Song for the
sorrowful…
Chapter 3-Tatiana
By BJ-Blatzkowitz
Disclaimer: Okay, I don't own Last Exile, this is copyrighted by Studio Gonzo. This is also under copyright of Madman Entertainment. The characters are used with uttermost care and with permission. Other characters not in Last Exile is under copyright of me, if you want to use it, ask me and mention it on the disclaimer.
WARNING: This fanfic contains several spoilers from the series in general. So if you haven't watched the entire series, then stop reading now. Otherwise, continue on at your own risk. Also, this fanfic uses "Bring me to life" by Evanescene…
Tatiana sat in her cabin, just finished changing from Claus's overalls. Now she sat there with her Silvana jumper and her underwear on. Slowly, she put her foot into the black stockings. She sat there, musing over a problematic puzzle. That puzzle was Claus. Before she can think it further, a small knock on the door broke her chain of thought.
"Tatiana, I'm coming in." The door swung open, revealing the vice-captain. She stood in front of her.
"The captain wants to see you in his cabin." Tatiana just stayed put. Sophia noticed her changed attitude. Previously, it was one of arrogance that showed her noble upbringing. But now, she had a meeker attitude, almost if she was a child again. The only time she saw that was when she first arrived on the Silvana. That was almost two years ago.
"You know, Claus is in there. You might…"
"I don't want to go…I mean, not right now." Sophia guessed at this remark. 'So looks like she confided in Claus. But does she really like him?' Glancing, she noticed the neatly folded overalls.
"Claus was kind to you I see." Tatiana merely nodded. Sophia smiled further at her.
"It's been a long time since I saw that look on your face." And with that, she turned around and left.
Tatiana sat there, a million questions racing through her head. She mused over what Sophia said to her. She timidly brought her hand to her face. She found that her cheeks were burning. She looked away and plopped onto the bed.
'What is it that Claus have that I don't? Freedom? Hope?' And with that, she went to sleep.
Tatiana's voice
When he first arrived at the Silvana, the captain told me that I was like that when I first arrived. Hotheaded and determined, that was a long time. Almost two years ago. After changing into my flight uniform, I heard some scuffle in the hanger. Going down, I found that Claus was in a pretty bad shape. Snatching the stuffed animal, I handed it to Claus. When I looked into his eyes, he had that look of a determined vanship pilot yet retaining the innocence that a child had. When I look into them, it seems that I was at ease.
How can you see into me eyes like open doors…
Leading you down into my core…
I asked him what his name was and he did that. But the surprising thing was he asked for my name. At first Alister told Claus off but I told him anyway. After that, the Silvana was attacked by the Guild. When I saw Claus struggling with the starships, I saw immediately that he was just like me when I first fought the Guild. I snapped myself out of this as another attacked us.
Where I've become so numb…
Without a soul…
My spirit sleeping somewhere cold…
When you it there and lead it back home…
After the battle, I immediately criticised the crew and my captain on their decisions on letting Claus and his navi piloting the vanship fighter. Inside, I felt as if Claus was challenging me to do better than him. Was it jealous or envy, I do not know. I wrote immediately to my family to update them on the situation. In that letter, as I was writing, I was hesitating in putting down my experiences with Claus. It sat there on my mind for a long time before I decided it wasn't for the best. But something within me wanted him so badly. I thought it was just an emotion that can easily disappear. But I was wrong.
Wake me up inside… Call my name and save me in the dark… Bid my blood to run before I come undone… Save me from the nothing I've become…That emotion sort of kick started my lust for being the best. Even in the Twelve Hour Endurance race, I had ignored Alister's voice saying that we should concentrate on the mission. But I let my pride dictated my actions. When the captain chose Claus to be flying escort, I couldn't believe it. A rookie like him is to be flying escort. No, I couldn't let this happen. I tried to convince the vice-captain to let me pilot. But that only dragged Alister into it and told me that there's no freedom in my skies. I walked back slowly to my cabin and sat there. I began to think about Claus and why is it that he flies in the skies.
All this time I can't believe I couldn't see… Kept in the dark but you are there in front of me…
When I heard about the attack we're going to launch on the Urbanus, I knew that we had become traitors. In the attack, I chose Claus to be my navi. I wanted to get back at him for almost destroying my pride back then. Maybe it was for the worst I thought as I look back upon that. But in fact, it was for the better. He told me that he was fighting for the skies he wanted to fly in. That was his reason. I told him that he was so naïve. But that had me thinking about what I was fighting for. Pride? Loyalty? That brought up another I hadn't thought of. Love…maybe because of Claus.
Don't let me die here…
There must be something more…
Bring me to life…
During our isolation time, I felt as if I failed my duty to my father. I just sat there, wasting time, even as Claus tried his best to repair the vanship. I took the overalls as they reflected my disgraced self. Taking the uniform off, I sat there naked as I felt all my worries not only increase but also soften. I couldn't care if Claus saw me like that. I just wanted to forgive myself for my failure. But Claus did something that I couldn't do, forgive and keep fighting. Even though I said that it was hopeless to find the Silvana alive, he wouldn't say no to that and kept telling me that there is always hope for that. That's probably the reason why I confide in him. A spiritual guide for a wreck like me. When the Duisis captured us, I though our journey will end there. That single gunshot sound was enough to realise that love is a powerful thing and that it wouldn't let me let go of Claus. Seeing him all right was a relief to both my broken heart and to my feelings.
As we got back onto the Silvana, I knew that Lavi wouldn't take this so lightly. She stormed out of the hanger when she saw me in Claus' overalls. I always held her in high regard but now, I don't know what to do. Especially with our feelings for Claus.
Tatiana opened her eyes as the memories stopped their endless waltz through her mind. Sitting up, she wiped the tears from her eyes. 'Why can't I just tell him how I feel? Is it because of Lavi or my own insecurity?' She sat there thinking about the possibilities with Claus. But this was something that her father would surely forbid if he knew about it.
Changing into her overalls, she took Claus' overalls and left her sanctuary to give back the thing she wanted to set right.
Author's notes: Well, it looks like this fanfic took an even longer time to create than the previous one. I wasn't too sure how to tell Tatiana's feelings for Claus and especially her fierce attitude. I can only conclude that she lets her pride dictate her actions, which can lead into situations of tension as shown with the battle with the Urbanus. With that, most of her history is shown by the series so I didn't had to backtrack into her past. But I decided that her emotional state was the most important aspect to look into. And so, this is the main focus for this fanfic. Hopefully, Sophia's story wouldn't be that hard to create…
