I drove him to it. To the drugs I mean. Sure, I apologized but...that's not really enough. And the worst part is there's nothing I can do about it. The only thing I can do is try to be a better father than I was an older brother.

I was more of a father figure to Charlie. Dad was something of a workaholic so the job of teaching my baby brother about life and every aspect of it fell to me.

Did I screw that one up. "Life is about sex and money. And drugs. Don't ever forget the drugs." I swear, it's amazing both of us didn't end up with some disease. If I was still a Catholic, I'd call it the grace of God.

Actually, the only grace of God we ever saw was the end of Drive Shaft. No more money, no more groupies, no more wild life, no more drugs.

At least, no more drugs for me. Charlie's not so lucky, and that's not fair. I'm the one that screwed up. I'm the one who was a lousy older sibling. I'm the one who got the band hooked. I'm the one who told him he was nothing.

I tried telling him to go to a rehab clinic. Australia's has some good ones. I met my wife at a support meeting. Our daughter starts preschool this fall.

He turned me down, went to L.A. on a plane that the news says went down somewhere over the Pacific. My baby brother is dead and it is all my fault.

I know you can't turn back time, but God there are so many things I would give to be able to do that.

He would have stayed in school. No "I'm going to drop out to be in the band with you!".

I wouldn't have gone with that girl who gave me my first fix.

He wouldn't have talked me into giving him a hit.

Even if he had tried, I wouldn't have been stoned enough to do it.

Drive Shaft would never have existed. We would have led ordinary, clean and healthy lives.

There is nothing I can do. All I can do now is pray to someone I don't think exists.

Like the prayer goes: pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

I'm praying for Charlie.

Keep in mind that Liam doesn't know Charlie's on a deserted island, drug free.

All he could know was that the plane went down.

Lost belongs to ABC.

Next chapter- Christian Shephard.