All Grown Up: Keeping It In

Part 2

He had never intended to fall asleep out there, but it was a warm and pleasant night and he had been surrounded by the soothing white noise of the backyard, so Dil supposed it wasn't that surprising. At first he assumed the brilliant light forcing his eyes to remain shut must be the morning sun, but then he thought he recognised it as something else.

"Dil?" a voice asked tentatively.

"Yeah, it's me," Dil replied without hesitation. "I never thought you'd contact me again after what I did. So what's the haps?"

"It wasn't your fault, Dil."

"Sure it was. I should never have taken those pills."

"You're only a child. It was a lot of responsibility for you. But listen," the voice crooned in soothing tones. "They're not all dead."

"They're not?" Dil asked sharply.

"There's one left."

Dil was overjoyed to hear this. He felt his face break into a smile of grateful relief.

"But it's weak," the voice added. "Those pills have put it in danger."

"Can I save it?"

"I think so. But on no account must you take any more of those pills."

"Well duh."

"I'm trying to help you here," the voice bristled. "Look after yourself, eat well, and your baby should live."

"Thanks, alien dude," Dil smiled serenely, his mind growing peaceful as he started to feel the morning dew on his back and the sun on his face and his baby moving against the wall of his stomach. "I won't screw up again, I promise."

"Dil?"

He recognised that voice straightaway, and Dil started to rise into a sitting position. However the cloudless sky suddenly started to swim in front of his eyes. He abruptly lay back down and clutched his hand to his forehead as he felt a stabbing pain there.

"Dil!" Tommy called again, going to kneel down next to his brother. "Are you ok?"

"I feel a little dizzy," answered Dil. "It's probably those bogus pills again."

"What are you doing in the yard?"

"I came out here in the night to think. I guess I must have fallen asleep."

"Dil, you idiot. Can you get up?"

Dil propped himself up on his elbows, and then rose experimentally a little higher. He still felt dizzy, but he found that he could now manoeuvre himself into a sitting position. Then he suddenly remembered the advice he had received moments before.

"Food!" he exclaimed. "I need food!"

"Uh… ok," Tommy agreed, surprised by the urgency in Dil's voice. "C'mon – I'll help you inside."

"Thanks, T."

As Dil leant on Tommy's arm and walked tentatively towards the house, he was quietly wondering whom he should and shouldn't tell about his surviving baby.

x x x

Dil continued to feel unwell for most of the day, but as he had managed to avoid taking his pills that morning he put it down to the pregnancy. All through his science lesson he wondered how he was going to persuade his parents – particularly his mother – to let him stop taking the medication altogether. He supposed that the side effects had hit him pretty badly, and if he didn't tell anyone that one of his babies had survived they might agree that the pills were doing more harm than good.

He was eager for lunchtime to come around – that little alien still needed feeding up. When twelve o'clock came Dil hurried to the cafeteria and loaded his tray. He was the first to sit down, and was joined minutes later by Tommy, Phil, Lil and Chuckie.

"You got enough to eat there, D?" Tommy asked jovially.

"I hope so," Dil murmured evasively, still not sure whether he should keep his one surviving baby a total secret.

"Are you feeling better?" Chuckie enquired politely. "Tommy said you had a bit of a funny turn this morning."

"I'm fine," lied Dil, who wasn't feeling in the least bit fine. There was a nagging pain in his stomach that was exacerbated every time he swallowed a mouthful of food, but he kept it up for the baby's sake. He was also feeling dizzy again, and it was worse than it had been that morning. As he continued to force down his lunch, the room started to swim before his eyes. The conversation around him seemed to grow louder and yet the words were lost to him, until suddenly he felt his whole body give way.

"Oh my God – DIL!" screamed a voice: Kimi's. She was sitting two tables away with Susie and her friend Z, but she saw it all quite clearly.

Z, a slightly alarming looking youth with green hair and an earring, adopted a steely expression of determination and launched himself dramatically over the table separating him from Dil. People were rapidly flocking around the nine-year-old boy who lay unconscious on the less than pristine cafeteria floor. Kimi and Susie quickly followed Z, and Angelica materialised from another part of the room.

"What the hell happened?" she demanded loudly.

"I don't know!" Tommy cried in panic. "He just keeled over!"

"Ok, don't freak," Z drawled in lazy, confident tones. "Step back and give the little dude room to breathe."

"Is he breathing?" Lil squeaked nervously.

Z stepped forward on heavy black combat boots and squatted down beside Dil, placing a hand about an inch in front of his mouth.

"No sweat," Z announced coolly. "He's breathing. So like, maybe one of you guys should call an ambulance or something."

Lil was about to volunteer to go out to the payphone in the hall, but then Angelica whipped out her cell phone. She dialled, put the phone to her ear, waited a few moments and then barked urgently, "We need an ambulance over here now! My cousin's collapsed…"

Her voice was suddenly drowned out as Pangborn marched across the room, demanding loudly, "What's going on over here?"

"Something's wrong with Dil!" Tommy panicked, still hovering over his brother's unconscious form.

"I think he's just fainted," Z put in. "But his cuz called an ambulance – you know – just in case."

"Good thinking, Pickles," Pangborn nodded approvingly at Angelica as she slipped her cell phone back into her pocket. "All right the rest of you – back to whatever you were doing!"

He glared around at the large gathering of students, most of whom meekly returned to their lunches. Dil's friends continued to hover near him, Tommy still quietly panicking until a thought suddenly struck him.

"Angelica!" he shouted to his cousin. "Can you call my mom?"

Angelica produced her cell phone again just as the ambulance siren caught her ears from perhaps three or four streets away. She sighed with relief, grateful at least to be able to tell Didi that her son would soon be at the hospital.

x x x

"WAH!"

When Dil woke up in a hospital bed, it took him a moment to realise that he was looking at the alarming yet harmless visage of Charlotte Pickles' terrible facelift.

"Oh, Aunt Charlotte, it's you," he sighed with relief. "Where am I?"

"DIL!" a familiar voice shrieked, and before he knew what was happening he was in his mother's crushing arms. "Thank God you're awake! Are you ok? How are you feeling? Oh honey, can you ever forgive me?"

"I feel fine," Dil answered bemusedly. "Forgive you for what?"

"They think it was a reaction to those pills," said someone that sounded like Angelica. "But they said they're not sure until they do some tests or someth'n' – I dunno."

"Tests?" echoed Dil, his hand instinctively moving down to his stomach. "What kind of tests?"

When Didi moved away slightly Dil was able to see that he was in a hospital ward containing several beds, and that the space around his bed was occupied by pretty much his entire family: Stu, Didi, Tommy, Drew, Charlotte, Angelica and his grandfather Lou Pickles all stood over him.

"Don't you trust these people, scout!" Lou exclaimed. "They'll open you up and poke around inside you and take pictures of your brain and then they'll charge you forty dollars to tell you there was never anything the matter with you in the first place!"

"But there was something the matter with him, Grandpa," argued Tommy. Then he looked at his brother and said, "Dil, you keeled over in the middle of lunch. You scared the life out of me!"

"Whoa. Weird," remarked Dil. "I was feeling a little freaky. So what kind of tests?" he asked again.

"They just want to look at you," Stu explained soothingly. "They won't cut you open or anything. Not unless they have to."

"Might they have to?"

"I shouldn't think so."

"Wow." Dil leaned back on the hard hospital pillows, his mind instantly filled with possible scenarios in which anyone might want to harm him or his baby alien.

"So how do you feel?" asked Tommy.

"Ok," shrugged Dil, telling the truth this time.

"They want to keep you in for observation," Didi told him. "It's nothing to worry about, but I'm going to stay with you, ok?"

"Ok," Dil said again. "If that's what you want."

"I really am sorry, honey," added Didi.

"It's cool," Dil smiled at her. "I mean those pills sucked big time, but like you were only doing what you thought was best for me or somethin', right?"

"Exactly," his mother agreed, visibly relaxing with relief.

"Solid," Dil nodded approvingly.

x x x

The children's ward provided a playroom generously equipped with donated old books and toys and a much fought-over sandpit. Didi suggested to Dil that he might like to spend some time there while they waited for these mysterious test results and he obliged, the only realistic alternative being to lie in bed and send his mother out to buy him magazines.

Inevitably Didi went to buy magazines anyway. Dil, wrist-deep in month-old clammy sand, watched her go through a small window in the wall separating them. The other kids didn't seem to mind letting Dil play with their precious sand. Some of them watched him with interest, one boy of about six visibly impressed by his small sculpture of a bug-eyed alien. As the minutes wore on, Dil began to feel increasingly uncomfortable as he became aware of more and more eyes on him.

"What's the matter with you?" a blond girl of about Dil's own age suddenly asked, her eyes flashing with something that Dil couldn't quite name, but he thought he could attribute it to Angelica. "Are you here because you're crazy?"

"Indirectly," Dil replied evenly. "I had a bad reaction to my brain medicine."

"Brain medicine?" the girl echoed, horrified.

"There's nothing wrong with being a little bit different, you know," Dil mumbled, half to himself, wiping the sand from his hands on the front of his hospital gown.

"I knew you were a freak," the girl muttered, just audibly.

Dil glowered at her and then stalked out of the playroom. He didn't feel safe in that place. He was extremely anxious of the possibility that malevolent forces might be out there somewhere trying to damage his one surviving baby, and it was alarming to think of all the things aliens might be able do with so much sophisticated electronic equipment dotted around the place.

A small boy in one of the beds suddenly projectile vomited onto the girl opposite him, and with the flurry of activity this caused amongst the staff Dil was able to sneak out of the ward. He found his way onto the roof, thinking immediately of the hospital dramas he had seen in which troubled patients ended up in such a position and had to be talked back inside by the most handsome doctor.

Needless to say, suicide was the last thing on Dil's mind. He just wanted answers. He still felt that his baby was alive, but he wanted to know whether it was healthy and likely to survive until the time came for him to give birth. He wanted to know when that would be, and he wanted to know what would become of the infant alien afterwards. He thought of that malicious little girl in the playroom, and about how people like her made it difficult for people like him – people who were in any way different – to get on with their lives. A baby alien was sure not to fit in with other kids. Obviously. Dil didn't even know how he was supposed to take proper care of the baby when it arrived.

It was already getting dark and a half moon shone dimly through the clouds. Dil watched his breath spiralling towards the horizon, murmuring quietly to the vast grey sky, "Maybe it's just as well that I've only got one baby to worry about now."

"Hey."

Dil turned and saw a smiling dark-haired nurse standing by the door.

"We were wondering where you'd gotten to," she said. "Your mother's worried. And your tests results have come through."

"Cool," Dil smiled approvingly. "Am I gonna make it?"

"I think so," the nurse laughed. "Come on. I'm Liana, by the way."

"I'm Dil."

"I know who you are." She put an arm around him as she led him down into the main building. "So how are you feeling?"

"Ok."

"Something on your mind?"

"Not really," shrugged Dil. "I was just wondering about my diet."

"Can I help?" Liana smiled down at him. "I am a nurse, you know."

"Well… I was thinking maybe I should try to be a little healthier. What's good for pregnant women?"

"Pregnant women, huh? Well, the usual: a balanced diet, plenty of vitamins, those disgusting yogurt drinks that reduce your cholesterol…"

"Eww, rank," remarked Dil.

"I know," laughed Liana. "You just have to try and keep healthy and don't smoke or drink alcohol. All first-time mothers worry about that kind of thing. It's perfectly natural."

"Ah-ha," nodded Dil. "So… these tests. I don't suppose there are any pictures of the inside of my stomach?"

"I'm afraid not," Liana smiled apologetically, drawing to a halt at the entrance to the children's ward. "Look honey, there's your mother and Dr. Marsh. Go on now – I've got things to do."

Dil smiled gratefully at her and then wandered over to where Didi was talking to Dr. Marsh, whom he recognised from earlier in the day.

"Dil!" Didi exclaimed, throwing her arms around her son. "I only went to buy some magazines. Where did you go?"

"Just for a walk," Dil shrugged dismissively.

"Honestly." Didi rolled her eyes. "You kids never used to wander off like that. So Dr. Marsh, you were saying…?"

"We got it right first time," Dr. Marsh smiled patronisingly at Dil. "It was a reaction to those pills you were taking. I'd ask your son's psychologist for a more suitable prescription if I were you, Mrs. Pickles."

"Actually we want to try going without for a while," Didi smiled politely.

"Hmm… your choice. So Dil," Marsh went on. "How do you feel now?"

"Five-by-five, Doc."

"Well we'd still like to keep you in overnight just in case you have another reaction. If you still feel – uh – 'five-by-five' in the morning then you can go home. Does that sound ok?"

"Sounds cool."

"Can I stay too?" asked Didi, who still felt guiltily responsible for the whole thing.

"Of course, Mrs. Pickles," Dr. Marsh replied smilingly.

"You'd like me to stay with you, wouldn't you honey?" Did asked anxiously, looking at Dil.

"Sure I would," he grinned at her.

"Oh good," Didi sighed gratefully. "I bought you some comics to read before lights-out."

"You da man, Mom," Dil smiled serenely.

x x x

Dil was dreaming that he was back in the womb, swimming lazily around in a state of pure happiness and serenity. He had a wonderful feeling of being in total solitude, cut off entirely from the outside world.

Then suddenly he was plunged into darkness. He heard himself cry out, and in the next moment he was moving with absolutely no control, hurtling forward in some kind of… dinosaur? It looked like that old Reptar toy his father had lying around in the house. Angelica swore that one of the first things Dil did after he was born had been to escape with her and the other babies in that thing, but he never believed it.

And then he saw it again: that blinding light.

"Dil!"

Dil's eyes snapped open, and he found himself staring into the kindly face of the nurse Liana.

"Test results ok?" she whispered.

"Ah-ha…" yawned Dil, looking blearily around him for some way of telling the time.

"Your mom's asleep," Liana went on. "And it wouldn't be the first time one of her kids has sneaked away without her noticing."

"What do you mean?" Dil asked suspiciously.

"There's hardly anyone about and I know where they keep the ultrasound machine. You're outta here tomorrow, remember. Are you game?"

Dil stared at her, sure that he must still be dreaming. "You bet!" he exclaimed.

Still smiling, Liana waited patiently until Dil got out of bed and then started to lead him from the ward. Dil began to wake up a little as they walked. When he realised that he was barefoot he wondered why Liana was so much more lax about the slippers rule than every other member of the ward staff was. This was all very surreal, even for him, but he didn't feel like he was dreaming.

"Lie there," instructed Liana, deftly closing the door behind them and then pointing a finger at a plank-like bed. "And take your top off."

Dil was vaguely aware of stories he had heard on the news and cautionary tales about proper use of the Internet, but something besides Liana's kindly disposition compelled him to trust her, so he did as he was told. The room was dark, this obviously being a covert operation, but a few little lights became visible as the ultrasound machine started to boot up.

"This may feel a little cold," Liana said gently, suddenly producing what looked like a toothpaste tube and squeezing a generous amount of clear gel onto Dil's abdomen.

"Holy crap!" exclaimed Dil, his body tensing instinctively. "Jeez, you're like the dentist right before an operation: 'This may hurt a little…'"

"Sorry," Liana laughed freely.

She made herself comfortable in the swivel chair between Dil and the ultrasound machine. She had something in her hand that Dil thought looked like the offspring of a dust buster and a computer mouse, which she started to move gently over his gel-slicked abdomen.

"See?" she whispered, as a blobby purple image appeared on the screen.

"Yeah…" whispered Dil, squinting through the darkness at the lighted screen. He could see a small black dot clinging to the wall of his stomach. He supposed that to Liana it could be anything, but he just knew it was his baby. "Hey, do you do this for every kid who wants to see inside his stomach?"

"Not many of them do. In fact you're the first."

"Couldn't this get you like fired or something?"

"Don't worry about that, sweetheart. You want a picture?"

"Yes please."

Liana pushed a button somewhere, and then suddenly she took the device away from Dil's stomach.

"I have to go soon," she told him. "I'll process your picture and then I'll take you back to the ward. There's some paper towels over there – go clean yourself up."

Dil obediently went and mopped the gel from his front, and when he returned to Liana she handed him a very indistinct picture of the inside of his stomach. Dil was happier with it than a lot of people probably would be with such a gift.

"Here we are," whispered Liana, lightly touching his cheek when they reached the children's ward. "Look at that – your mother's been sleeping like a baby. Now I really do have to go. And don't worry – you'll be fine."

Dil held the ultrasound picture up to his face and squinted at it, but it was much too dark for him to see and he didn't want to risk taking it out into the lighted corridor. By this time Liana's words no longer surprised him. He looked up, wondering if he would in any way sense her retreating form, but of course he didn't. Feeling ten times better now, he crept back to his bed and pulled his hat out of his locker. He stuffed the picture into it, as he had absolutely no intention of letting anyone know of the photograph's existence. And then he settled down to sleep, his mind finally at ease.

x x x

Stu was tinkering with his latest invention in the basement when Didi and Dil got home. He emerged long enough to enquire after his son's health, but soon disappeared again. Didi heated up some ox-tail soup for Dil ("I just really feel like food with a body part in the name"), and then he went upstairs for a long soak in the bath, because you need to relax when you're pregnant more than ever. When Tommy arrived home Dil was in his pyjamas, towelling dry his frizzy red hair just outside his bedroom doorway.

"Hi Dil," Tommy smiled pleasantly. "How are you feeling?"

"Awesome. Those pills and all their evil side effects are history."

"Good. You look happier too."

"You got some new footage?" asked Dil, his eyes slipping down the video camera in Tommy's right hand.

"Totally," grinned Tommy. "Angelica was simpering around Sean and Savannah again today, and it gave me this idea for a movie about how kids' lives are a constant struggle to try and fit in."

"Yeah?" Dil asked interestedly. "And will the moral of the story be that we're all different, and it's ok to be yourself and fitting in means getting along with everyone?"

"Something like that," Tommy affirmed.

"Sounds deep."

"Of course."

x x x

Dil insisted that he felt up to going to school the next day. Didi wanted him to stay home, but Stu seemed to think it was some kind of compromise if he drove the boys to school rather than letting them take the bus.

"Sure you're ok?" he asked brightly, when they pulled up outside the school.

"Yeah Dad, I'm bitchin'," Dil insisted, grinning that quirky grin of his. "I'm totally over the three Ps."

"The three Ps?" queried Tommy, pausing halfway out of the car.

"Pills, puking and passing out," Dil elaborated. "All outta my system. I am ready to be released back into the community, T."

"That's great," smiled Tommy, as the two boys climbed out of the car. They stood and waved as their father drove away, and then they wandered into the schoolyard.

"Ah hey, there's Phil and the Chuck-man," Dil noticed, smiling and waving at their two approaching friends.

"You look better," remarked Chuckie. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel great," Dil replied chirpily. "Three Ps totally over and done with."

"Pills, puking and passing out," Tommy smiled dryly, catching his friends' blank expressions. "So anyway, Dil, these guys said they'd help me film a scene before classes. You wanna watch?"

"Uh…" Dil almost said yes, but suddenly his eye was caught by a strange green glow in the distance. He estimated that it was right at the back of the basketball court, and he felt suddenly compelled to go to it. "Sorry T, I gotta go take a whiz. Catch you at recess though, huh?"

"Sure," shrugged Tommy. "Whatever. Just don't lock yourself in, ok?"

"Why not?" Dil asked blankly.

"In case you have another funny turn in the toilet cubicle."

"Oh. Ok, Mom. Catch you guys later," and he waved cheerily at the three boys as he started to sprint away from them.

"Uh… is he gonna piss on the basketball court?" Phil asked guardedly.

x x x

The green glow faded and finally died out when Dil reached the back of the basketball court. He looked vaguely around him. The court was deserted and the chatter of the nearby kids had become a distant murmur of indistinct noise. Dil thought he felt movement inside him and panicked for a moment, instantly clutching his hand to his stomach. Then he smiled as it occurred to him that this was probably a good sign: the baby was becoming healthy again, and kicking him (or the alien equivalent – it might not even have legs) just to prove it.

Suddenly something caught Dil's eye. It was a small scrap of paper with one corner caught beneath a smooth brown stone. As it fluttered vainly in the breeze, Dil thought it looked like an animal trying to escape. He wandered over to it, crouched down and gently eased it out from under the stone.

" 'May eighteenth'," he read aloud, realising that this must have come from some kind of diary. It offered no more information: just that date. To most people it would probably mean nothing, but Dil being Dil he had his suspicions.

Dil turned around again and almost jumped when he realised that the basketball court had suddenly filled with people. It was the junior high basketball team: the social elite – Sean and his cronies. They all stared at Dil for a moment, and then Sean leaned over and murmured something to a tall fair-haired boy with impressive biceps.

"Sean wants to know what you're doing here when we wanna practise," the blond kid reported.

"I'm not a mind-reader," shrugged Dil. "Or at least not to my knowledge. I didn't know you guys wanted to practise."

"Leave," Blondie ordered.

"Ok," shrugged Dil. He really didn't mind leaving – he had nothing to stay for now.

"Hey kid, wait," ordered Sean, just as Dil was about to step off the court. "Aren't you something to do with Angelica Pickles?"

"Sure," shrugged Dil. "She's my cousin."

"You were off school the last couple of days," Sean went on. "You had a bad reaction to your brain medicine."

"I know," Dil returned coolly. "I was there."

"Brain medicine?" queried a boy with Hispanic features. "Are you crazy or something, kid?"

"Sure he's crazy," another boy called out. "Just look at the way he's dressed."

Dil felt panic swell within him as he suddenly found himself surrounded by a dozen-odd tall twelve and thirteen year olds in vests and shorts, one of them holding a particularly heavy looking basketball. Dil looked desperately around him for a means of escape, but he was quite clearly trapped. Thoughts flashed through his mind in an instant: he wondered what they were going to do to him, although his primary concern was for his unborn alien.

Then Dil caught sight of something that ignited a faint spark of hope in him: a glimpse of blond hair and a designer red tank top. She quickly disappeared behind the onslaught of basketball players, but Dil knew that she had seen him. The hope dwindled as the advancing mob drew nearer. These were popular cute guys, some of them with six-packs, and one of them was Sean. It should come as no surprise by now that Angelica was shallow and selfish enough not to want to defend her dorky little cousin to…

"Hey guys. How's tricks?"

Dil was momentarily taken aback when the two boys closest to him were suddenly pushed apart like curtains to reveal the falsely smiling face of Angelica. Then suddenly her expression turned sour as she noticed Dil, apparently for the first time, and demanded, "What are you doing here, squirt?"

"Uh…" faltered Dil, "I was just…"

"Yeah, like I care," Angelica interrupted. "These guys need to practise so scram!"

Immeasurably thankful, Dil turned and ran, and he didn't stop running until he hurtled headfirst into Susie.

"Whoa, slow down, little Dil," she smiled, taking hold of his shoulders in an attempt to calm him. "What happened over there? I was just about to come over and rescue you."

"Thanks for the solid, Suse," Dil panted, still feeling slightly panicked, "but Angelica beat you to it."

"Well, it's what any decent human being would do," remarked Susie; "but as it's Angelica I'm surprised."

"Blood is thicker than water, my friend," Dil replied sagely.

"I guess so," Susie shrugged dismissively. "So how are you feeling?"

"Fine."

"Will you be ok getting to class?"

"Only one way to find out," asserted Dil, making for the school building. "See ya."

"Hey Dil!" Susie called after him. "If you get any more trouble from those guys just tell me, ok?"

"Oh yeah?" laughed Dil, turning to look at her. "What are you gonna do?"

"I'll think of something," grinned Susie. "And don't let them spoil your day."

"I hear ya!" He saluted her and then walked into school backwards.

x x x

When Dil got home from school, he immediately ran up to his room and made a note on the calendar he kept on his desk:

May 18th
Due date?

He frowned at the scribbled note for a few moments, wondering if anyone would see it and, if they did, whether they would realise what it meant. The eighteenth of May was only about a week away. Dil suddenly felt very scared again. That didn't give him long to prepare for the birth of his baby. He didn't even know how its father expected it to survive on Earth without special breathing equipment or something.

"I sure hope you know what you're doing," Dil murmured to the open window.

"Dil?" Didi's voice cut sharply into his thoughts. "Who are you talking to?"

"Myself," Dil replied cautiously. That had to be better than aliens even he didn't think were there, at least from her point of view.

"Oh…"

"I was doing weirder stuff than that before you made me see that doctor."

"I guess you were," Didi had to agree. "So did you feel ok at school today, honey?"

"I felt fine," Dil assured her. "Totally back to usual."

"That's good, sweetie."

She left, and Dil breathed out heavily. While she was standing in the doorway he had been very conscious of the note on his calendar. Quickly regaining his composure, he harshly yanked open a drawer and shoved the calendar inside. No one could know about this baby – not even Tommy.

Well… no one except Izzy, obviously.

To be continued…