Location: South Park Elementary, 12 p.m.
BRRRRING! The children cheered as the mid-afternoon bell rang, signaling the beginning of recess. Clutching their new Game & Watch games tightly, they all ran outside to the rear schoolyard and found places to sit, so that they could actively enjoy their games.
Cartman took his time getting outside, because he was waiting for three individuals who were stuck back in Mr. Garrison's room cleaning erasers. He had a powerful plan, yes, but he could not do it alone… he would need help. With the proper assistance, it would be only a matter of time before…
"Hey Cartman," said Stan, emerging from the classroom with Kyle and Kenny, interrupting Cartman's mental soliloquy. "What are you still doing inside?"
"Ah, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny… just the people I was looking for." Cartman said, smiling amiably.
Stan and Kyle exchanged suspicious glances.
Cartman continued. "I was hoping I could persuade youthree into being my… how do I say this here… assistants, if you will."
"In what?" Kyle asked.
"This," Cartman said, walking to the back door and pushing it open. Stan and Kyle gasped at what they saw: Not the usual calamity of children running about, screaming playfully and throwing snowballs; nobody was riding on the spring-bottom ponies, or swinging on the swingset; every child was seated on the ground, gazing into the screens of their Game & Watch games. The only sound that filled the air was the electronic bleeps of the games.
"Holy shit…" Kenny whispered.
"Dude…" Kyle said quietly. "It's like they're hypnotized."
"That's right, Kyle." Cartman said. "And we can have control over all of them."
"What do you mean?"
"Think about it, Kyle," Cartman said, making a sweeping motion with his arm. "They have all fallen prey to the addictiveness of the Game & Watch line of toys. There are over 50 different models… it's only natural that they will want more."
"What are you saying, Cartman?" Stan pushed.
"I'm proposing that we go into business together selling these games. With the way these things are taking over, we can easily make 25 a game. And if you'll help me, I'll give each of you 10 of the profits."
Stan and Kyle looked at each other, then Kyle said, "Fifteen percent."
"What? Suck my balls, fifteen percent!"
"You need our help, Cartman, and you know it. Fifteen percent, or you find someone else!"
Exasperated, Cartman said, "All right, all right! The Jew will have his huge 15. Now, we are all to meet at my house this evening at 6 p.m. to discuss further plans."
"Fine."
"And I must caution you," Cartman said, taking a dramatic tone, "Above all, you must not play these games, for they will get you as well, and then you can no longer be my tools… I mean partners. Fun though they may be, the rewards of NOT playing will be far greater."
"…Kay…" Stan said slowly.
"Kenny!" Cartman snapped. "Take Stan and Kyle's Game & Watch's from them and destroy them!"
"Why do I have to fuckin do it?" Kenny asked angrily.
"Because, Kenny, your family's poor and poor people have to do menial jobs! Now do it!"
"Asshole…" Kenny mumbled, taking Stan and Kyle's games and walking away.
"So I will see you tonight then?" Cartman asked pleasantly.
"Sure, sure." Kyle said. "Come on, Stan, let's have a snowball fight."
Cartman laughed evily to himself as he watched the pair walk away. "It is all falling into place…"
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Location: Nintendo of Japan, 7 p.m.
It was evening outside the Nintendo of Japan headquarters. The sun had set, owls hooted in the trees, and game developers scurried into their dens for the night. Suddenly, one of the patrolmen heard something that sounded like a scream.
"Hey, did you hear that?" he asked his fellow officer. "It sounded like a scream!"
"I heard it too," the other officer said. "We must search…. OH MY GOD!"
They whirled around to find none other that Notoshiro Sayaki, bruised, battered, and bleeding, crawling with much effort towards the office.
"Sayaki-san!" the patrolman cried. To his partner he said, "Draw him a bath! And fetch the President!"
"Yes, sir!"
"What happened to you, sir?" the patrolman asked. Notoshiro crawled up to him and collapsed.
"The trucks…" he gasped. "The trucks… they… are…"
"What's going on here?" cried the President, who had heard the commotion and come out to investigate. Then he saw the scene before him. "Sayaki-san! Get away from him, you fool!" he snapped, knocking the patrolman aside. "Sayaki-san… who did this to you?"
Notoshiro coughed. "The boy… crashed the trucks… Game & Watch's… all released… I barely escaped… drivers all killed…" he managed to choke out, and then he stopped speaking and went limp.
"NO!" the President cried.
Suddenly, Notoshiro stirred and motioned to the President, "Sir, I must tell you something. Come closer…"
"What is it, my loyal servant?" the President asked, trying not to think about how his second-in-command was seconds away from death.
"I… was the one… responsible for… the Super Mario Bros. movie… aggh…" and then he went limp permanently.
"Sayaki-san! NOOOOO!" the President wailed, throwing his hands to the sky. The officers and patrolmen that had gathered bowed their heads and chanted a farewell prayer in Gerudo.
The President grieved for many minutes, and then he remembered Notoshiro's dying words: The Game & Watch units had gotten out. This was an urgent matter that could not be ignored. Wiping the tears from his eyes, he stood up and said, "Ok, listen up! I want 50 of our best soldiers and 25 high officers to fan out and search the United States for the missing Game & Watch's!"
"Yes sir!" everyone said.
"Do not take no for an answer. Destroy all who stand in your way!"
"Yes, sir!"
"And when you find the little boy responsible, bring him to me, alive and unspoiled!"
"Sir, yes sir!"
"Now move out!"
The officers bowed and rushed away. The President looked at the stars and thought of the horrid things he would do to the boy who killed his best friend and who may have just doomed the world.
