Author's Notes: I wanted to mention that I'm glad I posted this story in parts. I was originally going to post the whole thing at once, but decided against it at the last minute. Now I'm glad I did because many of you asked about the woman Sam saw with the General. There was no woman, Sam only saw her in her mind. I tried to point this out in the fact that Sam makes it worse each time she brings it up, starting from just seeing Jack holding the woman, to kissing the woman, to finally professing his love to Sam then kissing some woman. It hadn't dawned on me that I should mention another side effect, so now I am off to update Chapter 4 so that it's covered. Thank you all for helping me improve on this story!


Sam escaped the darkness of her dreams by opening her eyes, only to find she was still cloaked in darkness. She wondered what time it was, then realized that there was an insistent beeping somewhere in the room she was in. She turned her head to find the source and was surprised to find herself in the infirmary. Okay, she thought. What happened this time?

She turned to look across the room, then smiled when she heard a deep, warm voice say, "Welcome back, Carter. We've missed you."

She turned again to find him and sighed as the memories of a stormy night came to her. "Sir," she said as she stared at the General. "What happened? Why am I here?"

"You passed out," he responded, "In my kitchen, no less." She felt her heart constrict as she watched him standing there next to her bed, his hands in his pockets. He had a smile on his face, but she could tell that there was something he was hiding from her.

"Was I sick?" she asked, confusion and sadness moving into her soul. Had she dreamed that night? He didn't act like they had shared their feelings at all.

"You drank something that didn't agree with you on your last mission," he responded. "How many times do I have to tell you to go easy on that stuff?" This was said with a grin and she smiled back at him through her confusion.

"Daniel and Teal'c?" she asked, the welfare of her teammates moving into top priority.

"Daniel apparently enjoyed the drink as much as you did. He's sleeping it off in the next room. Teal'c… well, you know Teal'c. He's got an aversion to almost anything he doesn't recognize."

Sam's relief was short lived as flashes of memories were running rampant through her mind. Her eyes grew wide as she stared at the General, hoping that those memories were from nightmares and not reality. "How long have I been in here?" she asked, dread making her voice come out in a squeak.

"A couple days," the General said with a shrug. "Well, it was more like five, but I swear I wasn't counting."

Five days, she thought. Plenty of time to have all kinds of nightmares. Scary ones, like pointing a gun at her superior officer and dragging him off to his bed. Oh God. Sam briefly wondered what it would be like living in a Federal penitentiary as the memories assaulted her from all sides.

"Hey Carter, you going to be okay?" the General asked, concern written all over his face. "I'll go call the Doctor," he added as he turned toward the door.

"No! Please, I'm fine," she replied. "Um… sir? Did I do anything… stupid while I was… well, you know… out of it?" Please say no, she pleaded silently. Her heart sank as the emotionless mask came over his features. He's definitely hiding something.

"Nothing to worry about," he said, shrugging his shoulders. "Just did a little dance on the table with a lampshade on your head." He gave her a full smile then, which told her that he was only kidding. She felt like crying when she realized that those memories were true.

"I've messed things up pretty badly, haven't I?" she asked quietly, as she stared into his eyes. The smile disappeared from his face, replaced by a wary look.

"Carter," he began, then stopped for a few seconds to reevaluate his words. "You were under an alien influence. Nobody will blame you for anything you did during that time."

"I have some memories," she said, watching him for his reaction. "Really good memories. Did you mean what you said?"

"Get some sleep Carter," he replied. "The Doc says you can get out of here within days after you wake up. The more rest you get, the better your chances are of breaking out of this joint."

He's doing it again. "You're avoiding the question again," she said. "I remember thinking about kicking your ass the last time you avoided that question. Sir," she added, when she realized that she just may have threatened her CO. Great Sam, she thought to herself. Digging that grave would go a lot easier with a shovel. "Begging your pardon sir," she said with a sheepish look.

Relief flowed through her, however, when he grinned at her. "I'm just happy that I won't have to deal with the mood swings. Men were not made to deal with mood swings Carter," he said gravely.

She grinned at that, relief that he wasn't mad at her making her feel much better. She wondered if she dared take the subject further. They really did need to get this out in the open though, so that she could move on with no regrets.

"I meant what I said," she told him, staring into his eyes. He didn't respond, just stood there staring back at her. Sam wondered what he was thinking, while at the same time dreading that she might find out. "You know… about loving you."

"Look Carter. I've had some time to think about this," he finally spoke up. "Five days, in fact. The one thing I can't get out of my head is the fact that you were under an alien influence. I wasn't. I should have put a stop to it."

"Why didn't you?" Sam asked. She knew the reason, but maybe hearing him say it…. Damn, what had she done?

He looked over toward the monitors that she was hooked up to, not saying anything. Sam was suddenly overwhelmed by the whole situation. "You don't have to answer that," she told him. "It's not that important."

"I was thinking of retiring again," he said. "I liked being retired. Yeah. I think I'll retire."

Sam just shook her head. He wasn't very convincing. "Why?" she asked him in all seriousness. "What could you gain by retiring?"

"Well, for starters, uh… you."

"Me?" There was that squeak again. This was all moving just a little too fast for her. She didn't want him to think he had to retire because of her mistakes. He was trying to be a damned hero again, she groused to herself.

"You," he said grinning at her again. The grin changed to a hopeful look and Sam almost fell for it all, hook, line and sinker.

"Sir," she started, then sighed. "I don't want to be the reason for you giving all this up. And I definitely don't want to find out you only did this because you felt obligated to do it due to the regulations. God, I think that would destroy me," she continued as she thought about the repercussions of what he was saying.

"I don't want to destroy you Sam," he said softly, picking up her hand and running his thumb across her palm. "Will you marry me?"

Sam was speechless. She had several unanswered questions and fears regarding their relationship and this guy just ups and asks her to marry him. What was up with that?

"No," she finally said, surprising him. "Not until you answer every last one of my questions." She crossed her arms over her chest and stared at him stubbornly. She had to know if he really and truly loved her.

"What questions?" he asked her warily. She could tell he was starting to get uncomfortable with the route this conversation was going, but right now she didn't care. He'd asked her to marry him, for crying out loud!

"First and foremost, do you love me?" she said. "Secondly, why do you really want to marry me? And finally, at least for now, do you really and truly want this?"

"I wouldn't have asked you if I didn't want to," he said patiently. "Look, the regulations are clear. We crossed the line, now we pay the price. It's better that I do the stepping down, because the SGC needs you more than it needs me. Since I have to step down, I am now free to follow my heart." He gave her a smug look then and said, "I came up with that 'follow my heart' stuff all by myself. Didn't think I had it in me, did you?"

Sam couldn't help the grin that came to her face. "No sir," she admitted. The grin faded as she brought her thoughts back to the topic at hand. "You didn't answer my questions," she reminded him.

"I've had five days to think about this Sam," he said. "There's no way around the fact that I didn't put a stop to what we've done. Now I have to pay the price. I've been thinking of retiring anyway." He stopped, then with a quizzical look on his face, asked. "What were your questions again?"

Sam just shook her head. "Never mind," she said, as her heart threatened to break under the strain. He had answered her questions by not saying anything. The fact that he was stalling told her more than his words could ever have. "I'm really tired sir. I think I'll get some sleep now."

He nodded at her before saying, "We'll talk about this tomorrow." He backed up, but stopped to tell her, "I'm glad you remembered that incident Sam."

Sam didn't respond. She couldn't. Her mind had gone numb. Tears sprang up in her eyes, making it hard to see his face as the pain hit her in the stomach and worked its way up to her heart. Oh God.

"Sam?" he said urgently. "What's wrong? I'm going to get the Doc."

"You weren't going to do anything if I hadn't remembered, were you," she asked, effectively stopping him in his tracks. "You were going to go on as if nothing happened, weren't you?" She knew her voice was rising, but she couldn't help it. The heaviness settling in her chest was crushing her. "Your intention to retire and to marry me was all because I remembered that night and not because you wanted to. And to think I almost believed you."

"It's not like that Sam." He growled. "You have it all wrong. I want to…" he stopped when the door opened and a nurse stuck her head in the door.

"Excuse me General. I have to get some vitals… Oh, you're awake," she said to Sam. "How are you feeling? I'll just get your blood pressure reading and take your temp, then go get the doctor. You had us all worried for awhile."

Sam turned her head toward the wall, away from the nurse. She stared at the wall while the nurse coaxed her into putting the thermometer into her mouth. She complied, but wouldn't look back to see if the General was still there. She knew that he was. He wouldn't want to leave things hanging like this, she thought angrily.

The nurse finally finished and left the room. Sam continued to stare at the wall, the anger building to an all-encompassing rage. She tried to control it, the soldier in her afraid to upset the General while the woman in her wanted to scratch his eyes out. She closed her eyes when she heard the General say quietly, "I may have to retire Sam, but I don't have to marry you. I want to marry you. Get some rest. We'll talk about this tomorrow."

"Yes sir," she said in her best soldier voice. The one she used when she didn't agree with a superior officer, but had to give in anyway. She didn't look back at him, knowing by instinct that he was still standing there trying to come up with the right words to say. She just wanted him to leave.

"I love you Sam," he said.

"Goodnight sir," she replied stubbornly. She wasn't going to fall for that again.

"Night," he responded. Sam closed her eyes against the sound of the door closing behind him as he left. She had no one to blame for this but herself, she raged inwardly. What was she thinking? He had never given any indication that he loved her before; just that he cared about her. She felt like such an idiot.

She stiffened when she heard the door open again, wondering why he'd come back and what he was going to say this time. She relaxed when she realized it was the doctor coming to give her a thorough going over. She gave in to the questions and the penlight, all the while trying not to deal with the betrayal of her heart.


The General came back the next day as promised, bearing gifts. "I though you might want this," he said gruffly as he laid her laptop down on the table next to her bed.

"Thank you sir," she said, pleased by his thoughtfulness. She had been a little bored lying there with nothing to do but think. Now she could finish up those calculations she had been working on.

"Just don't overdo it," he insisted. "I had to smuggle this thing in here as it is."

"I won't sir. Thank you." She'd had plenty of time to think things through and had finally decided to just play it like she had done for the last six or seven years, keep her feelings to herself. Now all she had to do was to convince him to do the same.

"Um… sir? I want to apologize for everything that's happened. I know I've made things worse for us, but I'm willing to go on as we've always done…"

"I just got off the phone with Hammond," he broke in. "He's a little disappointed, but I think he wants to find a way around my retiring. Personally, I'm ready to retire, but… well, you know how it is."

"You talked with Hammond?" she asked, as she stared at him in shock.

"Yeah," he replied with a shrug. "I will officially be among the millions of other retired people who end up sitting around watching the dandelions grow in the backyard. I'm looking forward to it, actually."

Sam didn't believe him. She knew him too well to think he would give up so easily. All this talk was pure bravado. "You didn't have to do that sir. We could have gone on like we had for all this time."

"I had to do it Sam. I had no choice. The regulations demand that I do it."

"To hell with the regulations," Sam snarled. "I am sick to death of those damned regulations."

The General looked at her in surprise before saying, "Nothing changes the fact that I was not under an alien influence Sam. We can't just ignore this."

Sam knew he was right, but she still wanted to fight it. If he retired, she wouldn't get to see him at all. She had assumed that she would be able to talk him out of telling anyone about that night, that things would go back to the way they used to be. Now she was going to lose him for good.

The silence that had been building was finally broken when the General tried once again to make her understand. "Look Sam, I'm not very good with words, especially when it comes to..." he sighed, then sat down in the chair next to her bed and grabbed her hand. "I know I'm not the greatest catch in the world, but I just thought that maybe we could give us a chance?" He was watching her with a hopeful look on his face and Sam had a sudden urge to break down and cry.

"Sir…" she began.

"Hey. Now I realize that I'm still your commanding officer for the next three weeks, but due to the circumstances, I think it would be okay for you to call me Jack – at least when we are alone."

"I'm sorry sir," she said sadly. She couldn't give him what he wanted. She was too afraid to give him what he wanted. Instead she held up her refusal to give in like a shield, holding him off, hoping that it would be strong enough to protect her heart.

"Sam," he said as he leaned in toward her. "I get the feeling that you are turning me down. I would much rather hear you say that you are happy for me and that you want to marry me. We could go to a nice quiet cabin in Minnesota for our honeymoon," he added enticingly.

"Sounds lovely," she said dryly, causing him to smile at her. Her own smile dimmed as she said, "Sir, I appreciate what you've done to try to rectify my behavior, but I don't think…"

"Listen to me Sam," he said getting up off of the chair to lean over the bed, "I'm only going to say this one more time. The regulations do not say anything about me being forced to marry you. I am asking you because I realized that I needed to do this for myself. It's what I want more than anything right now. If you say no, it should be because you don't love me, not because you think I'm doing this out of the goodness of my heart."

Why couldn't he have said this yesterday, Sam wondered as she stared into his eyes. The shield she had held up before her earlier was weakening and she couldn't help the smile that came to her face as she realized the truth. He loved her.

"A quiet cabin in Minnesota," she mused out loud. "Can I bring my laptop?"

He has such a beautiful smile, she thought as he leaned down to kiss her. She rarely got to see that smile. That's going to change, she vowed as she returned the kiss, wondering what he would say to her desire to have children. She'll just wait a couple of days before asking him.