Hello everyone! I know that some of you have been waiting patiently for the next installment and I was up until 4 am writing this chapter. I'm sorry for not responding to some of you. To my dear friend Hell's Hauntress, I'm sorry for not being able to read your next installments of your Digimon story. I have to be in a certain mood to read that level of angst. I will get to it as soon as I can. I was reading the reviews of my stories a while ago and noticed that someone questioned the originally of the plot of Tangent in the Future…which is being worked on. They said that I wasn't sticking to the anime plot line and that would make my piece and original work…uh, I'm not going to mention this persons' name but how I interpreted your response with quoting from the anime…you seem to believe that the anime is the original. Sorry race fans, but to be technical…the ANIME IS A FANFIC of the original manga. (spoiler alert) There were no rainbow crystals in season 1. Alan and Ann are figments of overactive imaginations in season 2…and there wasn't amnesia or a break-up…need I go on? Whew, with that said:

This work encompasses characters that are not of my own creation. This story has elements that are not product of Toei Animation or Kodansha Ltd. The background story is based on the anime, with emotions showcased in the original manga created by the most honorable Naoko Takeuchi. I do lay claims to original characters or situations and Paladin is mine.

Thank you for your support and reviews…on with the show!

Can Love That's Lost Be Found

By Crystaldove

Chapter 12

How do you regain someone's trust?

This question percolated throughout the minds of the team as they gathered at Central. The cats and Paladin were told of the situation and all looked grimly at their wards.

"It's my fault. I know how much secrets bother her." Luna admitted. "Artemis, do you remember when I said that her behavior was familiar to me somehow?"

"Yeah."

"The last time she shut herself off like that was when the Queen wouldn't tell her the details surrounding her fathers' death. I remember her pleading with the Queen for the truth, but she was refused. It didn't help that the rest of us knew. We agreed that in order to better protect her, she should be left in the dark about certain things…told her she was too young to understand. She argued that the others weren't that much older than her, yet they knew about something they didn't have any right to know about. Serenity still didn't tell her, but what she didn't know was that the princess had the ability to read thoughts. If something was troubling someone she was close to a great deal, she would be able to pick up on their despair…oh my goodness Darien…"

"She knew…she knew about my dreams the whole time." Darien interjected. "That's why she continued to plead with me for the truth. Now wonder she's been so indifferent towards me lately and it didn't help that the others knew the reason behind them…that's what she meant by how long the others knew. She wasn't talking about the dreams, she meant the reason why I was having them."

The others looked at him as he placed his head in his hands.

"She saw what I did and lived through my pain. She is always been waiting for me to come to her…and I let her down. What else happened with her and the queen?"

"They had disagreements, Serenity kept telling her that she was too young to understand. She shocked all of us when after one grand argument… told us everything that happened to her father. She said it was a wonder that her mother would want to share the secrets of the crystal with some as naïve and immature as her, when she couldn't tell her how her father died."

Flash- Silver Millennium

"Serenity, you must understand that I did this for your own good. I didn't want you to be plagued with the details of his absence…"

"He was killed in a battle! What was so hard about knowing that? Instead you let me think that my father abandoned me."

"Of course not sweetie…"

"No mother, I am not this child that you or the rest of this court view me as being…I am a few years shy of my coming of age and my mother treats me like a child just weaned. No matter, I don't view you in the same light anymore; how can I when our relationship is based on secrets and lies? You are no longer a mother to me…you are just my Queen and the others my guard. Good day your highness…"

End flash

Luna remembered what happened that day when she lost her wards trust before. She looked up with tears in her eyes.

"Things changed then, she closed herself off to her mother and the rest of us. After session the girls tried to appeal to her, saying that it was an order from the queen. Serenity countered asking who did they pledge loyalty to…said that if we, the girls, Artemis and I, couldn't trust that she was capable and mature enough to handle the truth about 'her' father, then she couldn't trust that our relationship with her was real."

"She became our liege that day and a few months later she met you…"

Raye finished for the emotional Luna. She looked at Darien with tears in her eyes. He was surprised to see the wound still fresh in their hearts.

"The damage was never repaired…we were trying to regain her trust…all of us, but the Dark Kingdom attacked and destroyed our chance to do so. And what did we do with our second chance…betrayed her trust again."

"Don't be that hard on yourselves…it wasn't intentional then and it's not now. But you must accept that your opinion of her hasn't helped this situation any."

The others looked at Paladin, who for most of this meeting seemed to be disinterested, but on the contrary; he was digesting all the information.

"You said this behavior was familiar Luna. I would suspect that she was dealing with all the pain that Darien was putting her through and because he didn't confide in her, she closed herself off. Is that what happened last time?"

"Yes, she went into this vegetative state before she admitted that she already knew the truth about her father."

"When you met her, you thought of her klutzy, lazy, stupid and immature. She was just an inadequate warrior who had to have been chosen out of pity by the Queen. She couldn't fight, almost got killed every time and cried during battles…right? But have you ever placed yourselves in her shoes? She was just a young girl who was thrown into a battle she didn't know anything about. She didn't know how to fight, unlike you, she didn't have past warrior training or a need for self-defense in this time. She is the first Sailor Moon, the queen didn't fight and the princess didn't have to. She fought alone with only Tuxedo Mask saving her when needed and Luna yelling commands from the distance before the rest of you were awakened."

"You all have strengths that contribute to the team. You knew where she was lacking and instead of trying to help her, you criticized her. You continually pointed out her faults and when she attempted to make an effort to become a better warrior, you put her down worse and she stopped trying. When Darien broke up with her, she was put to an all time low and you assumed that the only thing that would make her happy was getting her back with him. And that's what you did, something she couldn't. How do you think she felt knowing that the only reason Darien was even talking to her was because her friends convinced him to? You did something she wasn't able to do…once again you knew something she should have. Her private relationship with Darien now includes five people and three animals."

"Her life isn't an equation that needs to be solved or a strategy that is followed through. It's not a challenge that needs to be met, a passage interpreted or theory that needs to be proven. Serena's life has become a series of trials full of unattainable goals, in which she receives little of no encouragement. Before Darien's dreams… she spent all of her time doing things to please all of you. She couldn't be scholastic failure because Amy would frown on her, Raye would belittle her and Darien would be ashamed of her. She couldn't be weak, not with Sailor V and the strength of Jupiter grimacing upon her. And she had to be graceful and respectful…just like her calling dictated…right Luna. The only one who didn't say anything was Artemis and that was because what else 'was' there to complaint about?"

"But for all of her failures…as you so graciously pointed out …how many times did you praise her for saving your butts? Oh, you know when she got in the line of fire to protect you. No you just said she was ditzy and clumsy and would cause one of you to get killed. When she almost died fighting Beryl and reversed the curse of Metallia? You said that her infatuation with Darien got the others sacrificed. How about when she wished to bring you back or fought alone because you didn't feel that she was capable of leading the team. You said that if she were able to protect the world, you wouldn't be needed. For someone who never wanted to fight in the first place…I'd say she's done a hell of a job. "

"She is a great warrior." Mina pointed out.

"And you don't see the problem with that?"

At the nods of the others, Paladin spread his wings in frustration and continued.

" First of all, she wasn't meant to fight. For someone who didn't remember the princess Luna, how did you know to find Sailor Moon? Or even that one existed? And when it came to reawaking everyone… how come you went to the princess instead of the protectors? I know that she is very powerful…more so than her mother. And Sailors, don't think you received an upgrade only because the enemy has gotten tougher…you got it because she has become stronger, thus more of a target. You got a power boost to keep up with her. If it were meant for her to be the ultimate warrior, there wouldn't be a need for any of you (AN: Sailor Cosmos spoiler)."

The others gasped at this statement and the implications of what the Terran guardian was hitting home.

"Let's review your theory, shall we? You think that Serena faked being klutzy in order for you to get practice as a team. So you would know how to protect the world in case something happened to her…but that's false."

"How do you know about this Paladin?" Amy asked.

"I have my ways…" If anyone took the time to see where the bird was looking at that statement, they would have noticed a pair of magenta eyes that faded from view.

"First of all, you were right on some things. Princess Serenity's appearance was altered to fool the enemy; she was given a more contemporary look to blend in with the population. Your guess Lita was interesting…being clumsy so the enemy would least suspect her. After she became Sailor Moon, she did exaggerate her klutziness to fool anyone that might have recognized her as Serena. But no, she didn't know she was the princess until after my liege was injured. She did know of the princess and knew that she had the crystal…"

"That's why she didn't care about losing the rainbow crystals to Zoicite!"

"Correct my prince, for her safety a stronger block was placed on her because she was dreaming about you, rather Endymion. And it would have been a matter of time before she figured out that he was you and she was the missing princess. Now as far as her training, she would receive lessons in her dreams so she was mostly awake for the entire night. This is why she was late to school, she never fell asleep until about five a.m. unless there was an attack. This is also why the poor thing fell asleep in class…she was suffering from serious sleep depravation. In her lessons, she was getting training on things Luna didn't know of, like healing herself. So you were correct on that. Serena can heal herself. Using her wands have a recoil that burn her. After Darien broke up with her…she began studying the crystal even more and discovered something about it and herself…she removed the last blocks placed on her. After she did that, she remembered where the warrior training programs were stored on Central's computers. No Luna, she didn't build it, but she did program portions of it."

"Why did you think she wouldn't have understood you…if you just told her the truth Darien?"

"It's just some things are harder for her to understand."

"You mean in comparison to you. Your opinion of her is based on your abilities. You've set this standard based upon yourselves…and with your abilities growing, she would never meet your standards. If you only thought about it…then answers you've been seeking have always been within reach."

Paladin looked at the assembly and noticed the confusion on their faces.

"I've given you all the answers except one."

Amy racked her brain for the missing 'equation'.

'Klutzy, stupid, lazy and immature…Raye told us she has been getting lessons afterschool from Miss H, she didn't understand, so she isn't stupid or lazy. We viewed her as immature because we compared her to ourselves…she comes from a stable background, and is mature for her age. She's regained knowledge through training or the removal of mental blocks…removing blocks…'

"That's it!" Amy shouted after a lengthy conversation with herself.

"What's it?"

"What Paladin is talking about. Everything we've questioned over the past weeks concerning Serena has been answered except one. We assumed she was lazy, didn't want to study, but she really didn't understand and now is getting tutored. We saw her as immature because her background is different from ours. She comes from a stable home. She didn't have to forgo her childhood like Lita and Darien after their parents died. Or dedicate herself to higher calling like Raye. She didn't have the world watching her every move like Mina when she was V and didn't have to adjust to a parents' divorce like I did. She's not immature for her age; we are too mature ours. And she did grow up over night after she became Sailor Moon…even more so than the rest of us because she looked death in the face and won. The only thing we haven't figured out is…"

"Why she's such a klutz?"

"Thank you Raye. It's simple, so simple that even Mina can understand."

"Hey!"

"She is Sailor Moon… Lita is strong because it's a trait of her heritage as the Princess of Jupiter…"

"The moon has no gravity." Darien completed for Amy. "Serenity use to trip a lot when she came to visit me. The gravity of earth was too heavy for her until she figured out a way to withstand or repel it."

"That's why we haven't seen her fall!" Mina surmised. "Serena figured out the way to withstand the earth's gravity this time!"

"Why are you doing this to yourself Princess?"

"Doing what Pluto?"

Serena was sitting at the park, watching the sun set.

"Why must you put yourself in this realm of despair? You know they didn't mean keeping this from you."

"You knew why Darien left me and couldn't tell me because you're forbidden. I knew he was having dreams, but he never let me close enough to him to ask him…to help him. He told the others something he should have told me! They all thought that I couldn't understand. Do you know how that makes me feel? Why can't anyone see me for who I am, not even my own mother? To know the man that I've told every fear…every desire…every feeling to, couldn't tell me why he feared being with me. Oh I know now…it's weighed on him. I now he was afraid that being with me could cause my death. I should thank him, with his rejection… I've found myself, but no one should have gone through what I have to do so. I know so little about him…he didn't trust me with his childhood, the pain he experienced at the orphanage, the rejection of the other children. Oh, but my guard knows…they know more about him than I will ever know."

"Princess, he didn't tell them, they saw his thoughts."

"Which means he opened his heart to them…"

"He loves you."

"And when did he tell me this? The only acknowledgement I've received from him is his love for Serenity."

"And you are Serenity."

"Yes, I am Serenity, but…Darien has never said he loved me. Never said, 'I love you, Serena'. And that's for the best…if the man I love can trust me with his feelings, then maybe we are better off without each other…"

Pluto's eyes narrowed in thought and they widened suddenly. Serena was right, Darien has told her that he loved the princess many times, but never said that he loved Serena. He's never told Serena what she meant to him. She materialized and caressed her princess' face…fearful due to the lack of tears.

"Princess…it has to get better."

"Don't worry about me Pluto…I'm just fine."

The meeting at Central broke up shortly after they realized how and why Serena changed. They were still at an impasse. No one could figure out how to start the task of regaining Serena's trust and friendship.

When Serena got home, her parents noticed that she had once again become depressed and decided to take her out for the evening. A new kareoke bar had opened up and they had tried to coax her into performing a song. This club was different because if kareoke wasn't your thing, you could sing with the house musician.

Andrew saw Serena and her family there. He had received the condensed version of the meeting from the girls and was going to find Darien. He noticed that he didn't have to look to far because Darien was standing a few windows down from him. He grabbed him by the arm and hauled him inside. For a strange reason, the girls showed up too…at different times. It seemed like some unknown…make that unseen force brought them there. The noticed Serena, then Andrew and Darien but chose to remain in the back.

The house musician was the same gentleman who helped at the T & A school coffeehouse and noticed Serena in attendance. He got the mike and began to speak.

"Good evening ladies and gentleman. Thank you for coming to our little club. I'm hope that you are enjoying yourselves. I see that everyone that has performed has done so via kareoke, but no one seems to have the guts to sing with me. But I do see someone that would, I hope you don't mind me bringing you out Serena…"

Serena looked up and almost choked on her drink. She then realized she knew the gentlemen speaking to her and she shook her head no.

"Well if you don't mind, then why don't you come and sing something for us."

The crowd cheered her on and her family said that they wanted to hear her sing, since they missed the last time. Serena relented and walked on stage. She didn't know that her teammates were in attendance.

She was wearing track pants and a zipped up matching jacket…her hair was in a messy bun but to Darien, she'd never looked more beautiful.

"Well this isn't a song, it's a poem I wrote…but it can go with music."

She leaned in to the pianist and gave him a key and she began to hum until he caught on. While she sung, she reflected on her life, past and present…

I was a wayward child

With the weight of the world

That I held deep inside

'Be proud of the fact that you are a princess and the Champion of Justice, Sailor Moon!'

Life was a winding road

And I learned many things

Little ones shouldn't know

'Our duty was to protect the Silver Crystal and vanish evil from Earth…

to watch over and guide Her people on the path of good'

But I close my eyes

Steady my feet on the ground

Raised my head to the sky

And though time's rolled by

Still I feel like that child

As I look at the moon

Maybe I grew up

A little too soon

Funny how once can learn

To grow numb to the madness

And block it away

'She's been so unresponsive lately…it's like she's in shock or something.'

I left the worst unsaid

Let it all dissipate

As I tried to forget

'And that's for the best…if the man I love can trust me with his feelings,

then maybe we are better off without each other…'

But I close my eyes

Steady my feet on the ground

Raised my head to the sky

And though time's rolled by

Still I feel like that child

As I look at the moon

Maybe I grew up

A little too soon

Nearing the edge

Oblivious I almost

Fell right over

'We have to defeat the Dark Kingdom! We have to save him! If not, his body will melt…

NO ENDYMION!'

A part of me

Will never be quite able

To feel stable

'Princess, snap out of it…we will save him!'

The woman-child falling inside

Was on the verge of fading

Thankfully I

Woke up in time

'How many times have I woke up crying?'

Guardian angel I

Sail away on the ocean

With you by my side

'Queen Serenity, in my past life… she was my mother'

Orange clouds roll by

Then burn into your image

And you're still alive

You're always alive

'This time find happiness Serenity, with the one you love'

But I close my eyes

Steady my feet on the ground

Raised my head to the sky

And though time's rolled by

Still I feel like that child

As I look at the moon

Maybe I grew up

A little too soon

As the song came to a close the club filled with applause. As Serena stepped off stage, she didn't notice the others as they left.

'I tried to find happiness this time…but all I found is that no one still believes in me…'

End chapter

Hey! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, as much as I did writing it. For all of you who don't know, the song 'Close My Eyes' is by Mariah Carey. It's on her 'Butterfly' c.d. When I started writing this, I was listing to several disks trying to find the best songs. I feel this song screams Serena…especially if you have read the entire manga series. I hope the can listen to all the songs that I have placed in several chapters. They convey the raw emotion that I try to create in this story. Well don't just sit there…REVIEW!!

Dove