When I'm Gone
Ohhh, I know, I am PAINFULLY late with this update. I honestly have no clue how it happened, suddenly it was March and I hadnt updated in...forever.I beg of your forgiveness and offer this piece of fic as a gift.
I had a couple questions in my reviews this time around. Here be the answers…1) no, I will not be showing you the goings on at NCIS, I didn't want to pull away from the feel I had created here. Aside from Tony and the Director everyone else thinks they are dead and I wont be checking in on them. 2) There are 12 chapters so only 2 left. 3) re: the autopsy. We are just going to pretend they convinced Ducky the FBI should do them to avoid "bias" on his part. Heh.
The reviews are, as always, appreciated greatly. Thank you!
There is an extra note at the end….be sure to read it.
Chapter 10: In a Little While
The next few weeks went by in a near blur, and there was barely time to feel uncomfortable about sleeping in the same bed or discuss her nightmare. Gibbs was working a lot to get a system up and running before the New Year and Kate was moving Jake along in his schoolwork while trying to give the house a festive feeling. They had gone out and gotten a real tree, which Jake had promptly decorated.
Kate had been waiting for the eventual emotional distress from Jake spending the first holiday without his parents. They had made an ornament just for them and hung it near the back, and aside from being quiet, there were no outbursts. Until the day before Gibbs holiday party.
She had been teaching him the states on a map when he had suddenly rebelled against her.
"And here's where we live…New York."
"I don't want to live here."
"What?"
He looked at her with a stony expression. "I don't want to live here anymore…Kate." He stressed the Kate.
"Josh, you know we have to."
"My name is Jake!"
Not now, not now. She thought to herself. Tomorrow he would be alone with Natalie, and while Kate trusted the woman, one slip up from Jake would mean moving.
She sighed. "What's wrong?"
"I want to go home!"
"Josh, this is home."
He stood up and looked at her. "NO! I want my house. MY HOUSE."
She reached for him, but he pulled away. "I know this isn't fun for you, Josh. But remember we said we could do it. To keep you safe."
"No! No!" He bolted from her and ran to his room; she could hear his footsteps on the stairs.
Kate sighed into her hands and propped her elbows up on the table. This was not good, not at all.
Gibbs chose that moment to come home and found her sitting at the dining room table, head in hands, looking…off.
"Hey."
She merely waved one hand at him.
"What's wrong?"
"Jake. He's…not dealing well. I think it's the holidays."
Gibbs dropped his stuff and sat next to her. "Something happen?"
"Yeah, but I'm not even sure what. We were discussing states and all of a sudden he tells me he wants to go home and his name is Jake."
"Oh…where is he now?"
"He ran to his room. I don't know what to do."
He placed one hand on her shoulder and stood. "Let me take care of it."
She gave him a grateful look. "Thank you."
Gibbs slowly opened Jake's bedroom door and found the boy sitting on his bed, staring into space.
"Hey, little man. Everything ok?"
"I don't want to be here anymore."
"Yeah, that's what Kate said." Gibbs moved toward him slowly and sat on the bed. "Why?"
"I don't like it here." His voice was soft.
"You did before."
"Well, I don't anymore." He was petulant at best.
"Jake, why?"
"I miss my Mom and Dad. I miss her singing Christmas songs, I miss her cookies, I miss my room. Kate doesn't sing."
Gibbs leaned into him. "Trust me, you don't want to hear her voice."
Jake smiled slightly.
"Look, buddy. This is weird for all of us; we are used to different things and expect different things. But we have to be here - you understand that, right? For our own protection."
"Yeah…"
"So let's make the best of what we have, ok? Kate and I want you here, very much."
He nodded slowly.
Gibbs pulled him into a hug and ruffled his hair. "It'll all be fine. I promise. And you can ask Kate, I never break promises."
They came down the stairs together and Jake immediately went to Kate who was fixing dinner and wrapped his arms around her.
"I'm sorry, Momma."
She knelt to his level. "It's ok to want to go home, Jake, but you understand we can't, right?"
He nodded.
"Good. Tell you what, later you tell me what you used to do at Christmas and we can do it this year."
"Snowmen!" he practically squealed.
"Snowmen…." Her voice betrayed her hesitation.
"Snowmen it is!" Gibbs exclaimed and looked at her with a smile; she knew she was screwed.
Kate slowly cleaned off the plates and put them in the dishwasher; Gibbs could tell she was avoiding going outside into the cold and snow.
He snuck up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her from the chore and into his body. He felt her relax into his arms slightly, silently giving consent to his touch. God, he had promised himself he wouldn't do this, wouldn't tempt himself. But she had looked so enticing standing there in tight low riding blue jeans and an equally form fitting pink sweater.
"You aren't getting out of this that easy, Agent."
"Get out of what?" she asked innocently and titled her head up slightly, revealing the pale flesh of her neck. He felt his heart start pumping just a little harder, and resisted the urge to sink his teeth into that skin and mark her as his. He licked his lips and pressed them together, causing just a twinge of pain.
"Out of the snowman."
"You know, why don't you and Jake handle that?" She was nearly squirming in his arms now, but he held fast. For a second, anyway. Because suddenly he was very aware of what her body was doing to his and he released her.
Lilly, Grace, Lexie, his brain whispered. It had become his mantra of late. His own talisman to keep the power of Kate from overtaking him. Unfortunately, it was losing its power and his self-control was slipping away with it.
"I don't think so. Get your coat and mittens on." He stepped away. "Ten minutes."
"Gibbs…" she whined.
"It's not like we didn't have snow in DC."
"Yeah, you know what would happen every year at my house? My older brothers would end up involving me in a snow fight because they knew it was the one thing I hated, and they were SURE to hit me the most. I hated the feeling of snow melting in my snowsuit and boots and soaking everything and the cold and…" She shuddered.
He gave her a smile that nearly warmed her whole being. "I promise - no fights that end up with snow in your clothes. Come on."
She grumbled slightly, but agreed, following him into the foyer and putting on her heavy coat, gloves and mittens.
Jake was already outside, pushing a small ball of snow around to make it bigger. She laughed as he came to a stop, the ball officially too big for him, and watched as Gibbs headed down the stairs and helped him finish the bottom.
In short order they had the middle in place and Kate was working on shaping the head; it wasn't easy in the snow. When she was done though, her creation bore a very similar resemblance to Frosty the Snowman. Jake had giggled at this, in complete contrast to his behavior a few hours ago.
Snowman completed and in a very visible spot in the front yard the three went inside. Kate made coffee for her and Gibbs and hot chocolate for Jake. They all sat quietly at the island, drinking and defrosting.
"Josh, you remember tomorrow you are off to Natalie's, right?"
"Yup!"
"You ok with that?" Kate was careful never to push him into something.
"Yeah, I like her."
Kate nodded and after they were done, she got Jake to bed, reading his favorite book to him.
Tired herself, Kate wandered back downstairs and caught Gibbs watching CNN. They tried not to put it on much; it was almost a reminder of their old life. Occasionally she wondered if Tony and McGee had worked cases they saw on occasion.
She imagined they did.
She sunk into an oversized chair by the door and looked over at Gibbs. "What time do we have to be there tomorrow?"
"Cocktails at six, dinner at seven. Six at the latest. You gonna be ready on time?" He raised one eyebrow at her in jest.
"Yes, I'm not that bad. Dropping Jake at Natalie's at four so I can get ready uninterrupted." She was quiet a second as they watched the female anchor go on about terrorism in the Middle East. "You ever wonder why they haven't called?"
"The Marshals?" She nodded. "Probably because we are still safe and they don't have anything. I'm sure if they know something they will tell us."
"Yeah, you're right. I'm heading up to bed. Goodnight."
"Night, Kate."
She allowed herself to sleep later that morning, since she expected a late night, and cut her normal run in half. For the most part they lazed around for the day, cleaning and doing laundry, but at four Kate walked Jake next door.
After giving Natalie her cell phone and instructions (twice) Kate looked at the little boy who depended on her with his life and nearly called off the whole thing. But then Jake did something unexpected.
He hooked one finger and indicated for her to bend down. She was confused, but complied. Jake wrapped his arms around her neck and whispered into her ear.
"It's ok, Momma. I'll be safe."
She hugged him tight and smiled. Kate stood and looked at Natalie. "Call us if you need to, for anything."
"We'll be fine, I remember this age."
"Ok…be a good boy," she directed at Jake before turning to the other woman. "One of us will pick him up when we get back."
Natalie gave her a conspiratorial smile. "Girl, I'll keep him as long as you need."
Kate nearly blushed at the implication. "Thanks, I better go get ready."
She gave Kate a 'get going' gesture and the younger woman complied, if a little reluctantly.
Returning to her own home, Kate started to head up the stairs to shower, but was stopped by Gibbs.
"Everything ok?"
"Yeah, it's just me. It's weird leaving him with someone that isn't…you."
He gave her an understanding look; it wasn't easy for him either. He had gotten attached to the boy in their short time here.
"I'm going to get ready."
He nodded and she went up to shower, with little enthusiasm, though. After she showered, did her hair and slipped into the dress, however, Kate was feeling a little better about the situation. It felt good to get dressed up.
She put one last spritz of spray on her hair and adjusted her dress; it was…tricky to make it stay put. Holding her shoes in her right hand, Kate walked down the stairs to find Gibbs adjusting his tie in the foyer mirror. She took a second to openly stare.
He looked…fantastic in the black tux. She had seen plenty of men in tuxes in her day, but none looked like Gibbs. It sent a warm flush through her body.
When he heard her on the stairs, Gibbs took a minute to adjust his tie before turning to her. But when he did, his heart dropped.
She looked stunning: a vision in satin. The dress was floor length, deep burgundy, and the material looked smooth - he could only imagine what it would feel like on his fingers. She came down the rest of the stairs and spun once for him.
Gibbs had to swallow the lump in his throat. This was…cruel and unusual punishment. The dress was halter style, tied at her neck, and from the knot several inches of extra material fell onto her back.
Her wonderfully naked back.
The dress left her back completely exposed to the arch just north of her behind. But that was nothing compared to the front. The style of the dress allowed a deep V in the front. A seriously deep V that ended just above her navel, where the material bunched slightly before following the line of her ribcage at an angle down and back where it covered her ass.
He was speechless for what could have been the first time in his life. But as she bent over to put on the strappy high-heeled shoes he got an eye-full down the dress and had to look away.
When she stood, the shoes brought her to nearly his height. She had slightly curled her hair that had grown an inch or two, and was now a toned down version of the red she initially had.
"You look… spectacular, Kate."
She smiled. "You don't look too bad yourself, handsome."
Betraying none of the apprehension her appearance caused in him, Gibbs smoothly turned and got her coat out of the closet, holding it out while she shrugged into it.
The ride to the banquet hall was quick and silent, each lost in their own thoughts. Actually, Gibbs was trying to keep his mind off the woman sitting next to him, but with every breath he got a whiff of her light perfume and was reminded all over again.
They gave the SUV to the valet and checked their coats before heading into the massive ballroom. It was set up to serve at least 500, with a band and good-sized dance floor in the middle along the far wall. To their right was the bar and cocktail table.
He leaned into her. "Would you like a drink?"
"Yes, wine please."
"You wait right here." He winked and walked away.
She took the time to look around the room; it was decorated festively, but not holiday specific. White light twinkled above the dance floor and each table held a vase with white and red flowers. The music that played now was soft and slow as the people around her mingled, and she had already caught more than one man staring at her. She didn't care; Kate looked good and she reveled in it.
Gibbs returned a few moments later and handed her a glass with thick red liquid in it. In the other hand was a full beer glass.
Still staring into the hall, Kate spoke. "This company doesn't skimp on much, does it?"
"Not really," he commented and took a deep drink. "Find our table?"
"Sure."
He led her through the hall; they had already picked up the card with "Mr. and Mrs. Mitchell" and the number ten on it.
After several minutes of looking, in which time Kate nearly finished her drink, he found the right place. The two men who were seated greeted Gibbs warmly, standing and shaking hands. Quickly Kate was introduced to them; the older gentleman was James, the (barely) younger of the two Michael, and their wives, Elizabeth and Margaret, respectively. They all seemed to be around Gibbs' age, perhaps a little younger.
The women eyed her with something resembling distain; Kate merely gave them a smile. She was used to it - a younger woman with an older man usually brought glares and whispers. But Gibbs was by no means the first older man she had been with, so she was used to dealing with it.
The couples chatted for a few minutes, mostly about mundane things, and the women had seemed warm to her, at least a little, by the time dinner arrived right on time at seven.
They ate in relative silence, Kate draining another glass of wine with dinner, though she didn't even feel the alcohol yet. A positive aspect of her fast metabolism - that and she ate everything on her plate and enjoyed it.
The entire night Gibbs had been especially tactile with her. Leaving his hand on the skin at the small of her back when they walked, touching her hand lightly, standing impossibly close. Every time he touched her she closed her eyes just a little and got lost in the feeling of his skin on hers. She would do anything to keep that feeling - and maybe more.
After dinner everyone had coffee and small pieces of a delicious chocolate cake; Gibbs had even shared half of his with her.
"I swear, I don't know where you put all that, Kate."
She licked her fork somewhat seductively getting every last morsel of chocolate. "Wouldn't you like to know."
He raised his eyebrows at her.
"If you'll excuse me," she said to the table and got up, the men standing with her as she sashayed away. Gibbs watched her a second longer than the others, torn between an incredible need to have her and the logic that screamed at him. Lilly, Grace, Lexie, his brain hollered, and he sighed, sitting back down.
When he turned back the other men asked if he wanted to hit the bar; he agreed and stood, leaving the women to cackle together. He distinctly heard Kate's name being said as they walked away.
James turned to him as they waited in line. "Lovely wife, John."
Michael agreed. "A real knockout." James gave him a strange look; he hadn't been commenting on Kate's looks.
Gibbs merely nodded. "Thank you."
Michael, who Gibbs had actually considered lost on the concept of tact, spoke next. "Second marriages are the best. Younger wives."
He didn't know why he did it, but he was pissed, and at that second the damn script didn't matter. "She's my first, and only, wife."
Michael had the grace to look chagrined and James just shook his head at the man's mistake.
By then they were at the front of the line and he ordered another beer and a wine for Kate. Mentally he was berating himself for the mistake. It wasn't a big one by any stretch, but for some reason he expected someone to suddenly appear and whisk them away because he screwed up
He stood with the other men a moment, watching the activity around him with interest, waiting for that mystery Marshal to appear. It was illogical but that didn't matter to his brain.
The Marshall never came. Instead she did.
He felt rather than saw her return, the swishing of her dress setting something off in his head as she sidled up next to him and took the wine from his hand.
The dress fell to the floor in a whoosh of fabric…She was now before him in nothing but what she was born in.
Stop it, he chided himself.
"So, are there any bogey men?" her musical voice asked in his ear.
How did she know? he answered himself. Because she knows you, dumbass.
"No, no bogey-men."
"Good, because I would hate to have my good time ruined." She looked off into the crowd.
"Are you having a good time? Really?"
"Absolutely, I'm with you." She took another sip of her wine and smiled over the glass.
Now he smiled and looked down, tipping his head slightly.
The band had started playing music that was actually acceptable for dancing. Gibbs watched as the two men he was with gathered their wives.
He nudged her lightly with a shoulder. "Do as the Romans do?"
"Is that your way of asking me to dance?"
"I suppose it is."
"Then I accept." She put her glass down and he did the same, grabbing her hand as they walked to the dance floor.
Initially they started with a space between them, but as the song went on, Gibbs pulled her tighter and tighter, finally sliding his hand across the fabric of her dress at her hip.
It was better than he expected, smooth and soft under his fingers.
Moving in small circles, Kate as close to him as humanly possible, her head resting on his shoulder, all the reasons they shouldn't be together went right out the window. He loved the feeling of her in his arms, soft feminine scent invading his nose, hair tickling his neck.
One song ended and the next began but neither moved to release the other. Instead Gibbs got bolder, sliding one hand along the exposed skin at her lower back, letting his ring and pinkie finger slip under the dress, just touching the top of her behind. He felt her shudder in his arms and smiled slightly at the reaction.
Her skin felt even better than the dress if it was possible - smoother than silk. That electricity was heavier than ever; it was almost hard to breathe. Every nerve in his body was aware of her, every breath she took, even the slightest move registered with him.
Her head never left the spot on his shoulder and he turned his, placing his lips near her ear.
"Is this a bad idea?" he asked quietly. He tried to hide the tremor in his voice, but failed.
"What? Dancing?" Her voice was thick and heady and it caused a visceral response in him. He could only picture (at least for now) that tone coming from her in bed.
"That's not what I'm talking about."
They were in their own world now; the couples around them faded into the distance.
Her answer was quick and decisive. "No, its not." She never moved her head from his shoulder, but now one of her hands was moving slowly up and down his back.
He rested his cheek against her hair and slid the hand on her lower back higher, stopping between her shoulder blades.
The song ended and now they were forced to part, as the Chairman was getting ready to speak. But before exiting the floor Gibbs leaned down and placed a kiss on her lips. She moaned into his lips and reluctantly walked off the floor.
Almost as a consolation, he grabbed her hand in his and rubbed one thumb across her knuckles.
They sat back at the table, moving the chairs closer to one another. During the entire speech, which seemed to last an eternity, Gibbs kept one hand on her, always keeping contact. It was almost painful to be able to touch her but not…touch her. They both knew what would happen that night.
She tried so hard not to look at him, afraid that if she did she would jump him right there in the ballroom. That would certainly get them some looks.
They clapped politely as the Chairman finished and told them to enjoy the evening.
Kate looked at Gibbs with a wanton expression.
"You want to head home?" he asked.
"Ohh yes."
He nodded and gathered his jacket off the back of his chair. They bid a farewell to the rest of the table, claiming to need to pick up Josh from the sitter.
They made a brief stop to collect their jackets and waited an eternity at the valet to get the car.
Safely in the confines of the car, he could see Kate practically squirming in her seat. It was going to be a long thirty-minute ride home.
Unfortunately, or maybe it was fortunate, Kate found a way to amuse herself, taking the hand he didn't have on the wheel and massaging it lightly. He eyed her; he could sense she was up to something.
And he was right. He accelerated and if he was lucky he could get them home in 20 minutes. Before he knew it they were in the driveway, Kate licking her lips.
They got out quietly and walked up the stairs, Gibbs wrapping his arms around her waist, trailing kisses along her warm skin. She moaned and arched back into him, pushing the key in the door and throwing it open.
Gibbs gave a quick look out the door and shut it; it was time for just him and Kate. At least for a little while.
The rest of the weekend passed in haze of newness. Gibbs was more attentive than usual, which Kate didn't think was possible-but she was proven wrong repeatedly. He was constantly touching or just staring at her. And she was more than happy to share the bed now, which relieved him in more than one way.
She didn't care about the consequences once they got back; it would be something to deal with when, and if, it happened. For now they reveled in outwardly acknowledging their feelings without repercussion. Kate was surprised to find that her normally closed off boss was actually very open and giving in a relationship.
Even Jake had sensed the change and Monday morning after Gibbs left (but not before kissing her hard and deep) Jake questioned her in that seven-year-old way.
"Momma?" he asked while doing addition problems she had set for him.
"Yes?"
"Do you love Pop?"
She was surprised by the question; she hadn't thought about it, honestly. "I don't know."
He seemed to contemplate that a moment. "You kiss like my real Mom and Dad did. Before."
She bit her lower lip slightly; it was the first mention of his parents in a neutral way since their deaths. "Your Mom and Dad loved you very much, Jake." She intentionally used his given name.
"I know." He fiddled with the pencil in his hand. "I miss them..."
She hugged him. "It's ok to miss them, and it's ok to talk about them, Jake. As long as you only do it with Gibbs and I."
He nodded. "I like being here with you, but it's not the same."
"You are doing a great job, though. I'm very proud of you."
"You're doing good too, Kate."
She sniffled slightly.
"What happens when they find them?"
"Find who?"
"The men who killed my parents. Do we go back to DC?"
"Yeah, I suppose so. But that may not be for a very long time."
He wrote 7 down in the answer to what three plus four was. "I won't get to stay with you, will I?"
She didn't see the need to lie to him or avoid the truth she tried not to think about herself. "That depends on if they can find a relative."
"Oh."
Suddenly she stood up and pulled the pencil from his hand. He looked up at her confused.
"Tell you what? Winter break starts now - no more school until after Christmas."
"Really?"
"You bet!"
They spent the rest of the day either outside making snow angels or inside watching Jake's favorite cartoons. Kate tried hard not to think about the possibility that he could be taken from her, for it was her worst case scenario. Kate was prepared, even after returning, to take the boy into her home, permanently. She hadn't discussed this with Gibbs, or even mentioned it in passing, since she had only decided it recently herself - before they had slept together. That is if they ever went home.
Before she knew it, Christmas was here. Gibbs was home Christmas Eve and they celebrated quietly; watching old movies on TV snuggled on the couch together. Kate laughed at A Christmas Story when the young boy was being wrapped in layer upon layer of clothes to go outside. By then Jake was sound asleep, curled into Kate's side, who was then curled into Gibbs.
Kate shifted slightly to allow Gibbs room to get up; he grabbed the boy and put him to bed, returning a few minutes later with a small box in his hand.
He sat down next to her and held the box out-it was long and narrow; it was wrapped beautifully…and in Tiffany blue. It wasn't a ring, she knew that at least just based on the shape.
"Gibbs…"
"I thought we could exchange tonight…without Jake around."
She gave him a smile and walked to the tree, pulling out a square box and sitting back next to him on the couch, facing each other.
"You first," he said and handed over the box.
She stared at it a moment before carefully removing the tape on one end, then the other and pulling the beautiful blue wrapping off. Now she was faced with a blue box with white "Tiffany" lettering on top. Oh god, he hadn't really gone to Tiffany's….
With an almost shaking hand she opened the box and gasped aloud. Nestled in soft white satin was a platinum cross on a chain; slightly bigger than her old one, but not by much. It was perfect.
She picked it up and held it in her hands, amazed at his thoughtfulness.
He carefully took it from her and wrapped the chain around her neck, clasping it for her as she held her hair up.
'I know you couldn't take yours since that was something your family would have noticed missing and would have wanted"
She blinked the tears away and leaned into him, kissing him with every emotion in her. "It's perfect, Gibbs. Thank you."
Pulling away she absently touched the cross, the precious metal giving her a warm, loved feeling. Smiling she handed over her gift and held one hand to her neck as he opened it.
Gibbs opened her wrapping with less precision than she had - tearing into it and opening the square box. In it was a silver flask, very much like the one he had in DC. Picking it up, he noted the weight, and the engraving on the back…
"New York, December 18th, 2004, Kate."
It was devoid of much sentiment to an outside observer-the date meaningless - but it was something special to them both, and it warmed him to see it carved into the silver plate on the flask.
"Kate, it's perfect."
She smiled as he leaned into her and placed his lips gently on hers. Everything was perfect.
The next morning Jake was standing on her side of the bed at 6 am, obviously ready to tear into the presents that were awaiting him under the tree. They forced him to wait long enough to brew coffee; he waited impatiently – tapping one foot on the floor.
"Ok, we get it. Hang on," Kate finally said as she finished stirring. As she pulled the spoon out Jake bolted into the living room and Kate could hear him shaking the presents she had so sneakily wrapped over the past week and she and Gibbs had placed under the tree late last night.
They walked into the room to find Jake sitting somewhat patiently in the middle of gifts he had pulled out from the tree. Kate sat on the couch and Gibbs followed, sitting close.
She smiled and placed her head on his shoulder as Jake ripped into the first gift.
It hadn't taken but 30 minutes and it was all over. Wrapping paper littered the floor, along with bows and ribbon.
Jake was happily playing with a remote control car when Gibbs leaned into her.
"I think this is the best Christmas I've ever had."
She smiled. "Me too…well, close anyway."
He reached out and brushed some hair back and leaned into her, kissing lightly.
"I'm glad I'm here."
"Me too…"
tbc…………………. One more note: there will be an NC-17 insert for this chapter. I'm writing it now, so it should be up soon at the gibbskateff yahoo group before the end of the monthif you want to read it.
