As our dearest friend Lallie ran away, screaming "Eek" at the top of her lungs, she bumped into something. No – scratch that. Someone. This someone was…. Boromir!

"Hullo, lassie! Is that a ring I see on your finger? Can I see it? Is it gold? Is it THE ring? GIVE IT TO ME!" he roared suddenly and unexpectedly.

Lallie looked taken aback, but set her lips stubbornly. "No. It's my ring." She stated emphatically.

She was thus very surprised when Boromir lunged at her, roaring "Gimme that!"

Lallie did a very expected thing – she screamed. "EEK! MOMMIEEE!"

Up in heaven, a male voice sighed wearily and called down, "Look, kiddo, she is IN. THE. BATHROOM, dammit!"

Boromir stopped in mid-motion, his hand still clenched out in front of him, reaching for Lallie's ring. He looked clueless, and further proved his lack of understanding by scratching his head. "Huh? Will someone clue me in here? Who just talked?"

"It's my daddy!" Lallie exclaimed gleefully, and then added with a random burst of wisdom – "He has 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 rings! Why don't you go kill him for all of those rings!"

Boromir's eyes stretches wide open. "Your father? Where's your father? Where? I want those RINGS!"

"My daddy's in the Sky! All All you gotta do is pray to Elbr-elbe-eblow-elbow gill-gile-glithYEAH! Pray to her and she'll build a staircase straight to ALL of those 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 rings! Don't you WANT them! My dad even has this little golden ring – the One Ring!"

Boromir gasped and his jaw dropped open, and Lallie found herself gazing in disgust as drool came out of one corner. "Where be your mommy, kiddo? Show me her now!"

Lallie pondered. "Well, um, she's in the – the – where was she?"

"She's in the S-H-O-W-E-R!" the Heavenly Male Voice called down, sounding extremely frustrated. But dear little Lallie, of course, couldn't spell words longer than two letters long. And even /those/ she missed occasionally. Therefore, it came to no large surprise to anyone when she misunderstood.

"S-H-E-W-R? Shew-wurr?"

Boromir interrupted. "The shower? Well, where's this shower, then?"

Lallie answered. "Well, throw a couple of rocks up and then you'll see!" To illustrate her point, she threw a large rock angrily in her father's direction.

Boromir shrugged, but followed her advice and threw a stone with all her might. He and Lallie then both jumped in fear, as a large roar came from above. It was quickly followed by the stone that Boromir had thrown, and it managed to land on Boromir's head.

"My precious…" Boromir managed to groan before passing out.

Meanwhile, Lallie managed to delude herself. "What precious? What's precious? I'm precious? YAY!"

Boromir instantly woke up, grimacing at his headache. "You? Precious? In your /dreams, lassie!"

"Well, what can /possibly/ be more precious than /me?"

"I can think of quite a few things…" Boromir drooled at the thought. "The One Ring, for instance!"

"Wipe the spit off your chin!" he was reprimanded quite harshly. "Besides, I wanna have a one ring, too!"

"Well… you're not getting it! It's mine!" Boromir stated. "It will go to Gondor, and only Gondor! Now bugger off, lassie!"

Lallie ignored him, simply because she was suddenly entranced by the ring on her finger. She stared deeply at it, and soon began talking to it. "I shall name you Shiny and you will be mine. You shall be my Shiny. Good Shiny, good boy!"

You might think that Boromir would respond with an intellectual comment. Or, at least, with an acidic insult. Sorry to disappoint… it didn't really happen like that. Instead…

"I want Shiny! Hey! Give it here!" Boromir lunged at Lallie like a two year old, but Lallie was still entranced with her new pet. "Oh, you sweet little ringie!" A thought suddenly occurred to her, and she threw Shiny into the bushes. "Come here, Shiny, Shiny, come here!"

Boromir threw himself into the bushes after Shiny, head first, and reemerged triumphant, albeit somewhat disheveled, with the ring clutched tightly in his hand. "My Shiny… My own… my precioussssssss…"

Lallie popped out of her spell as soon as Shiny disappeared from her view. "Shiny? Shiny?" She saw Boromir, and instantly ran at him. "Hey! Where d'you think you're taking my Shiny? It's his bedtime!"

Boromir was shocked. "Do you HONESTLY think I don't have enough beds to spare one for shiny! I think I prepared close to 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 beds for all the rings I plan to get! I can house all of your father's, AND Shiny! But Shiny will get the bed of honor, rest assured. He's cute!"

It took Lallie several minutes to process all those numbers – she wasn't that great at math, after all – but when she finally understood, she ran and caught up with Boromir. "STOP! I have to brush Shiny's teeth first! He has a special toothbrush!"

Boromir paused, and shouted over his shoulder: "I have 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 special toothbrushes, too! Never fear!"

"But his hairbrush? And his blankie? And his pillow? And… WAIT! I wanna have my Shiny back! And how will he sleep without my goodnight kiss?"

"We'll manage! Our love for each other will conquer it all! Won't it, Shiny?" Boromir batted his eyelashes playfully at the ring in his hand. Shiny, as an inanimate object, just sat there and stared. If inanimate objects /can/ stare, for that matter.

Lallie interpreted this somewhat differently, though. "SEE!" she called. "Shiny wants to stay with me! His love for ME is greater than his love for you!"

"OK, let's test it, then!" Boromir replied, jealously. "I'll put Shiny on the ground, we each go five paces away from him, and whoever he goes to is the one he loves best!" He knelt over and put Shiny carefully onto the ground, and then he and Lallie each took five steps back.

In a few seconds, shouts were ringing through the air.

"Come here, Shiny darling, come here…"

"…come to daddy, little ringy…"

"…I'll give you a candy if you come to mommie…"

"…I LOOOOOOOVE you, Shiny…"

"…come, little Shiny…"

"…I'll take you home with me…"

"…I'll take you home /and/ to the store with me…"

"…I'll buy you a – a – a – a – a – horsie to ride on…"

"…and who the hell would pay for you 'horsie to ride on'?"

"…why, my parents, of course! Come here, darling…"

"…no, don't go to daddy, he's mean to you…"

"…'member how your mommie hit you…"

"…did not!"

"…did, too!"

And so on. And on. And on. And one. Enough? No? And on and on and on. And on.

Five hours later, the Heavenly Male Voice began to feel nauseous and began to develop a headache. "Uh… kids? Just /watching/ you is giving me the cramps! Move it already!"

Lallie took it literally. "Okey dokey!" she said brightly, stepped forward, moved Shiny to where she had been standing, and returned to her original spot. "See! He likes ME more! He came to ME!"

Boromir lunged out, grabbed Shiny, and moved him to /his/ spot. "No such luck, lassie! It's obvious that he loves me more!" He turned around and ran off into the woods.

"WAIT! HE CAME to /me/ first! He loves /me/ more! Come back! Give Shiny to /me! Shiny wants his momma!" And with tears filling her eyes, Lallie turned around and ran frantically after Boromir… and Shiny.