Chapter 2: The Uninvited Invitation
I don't
recall hearing her leave, but I know she left. The sobs rack my body
as I lay on my bed, trembling. Words cannot describe the utter
loneliness I feel in the face of her betrayal. How will I ever
pretend that things are as they always were?
:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:
"Emily!"
Arvin's voice breaks into my thoughts as I mix the salad in the bowl, setting it on the table before walking out to meet him in the living room. Standing behind him is her. I can feel her eyes boring into my soul, but I don't return the gaze. If I had a choice, I wouldn't even acknowledge her presence in the world, let alone the room.
"I hope you don't mind," he goes on, "but I invited Laura over for dinner."
"No, of course not. There's plenty of food." Ok, so I lied, but what's new!
"It smells delicious, Emily." She looks at me as though we are the only two in the room.
I can feel the regret and love in her posture and her gaze, but she's hurt me. She has hurt me too deeply, that no look or kiss or tender word can erase it. I never approached Jack asking to have sex with him. Never. Not once.
My husband's voice breaks into my silent world, bringing me back to the here and now. "Emily," he says, wrapping his arms around my waist and gazing lovingly into my eyes. "Jack and I have work to do, that's why I asked her to come over. I'm not sure how long we'll be."
"Where's Sydney?" I hear my voice without it registering that I have spoken.
"She's at a friend's house for the night."
The thought of being left alone with this woman is almost more than I can bare. I don't know how long I can put this brave face on for, but I have no choice. If I tell Arvin that I don't want her here, he'll ask me why. That will only lead to me revealing that I know about his illicit affairs as well as the fact that I'm not as faithful as he likes to think. That is a road I am unwilling to go down! "I'll miss you." I kiss him softly and tenderly, but the whole time I can feel her gaze upon me.
She never looks away from me, as I talk to my husband, and not even after I have kissed him again and he has left the house.
"Emily," her voice is soft spoken, and I can sense the slight tinge of pain in it.
"You are here because my husband invited you. Nothing more. What happened between us, was a mistake. I stopped listening to my head, and look where it got me. You slept with Arvin. I'll just have to live with that." Although I try to make my voice sound sure and firm, it quivers ever so slightly.
Laura walks towards me and sits down on the couch before me. After a minute of gazing in each other's eyes, her hand slowly slides up my thigh and she brings me down so I am straddling her lap. Her lips connect with my neck, leaving a trail of soft kisses along my collar bone.
"Don't," I whimper to her. "Please...Laura..." I can feel the tears starting to gather in my eyes. Why can't she be forceful! Why can't she kiss me passionately and hungrily! Atleast that way I wouldn't be slowly crumbling from her touch. I try to push away from her, but my arms and legs have turned to jelly, causing me to fall down against her. "Stop..." Ok, now I'm officially begging!
Her hands slip under my shirt and her fingers easily find their way to my nipple, teasing it between them and causing a soft moan to escape from my mouth.
Even my own god damn body is betraying me now!
I lean my head back and let her mouth trail towards my chin as silent tears start to fall down my cheeks. There is no explanation needed, just the salty taste of them as they slide down my face. I can't do this, god I can't! I can't want her. I can't kiss her. I can't touch her. I just..I can't! I feel her mouth kissing past my stomach as she slips my pants and underwear down to my knees. Pressing the back of my hand against my mouth, I hold back a soft sob, crying even harder. Don't let her do this. Stop her before you can't anymore. Don't let her kiss you there, or even touch you. Stay strong and..."oh god!" I cry out in a muted whisper.
My back arches upwards at the sudden contact of her mouth to my clit. I need more of her, but at the same time, I need her to stop touching me. My body goes into hyper drive, arguing with itself as well as being pleasured by this woman who has touched my life in more ways than just this.
Finally, my mind and body get in contact and I jump up, moving away from her. My hands numbly tug my pants and underwear up as I madly scramble for my shirt and my bra-which I don't remember her taking off but which she apparently did-as the tears fill my eyes and blur my vision.
"Don't do this. Please!" Her voice is begging me, but the pain in my heart is too much.
Feeling her lips on me is only making my brain work less, and I can't do this. Not here, not now. I love Arvin. This-Laura and I-is..was a mistake! I can't do this. I don't love her. She's not the person I want. I just want her because it's lust. It's only lust! I keep telling myself this, but my brain knows that I don't believe it. Not for one instant, but that doesn't stop me from saying it. Perhaps, if I say it enough, it will make it true. I will no longer love her. I won't need her with me. I'll be able to live my life without her. Perhaps..One can always dream, I suppose.
The sting of hurt is evident in her eyes and I struggle not to let this scene move any further ahead. I can't do this. I can't fuck Laura here. I need an excuse-any excuse but the truth-as to why. "I hate you." Ok, so the words sounded much better in my head, but the tears are fogging my brain and making it hard to think straight.
Without another word, I hear Arvin's car drive up to the house. Thank god..but..Already! A quick glance at the clock tells me that more time past than I thought. The past 3 hours are blurred in my memory, half of it I don't even recall.
Laura hears it as well, and I can see her physically sinking at the sound. Why? I'm not sure. I won't lie to myself and say that it is because she has to leave 'us' in the wretch that we are now, for another night. I will-if required-lie to myself to tell me the opposite. Anything to help me get over the block in the road that I call my future.
Do
I honestly mean that? Would I do anything!
