Words Of The Hidden
I see him.
He doesn't think I do, but I can see him. He doesn't think I pay attention…that I don't realize he's standing there, watching me. He thinks he can hide from me. He thinks I'm too far gone to know.
But I'm not gone…I'm right here.
Can't he see me?
He can't see you.
Why not? I can see him…wait…
Why is he crying?
I made him cry.
No, I think I made him cry. He's crying because he can't see me. Why won't he come and get me out?
He's scared of you.
I hurt him. Is that why he's scared of me?
He hurt me.
No, I hurt him. I left him alone. And now he can't find me. Why did I ever leave! Why did I ever listen to you!
He hurt me.
No, he hurt me! Don't try and trick me!
He hurt you.
The doorknob turned and he stepped into the room. He wiped the remaining tears from his eyes as he stepped slowly towards the man sitting in the middle of the room.
Approaching slowly, he kneeled down in front of him, looking upon his blank face. He reached his hand out and skimmed his fingers across the man's pale cheek.
"Jeff? Jeff, can you hear me?" He called softly to him.
"Jeff, honey…look at me," he commanded gently, lifting the Jeff's face with his hand.
What stared back at him were unresponsive, lifeless green eyes.
He felt his own eyes start to well up at the sight of his once carefree, jovial lover.
"Jeff…love?" He questioned hoarsely, "Jeff, please…I miss you."
Here he comes. He's coming to get me!
No he's not.
Yes he is! He wants to find me. Matt! MATT!
He can't hear you.
Then you tell him! I want to go home!
No.
I want to go HOME!
No…
You are home.
MATT! Matt…I can hear you. I'm right here! I am talking to you! Why can't you HEAR ME! MATT!
I AM looking at you Matt! WHY CAN'T HE HEAR ME!
Because he doesn't want to.
Yes he DOES! Matt! I miss you too! Dammit…MATT!
He can't…
SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
"Jeff, I know you…"
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!"
"Jeff! Jeff, baby, calm down," he spoke gently.
"LEAVE ME ALONE! HE DOES! HE WANTS ME HOME!"
"Jeff, please…please, just look at me,"
"I'M HERE! RIGHT HERE! SEE ME? HERE!"
"I see you Rainbow. Easy, please,"
"NO! NO! NO!"
He can't hear you.
He can't see you.
He doesn't want you anymore.
LEAVE ME ALONE! HE DOES! HE WANTS ME HOME!
He doesn't see you.
I'M HERE! RIGHT HERE! SEE ME? HERE!
He doesn't love you.
NO! NO! NO!
Stop crying.
I hate you.
What a fucking pussy.
STOP IT!
Stop trying to rip your hair out you fucking baby.
MATT!
He backed up into the corner with tears running down his face, gripping and pulling his blonde hair.
"I hate you." He whispered, leaning up against the padded wall.
"Jeff…" Matt tried again.
"STOP IT!" He screamed, yanking at his hair and pulling tighter.
"Baby, please…you going to hurt yourself," Matt pleaded, desperately trying to pry Jeff's hands away from his hair. It was then understood why Jeff was kept in the restrictions of a straight jacket. Matt briefly wondered why he had begged for them to release him while he was there.
"MATT!"
Matt fell backwards as the impact of his name hit him hard. Jeff had never acknowledged his presence. Not until now.
He jumped up quickly to his knees and shuffled quickly towards Jeff.
"I'm right here Rainbow. Can you hear me?" Matt inquired hopefully.
He sees me.
No he doesn't.
Matt, please…help me.
He doesn't want you.
SHUT UP! I HATE YOU! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!
He doesn't love you.
NO!
He loves me…he loves me…he loves me…
"Rainbow…are you listening? Jeff, talk to me please…just say something," Matt pressed, tears coming back to his eyes and rolling over his cheeks.
Jeff suddenly looked up at Matt, his eyes holding a spark of life.
"He sees me," he whispered, looking into Matt's eyes.
"Yea Rainbow…I see you," Matt choked back through his quiet sobs.
"Matt, please…help me," Jeff pleaded softly, still staring into Matt's eyes with hope.
"I'm here Jeffy. I'm not going anywhere…"
"SHUT UP! I HATE YOU! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" Jeff yelled, his stare falling from Matt and landing again on the wall beside him.
Matt pursed his lips together and held back the onslaught of tears that threatened to spill. He closed his eyes and cursed himself for expecting so much.
"NO!" Came another outburst from Jeff, as Matt held his eyes tightly shut, blocking out his love's cries of desperation.
Jeff curled up, wrapping his arms around his legs, and rocked back and forth roughly.
"He loves me…he loves me…he loves me…he loves me…" he mumbled as he pitched himself forward then back, hitting the walls harshly.
Matt slowly stood up; watching as the door opened and two workers came in, one holding a straight jacket.
He walked to the door, not looking back as Jeff cried out against his restraints.
"NO! GET OUT! I WANT TO GO HOME! HE LOVES ME!"
Matt suddenly stopped as his hand reached for the door handle.
"I know you're there Jeff. I know you're there…just hidden. But I'll find you. He loves you…I love you." He muttered to himself as he walked out of the door.
