She Never Knew
By: Cassandra Parsons
It was late, very late. I should close my eyes and get some sleep, but I can't. I keep thinking, thinking about her. Whenever I close my eyes, all I can see is her face, her beautiful face. It's the face of an angel. Her eyes are like a wild storm, greyish-blue, with a hidden sparkle that only I can see. Her smile is like nothing I've ever seen in my life. When she smiles, it's like nothing else matters to me. I'd give up my life just to see her smile.
Is this love?
I ponder about this question for a while. What am I doing? I'm supposed to be on guard, watching in case any enemies attack. But, all I can do is watch her. I suddenly realize I've been staring at her this whole time. I feel my cheeks getting hotter, but I can't look away. I just sit and watch her petite figure rise and fall with every calm breath she takes. Memories pass through my mind all at once:
The first time I met her and mistook her for Kikyo.
Kikyo…
They may look alike but they are two completely different people. They act nothing like each other. Kikyo was always so depressed and lonely, but Kagome is always happy and cheerful. I bet she has a lot of friends in her time period. Suddenly a thought struck me. Kikyo…do I still have feelings for her? I didn't have to ponder that thought for a second I knew the answer. I moved on, I had to. Kikyo's dead…gone forever. The Kikyo that exists now is made of nothing but dirt, clay, and bones. But, Kagome is alive; she's still here with me. What would I do without her? I would go crazy, that's what. I'd never be the same, I wouldn't be whole…I wouldn't be alive.
Is this love?
I ask myself this same question, but I can't seem to find an answer. I thought I loved Kikyo, and maybe at one point I did, but I don't anymore. So if I stopped loving Kikyo so easily, was it really love in the first place? No, it wasn't. So, maybe I don't love her, the one who now brings light into my world Kagome. But it's not the same. I don't have the same feeling around her as I did with Kikyo. No, this feeling is different. It's stronger…it's special.
Is this love…do I love her?
Yes.
But, does she know?
No, she doesn't know.
But, will I tell her?
What do I have to lose? Everything! My pride, my dignity, and my heart. What if she doesn't feel the same way about me? Of course she won't, who am I kidding? I mean, who could ever love a half-breed like me? Yeah…that's right, I'm a half-breed, how could I forget? I'm not good enough for her, she deserves better. I'm just a half-breed, and that's all I'll ever be.
"I like you just the way you are Inuyasha."
I remember that. It was the day we were coming back from helping that demon that the villagers thought was devouring humans. That was the first time I actually opened up to her, and she was so happy. She says she felt closer to me, and that was when she said she liked me the way I was. She accepted me. Wait a minute; she's always accepted me! When everyone else abandoned me or gave up on me, she was still there by my side all this time. Maybe, just maybe, she does feel the same. A small smile crept onto my face, but the smile seems to get bigger and bigger with every thought of her being in love with me. I have to tell her, I have to, but I'm so afraid, rejection really hurts. I wouldn't be able to handle it, but I need to know! Does she love me?
That's it! I made my decision, I'm going to talk to her, or at least try to. As I jumped out of the tree I was currently sitting in, it felt like an eternity before I actually got to the forest floor. I can tell that I was nervous, but when I finally got to the ground, I landed as light as a feather as usual. I tiptoed all the way to her sleeping bag. When I got there, I crouched down in a dog-like position. I was actually going to do this. Thoughts about backing out crossed and tempted my mind, but I had to fight the temptation. Once I passed that stage, I just had to wake her up and tell her, which was easier said than done! I took a deep breath; here goes nothing…more like here goes everything. I quickly shook that thought out of my mind and took another deep breath. It's now or never…I prefer never. Darn it! This is too hard. I decided to just sit there, gather up my courage, and then let all negative thoughts fly out of my mind. With the third and hopefully last breath, I decided I was finally ready.
"Kagome…" I whispered her name in hopes that I would wake her up.
"Kagome…" The wind carried her name from out of my mouth. It felt so natural. Her name was like honey on my tongue. She suddenly began to stir. This is it I tell myself. Her eyes began to flutter open. It's now or never. She blinked a few times and rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. There's no turning back now. "Inuyasha?" Finally.
"Inuyasha? What is it? Is something wrong?" She asks. She sounds like an angel as much as she looks like one. I can hear my heart beating faster and faster. Can she hear it too?
"Kagome…" I started. "I…I have to talk to you." I looked down out of fear. What is she going to say when I tell her?
"Oh, about what Inuyasha?" She asks. She looks so innocent, so pure. Darn it, why was she making this so difficult? I have to do this!
"Kagome…" I started again. "When I'm with you, I feel calm…like my soul is at peace." That wasn't too bad. I looked up and found her staring deep into my eyes, it's like she was looking into my soul, searching…but for what? Was it the purpose of this conversation? I took a deep breath.
"I like it…when I'm with you. I love seeing your smile, it brights up my world. And I love hearing your voice, it gives me the confidence I need. You make me feel special…" Your doing great, come on, you can do this. I looked at her expression; her eyes are a bit wide. She looked surprised and seemed to be speechless.
"Kagome…you are the only woman, besides my mother, that has accepted me for who and what I am. You've always been by my side, even after every stupid fight or argument we've had. You've always come back to me. Kagome, no matter what, you've always been there…with me." Now, for the final eye-opener!
"Inuyasha…" her voice sounds so unsure and her face seems unreadable. Now! I have to say it now!
"Kagome…you're really special to me." Deep breath and relax. I can do this.
"Inuyasha…what about…Kikyo?" What about her? I could smell her sadness, it practically radiated off her body.
At that moment I felt a strange sensation run through my body. I grabbed both of her hands and gave them a tight reassuring squeeze. Now! It had to be now!
"Don't you see Kagome? I don't love Kikyo, I love you!" I…I did it. I looked up and gazed at her face as I heard her gasp. It suddenly got quiet. You could hear the flames of the fire crackle and pop. I felt my heart sink to the bottom pit of my stomach. I've been…rejected.
"Inuyasha…I…" She started. Save it! I understood perfectly.
"You…don't feel the same way." My hands painfully slid out of hers and fell numbly back to my side. I lowered my head so that my bangs covered my face. It hurt…oh gods how it hurt! I'm so stupid! How could I have ever thought that she could have loved me back…a half-breed.
"Inuyasha…" I suddenly felt a silky soft hand touch my cheek. I looked up at her and gazed at her face. She was smiling, but why? Before I had time to further think about it, she cupped my face in both of her hands and crushed her lips onto mine. My eyes widened at that second. What, why…did she even know what she was doing at that very moment. I felt my cheeks heat up; it sure felt like she knew what she was doing.
Once I had regained from my initial shock I wrapped my hands around her waist and responded to the kiss. I felt her hands leave my face and wrap themselves around my neck. Her whole body seemed to go limp as she melted against mine in pure passion and delight.
There was only one word to describe the feeling inside of me at that very moment.
Bliss…
Pure and utter bliss.
Her mouth tasted finer than the finest honey made in all of Japan. It tasted sweeter than I dreamed it would. Yes, I admit it, I had dreamed of this moment for ages. I dreamed every single night about the way her lips would feel crushed up against mine, the way her body would react from my touch, and my touch alone. I never stopped dreaming, hoping, wishing, that one day it would all come true. And it finally was.
It felt like eternity before we parted for lack of air, each one panting like crazy and gasping for breath. I looked over at Kagome once I had finally caught my breath for no more than a split second before I descended my lips onto her unsuspecting ones in a kiss more passionate than before. She gasped in surprise against my mouth, to which I took advantage of. I dove into her mouth and heard her moan as I tasted every inch of her, burning every detail of her mouth inside of my mind. I unwrapped one of my hands from around her waist and placed it at the back of her head and deepened the kiss, earning yet another moan from the beauty in my arms.
Gods, this had to be heaven! Here, in my arms, was the most gorgeous girl in all of Japan, a girl who could get any guy she wanted. But yet, here she was, in my arms…my arms. The idea was so hard to grasp. I didn't deserve her at all, but like I said, here she was in my arms, giving me one heck of a mouth messauge!
She tightened her arms around my neck, and shifted against my body in a more comfortable position, which just so happened to be my lap. I groaned against her mouth and deepened the kiss even more, if that was possible. I could feel a fiery hot burning sensation rush through my whole body wildly, and I did nothing but embrace it, just as I was embracing Kagome at that very second. I never wanted this feeling to end. I loved it almost as much as I loved Kagome…almost. Nothing could ever compare to my undying love for her, for it was the strongest feeling I had ever had towards anyone…even stronger than my love for my mother. In short, Kagome was my everything.
We finally parted for the second time, panting and gasping more wildly than before. Without warning, I picked her up bridle style, and jumped up onto the tree I had been originally keeping watch on. I heard Kagome gasp from surprise yet again as I landed softly on the strong branch. I then laid down into a comfortable position with my back against the tree and Kagome still wrapped in my arms.
I saw her blink a few times before she regained from her shock and glared up at me.
"Don't do that without warning someone! You scared the living daylights out of me!" She chided. I only gave her a fanged smirk in response.
She started to pout, but then quickly leaned up against my chest and started tweaking my left ear. My eyes widened when I felt her rub the fluffy white appendage between her thumb and forefinger. It felt so incredibly…good! And before I could contain it, I felt myself let out a low purring sound. I didn't realize what I was doing before it was too late.
"Inuyasha…are you…purring?" I heard her ask with a girlish giggle. I felt that familiar burning enflame my cheeks once again.
"N-no!" I stuttered. "I wasn't purring, I was…u-uh…growling!" I said in my defence. I know it was pretty pathetic but hey, it beat admitting that I was purring like some demented feline.
"No, you weren't, because I know for a fact that you wouldn't openly growl at me for know reason at all!" She said in triumph. She was right, which meant I was busted.
"Feh! Call it what ever you want, but to me it was a growl." I mumbled embarrassingly. She suddenly stopped rubbing my ears and I whimpered in protest. She looked at me with an amused twinkle in her eyes.
"Admit that you were purring or no more ear scratching for you." She declared with a glare. I glared back with just as much force. The stupid little, she was playing dirty! I glared on last time before I decided to give up with an irritated sigh.
"Fine fine, I was purring okay! You happy now?" I muttered. She grinned and nodded her head vigorously. I smiled as I felt her start to rub my ears once more, and also started 'purring' as well.
She stopped rubbing my ears once again and I groaned in annoyance.
"What is it now?" I wined. She looked up at me with a soft smile, and I swear my heart skipped a beat.
"Inuyasha…?" She asked. Two beats.
"Yeah?" I asked dumbly. She leaned in closer to me until our lips were only millimetres apart. Three beats.
"I forgot to tell you this…" she started. If it was even possible, four beats.
"…With what we were doing before, it kind of slipped my mind." She smiled innocently. If she kept this up, I my heart just might stop beating completely. Either that or I might have a heart attack.
"But…" she trailed off while brushing her lips softly over mine. I felt myself shiver from the contact, and I knew she felt it to by the little giggle she gave off. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I found myself gazing at shimmering pools of midnight blue, a unique colour that only belonged to Kagome.
"…I love you too, Inuyasha." She whispered happily for my ears only.
I blinked.
I blinked again.
Blink.
Blink blink.
And then I grinned.
I couldn't believe it, she loved me! If we weren't lying on a tree branch at the moment, I would have scooped her up in my arms and spun her around, all the while laughing merrily. I know that that may not sound like the 'Inuyasha' thing to do but she loved me for god's sakes!
This was, without a doubt, the happiest night of my entire life. I slowly wrapped my arms around her waist and grinned down at her. She smiled up at me in return with a little giggle.
"Kagome, you just made me the happiest hanyou in all of Japan!" I said to her, my stupid grin never leaving my face. Her smile widened as she reached up and gave me a soft but sweet kiss. When we parted for the third time, I pulled her flush against my chest and nuzzled my face in the crook of her neck while running my clawed fingers through her hair, careful not to scratch her. I couldn't help but breathe in her intoxicating scent, which I might happily add had my scent mixed in with it also.
I sighed in pure happiness and felt her even breathing against my chest; she had fallen asleep. I smiled softly.
How I waited for this moment…
How I've yearned for her kiss…
How I've waited to tell her of all the feelings I've felt for only her…
How I've dreamed and desired to hold her and embrace her like this…
She never knew…until now.
Fin.
