In The Midst of All the Recklessness
"Excuse me," I softly ask, "Could you please point me in the direction of the hospital chapel?"
"Around the corner and straight down the hall on the right."
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I take a deep breath and then enter. I am relieved. The place is empty. The small room is bathed in a warm, soft and comforting candlelight. I go and select one of the unlit candles and light it. Being seven months pregnant I opt not to kneel. I think it's okay and that "He" would understand, and go and sit in the front row of pews.
I cast my eyes upward and then close them.
I speak from my heart.
I speak for my one true love.
I speak for my Niles.
"Dear God. It's Daphne. I know that I haven't come to you in a very long time, and I'm sorry for that. But I haven't come to you today for myself, but for my Niles. He is struggling and losing his battle. I know Niles, he won't give up and of course I won't let him. I know you have your will, but please, I beg of you, please don't take him from me, from us, now.
I know that for the past few months, Niles has often felt overshadowed and that he has been regulated to the back burner. In the midst of all the recklessness that has accompanied my pregnancy: my cravings, my irrational demands, my baby shower, and everything else, Niles has taken every one of them in stride and has catered to each and every one of them.
Without complaint, he has allowed us to shine while he sat back in the shadows and took care of us. How do I repay him? I accuse him as the one who is being selfish. I was the one too wrapped up in me to pay any attention to him, not the other way around.
It was my own selfishness and vainglory that led to Niles not getting his medication. I know Frasier said it was Niles' choice on whether or not he risked it. While that may be true, but ultimately, Niles never should have been placed in that position in the first place. And he was only placed in that position because of me, and only me.
I was the one who couldn't be bothered.
I was the one who had 'more important things' on her mind.
I was the one couldn't do the one favor my husband asked of me to do for him.
So please, please, don't punish Niles and our unborn child for something I did."
To be continued...
