Title: Solitude
Author: Puss No Boots (Sammy)
Rating: Pg - 13: Dark... Very dark. Dark for events, thoughts and suicide. Wether or not it was successful i'm not saying. And also slight Terror... Terra bashing.
Note: First Teen Titans fic im posting, i've done a few but this is my first that anyone besides me and my grey kitty slippers have seen.
Disclamer: No stealie. It minie. No copy. I stoppie you. No sue. You smell like poo. You do any of the above you die. Goodbye. I don't own the song (Its an Evanescence song called Solitude from their 'Sound Asleep EP.' I dont own the teen titans (i wish i did) and if i did Terra would be burned at the steak. So dont sue! i only own my cd's and they are my life.
Summary: BB X RAVEN - Beast Boy and Terra have been going out for a long time and Raven can't take it anymore. Raven knows that she likes b.b and it scares the hell out of her. B.B. is clueless to it all and dosen't know until it's too late. R&R Please!
Genre: Romance/Drama/Angst
Another Note: I have changed a few things, mainly the different sides of Raven (they still represent the same things, just with different names), buit its pretty much the same.
How many times have you told me you love her?
As many times as I wanted to tell you the truth
How long have I stood here, beside you?
I lived through you; you looked through me
"Come on! Let's all be happy for Beast Boy! He found love!"
"Yeah, but its not us! How can someone start dating a stupid whore and forget about us? Someone tell me."
"Well, technically he never forgot us. He knows who we are an-"
"Oh shut up Intelligence! I didn't mean technically you stupid bitch!"
"I am not stupid, i know more then you do."
"I WANT PANCAKES!"
"SHUT UP HAPPY!"
Once again the many sides of Raven were at war, But it was over something they had never fought about before. It was something so futile, but at the same time so heartbreaking. How did she ever fall for him anyway? It wasn't like Raven to be jealous, but when it came to Terra... Jealousy was the only emotion she could use. She couldn't block it out. When she got to the boiling point, nothing could be held back. If it be anger, sorrow or even jealousy. She loathed Terra. If Raven wasn't careful she could kill Terra. Not that that would be a bad thing. It wouldn't be bad at all.
"You know what you idiots? SHUT THE HELL UP! I don't need you guys telling me what to do. Can you just shut up and let me think?" Raven finally said. They were driving her insane with their meaningless babble.
"NO I AM NOT SHUTTING UP!" Anger retorted. Happy started crying and Sad followed shortly after.
"Stop crying you two. Sad especially. Cry anymore and you'll be dehydrated."
"Actually, no. The body produces enough wat-"
"WE GET IT INTELLIGENCE! We get it."
"But.. But... Beast Boy dosen't love us! NOBODY DOES!" Sad said and started sobbing once again.
Ooh, solitude
Still with me is only you
Ooh, solitude
I can't stay away from you
"Beast Boy is rather fond of us. He likes our mysterious exterior. He finds it intriguing." Intelligence said. When you combine her thirst for knowledge and her empathy, that kind of stuff is easy to find out.
"If he's so intrigued by us then why hasn't he made a move?" Anger asked, arms crossed.
"He's simply afraid." she said.
"Afraid of what?" Bravery asked.
Intelligence smirked, "Afraid of rejection, of course."
Raven rolled her eyes and left her mind for the final time that night. Truth be told she hated her emotions. Happy was too stupid and Sad was just plain pathetic. Intelligence was who she got along with best. Anger was unavoidable so Raven constantly got yelled at by herself. The combined eotions were powerful, no doubt. But combined they scared the hell out of her. Combined they were unpredictable. But back to the point...
Beast Boy hated her. He was scared of her, always has been. He would turn tail and run when she came in the room. He had been doing thst for awhile, Intelligence always said it was because he wanted to ask her out, but couldn't. What the hell did Intelligence know anyway? Beast Boy hated her, end of story. But she liked him. She liked him alot. When she thought about him something deep inside of her felt happy. But he wouldn't in a million years feel the same. Raven felt something burn inside of her. She suddenly felt nauseous and light headed. The same way she felt when she needed to get emotions out. She couldn't scream or throw anything. She had to get the hurt out fast, or something would explode. She had the feeling that something big would explode. That or she would implode. So she calmly walked over to her dresser and opened her top drawer. Her hands automatically went to a small black box, once she got it in her grasp she opened it. In it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. A picture of Beast Boy. But that wasn't all in the small box. Right under the picture was a razorblade.
How many times have I done this to myself?
How long will it take before I see?
When will this hole in my heart be mended?
Who now is left alone but me?
The small blade had hints of red on the edges of it. Red from the blood she bled, night after night. It was the only way she could get her emotions out without hurting anybody. Everyone but herself. In Raven's eyes she didn't matter. Hurting herself was better than hurting others. And with her powers she had a point. If her anger got out of control and turned to blind rage, the earth itself could be in danger. A small loss of blood was better than destroying so many innocent people. What was the life of a miserable girl, opposed to the life of an entire planet full of innocent people. Of course, not all of them were innocent. But imagine how many small children would die. Imagine how many babies would be lost because one girl couldn't control her temper. Compared to that Raven was a mere grain of sand, if that.
Ooh, solitude
Forever me and forever you
Ooh, solitude
Only you, Only true
Raven picked her praised razor and a box of tissues. She crept to her door and locked it. She, forcing herself calm, walked to her bed. Minuites seemed like hours as she stared at her wrist and then at the razor. She finally pulled up her sleve to reveal one long cut. It was about half way up her arm and stretched about three inches long going left to right. Raven only made one cut and made it deeper each time. Once cut was easier to hide then ten or fifteen. She simply didn't want to be found out. True, she always wore long sleeved shirts, but that fear always lingered deep within her pale figure. Deep inside of her was where everything that she couldn't bring out lay. And that is where her feelings for Beast Boy were.
She was sick of thinking. She was sick of holding everything in all of her life. She was sick of keeping secrets. She was sick of lying to people. And most of all she was sick of living a meaningless life. There was no future for her. Nobody loved her. Or even liked her. Why stay with people who don't give a damn? Why should she just sit on her bed and cry like a child when nobody would care for her? Nobody kissed her knee when she scraped it. Nobody ever kissed her for that matter. Her father was demon spawn and her mother wasn't around long enough for Raven to remember her. Once in a very great while she would see a blurry outline of a young woman, not over twenty five, who looked astoundingly like Raven. Raven never knew who this person was. She had suspicions but every time she would figure it out the thought would dissapear from her mind. She thought it was her mother. Why would her mother leave her? It was the demon inside of her. Her own mother couldn't love her. Why would anyone else? So now she would leave. Everyone she once loved left. She was abandoned... forgotten... eft behind.. and stranded within her own mind.
Everyone leaves me stranded
Forgotten, abandoned, left behind.
I can't stay her another night
Raven noticed that her hands were shaking violently. Trying to steady them, she wored herself into a trance. She only had one thing in mind. To watch crimson seep from her body. To see all of the pain she felt inside vanish. And with the pain would go her soul. With her soul would go her will to live. Finally with the will to live would go her life. Her so called life. Hopefully none of the titans were home. Robin and Starfire had been sneakig out to do god knows what, And Raven Beast boy and Cyborg, Cyborg and Bumblebee would leave too. 'Probably at a hotel.' Raven thought. Usually it was just her at the tower. Occasionally she would see Beast Boy on the couch asleep And,uch to Raven's dismay, with Terra in his arms. 'Little tramp. Typical guy to go for the blonde. I thought Beast Boy had standards. I guess not...' Again she found herself thinking about that little green guy. He haunted her dreams and fantasies.
Your secret admirer
Who could it be?
If Raven was going to end her life, she had to do it soon. The sun was beginning to rise and Robin would wake them up within an hour or so. Even on a Sunday. In Robin's words, 'Crime dosen't take weekends off.' and neither does death. Raven looked over at her blue and black clock and saw that it was four thirty in the morning. Starfire was always up with the birds so she would be up, singing her native song (In a tone never before witnessed to man kind. And man kind would never want to hear it) and waking the house up. Raven usually used her powers to shut Star up if she was annoyed in the morning. Which was pretty much every day. If she wanted to die she would have to ask fast. One swipe. Quick and hard. Painful, but it would be worth it in the end.
Raven got a good grip on the peice of metal and in one quick motion cut her arm open.
Ooh..
Can't you you see all along it was me?
How can you be so blind as to see right through me?
Raven tried to supress a scream but failed. Titan Tower was soon enveloped within a scream of pain and sheer delight. Beast Boy sat bolt upright in his bed.
"Raven." He yelled. He jumped out of his bed and ran to her bedroom. Starfire and Cyborg were shortly following him.
Raven was trying to make the blood stop. For reasons unkown to her. Within seconds her pajamas were covered in blood. She grabbed a few tissues and a pillow and pressed them to her arm as hard as she could. Another cry of pain erupted from her chest. Pressure only increased the pain.She was losing blood quickly. So quickly. Her head was spinning.A few seconds later she heard Robin's voice calling to her.
"Raven open the damn door!"
"Raven come on! OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!" Cyborg yelled pounding his fists on her door.
"Raven, we are here to help you. Open your metal rectangle and let us come in your square of darkness."
"Shut up Starfire!" Beast boy said and turned into a rhinocerous. He charged her door and tore it off the hinges voilently. Raven looked up and saw the familiar faces of her friends and team members.
"You... do... care..." Raven said, voice barely above a whisper. Beast Boy noticed that she was covered in blood.
"Someone call 911! Tell them we need a room and we need it now!" He screamed as he ran to Raven's weakening form.
"Beast... Boy..." She said, growing weaker and weaker. Losing more and more blood.
"Sssh Rae, dont speak."
Ignoring his protests she said, only whispering "Im sorry.." And her eyes closed. Her chest stopped moving. Her heart stopped. She got her wish. Raven Roth was no longer a part of the world.
Solitude
Still with me is only you
Ooh, solitude
I can't stay away from you
"Raven! Raven!" A voice very close to her yelled.
Ravens amethyst eyes tore open. She sat up as fast as she could and felt comething collide with her forehead.
"Ow.. Damn raven! Kill me why dontcha! Scramble my brain! What's wrong with you?"
Raven fearfully looked around the room she was in. It looked like her room. It felt like her room. And right next to her was Beast Boy. She said his name in suprise and flung her arms around his neck, pulling him into a tight embrace.
"Raven.. your choking me!" Beast Boy gasped. Raven noticed hoiw stupid she was being and released him as fast as she could.
"Um... Im sorry Beast Boy. I just got a little carried away." Raven blushed. Beast boy wished she would blush more often. She was adorable when she did. Everything Raven did was cute. Even when she was being mean. When she looked emotionless Beast Boy could see that she was scared. It was adorable. Beast Boy was in a trance, Staring at her beauty. She had the hair of an angel. A dark angel, but an angel. She was a truly uniqe individual.
"Beast Boy, are you okay? You look a little-." She was cut off my Beast Boy's lips meeting hers in an innocent kiss.
Ooh, solitude
Forever me and forever you
Ooh, solitude
Only you, only true
I know its really dark. It's based on a dream i had and true feelings of mine. Flames are welcome... i guess.. See the purple button? PRESS IT! I like reviews. Oh andi dont bite. evil grin Hey, its my first Teen Titans fic i'm posting!
R&R
P.s. TERRA SUCKS! puts Terra Terror t-shirt on
