Lallie was still drooling. "Chit? Stupid? Little? Ooh..." She swooned again.

All Leggy could do was say something indistinct and start edging away from her.

But this, rather obviously, didn't escape Lallie's notice. She pounced on Leggy.

"You CANNOT escape your destiny!" Lallie shouted, not seeming to notice that the object of her concentration was about two inches away from her. But Leggy was too distraught to worry about such trivialities or even try to be polite. "Oh yes I can!" he shouted back, squirming from under Lallie and running as hard as he could into the opposite direction.

Lallie was drooling so hard she didn't even notice that her love was no longer under her arms. "You are mine…" she declared happily. Meanwhile, while she was drooling, Leggy realized that he'd never be able to run fast enough to get away from her, so he climbed a tree and sat quietly, like a mouse. It took Lallie almost five minutes before she realized that she was drooling over nothing, but when she did, she decided that it was all a fun game of hide-and-seek.

"Leggy! LEEGO-LASS! Come out, come out, wherever you are!"

Legolas almost groaned in disgust, shocked at the pure stupidity in someone, especially since that someone was a daughter of the Vala.

Lallie didn't hear the groan, so therefore, was unable to find him. She searched for a long time, but then gave up and became upset. "MOMIEEEEEEEE!"

A heavenly wind came, accompanied with a somewhat annoyed heavenly sigh, and blew a large red apple at Leggy. Amazed at the natural beauty of the apple, Leggy forgot that he was hiding and smiled joyfully. "Ooo! An apple! And what a beaut-"

Just then, the wind changed course, and the beautiful natural red apple flew into Leggy's head. Leggy, unseated, fell out of the tree to the ground. Lallie, of course, was ecstatic. "YAY! My Leggy came back to me! Thank you, mommie!"

"You're welcome, darlin'!"

Leggy came back to his senses and groaned. 'What an adventure!' First he had managed to meet the idiot in front of him, then he had had to save her from spiders, then the Valar told him he was supposed to teach the menace manners, THEN he had to escape her drooling, and finally, he had fallen from a tree because he had been hit by an apple. Now he was next to her, once again. "Shit!" he swore.

Lallie was shocked by this unseemly display from an ELF. So she called to her mother, "MOMMIE! Leggy said a naughty word!"

A heavenly male voice answered her this time. "Deal with it!" Lallie's father proclaimed with something akin to a snarl in his tone.

Legolas was still caught in his thoughts. "Shit, shit, SHIT!"

Lalaith Ellerina was exceedingly unhappy. "MOMMIE! Leggy just said a bad word AND big ugly Manwe was mean to me!

Elbereth was also unhappy. "Argh!" she groaned. "Will you NEVER shut your trap? PLEASE! So, he said a bad word! I give you permission to say one back to him!"

"I DON'T WANNA SAY A BAD WORD TO LEGGY! I LOVE LEGGY!" Lallie answered.

When her mother didn't reply, Lallie tried a slightly different approach. "I wanna have Leggy for a husband, mommie! MARRY US NOW!"

"No way in hell! This is supposed to be a PUNISHMENT, not a 'get-whatever-you-want' trip!" Elbereth answered furiously.

"FINE! BE THAT WAY!" Lallie screeched. "I NEVER LIKED YOU, ANYWAYS!" She stormed off, hurling a few rocks at the sky.

While Lallie and her mother had been having this… conversation, Leggy had once again tried to edge away from the dangerous creature next to him and appealed to Manwe. "Manwe, WHAT did I EVER do wrong to deserve this! Please!"

"I feel for you, sonny, but my wife grew real fed up with Lalaith Ellerina here, and so we banished her here, and you were just at hand." The Valar replied. "My sympathies."

Leggy gulped unhappily, but then gulped even more unhappily as a rock flew down, centimeters from his head.

"Ummm…" he edged even further away from Lallie.

Lallie's fury turned toward him. "You STINKBAG!" She hurled a rock at Leggy. "You're supposed to PROTECT me!"

Leggy looked rather frantic. "Ummm…. Does that mean I can go?" He asked, hopefully.

"I HATE EVERYONE! NOBODY LOVES ME!" Lallie sat down on a nearby stone and sniffled. "Nobody loves me…" She started humming 'nobody loves me'.

Leggy suddenly looked cheerful. "I take that as a yes!" He turned on his heels and strode away, swiftly.

Lallie burst into tears at this betrayal by her love. "Mommie…. Take me back to Va—va—va—WHATEVER IT'S CALLED!"

Her father answered. "Sorry! Elbereth's in the bathroom! Call back tomorrow, or, if you want to leave a message, press—" He broke off. "Oh- it's you. What do you want?"

But Lallie had just turned and seen Leggy in the distance, and had started on one of her famous temper-tantrums. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!"

Manwe turned away and went back into his room, face wrinkled from the pain in his ears, and left Lallie back in Middle Earth, screaming.