Courtney looked down at the family portrait she was holding in her hands. It had been taken about 2 months ago, on the twins' 17th birthday. She was sitting on the couch, holding Lila, who was 4, on her lap. Riley, one of the twins sat next to her, while Jason, Jason Jr., Riley's twin, and Jacob, who was 15, all stood behind them. Everyone was smiling.
She sighed, shakily setting the picture back on her nightstand. The next family portrait would be missing two.
Dammit,she silently cursed herself. She had finally stopped crying not 10 minutes ago, long enough to put on enough make-up so that she didn't look dead.
Dead. She hated that word more than she ever thought possible. She bit down hard on her lower lip to keep from crying and stood up. She hadn't seen her kids yet today. Well, Jack had been in her room this morning, but she hadn't actually spoken to him.
She closed the bedroom door behind her and headed down the hall to the stairs heading downstairs. She paused at the door at the top of the steps and pressed her hand against the cold hard oak. She hadn't been able to bring herself to go into Jacob's room since that night. Emily was the one who went in and picked out a suit from his closet. Courtney just couldn't bring herself to open that door and see the room as he left it. She leaned her forehead against the door for a moment.
"It's a boy!"
"A boy? Are you sure?" Jason asked incredulously.
"I think she'd know honey," Courtney chided her husband, struggling to sit up to see her new baby. "Is he okay?"
"He's fine, absolutely perfect," Dr. Henderson pronounced. "Let me just clean him up for you first."
"How you feeling?" Jason asked, holding Courtney up in a sitting position.
"Still no pain," she said, smiling, thankful for whatever drugs they had given her. She reached eagerly for the baby the doctor was handing her. "Hey sweetie," she cooed, placing a kiss on the newborn's forehead. She looked up and smiled at Jason again. "He's absolutely beautiful."
"Yes he is," Jason agreed. He looked up at the doctor. "How much does he weigh? He looks so much bigger than the twins did."
"Nine pounds exactly," Dr. Henderson said. "I'll be back in a few minutes to take him to the nursery." She disappeared from the room.
"You sure gave your mom a hard time little buddy," Jason said, taking the baby from Courtney's arms.
"Yeah, you took your time getting here, you must get that from your Daddy," Courtney said grinning. It was true, the baby had been a week and a half overdue, and then was born after a 13-hour labor.
"What should we name him?" Jason asked.
"I don't know. We thought we were having a girl. I never even considered any boy's names."
"Jacob," Jason said, looking down at Courtney.
Courtney giggled. "So we'll have Jack and Jake?" she asked. "I don't know."
"We'll call him Jacob, not Jake."
Courtney shook her head. "We can call him whatever you want," she said, pulling his head down to kiss him. "Jacob it is."
Dr. Henderson came back into the room. "We'll get him settled in the nursery. Courtney, you need to rest soon," she instructed.
"Dr. Henderson's right," Jason said. "When you wake up, I'll bring the twins in to see you." He stood up to leave.
"Not so fast," Courtney said, pulling him back down. "Just so you know, Mr. Morgan, I'm not entirely happy with the boy-girl ratio of our family now."
Jason shrugged and grinned. "We'll just have to have a girl next time," he said, leaning down to kiss her. "Get some sleep. I love you."
"I love you too."
"Mom?"
Courtney looked up and managed a small smile. "Hi Sweetheart," she said, giving Riley a hug. "How did you sleep last night?"
Riley shrugged. "Alright, I guess. How are you doing?"
"I'm okay." She tried to sound confident as she spoke. "Where's Lila?"
"Emily's getting her dressed."
Courtney nodded. Emily and Nikolas had all but moved into the penthouse this last week, taking care of everything Courtney was unable to. "Are you ready?" she asked.
"Almost, I just need to find my shoes. I don't know what I did with them yesterday."
Courtney thought back to yesterday, when, upon arriving home from Jacob's funeral she had thrown her own black heels across her bedroom, leaving a mark on the wall. "Check under your bed," was her reply, knowing Riley was enough like her that she had done something similar. "I'll meet you downstairs."
"Mom, I was just coming to check on you," Jack said as she came downstairs. "Do you want some breakfast?"
Courtney managed another small smile and shook her head. "I'm not hungry, thank you," she said, sitting down on the sofa. "We have to leave soon. Are you ready?"
"Mom, you haven't eaten anything since early yesterday," Jack argued.
"Why don't you just have some coffee for now?" Nikolas suggested, alerting Courtney to his presence in the room.
She looked over at him gratefully and nodded. "Coffee would be great," she said as he handed it to her. "Thank you." She looked back at her son. "Are you ready?" she repeated.
"Yeah, I'm ready."
"Good." Before she could say anything else she heard Emily and Lila coming down the stairs.
"Mommy!" Lila threw herself into Courtney's arms. "I missed you! I wanted to see you last night, but Aunt Emily said you were sleeping."
Courtney felt a wave of guilt wash over her, knowing she had neglected her family this past week. She hugged the little girl tightly and kissed the top of her blonde head.
"I missed you too Sweetie," she said. "And Mommy's feeling better today."
"Good." Lila laid her head on Courtney's shoulder. "Is today another sad day?"
"Yeah, baby, it is," Courtney said softly.
"I don't like sad days."
"I don't either," she said truthfully. She gave her another quick kiss. "Why don't you go help Riley look for her shoes, okay? I need to talk to Aunt Emily and Uncle Nik for a minute." She waited until the little girl was back upstairs before talking again.
"Have either of you called the hospital today?" She asked. "Is there any news on Michael?"
"I called a little while ago," Emily said. "He's still not awake, but his condition is slowly improving, they're expecting to move him out of ICU sometime today."
Courtney nodded. "Good. Michael's strong. He can get through this." She was trying to reassure herself, more than them. She needed Michael to wake up so he could tell her why he and Jacob were in the warehouse that night in the first place.
There was a knock at the door, which Nikolas answered.
Max was standing there. "The cars are here," he said.
Courtney stood up. "Thank you Max," she said. She closed her eyes, mentally preparing herself to leave the apartment. Carly's words from earlier this morning rang in her ears. They would get through today, they would. Just like they got through yesterday.
She walked out into the hallway at the same time as Carly and Morgan did. Morgan looked so much like Sonny, Courtney realized. He was only 13, but the spitting image of his father.
"Ready?" Carly asked, holding out her hand.
Courtney nodded, reaching out to clasp it in her own hand.
The speculation had been accurate, they realized, as they walked up the steps to St. Isabella's. There was not one empty pew in the church, and people lined the walls where there was standing room.
Courtney and Carly stood at the back of the church as Emily and Nikolas took the children to their seats.
"They're all here," Carly whispered angrily. "All five of them," she said, pointing to members of all of the Five Families to Courtney.
"Carly, you're not going to do anything today, right?" Courtney asked worriedly.
"No. Not today. Tomorrow, maybe."
Father Andrews came up to them at that moment. "We're ready to begin whenever you are," he said kindly. He took each of their hands in his. "I'm so very sorry for the both of you, as well as your families. You're in my prayers, and if you ever need to talk, I'm here."
"Thank you Father," Carly managed to say for the both of them. Neither her nor Courtney had ever been exactly religious, but Sonny had insisted on him and Carly taking their sons to church every Sunday, and after Courtney had had the twins, Jason had been the same way.
Holding onto each other, they made their way up to the front of the church where their families were waiting. Courtney felt Carly stiffen against her as her eyes landed on the two caskets in front of the altar, and knew how she felt. Her own stomach was starting to turn and she had to take several deep breaths before she knew she was able to sit down.
Courtney tuned out whatever it was that the priest was saying. She didn't need to hear the words; she heard them yesterday. She just stared at the casket on the left.
Her brother, her husband, and her son. They were all gone.
Jason had always promised her that one day they would be free from the life they had. Courtney never entirely believed him, but she had indulged him his fantasy. They would lie in bed at night and talk about it, how they would leave Port Charles one day with the children, and go someplace where no one had ever heard the names Morgan or Corinthos.
But Courtney always knew there was only one way for them to be completely free of the business. It was why she finally accepted her husband and brother for who they were. While she never condoned the way they operated their business, she knew it was better than the alternative. She knew there was only one way they would ever leave the business.
And now that they had, she wasn't sure it was worth it.
The service ended without Courtney realizing it. She only noticed when Carly let out a quiet sob as the caskets were lead past them. She felt her own hot tears sting her eyelids as they followed the procession out of the church and into the cemetery.
Before joining everyone at the burial sites, Courtney broke off from the group and paused in front of the mound of flowers that marked Jacob's grave. She closed her eyes, whispered a prayer, and then took her place at Carly's side.
Again, Courtney didn't listen as the priest spoke. This still didn't seem real to her. She kept her eyes tightly closed, not wanting to watch as her husband and brother were lowered into the ground.
Her eyes flew open however, as she heard the strangled cry as Carly broke away from her side and fell to her knees between the two caskets.
Courtney was at her side in an instant, knowing it was her turn to step up, just as Carly had done yesterday when Courtney herself had all but thrown herself on Jacob's casket.
She sank to her knees and drew Carly into a tight hug. "Shh," she whispered. "It's okay, it's going to be okay Carly."
"They're gone," Carly whispered through her sobs, as though the week's events had just finally gotten through to her. "They're gone, they're not coming back. This is real, they're not pretending, are they?"
"No," Courtney whispered, crying herself now. "No, they're not pretending." She could hear her own children crying behind her, and even though she knew she should be the one comforting them, she also knew she couldn't leave Carly's side. Carly had been her rock all week long; it was her turn.
"Come on Carly," she whispered, rocking their bodies back and forth slightly. "We can do this, remember? We have to." Carly was still sobbing just as violently as she had been before so Courtney switched tactics. "Carly, Morgan needs you right now. You need to pick yourself up, and come sit back down with me and Morgan, okay? Just like I had to come with you yesterday." Carly relaxed slightly and allowed Courtney to bring her back to their seats. She kept her arm around Carly's waist and nodded slightly at the priest to let him know he could continue.
It was several hours later, several long hours actually, when they were finally back at the Penthouse and away from all of the concerned friends and family and business associates.
Mike had offered to come and sit with Courtney, but she managed to convince him that she just wanted to be alone. Carly and Morgan were at the hospital, visiting Michael, but Carly had promised to call her as soon as she was home. Courtney herself told Emily and Nikolas that she just needed an hour to herself and then she would be out of her room, promising them that she was fine.
As she lay on the bed and stared sideways at the family picture she had looked at earlier in the day she felt even more guilt wash over her. Her children needed her now. Yes, they had Emily and Nikolas there, but she knew it wasn't the same as having their mother comfort them. Lila still didn't fully comprehend what had happened, and Jack was busy trying to take care of everything he knew that Jason would have been doing, and Riley, well, she had absolutely no idea how Riley was doing.
She couldn't face them though. Not yet. How could she handle their grief when she couldn't handle her own?
Her eyes shifted to the bottle of sedatives that sat on the nightstand. Emily had prescribed them to help her sleep, but Courtney hadn't taken any of them. She already felt numb; she didn't need pills to help with that.
She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. She could still smell Jason's cologne on the pillow next to her, even though the scent was beginning to fade. Her thoughts turned back to that night, the last time she kissed him good-bye, the last time she smelled the cologne on his neck.
She opened her eyes and sat up. She couldn't think about that. She had to go and make sure her children were okay.
She opened Riley's door first. "Hey Sweetie."
Riley looked up from her bed. "Hi."
"How are you doing?"
Riley shrugged. "Better." She gestured to the books piled up on her bed. "Is it strange that after everything today, I'm sitting here and doing history homework?"
Courtney smiled and shook her head. "Not at all. You know, you don't have to go to school tomorrow if you don't want to," she said.
Riley shook her head. "No, I need to get back. Finals are in 2 weeks and I'm already a week behind."
Courtney nodded. "Okay, whatever you want to do." She didn't even know what to say to her.
Riley nodded. "I need to get back tomorrow," she decided.
"All right. Well, I'll let you get back to studying then. Come see me before you go to bed, okay?" Riley just nodded so after staring at her for a moment, Courtney left the room.
She smiled as she opened Lila's bedroom door and saw she was sleeping. She knelt down next to the bed and pulled the blanket tighter around her.
She was so lucky to have her children, she realized as she knelt there, watching the little girl sleep. She had never dreamed she'd have one child, the possibility of having 4 never even occurred to her. After the miscarriage, she had thrown all of her time and energy into researching fertility treatments and within a year she had the twins. And after that, it seemed as though every time Jason had touched her, she became pregnant again.
Courtney kissed Lila gently and left the room, heading downstairs.
"Hey," Emily said. "I was just going to check on you."
"I'm fine," Courtney replied. "I just checked on the girls. Where's Jack?"
"He went to the hospital to see Michael."
Courtney nodded as she sat down on the sofa. "Em, I need to thank you and Nikolas. There's no way I could have gotten through all of this without you."
Emily shook her head. "You don't have to thank us. And we're here for as long as you need us to be."
"I appreciate that, really, but you two have your own lives, your own children, your own home to get back to." Courtney smiled. "I'll be okay, we all will," she promised. The phone rang and she stood to get it.
She must have gotten up too fast because her knees gave out underneath her and she felt dizzy and lightheaded.
Nikolas caught her before she fell and helped her back to the sofa while Emily answered the phone.
"I'm fine," she protested.
"No you aren't. Courtney, you haven't had anything to eat in the last two days and you can't survive on coffee," Nikolas said. "You need to eat something."
Courtney nodded. "You're right, I know," she said, closing her eyes for a moment. She couldn't even remember the last thing she had to eat.
Emily put the phone down. "That was Alexis," she said. "She said to tell you she was sorry to call tonight but wanted to let you know the reading of the wills is set to be held at the end of the week."
"I'll call Carly and let her know."
"Alexis has already called her. I'm going to go check on dinner, it should be ready in about fifteen minutes."
"I meant what I said earlier," Courtney said. "You two can go home tonight."
Emily shook her head. "We're not leaving tonight. We'll stay through the morning and help you get everyone to school before we leave."
Before Courtney could answer the door opened and Jack came in. "Hey Mom, how are you?"
"I'm doing better. How's Michael?"
"Still no change, but he's out of ICU," Jack answered. "Aunt Carly is still there."
"I should go sit with her," Courtney thought out loud. She started to stand up but Jack stopped her.
"Aunt Carly said to tell you absolutely not," he said. "She wants you to stay here and she'll call you as soon as she can."
"Oh okay." She settled back against the sofa. "Are you going to school tomorrow?"
Jack nodded. "Yeah, finals are coming up and I want to keep an eye on Riley."
She smiled at him then, it was like listening to Jason speak. "Jack, thank you," she said reaching over to hug him. "You've done so much this past week, you've been so much like your dad."
Jack shrugged. "It's not a big deal," he said.
"Yeah it is. I mean it Jack, I'm so proud of you. Your dad would be so proud of you."
He stood up then and turned away from her. 'I'm just doing what needs to be done," he said.
Courtney stiffened at the change in his tone of voice. "What exactly do you mean by that?" She stood up when he didn't answer her. "Jack, you better tell me what you're thinking right now," she warned.
"Nothing mom, don't worry about it."
She grabbed his arm and turned him so he was facing her again. "You listen to me and you listen carefully. I hear your tone of voice; you're enough like your father that I know what the meaning of your words really is. I don't want you even thinking it Jack. I don't want you thinking that you can go after whoever it is that did this to our family."
"Someone has to. Dad's dead, mom! Uncle Sonny's dead and Michael's in the hospital." Jack's gray eyes flashed angrily. "Someone killed them and I'll make them pay for it!"
"So you can end up dead too?" Courtney's own voice raised a few octaves. "You're crazy if you think I'm going to stand by and watch you get yourself killed." She looked up the stairs towards Riley's bedroom, remembering she was still awake. When she spoke again her voice was lower.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled," she apologized. "But Jack, I know you know that Jason and Sonny were involved in some shady business dealings."
"You mean the Mob?"
"Shh!" She looked back up to Riley's room. "Like I said, I know you know, but Riley doesn't, and I want to keep it that way. I don't even like that you know." She sighed. "Jack please, don't do anything stupid."
"All right," he said finally. "I promise."
"Thank you." She rubbed her temples tiredly. "Go upstairs and ask Riley if she's hungry, Emily's almost done with dinner." She waited until he was upstairs and picked up the phone to call Carly. She swore when she got her voicemail, but then remembered Carly was at the hospital.
"Carly, it's me. Look, I know you have a plan and I just wanted to let you know, I'm in." She sighed. "We need to start moving fast though, I'll explain why later. Call me as soon as you can. The sooner we get this started, the better." She put the phone down and walked into the kitchen to see if Emily needed any help. She didn't see Jack, who was still standing on the stairway and had heard her call to Carly.
