Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ, and if I did, I'd have a wife, a family, and be a smoker whose greatest work ever constantly comes back to haunt him, even though he has other great works! Anyways, I don't think the DBZ peoples are ACTUALLY writing to you, but it SURE is FUN to do!


NOTE: Read the NOTE in the first chapter for information on sending in E-Mails to your favorite(or LEAST favorite) characters!
Oh, one more thing! words encased in dashes "-" are either bleeped or represent an action! Because the STUPID Fan-fiction . net won't let me use ANY of the "shift" symbols over the numbers! It's EVILES! EVILES, I'S TELL YOUS! KILL ITS, KILL ITS, KILL ITS! THE INTERNET MUST BE PURIFIED!

Anyways, enjoy the E-Maillys crazies-ness!


NOTE: I didn't like it when Akira Toriyama made Piccolo fuse with all those jerks, sos, this is dated one year after the 23 Tenkai'ichi Budoukai tournament, and he'd be about 4 solar(human) years old.
Green E-Mail

Dear Piccolo Dai Ma Ou:

Hi! You never thought someone would ever send you a letter, huh? Wells, I just wanted to make sure you didn't skip out on that deal we-er, KEISEI and you made!

Anyways, how are you doing? I know you're obviously training hard to take over the world, so I'll just waste ALL of your time! (Just kiddings!) You know, I hate Goku too, and I have thought of many INGENIOUS methods of torture for him! One of my favorites involves itching powder that comes from the Sweet Gum tree's spike-balls, but there are many others that are not mentionable considering I'm SUPPOSED to be a goody-goody-two-shoes! Anyways, what's one of your favorite INGENIOUS methods of torture for the dope? Does it involve a large pair of "lucky long-fries" and a bunch of rotting and smelling, mis-matched underwear? ("Lucky long-fries"-an old Hardee's ad ploy.)

I hope you torture Goku horrifyingly(not a strong enough word for what I'm thinking of!) until he dies!

Thanks for doing this E-Mail thing! I'll make sure Keisei gets back to you with your payment! Goku's secrets and weaknesses! Whooos!

You RULE!
Sincerely,
Karen

P.S.: As a Rabid, Psychotic Fan-Girl, I will dress up as you when there's any kind of celebration, Anime convention, and just plain whenever I feel like it. So don't freak out if you suddenly see a shapely, feminine, Mini-Me of yourself running around, torturing those she hates.


Piccolo Dai Ma Ou's reply

NOTE: Notice the perfectly spelled letters, perfect grammar, and perfect wording. Not much better than me at hand-writing, though. Ohs, sorrys! Yous can't! Wells, this is most DEFINANTLY the BEST grammer I've had in a letter! He doesn't have a computer, though, I had to get this by hand!


Dear Karen,

Hi. You know, I never DID think I'd get a letter. Especially not from a fan-girl! Yes, I AM training hard to take over the world, and you and your -bleepin'- letters keep interrupting me! I swear to -HFIL-, if you interrupt me ONE more TIME, I'm going to smash your skull against a rock and scrape chalk drawings on it with your skull-bones! Not to mention that that stupid Keisei keeps coming over and interrupting me!

You were saying you had ingenious methods for torturing Goku? I'd like to hear them sometime, when you're not trying to be such a "goody-goody-two-shoes", as you so aptly put it. I think one of my favorites is the one where I bleed him to death from various holes in various parts of his body. Including causing him severely painful nerve-damage. But, I'll save that one for another time. That itching powder trick sounds good, if I wanted to immobilize him for a little while. Fighting is fighting; it's not SUPPOSED to be sportsmen-like! But, I do want to prove once and for all that I am superior, and brains is half the battle. Besides, I think he's an idiot-savant! How could he NOT know what MARRIAGE is?

Well, goodbye, I hope this satisfied your fan-girl thirst for blood. If not, I'll make sure you don't have to worry about being thirsty for a LONG time!

Sincerely,

Piccolo Dai Ma Ou

P.S.: I don't care if you run around dressed like me, but if you even come NEAR me in that outfit, you're not going to have to worry about clothes EVER AGAIN!