(Author's note) First time attempt at a humor fanfic. It's atrocious I know. Please forgive me.

I do not own Legacy of Kain. The series and characters and such belong to Eidos and Crystal Dynamics.

"I'm telling you he doesn't say that." God how annoying he can be sometimes. He just can't stand to see me happy.

"You can sit there and pout all you want to but I'm telling you...he admits it right on screen." This is my...'friend'...we'll call him Hank. Hank likes to argue...specifically with me. About anything. But this time he's just gone too far. He seems pretty confident that he's right...but he's just wrong. End of story. Wrong.

"God," I say through gritted teeth. "You haven't even played the game in six months. With your attention span you probably forgot half the storyline anyway." We have been having this same argument for the past week. I never should've gone to that Italian restaurant with him and our friends...maybe he never would have thought of it.

"I'm tellin' ya. I heard it myself. I played the same game as you did. You know, a lot of people who are just as big of fans as you tend to agree with me."

"That doesn't make it true!..." I was going to hurt him...bad...so bad. Why couldn't he just let me have my fantasies? Was it really such a big deal that I liked Kain so much? "...Alright, that's it. We settle this here. I'm getting your Defiance disc. And when I show you that you are 100, absolutely, positively, wrong, then you better shut up about this! OK?"

"OK. But I know what I heard."

I almost wanted to throw the disc at him. I couldn't believe he just wouldn't shut up about it. After a bit of a struggle with the release button for the disc, I finally got the PS2 on, waited through the PS2 intro (I've grown to think that the heaven's entrance music is there to mock me)...and I wait. And wait. And...read disc error?

"Are you sure you even know how to play this thing?" he asks.

"Shut up! I got it already. Alright...now...go to Dark Chronicle...load...which clip is it again?"

"How should I know...you're the one who thinks she knows more about it then anyone else... Shouldn't you know which one it is?"

"You're the one who!..." No. I wouldn't let him see me too upset. That only lets him win.

"Ok" I say, trying to remain calm. "Let's try The Blood Curse."

" In their defeat the Vampires' enemy retaliated with a terrible curse-afflicting the Vampires with the bloodthirst that turned their once-noble race into ravenous predators..."

"Yes that's all fine and dramatic but that's the wrong one." Of course he had to state the obvious.

"Alright fine," I say after two more tries and still no luck. "One more time. Let's try The Dark Gift Is Passed."

"These images chronicled Vorador's creation. As I already knew..."

Suddenly I felt a slight tapping on my shoulder. Looking at my right was my supposed friend...wiggling his index finger limply.

...I'll never forgive the breadstick that started this conversation.

"...for their enemies had cursed them not only with the bloodthrist...

"Ah ha!" I cried, jumping up and down, pointing at the screen. "Ah ha! Ah ha! Ah ha! I told you! See...He says sterility...not impotence!"

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