Title: When I'm Gone

AN: This one is a little shorter cause that's just how my chapter breaks worked out. I should have another up soon.

Last chapters musical reference was "Caught in the Sun" by Course of Nature. Someone out there is doing research! Im impressed.

Thank ye for the reviews, again. Over a hundred! Im giddy! Literally giddy.


Chapter 9: Disappear

He was alerted to morning by sunlight streaming into the room. As he got up and stretched, Gibbs was very aware of how much physical activity he had gotten the day before when most of his muscles protested at the movement.

Thank god I don't have to work today, he thought.

Moving a little slower than he normally would have, Gibbs got up and started the coffee. Kate made an appearance in the kitchen shortly after the liquid started dripping into the carafe.

"See you couldn't sleep in either, huh?"

"Nope. Haven't slept in since boot camp."

She pursed her lips at him. "Impressive."

He shrugged and handed her a cup.

There was a tension between them now, slightly uncomfortable, but not unmanageable. What worried Kate was that it would only get worse as time went on and they didn't…act on it.

"Gibbs…I need to get away."

He looked confused. "Is this about last night?"

She shook her head emphatically. "NO. I just…I love Jake, but I'm with him every day. I need a break."

"Ok…"

"You are home today. If it's ok with you, I'm going out with Natalie."

"Out where?" He was curious.

She shrugged. "I don't know. She's going to show me the sights, maybe hit a spa. If we are feeling daring…the mall." She waggled her eyebrows at that last part and he smiled.

"The mall…the day after Thanksgiving?"

She took a sip of her coffee. "Hey, I need a dress for that dinner, right?"

He nodded and smiled at her, holding her eyes, hoping for something resembling absolution.

She gave him none.

"Look, Gibbs…I'm not going to pretend last night didn't happen, because it did." He started to speak but she stopped him by putting her hand up. "Let me finish. We aren't in DC, we aren't NCIS agents anymore, and you aren't my boss. Sometimes you have to go where your heart takes you and forget the rest, ignore the complications."

With that she put her cup in the sink and walked out, leaving him standing there, a small smile forming on his face.

She had ended up at the mall that day. Kate and Natalie had hit it at just the right time, it was busy, but not packed. She had easily found a beautiful formal dress that fit her perfectly, and a pair of shoes to match.

"Such a good body for having a kid, Kate. I'm still working off my weight." Natalie commented as they walked through the mall, the dress left with the upscale department store to be picked up when they where done. "What's your secret?"

Kate smiled. "Yoga and running. I've done it for years."

"Well, it shows. No wonder John looks at you like he does."

That got Kate's attention. "Really?"

Natalie smiled conspiratorially. "Like you're the only thing that matters in the universe. I remember that look. It's so refreshing to see that in a couple married so long, especially given the divorce rate these days."

Kate nearly laughed aloud at that comment -- if only she knew. The Marshals had actually made Kate his second wife; it was more believable. "John's been divorced, so I'm his second wife."

Natalie paled. "OH, I didn't know. I'm so sorry."

Kate smiled widely at her friend. "It's ok -- he married young and was divorced young. It was a foolish mistake."

"Does he have any other children?"

"No."

Natalie nodded and as they passed a store, Kate stopped in her tracks and pulled the other woman with her inside.

She returned home with the dress tossed over one arm and the purchase she made at the one store in a large paper bag. She had even managed to pick up some Christmas gifts for Jake-typical boy toys.

Entering the house, she called out for Jake and Gibbs, but no one responded. She dropped the bag on the floor of the living room.

"Hello?" she yelled again as she went up the stairs. Putting the dress in her closet (she had gracefully shared half with Gibbs) Kate yawned; it had been a long day, and she couldn't remember the last time she shopped for that long at once.

She carefully hid the bags from the toy and science stores and walked back downstairs, picking back up the paper bag and putting it on the kitchen island. She hoped he liked it, but there was no way she was waiting another four weeks to give it to him; he would make her nuts long before that.

Just as she was starting to wonder about the boys' whereabouts she heard the front door open and laughing permeated the condo, followed by little boy giggling.

Kate stepped out of the room and smiled. "Sounds like you had fun."

"Momma!" Jake hollered and ran at her, wrapping his arms around her waist and giving her a hug.

"Well, what did I do to deserve that?"

He shrugged silently and pulled away, a huge grin on his face. Kate looked at Gibbs to find a similar expression.

"What is going on with you guys?"

"We got you something." Jake said excitedly and looked to Gibbs, who Kate now noticed had one hand behind his back. Wow, her skills were slipping if she didn't notice that before.

"Really? What?"

"Poppa…"

Gibbs closed the gap between them, pulled his one hand from behind his back showing her a huge bouquet of what looked like fresh cut flowers. It was a beautiful array of fall flowers, dark maroons and oranges and yellows.

Jake was practically jumping with excitement. "I picked em! It was my idea Momma!"

Kate smiled and just barely held back tears. She looked at Gibbs intently but her words were directed at Jake. "They are beautiful, baby. Thank you."

She took them from Gibbs, her eyes never leaving his as she took in the fragrance.

"We were at a flower market. Little man insisted."

"I love them," she practically whispered. They were so wrapped in each other neither noticed the little boy grinning stupidly at them. This is dangerous, the voice in her head told her, but she took no heed.

"They need water, Momma," the little boy informed them and the spell was broken.

"Oh, of course. Shall we?" she asked and took Jake's hand, leading him into the kitchen.

Gibbs followed them with a smile, watching as she pulled out a vase and had Jake help her cut the stems in the sink. Ok, he was mostly watching Kate, and her ass. He loved to sneak glances at her ass when he knew she wasn't looking. Workout time in the fitness center at NCIS had become his favorite place in the months before they left.

Kate laughed loudly at something Jake said and Gibbs tore his gaze away from them, only to notice the paper bag on the table.

"Kate," he called. "What's this?"

She turned her head about halfway to him as she placed the flowers in the vase. "It's for you."

He gave her a look and pulled the item closer to him, attempting to peak into the top to see the contents. Her task finished, Kate put the flowers in the center of the island and chided him.

"Just pull it out, Gibbs."

He did as instructed and was shocked by the contents. She had got him a boat in a bottle. Well, the pieces anyway -- he had to put it together.

"I couldn't very well have you starting another boat in this basement; this was the closest I could find."

He was stunned; to say the least, this was possibly the best gift he could have gotten. Leave it to Kate to know him THAT well. "It's…perfect, Kate. Thank you."

He moved around the island and pulled her into a tight hug; it was as far as he was willing to go with her. But holding her, smelling her hair, feeling her body next to his, he wondered if even this was too far, too tempting.

"You're welcome," she whispered and relished in his touch, as brief as it was.

The rest of the weekend passed in silence. Gibbs had asked her about the dress she bought and Kate refused to reveal details. They seemed to find a balance between friendship and something more that they could both live with – barely.

Sunday night Kate curled into her bed, happy to have found that balance, but her desire for him had not lessened; if anything it had only intensified. He was being so…sweet toward her; it was nearly killing her.

Sighing and tossing one more time, Kate fell into a deep sleep.

Darkness. Complete and utter. The kind of darkness that held no hope of escape, she could only get lost by moving and wandering into the inky black, as if it would suck her in and never let her return. She had a sense that there was something bad in that blackness anyway, something that was looking for her and was unrelenting in its search.

Something that wouldn't stop until she was dead.

Dead. They were all dead.

Jenna.

Tony.

Abby.

Jake.

Gibbs.

Oh god. They had killed them getting to her. Killed them all. For her.

No. No. No. No.

Kate sunk to the hard ground she couldn't see and waited. She knew they would find her, they always did. And this time she wouldn't put up a fight. She would let them take her. At least she would be with them and not left here to fight this battle alone.

She could hear them now. Their soft-soled shoes making squeaking noises on the floor. As they grew ever closer she suddenly realized she didn't want to die.

Gibbs wouldn't want her to give up. Ever.

So now she stood, still blind but she could hear them, they were breathing hard.

"COME AND GET ME!" she shouted into the dark. "Come get me you miserable bastards!"

Kate stood still as the noise stopped; they had stopped. She waited for what seemed like forever, and yet no movement, nothing.

"Chickens," she said into the dark.

And suddenly the area was bathed with light.

And she wished it wasn't. She wanted the darkness back.

Because in the darkness she couldn't see the bodies of her friends and family lining the walls of a small room. Each one with their eyes wide open.

Except Gibbs, he was missing.

She turned to see not a man and not a monster, but something in-between standing there. In his hands was Gibbs' severed head. She could hear his blood dripping onto the tile floor.

Drip.

Drip.

Kate woke with a violent start, and immediately jumped out of bed, ran into the bathroom and promptly lost her dinner into the toilet.

She was still retching when the door opened slowly and Gibbs' voice called to her.

"Kate…you ok?"

She didn't answer, she was having a hard enough time breathing, much less talking to him. She could feel her whole body shaking; she was so cold, that bone-numbing cold that nothing would resolve. At the same time her face felt flushed, and that awful taste was in her mouth.

"Kate?" he questioned again and squatted next to her on the floor. "Jesus, Kate. Are you ok?"

She still couldn't speak, putting one hand on her forehead and feeling the sweat beaded at her hairline; instead she shook her head and resisted the urge to cry. The picture of the bodies still floated through her head.

And Gibbs…

She leaned over the toilet again and, despite the impression her stomach was empty, managed to throw up a little more. Gibbs' hand came down firmly on her lower back, stroking lightly, and the other gathered her hair away from her face.

Once she thought she was through, Kate leaned back into him, pressing her back firmly against his chest. He accepted her weight willingly and wrapped one arm around her waist, the other smoothing back damp hair from her face.

After a few moments she regained control of herself, and his body had managed to warm her some, but not nearly enough to erase that nightmare.

"Kate….what happened?" he whispered.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Kate…"

"Nightmare," she forced out. She stood to brush her teeth, but wobbled slightly; she was light-headed. He held out one hand and steadied her with a light grab.

"Are you ok?"

She looked at him sadly. "I'm just…cold."

He held out one hand once she was done brushing and guided her out of the bathroom. "Come on…"

He walked behind her into the bedroom and waited as she crawled under the covers, pulling them tight around her still shaking body.

He made a quick decision and went to the other side of the bed, lifting the covers and crawling in beside her, pulling her body into his.

She didn't protest, just settled in. "Thank you."

"Anytime," he whispered and stayed awake until she had stopped shaking and drifted into sleep.

When he woke the next morning the bed was empty, but still warm. He sighed at the feeling of a mattress under his body again but got up, no matter how reluctantly.

Coming down into the kitchen after a shower and dressing he found her sitting at the island, a mug in her hand. Silently he got his own cup and sat next to her, eyes forward.

"How did you sleep?" she finally asked.

"Fine." Now he looked at her. "That must have been one hell of a nightmare, Kate."

She shrugged, noncommittally.

Now he struggled about what to do, unsure how far to push it. "Do you…do you want to talk about it?"

"I'd rather not. It's over now." She flashed him a not all that convincing smile.

"All right."

She got up and put her now empty cup in the sink. "Thank you…for being there."

He could sense she didn't want to make a big deal of it. "You're welcome."

She walked back past him, pausing when she got behind him. "You know, you're a pretty good husband."

There was no chance for reply, because she continued on her path upstairs to change and go for her daily run.

tbc…………………….