Title: When I'm Gone
Author blah blah on the first chapter.
AN: Last chapters musical reference was….. "Think Twice" by Eve 6. The lyrics amuse me, you should go and hunt them down.
Can I really say thank you enough for the reviews? Seriously…I'm stunned into happiness as to the shear number I received for Chapter 6, please keep it up…I love it so much to see that someone else is enjoying the fruits of my labor.
Chapter 7: Harder to Breathe
Kate took the basketball and put it squarely in the net, earning a cheer from her competitor.
"You aren't supposed to cheer for me!" she exclaimed in a well-meaning tone.
"That's ok, momma, I'm allowed to cheer for you."
Kate laughed at that and handed the ball over to her smaller counterpart, lifting him up enough so he could make a basket also. Today he had seemed fine: talkative, smiling and being a kid; she hoped it would last.
As she set Jake down on the concrete, a voice from behind her got her attention.
"Who won?"
Kate spun around and any words caught in her throat. He looked…different. The haircut she had thought was ridiculous for a man his age was gone. Long shaggy locks were completely cut off, and they had shaved the top down to just a bit longer than the rest, creating a fade around the crown of his head.
He looked professional…and sexy as hell. Kate always had a thing for the buzz cut look, and this was damn close. Too close for her own good.
She had been staring at him so intently that she didn't realize Jake had left her side until Gibbs bent down to let him touch his hair.
Distracting herself, she picked up the basketball that she had purchased that afternoon while she and Jake waited for Gibbs. They had found a park across the street from the barbershop.
"You want to touch it too, Kate?"
She snapped her head up to find him grinning at her. "No, thanks. It's a great improvement though."
He ran his own hand over it. "Yeah, I think I could get used to it. Almost no maintenance."
She gave him a shy smile, although inside she was fighting off the urge to jump him.
He stared at her a minute, then broke out in a wide grin again; Kate knew this was not good news for her. Gibbs closed the distance between them, reached out, and snatched the ball away from her.
He dribbled a few times – not well – and shot at the bucket. The ball clanged off the metal rim and returned to him.
"Hmmm, been awhile." He pinned her with a look. "You and me."
"What?"
"One on one to twenty one." He was talking like an excited child now. "Josh, you keep score, buddy: whoever gets to twenty one baskets first wins. Can you do that?" The boy nodded eagerly and held up both hands. "Great -- you need help, let us know."
"Ok!"
"John…" He cut her off by throwing the ball at her chest. She caught it easily.
"I'll even give you point first…and five points."
Now she raised one eyebrow; she wasn't going to back down from that. "Keep your five points."
He shrugged and stood directly in front of her, swaying back and forth.
"Don't hurt yourself," she said, and faked to the left as she and the ball went right, easily making it to the rim and scoring. At his surprised look, she shrugged back. "Three older brothers, they wouldn't let me play until I could play. That's one for me, Josh."
Josh nodded and giggled slightly, raising a finger on his left hand.
She tossed him the ball and took up a defensive stance.
For nearly thirty minutes, they jostled back and forth -- neither giving an inch, but Kate could tell he was holding back just a little bit. They were both soaked in sweat despite the cool fall temperature, but neither cared, they were having too good a time.
With the score tied fifteen all, Kate checked the ball to him. He started to go right, but swiftly changed directions, going hard to the basket-not holding back in the least. Unfortunately, Kate had read his fake and placed herself square in his way, taking his charge full force to the chest.
He only felt her small body against his larger one for a second before she crashed to the hard concrete.
"Kate!"
"Momma!"
Jake came running over as Gibbs bent next to her. She started to sit up, but he could tell she was having a hard time breathing. He ran his eyes over her body, looking for signs of injury, finding nothing.
"Kate? You ok?"
"Momma…" Jake whined.
She gave them a "one minute" gesture with her hand and struggled to get in a breath. Gibbs instantly recognized what happened.
He put one hand around Jake's waist and patted him lightly. "She's ok, little man. Just got the wind knocked out of her."
Kate nodded and gave the boy a small smile; it was easier for her to breathe now and she almost trusted her voice.
"I'm fine, really."
Gibbs turned his attention back to her. "Kate, I'm sorry."
She waved him off and took a deeper breath. "Its ok, John. No harm done. Trust me, I've been hit harder."
He gave her a curious look but nodded and stood, holding one hand out to her. She took it and he pulled her up.
"Game over…it's a tie," he said.
"Oh no, you aren't getting out of it that easy. I was kicking your ass."
"You were not. Besides it's getting late."
She raised one eyebrow. She felt fine now, but he was right -- it was late and they still needed to eat. "Fine, but rematch, later."
"You're on."
They gathered their discarded coats from the bench near the court and in ten minutes were home.
When they pulled into the driveway, Kate and Gibbs both noticed their neighbor to the right outside pulling dead flowers from the garden. It was a younger woman, probably a little older than Kate, and she turned around when the car door slammed, instantly noticing them.
"Well, hello neighbors!" she waved, and the group stopped. This was the first time they had been put to the test together and Kate was nervous. One slip up and it could be all over.
"Hello!" Kate called back in a friendly voice, but tightened her grip on Jake's shoulders just a little bit and pulled him in toward her.
"You must be the new neighbors…" Her voice was light and friendly, with a thick New York accent. She moved toward them and removed a gardening glove, holding out her hand to Gibbs. He eyed her critically, long brown hair was swept up in a high ponytail, tendrils loose around her face from working, she had a slight flush, but her dark brown eyes gave only the hint of a friendly neighbor.
"We sure are," he said evenly and shook her hand briefly. "I'm John Mitchell, this is my wife Katherine and our boy Josh."
"Nice to meet you. That condo's been empty so long I was beginning to wonder if anyone was going to move in." She bent down to Jake's level. "Aren't you just the cutest thing."
Jake pressed into Kate's legs harder, a little wary of the woman in front of him. She placed a reassuring hand on his head.
"Sorry, he's a little shy."
"Oh, no problem, my boys were that way when they were his age. Oh! My manners! I'm Natalie Carrera. I'm guessing you aren't from here? No accent and all."
"No, we aren't," Kate responded.
"I see. Well, if you need any help let me know -- I've lived in this city my whole life." Her face lit up at the mention of her home.
"Thank you, Natalie. If you'll excuse us…"
"Oh, of course, Katherine. Have a lovely night."
"Kate, you can call me Kate. Everyone does. Thank you, you too."
With that, Kate steered Jake toward the front steps, Gibbs close behind. He leaned into her and whispered in her ear.
"Everything is going to be just fine."
She nodded, not entirely convinced.
By eleven that night, everyone was in bed, exhausted from the day. Gibbs had asked her one more time if she was all right. Kate had assured him she was fine, but as she lay on the bed, Kate could feel an ache starting on her chest. Touching the area, she knew there would be a bruise in the morning and chuckled.
She had fun that afternoon, despite being laid out on the concrete. Kate had never pictured Gibbs as having fun aside from his boat. But out here, away from DC and their real jobs and real lives they seemed to be a bit freer.
Maybe freer wasn't it. Maybe this was Gibbs at home, away from the office. It was a side never seen by those he worked with, so how could Kate say this wasn't how Gibbs was at home. Or when he was married. Kate still didn't know the reasons behind all his divorces, aside from her own speculation on one and three.
If this was the Gibbs that existed at home when he was married, then Kate couldn't figure out why he was three times divorced. Then again, she had only been living with him for four days.
Rolling over, she shifted to relive some of the discomfort and slipped into sleep.
The morning came much too quickly for her liking, her internal alarm notifying her when the clock struck 6 am. Kate sighed and rolled out of bed, yawning.
She debated going for a run before Gibbs left, but nixed the idea; maybe not his first day of work, since the potential for chaos was already too high.
So instead, she put on her slippers. As she opened the bedroom door, she heard the water on in the bathroom. Kate checked on Jake, who was still sound asleep, and headed downstairs to start coffee for the adults.
Kate had decided to make a schedule for Jake; it would make it easier for him to adjust. Already they had him on an up at 7, in bed by 9 routine that seemed to be working out. Now she needed to work out schooling.
She poured a cup of coffee and headed to the dining room, pulling out the information she had printed on home schooling. It was extensive; there were sample schedules and curriculums along with links where to get books and materials. Kate took this as a challenge, and as with every challenge in her life, she went at it head on and prepared.
She was so engrossed in the sheer amount of paperwork required by the state, some of which the government had already thoughtfully completed, that Kate didn't even hear Gibbs come down the stairs. She was only alerted to his presence when he stopped next to her chair.
"Hey," she said without taking her eyes off the paper.
"Hey, you're up early."
She shrugged. "I'm always up this early."
"Yeah, but no work for you today."
Now she looked at him and noticed he was dressed in his pants and shirt, tie and jacket slung over his shoulder. She pointed at the papers on the table. "This is work, Gibbs, trust me."
He squeezed her shoulder and placed the items in his hand on the chair next to her, wandering into the kitchen.
A few minutes later he walked back in with coffee and toast in his hands.
"I don't suppose our government friends were good enough to arrange a paper?"
She moved a book and handed him the New York Times.
"Thanks."
She nodded again and took a long sip of her coffee.
They sat in silence for a long while, Kate shuffling things around and Gibbs flipping the paper. Shortly before seven he stood up, shrugged into his suit coat, and picked up the tie, looking at it oddly.
"Uh, Kate?"
"Yeah?" she looked up to find him standing there, holding the tie in one hand and a look of confusion on his face.
"I…don't actually know how to tie this."
"You have to be kidding me." She stood and took the material from him, making a disappointed clicking noise with her tongue. "I'm sure you were forced to go to military functions, Gibbs, how did you manage that?"
He seemed to freeze at the question. "I always had one of my wives do it; I haven't had to wear a tie since…"
"Oh, I…sorry."
She didn't say anything else, just placed the tie around his neck and under his collar. She slid her hands across his collarbone, ensuring the fabric laid flat. Continuing, she ran her fingers down the material to the ends, adjusting the length appropriately.
He nearly shuddered at the feeling of her touching his chest as she twisted the tie a few times, looping it at the top and finally tightening it around his neck adjusting his collar appropriately. She had done all this while standing mere inches from him. He could feel the heat of her body through his suit and when he looked down, saw the tops of her breasts peaking out from the opening in her robe.
"You know," she started without moving from him. "When you get home, don't untie it, then you can just slip it on next time." Her breath came out in small puffs, each one tickling his neck as she aimlessly adjusted the knot.
"Good advice," he said softly and looked her right in the eyes.
They stood staring at each other for a few moments, the air getting heavier around their bodies; the tension was nearly palpable. Neither wanted to move and break the spell, as it was almost addictive. She was addicting. But he already knew that.
Kate was intoxicating in small doses, the confident way she moved, her scent-always subtle but entirely her. But now, standing in front of him in a robe and little else, hair a mess, no makeup, and her coffee-scented breath caressing his skin…Caitlin Todd was downright dangerous.
And he didn't care. In the least.
At that second in time all he wanted was to stand forever with her. In the dining room. Without putting much thought into it, he started to lean in toward her, tilting his head, all the while keeping her deep brown eyes locked in his.
She looked surprised.
Centimeters before his lips came into contact with hers a small voice from the doorway froze him.
"Momma…"
And he internally groaned. Somehow he had forgotten all about the second grader, he had been so focused on her.
She turned from him with a look he couldn't identify and acknowledged Jake.
"Hey, buddy."
"Hungry," he said and wiped the sleep from his eyes.
"Ok," she lifted him and sat him in the chair at the head of the table. 'Let me get you a bowl of cereal."
He nodded lazily and looked at Gibbs.
"Hey, pal," the older man greeted. That's when he realized that Jake called Kate momma without thought, but never assigned Gibbs his own moniker. It could be a problem later and Gibbs followed Kate into the kitchen.
"Kate…"
She held up one hand to stop him. "I'm sorry…about the dining room, it shouldn't have happened. And…"
"Kate!" He stopped her and moved closer, leaning one hip against the counter next to her. "I wanted to ask you about Jake. He calls you Momma, but doesn't call me anything -- he never….calls me."
She seemed to consider that a moment. "I'll talk to him."
He moved away from the counter. "Thanks…and Kate?" He waited for her to look up at him. "I'm not sorry."
Later that afternoon Kate had questioned the little boy enough to figure out a lesson plan that she intended to commence the next day. They also discussed a name for Gibbs and she decided to let Jake choose.
Without a school plan in place for the day, Kate decided they should go for a walk around the area, with Jake on his bike.
The air was cool, but not cold, and they both wore coats, but no gloves. Most of the leaves were gone off the trees by now, and Thanksgiving was a mere 3 weeks away. A sharp pang went through her heart; she had planned to go to Florida to visit Jenna and the boys. Gibbs had approved her three days off and the plane tickets were on her desk at home in DC. Kate hadn't seen her sister in almost two years, when she gave birth to Kate's youngest nephew, Nicholas.
She was really looking forward to seeing the toddler and his older brother, plus her sister who she spoke to frequently. She was equally close to her brothers, though they were spread across the country -- her oldest the closest in Virginia. They had always been so protective of her, their baby sister. They were proud of her for becoming a secret service agent, but were terrified of losing her one day, so when she joined NCIS they all breathed a sigh of relief. Now they all thought she was dead.
Caitlin Todd was probably buried somewhere in Virginia by now with her parents, while Katherine Mitchell went on with life.
She wondered if Abby, McGee and Ducky missed them, if they were devastated by the news. Poor Tony now had to carry the burden of knowing they were alive and he would not be able to share that information with the people who cared about them the most. Kate may have considered Tony childish and immature, but when it came down to it, she did trust him with their secret.
She didn't even know if he knew where they were. Probably not.
Kate pulled her coat around her body more tightly and looked at the little boy riding in front of her, healthy and seemingly happy. It was worth it, leaving her life behind. It was worth it to ensure his survival. She had been prepared at one point in her life to die for another person, a person she barely knew.
Now she was ready to do the same for a little boy. Kate knew she was in trouble when it came to Jake, she would do anything for him. Anything.
This must be what maternal instinct feels like.
Kate laughed aloud as Jake pulled his hands off the handlebars and flapped them up and down like a bird.
Somewhere in her mind she knew that eventually this would all end. How was the question.
Nearly an hour later they rounded the corner back to the townhouse and she noticed the neighbor outside again, finishing the job she started last night.
Once again, Natalie got up and greeted her warmly. That was something Kate missed -- another woman to talk to. God, how she missed Abby.
"Afternoon, Kate!"
"Hello, Natalie. How are you?"
"Good, thanks! How about this warm weather?"
"It's nice, better than snow." She smiled, but kept a close eye on Jake who was riding back and forth down the row of houses.
"That's for sure." Natalie tipped her head. "Would you like to come in for coffee?"
Kate paused a moment. "Yeah, you know, that would be great."
"I think I have hot chocolate for Josh, too."
"He would love that, thank you, Natalie."
She merely nodded and Kate called for Jake. Shortly thereafter Kate was seated in Natalie's kitchen, a replica of hers. It was decidedly cozier than her own, though. It had a lived-in, yet homey, feel.
Jake had found himself a spot in the living room, fascinated by one cartoon or another, Kate wasn't really sure of the name.
"So, where did you move from?"
"Phoenix," she lied easily, reciting the information in their dossiers.
"This cold must be a shock!"
"Not really, we've been a lot of places because of John's job. He's a security consultant, we go where the work is." Kate was impressed with herself how smoothly she switched between Gibbs and John when needed. "Not sure how long we will even be here."
"That must be hard, especially on Josh."
Kate's face darkened. "Very hard. You have no idea. That's why I home school. It's just easier."
Natalie nodded. "How long have you been married?"
"Eight years, we had Josh pretty quickly."
"Because of your husband's age?"
It was an innocent question, and yet one that hadn't occurred to Kate. The Marshals had aged her up a few years and Gibbs down to pare down the age difference to 17 years, but the reality was Kate was nearly 24 years younger than her 'husband'. An entire generation gap between them. She had never thought about it before. Gibbs never struck her as someone in his early 50s.
"Kate?" Natalie questioned.
"Sorry….no, it just worked out that way."
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get so personal."
Kate gave her a warm smile. "No, no. It's fine, I was just thinking. Are you married?"
"My husband died a few years back."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be, it was a long time ago now. Line of duty."
"He was a police officer?"
She nodded. "In Queens. One night he pulled over a stolen car and that was it. Cop killers."
Kate shuddered; it was a fear of all law enforcement, be it a traffic stop, a violent suspect outside the confines of an interrogation room, or even a presidential detail. Any way you could end up dead.
"That's awful. You said you had boys -- how old are they?"
"Sixteen and fifteen. Right now they are getting out of football and baseball practice, respectively."
Kate looked surprised. "You don't look old enough to have children that age, if you don't mind me saying."
Now she beamed. "I don't mind in the least. I'm older than I look and I was young when I had them. Don't regret it though; they are the lights of my life. Aren't all kids though?"
"Absolutely," she answered without thought.
Natalie held up her cup. "More?"
"No, thank you. We should probably head home. I need to get dinner ready."
"Ok then." Natalie picked up the mugs as Kate called for Jake, who came into the kitchen with his in hand.
"Give the cup to Mrs. Carrera, and say thank you," she whispered.
Shyly, Jake walked over to the other woman. "Thank you, Mrs. Carrera."
"You're ever so welcome, Josh. And call me Natalie."
He merely nodded and returned to Kate's side, gripping onto her sweater.
She put a hand on his head and turned her attention to the other woman. "Thank you again, Natalie."
"You're welcome again. Let me see you to the door."
They waved as they parted and Kate walked to her own home as Natalie's sons appeared down the street. Kate watched the boys jostling with each other and smiled.
It didn't take long for her to get something ready for dinner and she was sitting quietly watching the news when Gibbs walked in the door a little after 6.
"Hey…" she called from the couch as he hung up his coat. "How'd the first day go?"
He moved into the living room and sat next to her.
"How this company hasn't had a serious security situation is beyond me. Everything needs to be upgraded. Computer firewalls, alarm systems, manned security stations, the works."
"Sounds like you'll have work for a while."
"Ohhh yeah."
She looked at the clock. "Dinner in about 10."
"Ok, I'm going to change then. This tie is killing me."
She nodded and they both got off the couch, going in different directions. "Where's Jake?" he asked.
"Dining room - coloring."
He nodded and headed up the stairs.
Dinner and clean up went quickly, Gibbs helping with the latter.
Seated in the living room once again, with Jake now doing some pre-homework she wanted in the dining room, they fell into a comfortable silence, until Kate broke it.
"Had coffee with the neighbor today."
His eyebrows rose. "Really? Natalie?"
"Yup, very nice lady, two teenagers."
"Kate…" His voice was concerned.
"I'm being careful, going off the script. No problems. We can't stay locked in the house all day."
"I know, I know."
She stared at him a moment, unsure how to bring up the next topic, finally deciding straight up was the best option. "Gibbs…Thanksgiving is right around the corner."
"Yep."
"Then Christmas."
"I know."
"I was planning on celebrating, even with just us."
He nodded. "I think that's a good plan, Kate. Make everything as normal as possible for him."
"And us…"
"Yeah, and us."
He gave her a smile and carefully wrapped one arm around her shoulders, bringing her smaller body into his side.
"You're doing good, Kate," he whispered into her hair.
She loved the feeling of his arms around her, knowing she was safe here on every level, and despite herself, she rested her head against his t-shirt-clad shoulder. Sitting on the couch with him, she temporarily forgot about life around her, content to be warmed by his body and soothed by his even breathing. She had even started to drift off when she heard him call her name softly.
"Kate…"
She lifted her head slowly and blinked a few times. "Sorry."
"Jake was looking for you."
She sat up and his arm drifted down. "Oh…" She felt vaguely uncomfortable now; she had fallen asleep on her boss' (husband's) shoulder. "I didn't mean…"
He gave her a warm smile and reached up one hand, touching her already warm cheek. "You can use my shoulder anytime, Kate." With that he got up and headed upstairs, leaving her sitting on the couch wondering what the hell had just happened.
