Cat and Mouse
Chapter 4
Watching
Much of this chapter goes on in Emma's head, so it might be confusing at times….
A/N: Thanks to my betas for helping with this chapter.
A/N: furi15—ask and you shall receive…
A/N: I love music a lot and believe it can help the soul heal, learn and a zillion other things. This chapter will contain a lot of snippets as Emma works through the fog in her head.
…
How do I, get through one night without you? (Leann Rimes "How Do I Live")
Emma was numb. Her mind was empty and she was completely drained of all energy. She had given Myra her last wish: no more pain and a hand to hold onto until the end. She didn't even have the energy to cry.
Barely aware of the movements around her and shutting away the grief in the room, she sat still with her eyes closed. The heart monitor that had started squealing when she felt Myra go was finally turned off.
Clara was sobbing quietly in the corner. Another staff member hugged her. There was about 12 of them left, all mutants, both natural and new. At Emma's insistence, they were included in the will as well as keeping their current jobs here. The estate house was being converted into a safe-house for the Mutant Underground.
Dimly aware now of Adam, Jesse and Brennan touching her, Emma sank back into Shalimar's strong arms that reached out to encircle her, keeping her safe. She remembered Myra's last words before she lapsed into the coma: Emma, you have my blessings to go with Shalimar. She is more to you than you realize. She loves you as much as I do, if not more. Don't shut her out, Emma. Please! Do that for me, love [kisses]. Thanks, Emma…It's time to go now. Bye, bye… And then Myra's voice left her head for the last time. Emma held onto Myra's hand until it fell, cold and lifeless on the bed.
Shalimar looked down at Emma, wishing she could take away the grief, but she knew she couldn't. Emma looked up at her with haunted eyes. Such raw grief was visible and Shalimar almost recoiled from them. The three girls had shared more than clothing these past 10 days. She heard Myra's last words to Emma as Emma was broadcasting strongly at the end. Poor Emma, she wore her self out with this illusion. She wanted to do it though, even though she knew it would be difficult.
When Shalimar could feel no more warmth from Myra's body, she carefully lifted Emma up, not letting anybody else touch her just yet. The group behind her parted to let her carry Emma out of the room. Emma clung to her like a small child after having a nightmare. Shal noticed that Emma had lost a few pounds too over the past week. Well they hadn't eaten much since Myra took to her bed for the last time. The rest of the Mutant X team followed them out, except for Adam. Adam stayed a few minutes longer to sign the paperwork the lawyer produced, certifying the time of Myra's death. The lawyer then handed him a folder containing all the documents that were now Emma's inheritance. It also signified the new Mutant future.
…
So I walk up on high And I step to the edge To see my world below (Collective Soul's The World I Know)
Myra's funeral was held 2 days later on the hillside overlooking the house. A very quiet and private ceremony attended only by Myra's staff and Mutant X.
Emma still had not eaten anything or drunk anything since they carried her out. Adam set up a cot in her room and they all took turns staying with her, making sure to remain within reach of her bed.
How do I breathe without you? If you ever go, How do I ever, ever survive? (Leann Rimes "How Do I Live")
She laid quietly in the bed. Too quiet for Emma. Her mental shields were shut down tight. She kept her headphones on and woke only long enough to change the CD or to hit the replay button when it stopped.
They left her to work through her grief.
Please tell me baby, How do I go on? If you ever leave, Baby you would take everything, I need with you, Baby don't you know that you're everything, Good in my life? And tell me now, …How do I ever, ever survive? (L.R.)
…
Don't wanna be
All by myself
Anymore (Celine Dion's "All by Myself" remake)
Shalimar woke up with a start. Shal? She heard Emma's mental cry. Shalimar bounded out of her bed to go look for Emma.
She wasn't in her room and Jesse groaned at the intrusion when Shalimar turned the light on briefly. "Where's Emma?"
"I don't know. She was there a few minutes ago." He mumbled and went back to sleep.
Shal ran thru the halls. She finally found Emma with the door of the refrigerator in her hand and looking very confused.
"Where is the egg salad? There's always a bowl of egg salad." Emma asked forlornly.
"Emma, sh! I'll have to boil some eggs for you."
She gently pushed Emma to a chair and busied herself with putting water and eggs in a pot on the stove.
"You want something to drink, Em, while they boil?"
"Yeah. Malibu for me and Black Current for Myra. She'll be along shortly." Then Emma laid her head now on the counter and cried; the first tears in many days.
Shalimar sprang around the counter to hold Emma, "It's ok, Emma, honey. I'm here. Shal's here for you," she crooned.
Brennan came into the kitchen just then. "Hey guys," he said quietly noting Emma's distress.
"Brennan, can pour Emma a glass of Malibu and pineapple juice? And keep an eye on those eggs. Emma wanted some egg salad and I forgot to make some."
Brennan grimaced at the thought of egg salad at 2 am, but he did as Shal asked. He fixed 2 strong screwdrivers for himself and Shalimar.
Emma promptly drained her drink in one swallow and pushed the glass over, silently asking for another one. He poured her one. She drank that one a little slower. He put the four bottles on the side of the counter, where they were all sitting now. She mixed the third one, adding vodka and just a sprinkle of pineapple juice on the top.
"Easy, girl. You haven't had much to eat in days, much less putting that much alcohol in your empty stomach," Brennan said.
"It's helping me to feel." Emma quietly said.
She leaned into Shalimar and sighed. "When is it going to get better? The first time I thought she was dead, I ran away because there was nobody to turn to. I did some things I almost regret now…"
"Losing a close friend is always hard, Emma. But you've got all of us here. Nobody wants to see you run away." Brennan answered her.
Shalimar wondered what Emma did that she regretted. She finished her drink and asked Emma to fix her another one.
"Like mine, or a screwdriver?"
"Like yours." So I can taste your lips without Brennan knowing it…
Naughty, naughty, Shalimar.
Shalimar smiled. Their Emma was coming back to them.
The water boiled over with a nasty hiss. Brennan jumped up guiltily for not paying attention to them. He turned the flame down and set the timer for 10 minutes.
Adam plodded into the kitchen just them. "Hey, Emma. Good to see you up. Brennan, are you trying to burn my kitchen again?"
"No. Emma wanted some egg salad, so Shal and I were boiling some eggs."
"Myra made it for me all the time," Emma squirmed under the scrutiny, starting to slur her words. She poured herself a 4th drink. Adam raised an eyebrow at Shal and Shal mouthed, "Don't ask. I won't let her drink too much."
Adam fixed himself a cup of tea and sat down with them. "Where's Jesse?"
"Sound asleep on the cot." Shalimar answered him.
The timer buzzed. "Egg salad coming up. What do you put in yours, Emma?" Brennan got up and ran some cold water over the eggs.
"Mayo, a shot of worchestershire, celery salt and parsley. No mustard!" Emma wrinkled her nose at the thought of mustard.
Shalimar laughed lightly. Brennan put the bowl of eggs in front the girls for them to peel, while he readied the other ingredients. Shalimar ate one of the eggs herself while she peeled a second one. Emma batted her for that.
"Emma, there's plenty of eggs here, that one wouldn't be missed, " she pouted.
They mixed the salad and Emma made herself a sandwich. She ate it hungrily. Unaware of herself she broadcasted the good feelings of the taste and texture of the egg salad. Brennan gagged loudly.
Emma opened her eyes in mid bite. "What?"
"You and those eggs. I never liked egg salad too much." Brennan waved a hand at the bowl. "I'm off to bed."
Shalimar nodded, keeping her eye on Emma who was so happy right now. "I'll be along later."
They nodded at Emma, who was pouring herself another drink, and missed the glass. "Oopsy" Emma giggled.
"Oopsy indeed." Shal got up to grab a washrag to clean up the counter.
Emma reached up to brush Shal's hair out of her eyes. "There's two of you."
"I think you've had enough alcohol for now."
"Not quite. I can still stand." Emma stood up and fell promptly. Shal giggled under her breath. "Maybe."
Emma looked up at Shal. "Take me to bed, Shal, please." She begged with eyes and body language.
"Let me clean up here a little," Shal blushed at Emma's begging, busying her self with putting the uneaten egg salad and ingredients away.
She went over and picked up Emma off the floor. Emma jumped into her arms, wrapped her legs around Shal's hips and kissed her fully on the lips. Your room. Don't want to wake up Jesse…Shalimar felt her stomach get wet where the babydoll pajamas didn't cover Emma's bottom too well. Emma cuddled up against Shalimar's neck and closed her eyes.
Shalimar grinned. "Ok, baby. My room it is," wondering if Emma was going to stay awake that long.
She quickly moved down the hallway to her room and locked the door behind them. Laying Emma down on the bed, she was quickly rewarded with some light snores. She rolled Emma over to a more comfortable position and slipped the cover over them, and held Emma tightly. In her sleep, Emma nuzzled up against her tightly. Shalimar soon joined her in sleep.
…
"I'll be your dream
I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy
I'll be your hope
I'll be your love
Be everything that you need.
I'll love you more with every breath
Truly, madly, deeply do
I will be strong I will be faithful
'cause I'm counting on
A new beginning
A reason for living
A deeper meaning
I want to stand with you on a mountain
I want to bathe with you in the sea
I want to lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me." (Savage Garden's Truly Madly Deeply)
Emma woke up confused at her surroundings. She had a small throbbing headache. She felt breathing on her neck and turned to see who was behind her. Shalimar!
Then she remembered earlier in the kitchen with the eggsalad and the 5 stiff drinks she drank in a short period of time. At least she didn't dream of Myra for a couple of hours.
Was that so bad? She wondered.
Shalimar opened her eyes and looked up at her. "Sleep good?" she asked.
"I think so. At least it wasn't nightmares."
"That's good to hear. So do you want to finish what you started last night before you fell asleep on me?" Shalimar teased her by running a hand down Emma's side.
"What did I start?" She played the innocent look.
"Don't go playing innocent on me, girl." Shal pulled Emma down on top and kissed her. She trapped Emma's legs with her, refusing to let her go. Emma sighed and kissed her back.
…
Later that day, Emma snuck back to her room for a shower and nap. At least that is what she told Shalimar…
She put in the recent Leann Rimes CD and clicked the repeat button on the one track, "How do I Live".
Emma hummed along with the song.
She had stolen some of the painkillers from Myra's stash and put them in her backpack while they were at the estate house. She found them again and put the bottle on the desk. She laid out a scapel, that Adam didn't realize that she had swiped from the med-lab earlier. She had also grabbed a drink from the kitchen, another Malibu concoction.
She was only intent on stopping the pain of her broken heart. Even Shalimar couldn't help her with that. This morning proved that.
There were 10 painkillers. She downed all of them with her mixed drink.
Then she picked up the scapel. Myra, I want to be with you. She traced her wrist lightly with the scapel, not breaking the skin.
Maybe if I wouldn't have gone on a binge, that first six weeks, I would have my daughter with me.
She wrote a letter to Shalimar.
Shalimar, I can't handle a 2nd broken heart. I went off the deep end when I thought she had died. I roamed the streets, drinking, shooting up, sleeping with whoever offered me enough money for the next bottle, the next fix. I got pregnant as a result. I have a daughter out there who doesn't know me. They took her away from me. I thought I was over that. I blocked her out of my mind. I don't know where she is. I couldn't take care of her. Loosing Myra twice and my baby girl and I'm going out of my mind right now. I wish I could find my baby girl. I imagine she's better off where she is now. I don't know if I did any damage to her as far along as I was when I finally realized that I was pregnant. I'm sorry, Shalimar. It's better this way…Thanks for being you…Emma
Emma then took the scapel and dug it into her wrist making the blood drip. She was feeling really woozy from the alcohol and the painkillers now. She sunk into the blackness not caring for anything…
…
"Emma, do you want some supper?" Shalimar knocked at the door. "Emma?"
She opened the door and took a quick glance around the room. Emma was slumped on the floor near the desk. "Emma!" Shalimar screamed. There was no response.
Brennan, Jesse and Adam called her on the com-links. "What's wrong, Shalimar?"
She ran across to check Emma. Emma's eyes were glazed over and flickering madly. She smelt the blood before she saw it. "Oh, god, Emma. Why?"
"Shalimar?" Jesse reached Emma's room first.
Shalimar licked Emma's hand trying to see how much was damaged, which started it bleeding again slowly. "Jesse get a towel from the bathroom. Emma's cut herself up good. She also had a strong drink." Shalimar wrinkled her nose at the cup. Jesse grabbed a towel and ran back. She then noticed the bottle. She activated her com-link, "Adam, Emma's taken something and cut herself up. We'll be there shortly." She put the bottle in her pocket.
Emma, I thought you were better. Why? Why? Shalimar noticed the letter then. She stuffed it into her pocket as Jesse wrapped the towel around Emma's arm. Not trusting herself, Shalimar picked up Emma and ran all the way to the med-lab, Jesse on her heels.
Brennan and Adam met her and she stowed Emma on the chair. She handed the bottle to Adam, who swore loudly.
Adam quickly assessed the damage to Emma's hand, then set up the field for the scanner.
They all held their breath as they watched the scans come back.
"Her toxicology screen shows huge amounts of painkillers. Her blood alcohol level is .017." Adam quietly said.
"Why?" All of them asked at once.
Shalimar pulled out the letter and handed it to Adam.
"I think this explains part of it."
TBC
