A/N: This story is co-written by my friend and I., therefore updates may take a while

Larry Rotter and the watch-ya-ma-callit's rock

Disclaimer: My name is not J.K Rowling and neither is it the name of my friend (I think) , we do not own Harry Potter or its respective trademarks. If we did then we would not be wasting time posting this on a FREE website

Chapter 1

One day in the Sahara desert there lived a fat camel named Alfred. He died five seconds later of rabid camel disease.

But of course this has nothing to do with the story.

XOXOOXOXOXOXOOXO

Mr and Mrs Dumbarse of no.4 pervert drive were proud to say that they were perfectly normal. That is of course if your definition of normal is being perverted sadistic gits.

They were the last people you would expect for being involved in anything strange or out-of-the ordinary, except of course for the weekly trip to court for spying on there neighbours occupied bathrooms. (You would have thought they would have the sense to buy curtains by now. It has been 2 years)

Nobby Dumbarse was a very large man, well actually he was a very large man compared to a very large man, I hope this gives you an impression of how big he was, to express it further he once sat on a cat which disappeared, but reappeared in the toilet a few days later, it was scarred for life, which wasn't very long after it's experience as a live suppository.

Nobbys neck was almost nonexistent in fact his head was so sunken into his torso that his shoulders were up to his ears. His fat flabby head was covered in twisted black hair apart from the shiny bald patch on top of it.

As for Chow-Phat Dumbarse, she was as thin as a twig, so thin in fact that when she got locked out she was able to re-enter via the cat flap. She was very short but had a long neck. Her shoulders were up to Mr Dumbarses belly button, but her chin was at his shoulders.

Mr Dumbarse was the director of a firm called Vibrodils, which manufactured dildos of all shapes and sizes. There were fat ones thin ones whirly ones and curly ones, fruity ones and scented ones. Why their favourite customer, Mrs Pigg lived just across the road. After a while she arranged a private supply line to her house after she became bedridden, she had nothing else to do, and we won't even go into what she had to arrange once she lost the use of her hands to arthritis.

Of course Nobby (Mr D) was to deliver them personally. As this required movement he looked to his new electric wheelchair to help him cross the road. Well I say wheelchair, it was more of an electric couch with a small trailer which he stored the "merchandise" in, however after the orders got bigger he had to find other spaces to store them, there was one large space in particular where he could uncomfortably squeeze three or four, although he did adjust to it and worryingly started liking it.

They had five cats that they loved and a son who wished they'd dropped down the well, they named him Doodle Dumbarse the rabid Child, they wanted him to be teased at school in later years. They said he was a transvestite. As they didn't want to have any more legal battles, they were always dreaming up "accidents" that might occur, such as they once 'accidentally' left a load of pills out in candy wrappers, however he dropped them all in his dads drink, leaving the hospital the phenomenal task of pumping his grossly big stomach, this took nine hours.

They did have another secret they had another big fat son called Oberloinqunent, hang on wrong story. Wait a minute...

Take two

They did have another secret, the Rotters. Mrs Rotter was Chow Phats sister called Hungawunga. There was her Swedish husband Bonk and son twit with the glasses, A.KA. Larry. The Dumbarses did not want to associate with them because they were highly respected and undumbarsed as possible.

A/N: We were getting bored so we skipped on to the Hagrid part:

A small little man with a beard down to his knees pulled out a flamethrower and lit a cigarette he then got out an RPG and blew out the lights. His name was Professor Alfred Bumble-on-about-nothing.

Suddenly a mouse darted out from inside his long johns, which he hadn"t changed in over fifty years. It looked like it was about to say something but it was stopped as a large tabby cat jumped on it and ripped it into shreds and gobbled it up. The cat morphed into an old haggy lady who looked like a horrible old dinner lady I used to have who keeps parking in my drive. Her name was Mrs Mcgogglewoggle, she opened her mouth to speak and outpoured the shredded gory mouse which got tangled in the beard of Professor Bumble-on- about-nothing.

"What news from Whoredor?"

(A/N: Sorry couldn't resist – Paul)

Take 2

"What news of the boy" She asked

"Have you ever stared blankly Into the sky at night and looked at the marvels of the stars, the strange shape and luminous glow... And then toffee said I don"t agree with

that, your completely mad Bumble, I mean me mad? Preposterous."

"What about the b..."

"Foxy, foxy, foxy, foxy foxy, foxy, foxy foxy, foxy, foxy, foxy, foxy, toadstool, toadstool."

When Mrs Mcgogglewoggle looked up at the sky she saw a giant flying pink tractor.

"That must be Haggot the little Faggot"

" There once was a faggot ate a little maggot, and totally lost the plot. (As has this story)"

The pink tractor the suddenly stopped flying and crashed into the street smashing down half of the houses down the road.

Haggot the little Faggot stepped down from amidst the rubble of number 7 Pervert drive. He had the twit with the glasses wrapped up in a little bundle, he dropped young Larry on his head, played drew a HUGE pink heart on little Larry's face before picking up a jumbo permanent marker and wrote on his head "This is your Nephew, Keep the little Bastard." Before he crammed him through the letterbox.

"Astala vista Rotter" McGoggleWoggle said

"COBRAS" Yelled Professor Bumble-on- about-nothing

"Oh by the way sir everyone is saying that he's gone is it true?"

Professor Bumble-on- about-nothing sighed before saying "Yes Haggot it is true, lord FannyRash is dead"

He looked like he was going to say more but at that moment His back straightened and his eyes went blurry before he began to sing

"See the little goblin, see his little feet, see his tiny nosy woes isn't the goblin sweet, YES!"

And with that said, with little fanfare, the chapter ends.