But Lallie had just turned and seen Leggy in the distance, and had started on one of her famous temper-tantrums. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!"

Manwe turned away and went back into his room, face wrinkled from the pain in his ears, and left Lallie back in Middle Earth, screaming.

An so, poor little Lallie was abandoned in Middle Earth.

But it was never the nature of elves to leave beautiful females stranded alone in the woods... especially when they were as of yet unaware of the stupidity of said female. And so, along came Haldir. "Ooooooooooh! Fair maiden, why do you weep? Let me comfort you..." And with that, he walked over to Lallie, put his arms around her, stroked her and whispered comforting words of Elvish into her ear. (It's amazing how many things an elf can concentrate on doing at once, isn't it? I always notice it in fanfics, when one of them is comforting a distraught maiden. ALWAYS!)

Lallie sniffled, and blew her nose. "My mommie doesn't like me... She likes the bathroom more than me!"

At that, Haldir made a noble face and said, very gallantly: "Ooooooh! Never fear, fair lady! I love you, even if nobody else does!" And hugged her even tighter.

I know this is shocking, but for once, Lallie actually kept quiet. No, no, my friends – the world is NOT coming to an end. (Yet.) She simply couldn't speak, because she was being squeezed SO tightly by Haldir that her face was turning blue. However, Haldir somehow instinctively knew that Lallie wasn't the kind to keep quiet, and so, after only thirty seconds of strangling her, he realized that something was amiss, and released her. "Oh! My apologies, fair maiden! Just love you sooooooo very much! Thy fair complexion is like soothing balm to my eyes!" And with that eloquent speech, he kissed her. He was actually feeling quite pleased with himself – he was meeting the elven standards of gallantry quite well! But...

Lallie gasped for air. "You-you FREAK!" She screamed, and jumped up, tossing Haldir onto the muddy riverbank with super-human strength. (I guess she DID have some of the advantages which came with being a daughter of the Valar!)

Haldir gurgled incoherently.

Now satisfied that she had fended off the elf, Lallie proceded to scream. "Freak! You call yourself a mannered person! You didn't even give me your NAME!"

Haldir, now as gallant as ever, struggled to his feet and made an elegant bow. "Ooooh! Forgive me, fair maiden... I am Haldir, Marchwarden of Lorien."

"You. Are. Haldir. My mother told me you were HANDSOME!" She tilted her head slightly, looking scandalized. "You look more like a MUD-PIE to ME!"

Haldir's expression was no less scandalized than Lallie's – perhaps more so. "Why, my lady! I am the most handsome elf in all of Middle Earth – no, scrap that. In all of ARDA! And you call me a MUD-PIE! Shame! Who is your mother? She seems wiser in the way of looks than you are. She should have taught you a few things."

"FREAKAZOID! MY mother is Elbereth Gill—Gull-Gill—WHATEVER! She's one of the VALARINER!"

Haldir, poor boy, was lost. "Oooh... Huh?"

"VALRINER! You know, like Val—valr—yeah! One of those!"

"Oooh... Fair lady, I have lived many years in Middle Earth, but I have never once heard of a Valariner! What is this fair being, if I may ask?"

As someone who could never convey her point, Lallie had very little patience for not being understood. "MOMIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

A heavenly voice then descended from the sky, and spoke very majestically...

"I SAID, your mother is IN THE BATHROOM! Bugger off!"

Haldir stood awestruck and speechless at the holiness of the heavenly voice. So speechless was he that he even neglected to say 'Ooooh'. He stared around, wide-eyed.

Lallie, however, was quite unimpressed. "I HATE YOU MANWE! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!"

At this point, Haldir's eyes reached the size of saucer plates. "How could you speak so to the great lord of the Valar?'

"Oh yeah! THAT's what they're called!" Lallie said, lifting her chin haughtily. "My mother's one of the VALAR!"

"Oooh... EEK!"

"Stop 'eeking'! My head hurts!"

"Hey, you started it!"

"What happened to the 'oohing'?"

"Oh! Sorry. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH!"

"Um. Um. UM!"

"Um?"

"Yes, UM!"

"Oooh! Umm... I see!"

"My mother is one of the VAL-val-valr-vlaa..."

"That was random!"

Lallie huffed indignantly. "NO IT WASN'T! You can't insult a daughter of the ONES!"

"Can't I, now? We'll see about that..." Haldir said, smirking evilly.

"MOMIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

And then, that awesome majestic heavenly voice sounded again. And it said...

"Idiot girl! Your mother is in the BATHROOM, I say!"

"My mom has bladder problems?" Lallie asked, puzzled.

"NO! She's taking a shower!"

Lallie scratched the tip of her nose thoughtfully. "Oh, um... I didn't know there were showers up there!"

"You better believe it, girl!" Manwe said with a snort.

Suddenly, Lallie had a revelation. "Oh, I get it! That's why it's raining muddy water! Mommy must have been REALLY dirty!"

"NOOO! It's raining muddy water because Ulmo's in a bad mood! REALLY bad mood. We had a flood today because of it... "

"Who's Elmo?" Lallie asked, quite innocently.

The Heavenly Voice sounded utterly exasperated by now. "ULMO, you stupid chit! You know? As in 'one of the Valar'? Ulmo? Lord of the waters?"

Haldir scratched his head. "You have my sympathies, Lord Manwe... To have such a daughter... 'Stupid Chit' is right!"

"MOMIEEEEEEEEEE! Haldir insulted ME!"

"SHE IS IN THE SHOWER, for the thousandth time!" Roared Manwe.

"Not thousandth! Only one... two..." Lallie was dutifully counting on her fingers. "four... seven... nine... ten... eleven... twelve... fourteen... sixteen... I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH FINGERS!"

And then, for the first time since Iluvatar created Arda, an elf and a Vala spoke in chorus. "GLACK! Stupid Little CHIT!"