Chapter 2

The Free Gift

Location: Mr. Garrison's classroom, the next morning

The school bell rang as the children noisily bustled into Mr. Garrison's classroom.

"Hey, where's fatass?" Kyle asked Stan. "He's usually here on time."

"He's probably skipping school again so he can watch Terrance and Phillip all day," Stan said sourly.

"Or maybe he glued his hand to his dick," Kenny suggested. Stan and Kyle got a good laugh out of this.

Much to their dismay, however, Eric Cartman soon appeared, only this time, he carried a large, burlap sack over his shoulder, looking like a very small Santa Claus.

"Hello, everyone!" he said in his most diplomatic voice. "What a wonderful day it is, yes it is!"

"What the hell are you doing?" Kyle asked.

"I would like to announce that I have a free gift for everyone in the classroom!"

The other children quieted down and gave Cartman their attention. "I just happened to stumble upon some classic hand-held video games, and since I can't possibly keep them all myself, I figured I'd give them out to you guys!"

"Hooray!" the kids cheered.

Cartman then began walking to each desk and passing out games. "Here's a Tropical Fish for you, Stan; here, Kyle, take Mario's Cement Factory. Here's Pinball for you, Clyde. Wendy, why don't you take Manhole? And Bebe, here's Donkey Kong for you…" Each child received their gift and stared at it with awe. A rectangular unit with a liquid crystal display… they had never seen anything like it!

"Wow, Bebe, your game has two screens!" Wendy said.

"I know!" Bebe gushed. "It looks really cool!"

"Oh, I didn't get a game," Pip said woefully.

Cartman laughed. "Oh, forgive me, Pip!" 'Hmm, let's see…' he dug around in the sack, 'Gotta find a really crappy one… ah, here we go! Egg!' "For you, Frenchie!" Cartman said, beaming as he passed the game to Pip.

Pip growled to himself but accepted the game gratefully, for it was rare that he got a gift from Cartman.

"All right, kids, let's get to our seats," Mr. Slave said as he entered. "Mr. Garrison will be here in a minute, and if you're not all seated, he'll get out the whips again."

"Oh, Mr. Slave!" Cartman said cheerily, "Here, have a free gift!"

"What's this?" Mr. Slave wondered as Cartman passed him a Game & Watch. "Donkey Kong Jr.? Oh, Jesus Christ, I used to play this when I was a little boy!"

"Not like this, you haven't," Cartman murmured to himself, smiling sadistically.

Just then, Mr. Garrison walked in. "All right everyone, settle down. What are those you're all holding?"

"Cartman gave us free Game & Watch games!" Token said happily.

"Really? Well, put them away, you can play games at recess. Mr. Slave, will you take attendance?" There was a silence, and Mr. Garrison said, "Mr. Slave?"

The leather-clad man was bent over his game, his eyes starting to dilate… he was already hooked.

"Mr. Slave! Put that game away, you naughty thing!" Mr. Garrison said.

"Just a minute please, I have to rescue Donkey Kong." Mr. Slave said in monotone.

"You will do it NOW, Mr. Slave!" Mr. Garrison roared, and he walked over and attempted to pull the toy from Mr. Slave's hands.

Mr. Slave leapt up in a fury and slapped Mr. Garrison across the face both ways. "Back up off me, man!" he snarled.

The children were stunned silent. Then Kyle said, "Hey Cartman… these games won't have the same effect on us, will they?"

"Hah! Heh heh! Pah! Don't be silly!" Cartman laughed. But inwardly he was brimming with joy. For, it was a mere four hours until recess… and after that, all these children would belong to him.