her. Or maybe that wasn't it. I looked again. Malaika said she believed me. She renewed her trust in me. Panth had done the same in coming to find me. But Bikhai didn't fit now. There was no trust to speak of. It didn't work.

It took me the rest of that day and half the night before I saw it in the right light. I'd been looking at it all wrong. It had never been what they said, but why they said it. I finally understood what I stood for in Bikhai's eyes, and I could see it in everything they said. Sudden relief surged forth, and my dilemma was washed away. I felt much better, almost as though I were lighter. I could sleep now.

I'd been pacing, I realized, along the grounds of the first level of Grandfather's house and had come to a halt directly in front of a window showing the moon and the night sky outside. I dipped into a deep stretch, and a yawn escaped me. Looking around, fatigue again hit me; I'd been putting it off for more and more time now. Grandfather's house was dimly lit, seeming to invite me to sleep, and I was happy finally to oblige. Sleep came easily that night.